Know Your Worth In the Dating World

It frustrates me sometimes when I hear both guys and girls talk about themselves as if they are nobodies in the dating world because they haven't been successful in the dating pool. It's frustrating, it is, but on the same token, you have to know your worth and know that yes, even though you may have gone through a lot of rejection or not had any real success, that it isn't always you or some fault of your own as the reason why you aren't in a relationship or hooking up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, get out of the friend zone

As tempting as it may seem to stick around and see if the guy/girl you're after will just magically decide one day that you're it, don't do it. Don't get stuck in that quick sand of "we can just be friends," because that's just it isn't it...YOU don't want to be friends. You want this person. You like, lust, love this person and you want to be with them, not sitting on the side lines waiting for them to call, to notice you, to hell, remember what your name really is. I'll call it what it is. It's pathetic, and it's only pathetic because you could be going after people who actually show interest in you. You should be investing your precious time in those that acknowledge your pursuit of them, and not sit by idly on some never ending wait list.

Rejection isn't always about you

When you put your heart out there, when you put your ego up, it sucks to get rejected, but sometimes it has nothing to do with you. He or she could be just out trying to relax with their friends, or pissed off about work, or married, or tired at the end of the night, already hooking up with someone else, any number of things. Not everyone in a bar or club or wherever is primed and ready and looking for a date or sex, but you can't take it personally. You just have to write it off and keep it moving, instead of falling into a pit of despair. Also don't fall into the trap of assuming everyone is just a "bitch," or a "jerk" because they say no. Think of the people you've rejected in your lifetime. Do you think you're a bitch or a jerk for saying no to them? On the flip side, stop thinking every single person on earth "should" like you just because you've asked them out. Ego much? You wouldn't have to ask if there were some type of guaranteed response, so it is part of the risk you take.

Your value shouldn't be dependent on getting a date

Your entire world should not revolve around some guy or some girl or the prospects of getting a guy or a girl. How do so many people so easily reduce their entire life to nothingness because they are single? If you're lonely and striking out, work on accomplishing something...anything else, in the meantime that has nothing to do with the opposite sex. Fulfill your life with other hobbies, pursuits, travel, career aspirations, self-improvement, something. Make your life story more interesting for you, so when someone else comes along it isn't, I was just some lonely person sitting in a dark corner crying and waiting for you to appear. You're better then that, and if you aren't, become better than that!

Don't settle

Desperation is an ugly look, especially when it becomes your whole life. You are not a special flower who is the only one on the planet to have had to kiss a lot of frogs before they get to their prince or princess. Don't just snap up the next one you see because they showed any kind of interest in you. You need to believe deep down inside your soul that you deserve the best. You deserve someone who is going to be 100% in love with you and all the things that make you, you. No one truly lives a happy and fulfilled love life when they settle for someone out of sheer panic or desperation. When you see the glaring signs that this person isn't really there for you, cheats on you, abuses you, treats you with disrespect, is using you, don't stay with them out of fear of being lonely. In some cases, it really is better that you are a lone and working on yourself, than being with someone who is going to end up trying to destroy you.


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What Guys Said 18

  • 3mo

    Definitely agree with the desperation bit. Some people think that being with someone that you're not attracted to/not feeling it is better than being with no one and from my personal experience that is so not the case.

    There were times Id go on dates with women I wasn't exactly feeling for whether it was a lack of physical attraction or their character because I wasn't having luck with the ones I was interested in. It didn't make me happier and the bottom line is, you shouldn't date to date or because it's expected of you.

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  • 3mo

    Rejection is a part of life, but it just makes most stop trying, and when people keep saying, "Keep trying" it just makes people want to stop.

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  • There's no way out of the friendzone xD it exists for a reason.

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    • There is, you simply stop being friends with them.

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    • 3mo

      This is what hapoens when gurus talk, so nice peaceful intellectual and I didn't even bother reading the whole thing!

    • 3mo

      @RedVulcan what exactly "happened"? Besides i didn't comment on the whole thing so why do i need to read the whole thing.

  • I always tell my guy friends who is having trouble dating women to simply work on themselves. But i recently realize that this is a very vague statement. "work on yourself" could mean a lot of things. What i mean is to work on building your life towards something you LOVE doing. Be a man who is going somewhere or doing something they love. Take up a sport, join a local gym, do activities that doesn't revolve around women and dating. learn how to play an instrument. Girls like guys who plays guitars because it makes the man seem like his is doing something that makes him happy. He's passionate about something. the same with why girls like successful guys. part of it is because of the money, but mostly it is because successful men are interesting and are going somewhere in his life. he is dedicated to his work and goals and that is attractive to women.

