I just came out of a crazy 2 year relationship. The craziest part? How I didn't see it coming! The biased advice, the strong criticism, the eye rolls and the whispers- YES, those were the best friends that ruined my relationship!
I can't say that my relationship was perfect. In fact we fought a lot about silly things! My boyfriend was a warm, care-free guy, while I was always the super optimistic worrier. Well one night I came home from a late night at work... the house was a mess, no dinner, dirty dishes- and my special boyfriend was sitting on the couch playing his PS4. One thing led to another, and we had a very big fight! This one fight slowly progressed into other fights, and before we knew it (months later)- he moved out.
I was devastated because our issues really weren't so big that we couldn't overcome this- but my boyfriend fled, after 2 years! I spent the next few days furiously talking to him, trying to figure it out, as we both missed each other. Until one evening, I turned on my computer & I came across the answer.
My boyfriend had been logged into his Facebook account on my laptop, and what I saw, took me back. An open chat window revealed the growth of a seed, that has been planted long before I ever knew we had problems. My bf's best friend of 8 years (single & opinionated) had been giving my boyfriend advice on how to handle me, when I was difficult. "Don't listen to her, you don't need that" or "Trust me, she needs an older guy to cope with her", my most favorite; "You need to be single, you're so young". February, April, May, August, October... month after month, I was made to be the enemy!
I was so fed up with seeing this! I went to the gym for an hour, and came home to a message from the boyfriend "Let's talk later, I am going out for a drink with Chris (his best friend of 8 years)", I smiled and said "enjoy".
I was so angry at Chris for the longest time. He didn't even know me that well! He only heard one side of the story! Why didn't he see how much I loved my bf? He ruined my relationship!
But then a funny thing happened! 2 months later I met a guy. He was outspoken, and charming and fun... 5 months in, we had an argument, and I walked out. 2 days later, he reached out and we talked it out. He even showed me a text from a "friend" of his; "She is a bit too dramatic for you, don't you think?" and he replied with "I asked for your help, not a psychological evaluation". AND BAM! IT HIT ME!
Yes, Chris undermined my relationship. And he even said things that were so out of line- I was appalled. BUT WAIT A MINUTE? It was my boyfriend that allowed Chris to plant the seed of doubt about me. It was my boyfriend that didn't stand up for us, and it was most certainly my boyfriend that allowed a "friend" to ruin something that he so called "cared" about. HA!
Friends don't belong in a relationship between 2 people- but its up to the 2 parties to keep it this way. Sometimes you have to make a choice between a friend and a partner... BUT can friends really ruin your relationship? SURE! If you let them!