Why Girls Don't Really Want To Date Ambitious Men

Girls Don't Want Successful Men

Everybody wants an ambitious man. Until they see the hours that he works, that makes him successful.

Shocking right? Hear me out. Most girls don't really want to date ambitious guys. Every girl says she does but it's not what they really mean.

Women want to believe they like successful guys. It's not that they really choose not to, but they just can't handle the lifestyle of men that are working on big goals.

Girls like the fantasy of successful men, but not the real thing.

Think of 50 shades of grey. Girls love this book. It has sold over 150 million copies and has it's own movie.

Anastasia falls into love with Christian, a billionaire. Christian stops doing everything he's done to get where he was financially and lets his love for Anastasia consume him.

This very rarely happens, if ever in real life. Successful men and women don't stop working on their goals for a new relationship. We're too consumed with our success.

As much as I would personally want to have a girlfriend that I can share my success with, it's just not viable right now. I'm spending 12-16 hours a day building a business. I'm about to leave to Asia where I'll be gone for months. Very few women can handle this lifestyle, it's not what they really want.

The same goes for people who train at the top level of sports, are in the military, have very well paying jobs, millionaires, billionaires, and important politicians.

The men that are successful and have wives or girlfriends usually get in relationships before they became successful.

It takes a very rare and special girl to stick with a man before he becomes successful. Most women don't believe in their man enough and can't handle the sacrifices that the man has to make to get where he knows he's going.

It all comes down to time. We all have 24 hours in a day. When a female is in a relationship, she wants to spend a lot of time with her man. And that's completely fine.

But for men that are building their future, our time, focus, and concentration has to be on that.

We don't have time to watch TV marathons all day. Or to text about stupid things. Or spend hours on the phone whispering sweet nothings. At the very most we can spend a few hours with our girls at the end of the day after work is finished.

Unfortunately so many men and women have such low expectations when it comes to success and goal setting that they'll settle for a mediocre partner. Girls either consider or convince themselves that "successful" guys are ones who try to get jobs or have a mediocre job that will go nowhere.

I hate to be the one to break the news, but that's not what a successful man is. That isn't financial freedom. That's a loser.

This is one of the reasons 50% of marriages in the Western world fail. The man has a mediocre job that doesn't pay the bills and he doesn't' have the determination, vision, or plan to support himself and his family. So the women gets a job too to make ends meet. Now the two of them are working constantly, never see each other, never bond, or work on their relationship. Neither of them are happy because there's no pride in working a mediocre job.

My personal opinion is that a man and woman is happiest when one of them works towards their goals and the other partner is supporting them fully. This can go both ways and is gender neutral. Which is why you see many happy, long lasting couples in the Olympics where the husband is the coach and supports his wife, the Olympic athlete.

It really just comes down to where ambitious men choose to spend their time. Only mediocre men can afford to spend hours with their girlfriend or wife. They have no goals to work.

If you want a successful man, he won't be able to spend days and nights with you. If you want that you're going to date a loser or a mediocre guy who can't take care of you in the long term.

Everybody wants an ambitious man. Until they see the hours that he works, that makes him successful.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.


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What Girls Said 14

  • 3mo

    girls do want ambitious guys, my country has a severe shortage of ambitious or motivated guys so its a rare sight, i'd much rather be with someone who has a goal in life than someone who is happy with their current life/job

    that said i don't want them to be swamped with work, i couple of ways to avoid that is to be self employed, working for someone often creates unreasonable schedules and hours so being self employed especially if they plan to start a business or company of their own can help a great deal

    on top of which i also intend to achieve my dream of being an animator so i'll also be helping out, i don't care for money but i don't want it to be a problem :)

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    • 3mo

      So basically, you should always pursue fulfilment but reject it when you find it?

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    • 3mo

      Actually I was referring to OP's statement that " i'd much rather be with someone who has a goal in life than someone who is happy with their current life/job"

  • 3mo

    I am a ambitious woman myself. In a short time I will be finished with law school and working an otherworldly amount of hours.
    I think that ambitious men and ambitious women can both have successful relationships. The way to do it is to understand that both of you need to work, a lot. I have some lawyer couple friends and they both set aside at least one weekend day for each other. Maybe they'll only have 2 hours of quality time per night with each other, but planning that time together is what matters.
    I also think that an ambitious guy will do well to be with an ambitious girl. That way, they both understand their work loads and that crunch time is serious business.

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  • 3mo

    Some.

    Myself? Honestly, I would thrive in it so long as there weren't children involved.

    That's where things get complicated. How often will they see their parents? Spend time with them? ... If both parents are working 12-16 hours per day and barely having enough time to get home, shower, and sleep. Then, get up and start the next day.

    Where's their time to workout? Make dinner? Tuck the kids into bed? Will they even have time for a family?

