When It's Ok To Date Again & Why Rebounds Tend To Fail

A question you might find on GirlsAskGuys fairly often is; Then is it ok to date again? While this seems like a simple enough question there are really two ways of looking at it. The first is a question of whether or not it is socially acceptable to date again. Questions about if you are dating somebody at a certain point and whether or not it is in poor taste. Like as if people will get pissed at you for it. The Second way to look at it, is whether you even should. Just because you can date somebody somebody, doesn't mean that it's a good idea. The reason I am writing this article is because I already talked about this in great length before and it occurred to me that I should probably write an article here to better explain this to people. So with that in mind I'll break this whole thing up into two parts. One for each way of looking at this. With all that in mind, let's to it.

PART ONE: When is it socially acceptable to start dating again after a breakup?

In my opinion this all depends on who broke up with who at the end of it all. Don't bother trying to tell me that your relationship ended on a mutual decision. That's a load of bullshit and we all know it. Somebody broke up with somebody else. No matter how neutral it seems, one of you had to say it first. Any one of those usual break up expressions. Whether it was a a more forceful one like "Get the hell out, bitch!" or "It's over, I never want to see you again." to the more passive/aggressive breakups that dances around actually saying it like "Perhaps time apart would be good", "Maybe we should see other people" or even "I think we should take a little break". It doesn't matter how much agreement there is or isn't on the other end, somebody broke up with somebody else. So there is always a dumper and a dumpee.

Somebody had to say it first. If you said it, you are the dumper, and if the other person said it, you are the dumpee. It's just that simple. The reason all this is important is because when it comes to determining when it's socially ok to see somebody new there are different rules for the dumper and the dumped. Oh yes. I can practically hear the criticism, already, even before I finish typing this, but yes it's true. I'll explain what the rules are and I'll even explain the reason and logic of it for you nice folks.

? The Rules For The Dumped
Say you were the one who got dumped, if you wanted, you can date or screw anybody you feel like right from the very second it's over. If you've been dumped, you have the right. Why? The plain and simple fact of the matter is, that your ex dumped YOU. You don't owe your ex anything. You're a free agent. That's how it works. This may seem harsh but that's the way it is. There are exceptions to this obviously but I can get to that later. Fist, I should explain how it is for if you were the dumper.

? The Rules For The Dumper
If you did the dumping, in most cases it's considered to be in terrible taste to start seeing anybody within the first two weeks, because it just makes you look like one or another variety of assorted contemptible scum, who traded up for someone else, or someone better. Or at least that's how you look in my eye, and probably not just mine. You can still do it, and technically you're not breaking any rules, but it looks bad, and it's in poor taste otherwise, so it's probably better that you wait at least 2 weeks.

? Exceptions to the rule
Generally I'd say there are no exceptions, but there are. The exceptions here are if the dumped was a cheater, or if the dumped was an abuser, and the main way that these rules are different is simply that they are reversed. If you got dumped because you cheated, fuck it, that one's on you. You had it coming. You clearly didn't respect the person you were with, and you clearly didn't care enough to NOT screw around, so you might as well have broken up with them yourself. it certainly would have been the more noble thing to do. As for if you were abusive. Well You had it coming for acting the way you did, and if you were physically abusive, then you should be thanking god you're not not in prison too, you piece of human filth. The fact that the rules are reversed on you is a blessing. Take and and enjoy.

So that's covered the basic social conventions. The rules or guidelines as it were. If you got dumped you can date right away. If you dumped, you gotta wait. If you were a cheater or an abuser, you have to wait no matter what. It's pretty simple when you get down to it. Now that I've covered all that, I think we should explore the guidelines as to whether or not you even should start dating. Because as I mentioned before, just because you can, doesn't mean it's a good idea. It's called a rebound, and the reason why they fail is because there are alot of things people fail to take into account. So let's do this.

PART TWO: When are you ready to start dating again?

OK so you think you want to start dating again and you think that now is the time. They always tell you to get right back on the horse. People talk about being ready, and that they should. As to whether or not jumping back on the horse is a good idea, is entirely different story. It all depends on whether or not you are over the person you were with. If you have lingering feelings for your ex that you can't shake then it might not be a good idea. You could end up complicating things, or you could end up having trouble making any real level of commitment in a relationship. Generally people call this baggage. Thing is it's annoying to deal with from both sides. Especially for the person you're dating because it generally makes them feel like sh*t for variety of reasons. It shows your level of commitment. It makes you look like a pussy, or depending on how you act an asshole too. If you're a girl it make you look indecisive or like an uncaring cunt. Sometimes in either case it sometimes even makes you look like things are about to hit the fan any minute.