    Demographics plays a role as well. If you're a socially awkward geek looking to find a nice girl to be with, going out to clubs and bars probably isn't going to find you the girl you want and will actually turn the women in those scenarios off because they can sense your desire.

    honestly, get fit and pick up a book on socializing and personal growth. It will make the world of difference.

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  • Hm, well, nice mytake, but I never had a date anyway :(

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  • I'm below average in endowment, so I know my value in the dating world: below zero.

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    • Value is subjective and is dependent on what the other person is looking for.

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    • @NanaXXXX I was, until I sank into major depression, largely over my size and my loneliness. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore.

    • That sucks (although that's a pretty cool profession). I am certainly not an expert and I guess the internet isn't exactly the greatest place to take advice (so you should make sure you talk to someone)! Don't give up though! Some day you will come across something that excites you and makes you happy. Be patient.

  • I knew , when I took custody , of my 2 children , that this would mean permanent singlehood , I'm well aware that no single woman will want a 45 yr old single father. This is a excellent take , " don't settle " ... you are right in that it is better to stay single , than have a partner that is detrimental to you. Hence I ditched my ex wife

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  • I know I'm worthless in the eyes of women, does that count?

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  • my attitude towards love is just I don't care anymore if the women don't give a shit about love then why should I give a shit about love

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    • Well, you care about it because you want to care about it, not because someone else doesn't. It's easy to write the entire world off and say f-it, but if you've only dated, seen, interacted with a small subset of the population in your town or city, you don't know if the girl of your dreams is out there because you haven't met every single person, you haven't looked beyond the boxes we all have. Just food for thought.

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    • 3mo

      when traumatic experiences happen to a person especially a cancer in this case but no matter if I would have become an empath through a traumatic experience I still would be an empath cause I Feel

    • 3mo

      Most men under 30 think like this because we are tired of girls going after every asshole in the country then ask, where are all the good guys. If you dont value we will not value you. Will become a motto to most of American men, and rightly so.

  • Great take, instead of bashing single guys and girls, you decided to look at the big picture of what is really important such as focusing on other things, goals and hobbies, that don't have to do with dating. This is probably the best advice you could give to any guy or girl.

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  • 👍👍👌👌👍👍😃

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  • Perhaps among the best myTakes out there! I can relate because not too long ago, I used to feel like the most worthless man in the world, the kind of man who wasn't good enough for ANY woman.

    I'm working on my self confidence and self esteem. I feel much better now, but I still have a long and arduous path ahead of me. And 'dating' (or whatever it is) is strictly optional for me now. I've gotten used to solitude, and perhaps even embraced it! So no regrets! :)

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    • Good for you for working on yourself. Sometimes we can't see that we can be our own biggest obstacle to getting into a healthy relationship if we are going into one blind and broken from past pain or from our own inner turmoil that gets projected on others. Good luck with everything.

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    • 3mo

      I love thi.. im going on that journey as well BC I feel the way you felt... not good for anybody.
      Its a sucky feeling.

    • 3mo

      @beebetree25

      Hope you get over your insecurities soon. Just know that you are AWESOME, and keep telling that to yourself! ☺

  • I may sound really pessimistic but I don't think I could get girls in my current situation. I'm job hunting and broke. Even then, what reason do I have to even try to get a girl to be in a relationship with.

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    • Get creative. Tell the girl you'll plan the date yourself and give no details, just say, you got this and then invite a girl out to a free date... find a free event in your local park, or wherever like a movie night or free performance or concert, and then bring some homemade snacks. If things progress explain you really like her, and want things to progress, but you're an honest guy, and you're in a rough spot right now. Its a way to tell who's probably there just to use you and someone who genuinely is into you for you, not what you can spend on them.

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    • Well, that didn't take long! Good for you, and congrats. I think what the other commenter said wrings true to. I think there is a vast difference between someone who is like out there trying hard to get a new job and advance their lives and one who's like, yup, I'm unemployed, don't know what to do, sitting around eating cheetohs for 12 hours a day. Ambition is super attractive, and like she said, a lot of people have hard times right after University, I know I did, but some people are very understanding because they've been through it or are in it too. Good luck with everything, seriously!

    • 3mo

      I think it depends on the girl... as long as the guy is progressing... i personally wouldn't mind.. bc I've been there and know how it is.