    So, yes, I do like it.. but I don't want myself or my partner to worry more about money than 'our family' when it comes down to it.

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  • 3mo

    I think successful & ambition means different things to different people. corporate world isn't mine:)

    in any case i care about my success not his. he just needs to be sweet cuddle and look pretty ;')

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  • 3mo

    I would say conversely, women find ambitious men very attractive.
    Being ambitious mostly is associated with being intelligent and competitive.

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  • 3mo

    I really don't know if I agree or not. A lot of what you said does make sense however what if the man's dream is to be married to a woman he loves and spend all day, everyday with her?

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    • 3mo

      Good luck finding that. Highly unlikely for a guy to put all his ambition in such a potentially unrewarding lifestyle. It's really difficult to just find that woman he loves ya know? Stars gotta align and stuff.

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    • 3mo

      Hey, I'm not saying it's a bad idea, and I'd count myself so lucky with a woman like that 😍, but it's so hard to make that happen.

    • 3mo

      I believe in fate so I do think the right person will come around eventually. If you believe enough and look around, you'll find them :)

  • 3mo

    Just started dating a man who is in managerial position. It's been rough trying to adjust to his hours n occasional work trips out of town. Our sex life has become kinda strained because he gets locked into his sleep n chore schedule. I get suspicious about when he's home late or goes out of town n seems to always run into some issue that causes him to be home way later than expected... He's always exhausted n it leaves to weekend for getting errands done. I'm trying hard to get used to this n do appreciate his achievements n all and understand when he's tired.

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    • 3mo

      I admire your effort of doing your best to stick with him. Trust me, he is probably having a hard time dating because women demand time that he doesn't have. Be that ride-or-die chick for him and stick it out. :)

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    • 3mo

      Yeah, this sounds like it is a in your head. It takes a special type of woman to handle an ambitious man.

    • 3mo

      @Prof_Don I suppose a lot of it comes from that common stereotype of business men "working late" banging their secretary, etc. I cannot tell u how many movies I've seen where something along those lines was the situation. Successful men, positions of power, nice looking, away from home often. It's a stereotype that is burned in my brain. However, I am working on those worries albeit difficult. I enjoy my time after work with a house to myself to decompress, workout, listen to music. I enjoy doing chores in my free time that free up his limited free time after a long day, I know it helps, or hope so.

  • 3mo

    I must be the rare girl... I am married to a guy who is working all day and sometimes gone for months at a time. For a while he worked 5am to 9 pm. I was ok. You know what I think is stressful? Kids. Fml

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  • 3mo

    "If you want a successful man, he won't be able to spend days and nights with you. If you want that you're going to date a loser or a mediocre guy who can't take care of you in the long term.

    Only mediocre men can afford to spend hours with their girlfriend or wife. They have no goals to work."

    I think you're off base. And you're using your 'drive' as an excuse for future relationships not working. Yes, big rewards usually require big commitment. However, using excuses to explain lackluster performance as a partner is sad. I mean, god forbid the woman wants her husband to spend the night with her a few days out of the week or come home for Christmas.

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  • 3mo

    Very well said!

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  • 3mo

    I personally would enjoy finding someone that I can have a relationship with in which I still get to enjoy my own personal time and freedom. I stay single because I like to have my own time and space. So someone who's busy working all the time might be a good fit for me. There are a lot of women who want to spend a lot of their time with their SO, I, myself, am an artist and feel like I need a lot of alone time in order to create. So there's all kinds of women out there and some of them, like myself, thrive on alone time.

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  • 3mo

    Girls (mostly housewives) like 50 shades of grey because of the kinky sex and the assertiveness of the male lead role and because they are bored and unhappy in their marriage.
    Women like men who enjoy what they do. A man can be working at Walmart but if he thoroughly likes what he does and isn't always bitching about and putting out his frustrations and unhappiness on his family i dont think women really care what your job title is. Its about the behaviour not title of a man. Being assertive, a leader, confident, outgoing... etc

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  • 3mo

    I enjoyed this take, there's some truth to what you're saying.

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  • 3mo

    "The men that are successful and have wives or girlfriends usually get in relationships before they became successful" really? Because on the top of my head I'm thinking

    Donald Trump - married what? 4, 5 times?
    Warren Buffet - divorced and remarried
    Michael Bloomberg - divorced
    Larry Ellison - married like 4 times
    Larry Page - met his wife well after being successfull
    Sergey Brin - divorced

    Not saying it never happens, but saying that most successful men stay with women that they were with when they had nothing is certainly quite a stretch

    "We don't have time to watch TV marathons all day. Or to text about stupid things. Or spend hours on the phone whispering sweet nothings"
    Ya come on, most women don't expect or even want that on a regular basis. A few hours a day or even a week is completely fine for most women. You're making a huge false assumption

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    • 3mo

      Not far fetch. Also most divorces are initiated by women so it's not that these men left their wives if that is what your implying.

