Things That Have No Place In The Dating World

Things That Have No Place In The Dating World

Dating, is hard in it's own right. It's scary allowing yourself to open your heart to someone and be vulnerable and to even trust. Things are made even harder by certain things people actually consider, before dating someone. I see a lot of things on here and everywhere, that to me seem quite asinine and have nothing to do with a person. So, here are some things I think have no place in the dating world.

Race/Skin color- I see questions on here all the time about "why don't men/women like black, Asian,hispanic women/men" Or "would you date someone of another race". Etc, etc. I personally, don't think race or skin color should even be a deciding factor in whether you ask someone out or not. If you like them, you like them. If don't, that's fine too. Just don't make someone's race or skin color apart of it, because that's what they look like but it's not who they are as a person. Keep that in mind.

Height- I see a lot of guys on here asking women why they only like tall guys and not short. The reasons why women say they do, well they make no sense to me. This is not Six Flags Great America, where you have to be "This tall to ride". A persons height is not who they are. It's just how tall they are and should not be a deciding factor in whether you date them or not.

Hair Length- I hear a lot that men don't like short hair on women, because "it makes a women less feminine". Really? Well, have you told this fantastic theory, to a big burly MALE construction worker with long hair? I'm sure he'd love to here your theory. That is, if he doesn't kick your ass first for calling him a chick. I get that women have always had long hair and men have always had short, but that doesn't matter. A persons hair length, is not a sign of their femininity or masculinity. It's just hair and should not be deciding factor in whether you date someone or not, that's just as ridiculous as the height thing.

Being an "Alpha" male- I see this on here all the time and I have no idea about this "Alpha/Beta" male business, nor do I want to. Because, I don't care! It's really sad that we have to pit men against each other and give one a label that makes them seem superior to other males, when in fact they are not. Let me also point a few things out 1) This is not the wilderness and men are not wolves, where there needs to be an alpha male to lead the pack or else they won't survive 2) Everytime I hear "alpha" I think of one of those college fraternities, guys try so hard to get into. 3) This is not 50 shades of Grey. The men are not Christian Grey and the women are not Anastasia. No one realistically wants someone who controls them and gets laid everynight, they just don't. Thus bringing me to, this does not belong in the dating world or anywhere in the world general. It's just plain stupid if you ask me.

Money, sex and other- Picking someone based on how much money they make, is wrong. Being with someone solely for the sex, is wrong. Deciding if you want to date someone or not because, they play video games, where sponage bob boxer shorts, have teenage mutant ninja turtle bed sheets, don't go to the gym, don't like your music, don't like sports, don't like vegetables or are a vegetarian, etc, etc. Are stupid things to even consider, when dating. Because, this is all meaningless stuff that doesn't really matter in the grander scheme of things.

I realize they are some races/ religions that have to date within that race / religion. I know that everyone has a type that they are attracted to, which I get. I get both those things. What I'm talking about is the people that turn into an obsession to the point they won't give anyone else a chance and treat the ones who don't fit THEIR type, like crap. That is a problem, because in the end what matters is not what they look like. It's what kind of person they are, what kind of connection/chemistry you have and what you can bring to the each others lives. All this other stuff is just petty and trival to the things that really matter in the long run if you want a commited relationship.

So, those are the things that I feel don't have a place in the dating world. If you have any you'd like to add, feel free. Thanks.


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What Guys Said 29

  • I think you should change your title to "Things that SHOULDN'T have a place in the dating world"

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  • 1. Race and skin color can matter a lot in dating. What if you want your kids to look like you? Hell, what if you're Chinese and you don't like Euros? We all have our likes, and the fact is most people overall want to date their own race.

    2. Girls like guys taller than them. That's life. It's biology. It gives the girl a sense that her man is strong, can protect, etc.

    3. Hair length. It very much matters. Since you're a woman, I can't expect you to understand this, so take my word for it. A long, nicely done hairstyle is a huge attraction plus on a woman, and a short haircut on a girl is like a guy who decides to gain 30 pounds for the hell of it.

    nowmagazine.media.ipcdigital.co.uk/.../...n124.jpg

    I've seen examples... knew one girl in college. Basketball player. She was cute with long hair, and we were interested in each other. Then she got bored of long hair and cut it short... I swear to God, she literally looked like a strangely cute boy. And since I want a pretty or hot or beautiful girl, I was no longer interested in dating her.

    Another great example is that girl from Divergent. She literally had a mane. Now, in the second movie, she has a boy haircut. That murdered her looks as effectively as if she put on 20 or 30 pounds.
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...ac7b7d6f8e.jpg

    itgcom.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/.../...-613x408.jpg

    You can preach that things shouldn't matter to guys, but for us, sexual attraction is a requirement. If a girl can't give us a boner... well, it's not exactly a dating relationship if sex is out of the picture, eh?

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    • i could not agree with you more.

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    • @yeatts

      i would say how many guys approach you means little, especially since guys are often intimidated if a girl looks too good. lots of guys only have the guts to approach girls that are 'attainable' aka 'she's not outof my league.