Simply put, it's not good. It's called "emotional baggage" and it sucks all around. It's the main thing killing most relationships on the rebound. If you're going to get into something after a breakup remember the general rule of thumb is "Check your baggage at the door" and if don't know what that entails, I'll break it down for you...

? Don't whine about the ex. Sure in some situations, badmouthing the ex is OK if you mention it in passing a couple of times, but after a while people stop caring, and you either seem obsessed or start looking like a pussy or a freak. The longer you whine about it the worse you look, and the faster things fall apart. Maybe your ex was a manipulative control freak. Maybe your ex stabbed you in the back. Maybe your ex conned you out of a ton of money. Maybe you thought she might have been the one before things went south. It doesn't matter though, because quite often enough this is exactly the sort of shit that nobody cares about.

? Don't be a paranoid suspicious or afraid. If your ex was a contemptible cunt, cheated on you with half the city, lied, stole, and ultimately dumped you for someone new and perfect with a giant dick and a huge trust fund, drop it. If your ex was the type of guy to punch your lights out for not changing the toilet paper rolls, drop it. Whoever you're with now isn't your ex, and there's nothing saying that he or she will do any of that crap too, so in the mean time, calm down and trust the person you're with.

? Don't keep in touch with the ex. This rule is not set into stone like the rest of them, because really it's les of a rule and more of a guideline. The reason for i bring it up is because, in almost all cases surrounding a breakup, somebody still has feelings for somebody else, whether it is onesided or directed both ways. Sometimes these feelings are positive, sometimes these feelings are annoyance, and other times it's nothing but bitterness and resentment. Sometimes this ends with you sabotaging things, sometimes she's the one doing it. One way or another it usually leads to more baggage. Better to stay away entirely.

? Don't keep around any photos of the ex where they can be easily seen, if you still can't bare to part with them yet, just keep them in a box somewhere, along with any other crap that was hers, or anything else reminding you of her. Take it and bury it in your closet, don't look, touch, or talk about it, just forget about it. Nobody wants to see them, nobody wants you to go on fr too long about the things in your past. They want you and your mind on the here and the now.

? Don't expect any similarities. Whatever your ex was like, don't necessarily expect things to be like that here. Everyone is different. Don't expect it to be the same, don't expect it to be better or worse, and don't ask whoever you're dating now to be a certain way, just because your ex doesn't mean this person will, and you shouldn't expect them to do it, especially if you tell them that's why you want it.

Amazingly enough this is just a small taste of the neurotic behavior that people can put up when they're on the rebound. Even if it's been ages since the last person you've dated, and long past the time people think of as the rebound period, you still might be guilty of this kind of bullshit, and you might not have even noticed. It's true! But there is a bright side to all this. If you've read through this article, maybe this can inspire you to learn from these mistakes. If so then your future is looking brighter already. But yes, before you decide to start dating ask yourself honestly if you're ready. See if you're capable of getting out there and comfortably keeping yourself from making these absolute blunder moves in a relationship then you'll be alright, but only if you can do this. If you can't stop yourself then you're beyond help.

I hope this article was enlightening to you folks. Maybe you can put it to good use. I certainly hope so considering how i spelled it out for everyone. In the mean time, to everyone out there reading this. I know it's hard. I wish you all the best of luck in your love lives.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Not sure if I totally agree that the dumpee gets to do whatever the heck they want, and the dumper must be all "I deserve this." I dumped my last 2 boyfriends because they didn't give a damn but were too big of cowards to just come out and do it themselves. Why does that mean I can't soon start dating a guy who, ya know, ACTUALLY wanted to date me?

  • What if your man was trying to play you and another woman at the same time? And one of them found out and left him, so he can be with the other woman? The woman he chose,cheated on him and he found out and beat her ass and put her on the freeway naked. Do you feel he got what he deserved? Good Article and advice!

  • What if the guy you dumped was not "a cheater or an abuser", but just an all around loser? One who just stopped being actively engaged in the relationship, and put in no effort? Then are you allowed to date someone new right away, even tho you were the dumper?

  • I agre with you weapon zero. its really pathetic that people can't just recognize their own wisdom and not be in revenge mode for eternity.

  • Good stuff everyone should learn.


What Guys Said 2

  • Theres so much information that goes unnoticed by people. patterns form and people get stuck in the same relationship hell again and again. karma is a motherfka when it comes to relationships.

  • The sad part is that people actually need to be told this. It all stems from logic and common sense, or at least I think it does.