      Steve Jobs
      Bill Gates
      Mark Zuckerberg
      Kevin Rose
      Charles Koch
      Michael Dell

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    • 3mo

      How witty dip shit
      Trumps wealth is lower than if he had just invested the money
      www.moneytalksnews.com/.../
      He got a very large inheritance connections and has people to do all the other jobs most of us have to fit in round work! He was set up for wealth and can pretend he works what ever hours he likes true or not!

What Guys Said 14

  • 2mo

    Seems like a straight up harsh truth

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  • 3mo

    I've got essentially 2 things to say about this, in 1 way it's 100% spot on and the other it's total bullshit.

    -What you got right: Your post can apply to a lot of "types of guys" For example:
    A lot of women like traditional men until they realize this means they will be doing all thew house work, having dinner on the table when he get's home, then sucking his dick and going to do the dishes after dinner, watching the kids 90% of the time, etc...

    What you got wrong:
    "I hate to be the one to break the news, but that's not what a successful man is. That isn't financial freedom. That's a loser."

    Success is a 100% subjective term. For example, Someone who lives like Ghandi may well view your dedication to material pursuits as "being a loser"

    Ambition is FAR to often conflated with the pursuit of money and social status, when in reality there is an endless list of ambitious goals people can chase down that have nothing to do with collecting money and social status.

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  • 3mo

    good thing i'm not ambitious, all I want to do is eat ramen and play Naruto ultimate battle :D too bad i haven't had a girl though

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  • 3mo

    The ideal is to have a girl who is involved in the business or though its often seen as unprofessional the same company a girl that you can work well with so you can combine work with a relationship!
    Your secretory maybe?

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  • 3mo

    I had a relationship that started with us both being losers and then I got my shit together and started working full time and did all the work to make things move forward with moving to a better place to live, paying bills, saving money, etc. And it was horrible because I started to feel like her parent instead of her romantic partner, and eventually I began to tell her that I expected her to do more to be successful and that I didn't want to be doing everything to support her. And that just made her leave the relationship haha. Which I guess was better for me because now I'm even more successful and don't have anymore living off me for free. So ya know if I go by anecdote alone, then I would say women want successful men but don't want to be held to the same standard. And what successful person wants to date someone who isn't doing anything with their life but is living off you? I'm sure it varies by person though.

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  • 3mo

    Why is money always the measure for success? Some of the richest people are miserable.

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  • 3mo

    Be attractive looking.

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  • 3mo

    Hey- keep chasing that money and thinking that's happiness.
    Meanwhile I will be the one who your girl runs to for real happyness because in the end my time is far more valuable to her then materialism.

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  • 3mo

    Yea they don't want success or ambition. It is just gold digger code for "Money." The women who go on and on about it are gold diggers, but instead of saying "I want a rich man" its "I want a man with ambition."

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  • 3mo

    My ambitions are way higher than my achievements and what I am dealing with (applying for jobs and studying). Yet I never touched a girl in my life.

    I refuse success (as in wealth, status and power) to describe me. I refuse following traditional gender roles. I refuse overworking so I can become materialistic rich in sacrifice of my own health and well being. I am just me, myself and I 100%.

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  • 3mo

    Well, it depends i guess

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  • 3mo

    "My personal opinion is that a man and woman is happiest when one of them works towards their goals and the other partner is supporting them fully"

    "If you want a successful man, he won't be able to spend days and nights with you. If you want that you're going to date a loser or a mediocre guy who can't take care of you in the long term."

    I think these 2 pieces of text comes from a young mind, that still needs to get more life experience. It's not a negative answer, but you will value more your capability to make decent money, fight for your personal causes and still be able to go on adventures with your love and children.

    I used to think like you. Believe me im very ambitious and i've come to understand that this is not about being a SEO from one popular company.

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    • 3mo

      Another thing, i would never, EVER, be involved in a relationship where my love would null itself to support me, i want to see her shine, fly, make the world shake like she wishes, or not.

  • 3mo

    I agree on only one of your points. "Girls like the fantasy of successful men, but not the real thing."

    There's a fair bit of truth to that.

    The rest though? Nah.

    Women continue to lob themselves at doctors, investment bankers, lawyers and consultants who work crazy hours. Then they complain they don't see them enough. But that seems to just make them run after them more. Not at all true that most of those guys got their significant other before they were successful.

    A successful man is sort of like a big house - something most women thing they want but statistically doesn't make them happy.

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  • 3mo

    Isn't it mostly the rewards of ambition (money and power) that women like, instead of the ambition itself?

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