  • This my take was written well, but there is another aspect that I would like to mention.
    That is something known as sexual market value.
    When women are teenagers and 20-somethings, they have a high sexual market value.
    By comparison, males in that age range have low sexual market value, because they usually do not have the resources that the females seek.
    Women are valued for their genetics (beauty and fertility) and males are valued for their resources (money).
    About the age of 30 these positions begin to change and by 35 to 40 they have been reversed.
    See:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7v04muGzJI
    and:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk9MREmmWWc

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  • Wow so what I gather from this
    #1) I've never been in the friend zone I'm just a laughing stock
    #2) it is about me, being skinny, short, wearing glasses, being BLACK, all have to do with why every girl I meet regardless of race doesn't like me
    #3) I have no value period!
    #4) settle for what? I got rejected by a fat bitch once don't tell me to settle, I have nothing to settle with

    In conclusion, you have a great way of making single people who are laughed at for no reason by the majority of they're peers. Make an article about being picked on for never having a girlfriend at 17 and maybe I'll read it

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    • I feel #4. Makes me laugh when people tell me not to settle when even the lowest of the low women are not interested... Who am I supposed to settle with anyway? Men?

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    • ... yeah I guess it's hard perceiving you're near the bottom of the food chain to put it bluntly. Let me have a go at inspiring :)
      U seem intelligent. Am I wrong in thinking that if you focused a lot on academics you could go pretty far? I'm told by lots of people that life changes a lot out of high school and girls start changing the values they want in their men. Are you humerous? Deep? Confident? Develop whatever's behind those admittedly below average looks and things might get better. The one thing you're really doing wrong right now is moping and hating yourself a little, and that's really easy to change. I go to an all boys school. No matter how stunning I may be (and I ain't), I'll probably never get a girlfriend until university either, but again, things change there. You're a lot closer than I am.

    • @RedVulcan thanks, I guess your right, I went to an all boys school for like 4 months and hated it. I am kinda smart when it comes to certain things but I'm no genius :-) . Thanks for trying to help but I'm still searching for answers. I'll get better :-)

  • Good take!!

    @This_is_my_username that first meme is me waiting for your messages after you say BRB 😂😂

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  • Great take.

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  • You are forgetting a very important point: Don't over reach.

    How many guys and girls out there can't get a date because the people they are interested in are out of their league?

    Knowing one's worth doesn't mean just how much one is worth, but how little one is worth as well.

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    • How little one is worth? Lol.

      Apparently, someone has never heard of self-improvement.

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    • 3mo

      American girls are pickying themselves out of happiness. They cannot have it all.

    • 3mo

      @beebetree25
      You misunderstand. It is the guy without a job or an education who feels bad because Miss Universe won't return his phone calls, or the 200 lb woman with three kids from four dads who complains about there not being any good men out there.

What Girls Said 3

  • I came across a subject about a " does White men love Arab women. I read a lot of positive opinion about it. I am a tall slim and beautiful American and Arab women with a nice personality to match. Most white guys have said they would date an Arab women if she's not deep into the religion and I understand the reason. But it seems to me that white men are too shy or intimidating to talk to me. It seemed to me the prefer to talk and hook up with women who have blond hair or Asian and Japanese decent. There are good Arab women out there but most white men don't approach us as they do with blond, Asian Japanese, and corian women.

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  • I would not want somebody who lusts after me. That lets me know it's not love. You cannot have love and lust at the same time. I had to learn that the hard way growing up. They are just bound for failure in a relationship. And get out of that 'friend zone crap'. There is NO such thing as friend zone and it is a made up social construct to confuse people over garbage. There are plenty of long term relationships that even went to marriage from people who have started out as friends and became really go lovers for each other. Compared to those who dated complete strangers and often failed. UNLESS they got the chance to know each other first. So unless you are mature enough to handle a relationship with the said person, is somebody they can see compatibility with, somebody who they can envision getting married, and having a family in the future. Forget it. Being friends isn't bad. And if it complicates things, then break off the contact for good. If I see or know certain things about the person I am friends with that compromises my beliefs, morals and standards I will not date them or go into becoming official let alone marry them. Period. If you don't like it, then bounce. At that point I now have a serious question to ask: what was the purpose to be friends with me in the first place? To use me? To try to get serious with me? to have a sexual relationship? What is your real true intentions? I want to know everything. And I believe at some point everybody is going to want to know those questions and they have every right to.

    Improve yourself as a person and focus on the ambitions of your life, and only then will somebody feel attracted towards your cause and want to date you.

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    • you seem to have very high standards. have you found a lot of men who have been able to meet those standards?

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    • your attitude is tremendous. i hope you find a lot of happiness in your life after this tragedy passes.

    • 3mo

      I agree about the "friend zone" thing - I've always doubted that a solid relationship could ever start as anything other than friendship, while you get to know the other person! I suppose that's how you start out dating, though, if there's a possibility of a long term relationship but you need to get to know each other first.

      I was single for a long time, and it didn't bother me much; the idea of a "one night stand" just never had any appeal for me - I'd rather stay single than have a short term relationship with no future.

  • these are all obvious and have been said on gag millions of times

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