An Honest Look at What I've Learned From Rejection

Today I cried. And cried hard I did.

It was my third day at work, the third day at a new job at the local grocery store that I was really enjoying. The reason why I enjoyed it, or at least one of the major reasons, was because of my coworker and sort-of boss the head cashier. Her name was -withheld-. From her long hair reaching all the way down to her lower back to her surprisingly athletic figure, I had a massive crush on her since the first day I met her. That was about a week before I got hired, when I was still undergoing the interviewing, training, and all of that boring stuff. I still blush like a school boy, where my face turns as red as a tomato, and that happened when I first met her. It happened hard.

I was infatuated, like an innocent schoolboy all over again. From that happy, giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach to the constant daydreaming, she was all that was on my mind. She was a little bit older than me, I surmise about 24 to 26 years old. But I have always liked older women. I even told all of my friends and family about her, and when working would make an extra effort to work especially hard in her presence. Anything to get noticed.

Finally today, at the end of my third day at work, like Christ approaching the Cross, I bravely approached -name withheld- and asked her out. Her response? She said something about being busy with school and work, the latter being true since her hours are brutal, but still nonetheless,

She rejected me,

In as kind a manner as possible, but it was still rejection. And the pain was all the same.

So I walked out of that grocery store with my head hung low, embarrassed as the laughingstock of the entire market. Utterly humiliated, and dreading my return since I have to work alongside -name withheld- and she probably thinks that I am a loser now.

And then I was extra humiliated because I had to loiter aimlessly around the parking lot for 10 minutes until my father picked me up like a schoolboy all over again, because we only have one working car at the moment. If -name withheld- did not already just view me as an awkward child with a crush on her, she certainly must view me as such now. Today was not my day.

We all know that familiar sting of rejection, the complete destruction of infatuation. When your hopes and dreams are completely crushed, and bitter reality sets in once again.

But I learned something from this whole experience.

In fact, I learned something from rejection itself. From the very first time I ever approached a girl in college after weeks of preparation to this whole fiasco now, I learned something invaluable.

You have a choice.

You can either wallow in self pity and despair,

...or you can hold your head up high and move on from it.

You cannot let it break your pride.

Yes it hurts. It hurts horribly. You wonder what you did wrong, or what is wrong with yourself that rejection is not the exception but the norm. The slow-burning sting of unending rejection inevitably takes a toll, but that is why you ignore it.

You ignore it because you have to ignore it.

You straighten that tie, slap a fake smile across your face, and move on.

You move on because if you don't, this is your fate,

GAG is full of these types, the bitter loser neckbeards angry at the world, those whose pain has transformed them into something petty, pathetic, and hopeless. Someone who only wants pity but never solutions, single well into their 30s haunted by what could have been.

The only and I mean only reason why this has not become my fate is because I realized not too long ago that rejection is better than wondering what could have been. If you take the Pascal's Wager approach, you will see that there are more advantages to approaching someone than cowering out.

Sure rejection hurts. But if you never ask, the answer will always be No.

At least if you do ask, there is the chance that it could be Yes. And if it is not, then you are at least afforded the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. And that constant trying can be beneficial. I have learned that the more you approach people, the easier it becomes over time. Two years ago I never would have been able to approach -name withheld-. Or if I did, it would have taken weeks of preparation. But today I did it easily, and I will do it again to the next girl that comes along.

And that was only possible because in the spirit of the stubborn pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps approach I inherited from my father, I refuse to allow myself to become a neckbeard.

I will not be like the average guy on GAG.

I am barely a step above them just because I finally forced myself to start approaching women.

And I am happy because of it. The sting of rejection aside, I will never give up.


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What Girls Said 6

  • 3mo

    I don't know if you will take my advice or not, but I was always told not to mix work with pleasure.
    Your work is a professional environment and each relationship you form with your co-workers should exist as such.
    You never want to make the air awkward, and you never want to get into a relationship with someone, it ends badly and then the news is all over the work place.
    This is something I've learned the hard way about... and something I wouldn't recommend to any one.
    I am glad you learned to get over the rejection because it happens to every one (through any aspect in life).
    At least you tried.
    Don't let it turn you bitter like some of these men on here.
    I'd rather be rejected than someone say yes, and pretend they like me when they did not.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you. That was really helpful. Yes, I think I have learned my lesson that from now on, the workplace is off limits as far as dating and romance goes. I am absolutely determined to not become bitter and angry like so many of the men on here.

  • 3mo

    Great take :)
    And I feel for you about the rejection, it sucks, but good on you for not letting it bring you down.

