From horrid to something else:
Step 1: Perm your hair/wear weaves.
Guys like girls with long straight hair so screwing up your head to the point where it can't be saved is totally the way to go if you want to catch yourself a man.
No man likes curly natural hair like this woman's on a black girl.
Step 2: Skin bleach.
Who care if the side effects involve skin damage and/or skin cancer? Light skin is the right skin right? Men like lighter skinned women so if you're darker skinned, and even if you're naturally light skinned you should totally give skin bleaching a try. The lighter the better I always say.
No one finds dark skinned women like these girls attractive.
Step 3: Get plastic surgery.
Men will say they want a girl who's all natural, but lets me honest here...men hate the button noses black girls come with. So getting plastic surgery on the nose is something every black woman should do. They shouldn't do it for themselves, but because they'll look more attractive to other people.
This nose is EWWW.
But this one is on point.
Step 4: Be vulnerable, hyper feminine, and "humble yourselves".
Since we're viewed as the most "masculine" when it comes to women of different races this step will help you seem more feminine personality wise in the eyes of other people:
1) Always whisper. Apparently we're all loud and sound like Shaquayquay down the block.
2) Don't try to defend yourself/get angry when people are shitting on you just for being a black woman. If someone say's black women are mean, loud, aggressive, baby mama's, and ghetto she beasts you're suppose to just nod in agreement, and you do they will use that "you're just a typical black bitch" label on you when they're really the ones in the wrong.
3) Keep your head down and cry about everything. It'll make you seem more vulnerable/feminine. Any form of confidence showing is a big no-no since it'll come off as having an aggressive attitude.
3) Smile even when you have nothing to smile about/are being severely criticized. When a black woman is not smiling or gets annoyed when something negative has fucked up her day then there's obviously something wrong with her. You have to remember no one will ask you why you're angry, and they don't care enough to ask about why you're upset.
4) Laugh, always laugh no matter how stupid the joke is. Don't call someone out on their lame joke, but laugh at it instead.
5) If there's food always stick to salads/greens.
Step 5: Don't wear something tight or short. Look more "feminine" by wearing things like these:
Sundresses (despite how hideous they are) look super feminine in the eyes of others.
T-shirt and jeans aka look like a mom who has no style of her own.
Flat shoes are also "super feminine". No fun heels for you unless they're like 1 inch off the ground.
This advice should help those of you who want to impress turds and jerks who care more about appearance than getting to know the real you by treating you like a decent human being no matter what you look like. Don't do things for yourself. Do them for assholes who will only date you if you fit ridiculous standards.
This myTake is obviously SATIRE.