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  • 3mo

    👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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  • 3mo

    See... this IS the healthy way to look at it. And while you're strolling down along the beach with your girlfriend, other people on here who complain and never do anything about it, are just going to be stuffing their faces in chips and typing away with greasy fingertips on their computers complaining about how life sc**wed them...

    gif-finder.com/.../TyrionLannistercheers.gif

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  • 3mo

    It's good to be confident and straightforward, but don't be too confident/straightforward. Some girls like myself get creeped out by guys we barely know asking us out. I know I'd never go out alone with a guy I only knew for a couple days. I'm assuming other girls wouldn't either. I'd try getting to know her before dating

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  • 3mo

    Office relationships are always tricky. I know many relationships start in the workplace; however, that shouldn't be the best way to meet someone to start a personal relationship with. The biggest reason is the threat of sexual harassment. If you do indirect things like giving your crush a bra, then your crush may feel very uncomfortable and view that as sexual harassment. So, the best way is to ask people directly. "Hey, I'm just wondering if you would like to have lunch with me? It's my treat." This allows the other person to decide on his/her own terms.

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What Guys Said 20

  • 3mo

    Nice take. You are clearly steps above me since way more women have rejected me and i am way older. Keep it up!

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  • 3mo

    Having a reference helps a lot

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  • 3mo

    You sound. like a little. birch. suck it up and walk it off

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  • 3mo

    Good take, and congrats for asking. I, we've probably all, done that same thing... get very attracted and ask and get shot down cold. I did same to grocery girl when I was checking out.

    Agree with all you said. You may need to work on some things in your approach to improve... like did you talk to her before asking her out and develop a rapport? Work is not a great place to ask out, it can be awkward if relationships don't work, so she may have rejected you for many reasons... having a car is another.

    Study up on women, how to approach them, how to be a more confident you, and more interesting, and try again. you'll win some and lose some... hopefully win more.

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  • 3mo

    Good for you. The whole TAKE looked like it was going in a bad direction at first.

    "embarrassed as the laughingstock of the entire market. Utterly humiliated, and dreading my return" - > Like seriously, do you think the entire store stopped and gawked and laughed? No one noticed and no one cared.

    Most of the sting in a rejection comes from self-harm. Either self-delusion, like the non-existent laughs of others, or like the week or so you spend fantasizing about the girl.

    Certainly, she's not going to spend time thinking a co-worker is a loser just because he asked her out.

    Good for you for learning the lessons you did.

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  • 3mo

    TLDR. Quit whining. Women hate that. They say they want to see the 'softer side' of men but they lie - they really go for the bad-boys. They say they want you to 'let your feminine side out' - I DON'T HAVE A FEMININE SIDE!

    Here, do ya a favor... read the first two years' blogs of Rollo Tomassi here: www.therationalmale.com
    Then get back to us.

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  • 3mo

    I think that's great dude!

    Keep approaching and use dating apps too. I've been rejected at least 100 times now, you stop caring pretty soon.

    The only downside is that as you get rejected more and more you'll lose those "lovey" feelings for women and become emotionally bland when it comes to relationships.

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  • 3mo

    You just have to realise that the majority of girls won't want to date you, and in reality you wouldn't want to date the majority of them. Once you realise that you take rejection much easier because you realise that that's just not the right person, never mind, someone else will like you.

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  • 3mo

    Rejection isn't the problem but being led on is. If someone rejects you, it may suck, but at least you know right away and move on.

    If someone leads you on, the you feel like an idiot and start to over analyze everything you did as to what went wrong. It hurts even more because you may have been invested in them at that point you find out they're leading you on.

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  • 3mo

    Great you aren't letting this be the end and halting it up as expierence. Hopefully you learned a few things, especially some opinions on here that are 100% right.

    Here's a few things that can help:

    1. Dating in the workplace: someone here wrote the infamous phrase "Don't shit where you eat". If you don't know what that means google it. Im on the fence with that (workplace dating), however if you do you need to change your approach. You need to not be so blunt and instead try flirting in a subtle way and talking to her.

    2. No one dates a complete stranger: Yes I know you knew her from the interview and 2 days prior of work but more than likely there was no convo ever had. Even if you meet a girl at the bar, you talk a little before getting her number. The guy who goes right for the kill asking for a number never gets it. Everyone has their own approach, but personality is key. Oh and to be in the friend zone you have to be a friend. I don't mean a guy friend who would act on something if given the chance. I mean the one that call and comforts her about guys she dates and doesn't act like a man but identical to what her friends would do. Cute works in small doses once your dating but don't cross the line of being a female.

    3. Have something to offer: I don't mean money but personality wise. What's going to make her like you? Finding thst and using thst to your advantage is huge. Also girls love if your funny. I don't mean corny joke but can bust balls and aren't some uptight bitch thst can't take a joke either. If your not thst funny then don't try either. I've watched too many people crash and burn because they try that route.

    4. Don't put a girl you have only have seeen from a far on a pedestal- You worked with this girl 2 days and already told your family and friends your grand plans of marriage before even talking to her. You need to pump the brakes. You doing that and having the dreams of her and this perfect life are all just a dream. You made her put in your head to be bigger and better than she probsbly is. Outside of looks, do you know she has a good personality. I mean for most good looks count, who can blame that. But what else is she bringing to the table? You probably can't answer that. So why cry when she turns you down when you might have dated her and realized she's boring and sucks.

    Don't take any offense to this, it's just the truth. Your really naive but hopefully you learn quick. Give some feedback everyone.

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  • 3mo

    You should always just assume that the woman is going to reject you. It makes things easier, and it makes you more confident.

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  • 3mo

    Oh bro,
    Man... Y so early? ...
    Okay i won't talk about it, its good that you were able to pull yourself together quickly. Good luck man..

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    • 3mo

      I was afraid that if I waited too long, she would become my friend and no longer have any interest in a romantic relationship.

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    • 3mo

      @Stacyzee yeah.. I kinda got my thang figured out 😀 .. Kinda

    • 3mo

      @Stacyzee That sounds a little bit challenging, but I am sure that with practice I can attain it :) After all, I never thought that I would become good enough to even be able to ask out girls with ease. So mastering this balance should be a piece of cake with practice.

  • 3mo

    Nice mytake. But never ask a girl out on your job. Now you have to see her all the time. And I hope things don't become weird and awkward now. It is possible to date girls from work but I think you should had waited longer before asking her out since you just started. Also maybe if you and her talked more and she got to know you more better then maybe the outcome could had been different. But another way to see it is it was good you made effort to do it because it's tough taking risk like that. I hope it goes better for you next time asking a girl out.

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    • 3mo

      I was afraid of getting to know her better because I thought she might become my friend and then no longer have any romantic interest in me. In my mind, I was being smart and avoiding the friend zone.

    • 3mo

      You are right in a way. Girls do friend zone guys very fast. So I can see how that makes sense.

  • 3mo

    You still don't want to set yourself up for unnecessary rejection and pain, like approaching someone (your BOSS!) at work on your third day there. That was just asking for hurt. Guys should be more strategic and wage battles they have a realistic chance of winning. Like if you've actually had some conversations with the person and they've given signs of interest. There's nothing noble about suffering rejections in situations where you never had a chance of success to begin with.

    What makes you think those bearded, loser neckbeards as you call them got that way by not risking rejection? There are many sources of bitterness in life. Failed relationships are a big one, and divorced people are some of the most bitter and jaded people out there. I believe the Comic Book Guy stereotype relates to a specific personality type that is more wary of relationships, values intellectual freedom, is more turned off by the emotionality and irrationality of women, and simply won't compromise in areas that average guys are willing to.

    Dating isn't for everyone. For guys, there are requirements you must meet to even enter the game. If you don't have a job, confidence or income, better to concentrate on acquiring those things first. Some people take longer to do it than others. If your confidence is in the toilet, rejection becomes utterly demoralizing and it would be better to not risk it at all. That's not automatic failure but more of a strategic retreat for the sake of self-preservation.

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  • 3mo

    Why would ask someone at your work out? That's never good. Also your giving the woman too much power in your head. You're putting her on too high of a pedestal which she doesn't deserve to be on. When you are rejected you should never heavily blame yourself or feel humiliated. Percieve being rejected as being as bad as losing a dollar bill from your pocket it's not a catastrophe. Never fall too heavily for a girl unless you've known her for a long period of time. Stop caring and thinking about this girl and think of other people and goals in your life.

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    • 3mo

      This.

      I rejected a solid 9/10 girl that I had a crush on simply because she sat opposite me at work.

      When it ended, what's she going to do? Come and bad mouth me to my manager.

      It's unprofessional to date from work.

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    • 3mo

      @Stacyzee and to actually add to that, my workplace wasn't small, like a 1000 people. If she was from a different department I would have been like yeah let's do this.

      But she was sitting next to me at the time.

      What am I gonna do come back to work the next day and be like we fucked last night?

  • 3mo

    Good post but NEVER shit where you eat trouble almost ALWAYS follows. This chick that I rejected, had a one night stand with another guy (was in the military at the time) and he got up and left in the middle of it because "the pussy was back" she lied and said he raped her, and he got transferred to a different squadron after they found out the truth.

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  • 3mo

    I managed to get on two dates with a hottie I worked with once. I won't go into why but we had a massive falling out and I had to move store. Just warning you that you might have to transfer as well. Seeing her every day was just too painful.

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  • 3mo

    I respect a woman who rejects me... As long as she didn't lead me on... If she didn't pretend to like me at all and I was the one who is putting my feelings out there its my own fault... But if she pretending to like me to boost her ego then date another person thats a bitch move...
    Rejection can be okay and can be pain in the ass...

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  • 3mo

    Aww you poor brainwashed feminist...

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  • 3mo

    Good point of view, not only in the dating world, it's with pretty much everything in general in real life.

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