    • That still doesn't discredit my bf's opinion and before you say blah blah he's lying I am more likely to get upset if he avoids answering questions or lying then if he gave his honest opinion and he knows this.

      At the same time guys are more likely to approach a female they find more attractive. It depends on the guy.

  • I don't want a partner with no preferences. I want a partner who prefers me.

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  • You disagree with other people's right to have preferences? That's almost as bad as your spelling and punctuation.

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    • No, I don't and I don't know how many times I have to say that. And, there's nothing wrong with my spelling or punctuation. I re read what a write like 100 times, so I don't make any mistakes. Guess I can't be as perfect as you are, huh?

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    • You are not displaying many qualities befitting the title, to be honest. When you put something up on this site, you are inviting feedback and not all of it will be positive. You will see this on sites up to and including the New York Times, and responding angrily or defensively is not the way to do it.

      Anyway, I will get off your case.

    • I'm not angry, I'm just tired. Sorry if I seemed defensive.

  • So essentially considering physical attributes should be irrelevant when searching for a partner.

    I will have to kindly disagree.

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  • Same ole delusional total lack of self awareness here guys.

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    • What do you mean by that?

    • I mean that everything you've said was the typical counter productive advice that women give. Because they're more concerned with maintaining their elevated status than actually actually helping anyone. Men, when was the last time a women helped you do ANYTHING?

    • You're wrong about that, but you you're allowed to believe what ever you want.

  • who are you to tell people what their individual dating preferences are?

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  • Hmm you make some interesting points. You seem to have too much logic to exist on planet Earth.

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  • Though I like and admire the point your trying to make your letting idealism get in the way of reality. You ignore same group preferences, biological or social needs, and even genetic preference through evolutionary tracts. What you listed are the rules, and they exist for numerous, sometimes complete irrelevant, reasons. Too many and I'm too tired to get into. But no amount of grand standing will make these the exceptions.

    Other than your alpha/beta part; which is utterly wrong. No only do you get the alpha/beta dichotomy wrong, but then go on the make broad generalized statements with absolutely no relevance to the original point.

    Also I'm totally bachelor three.

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  • *CLAPCLAPCLAP* HALLELUJAH!

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  • So basically you feel that people shouldn't be allowed to have preferences of any kind at all?

    Am I the only one who feels like this article is mostly, if not solely, based on the writer's own personal experiences?

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    • 1) I never said that, but people seem to think I did. 2) These are not based on any experiences I had nor do I have any preferences. I'm a very open minded person and I'm more about a persons vibe then anything else.

  • The big thing is "should." Good in theory but to apply it is another story.

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  • I disagree with some of this

    I put physical attraction as a FACTOR into dating. So unfortunately, I don't find particular races attractive. I can't help this either, if I don't find a race attractive, I just don't find them attractive. I agree any person from any race can have a great personality but I value physical attraction more than personality (I know I'm shallow.)

    For the most part, height doesn't play a role, however, in some instances, it does. I'm 6'3 and I've always preferred tall girls. I'll date short girls, as long as they're not too short. I couldn't see myself dating a girl who is under 5'0, that would be hard, especially since I'm tall. On the other extreme, I couldn't see myself dating a girl over 6'5, because that would be too tall. As long as they're between 5'0-6'5, I'm ok.

    Other than that, I agree with your other points.

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  • I agree with most of your points, however being physically attracted to you SO is important, and that means that race, height, and other physical characteristics are all going to be considered

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  • Alright, for now on I'll only date women based on their favorite novels. Any girl who doesn't mention "The Alchemist" is not worth my time.

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  • I think this is a great take. Too bad there are some stupid users on here that don't understand your points.

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  • So I'm reading "Things that have no place in the dating game: physical attraction"

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  • Bravo, Ms. LoveIsBeautiful, Bravo.

    Especially for the Alpha Male portion. In fact, wolves don't even have alphas in the traditional sense. This was something that happened for wolves in captivity, and is fairly unnatural for them and quite mentally damaging.

    In the wild, a male pairs up with a female. The offspring become the "pack" and the parents are the "alphas". You could say it's like the nuclear family, but the nuclear family is a fairly recent invention that didn't exist through most of human history.

    Also, no woman should think men must be the more powerful, richer, stronger one, unless they also believe men should be above them in society. In which case, you are living in the wrong part of the world.

    "Alpha" really is a chest-thumping douchebag philosophy, or for women who like chest-thumping douchebags.

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  • This should be in braille.

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  • Sorry but your first 3 statements just are not true. A person cannot dictate what turns them on.
    1) I am not attracted to any women other then white women. I am not going to ask someone out that is black or Asian or whatever just to do it. That is insane. I will never be sexually attracted to them so the relationship will never go anywhere. The people that ask those questions are usually people who are looking to play a racist card.
    The height thing falls into the same catagory. ALthough it is a little more under your control. if a man or woman is attractive then how tall they are or short they are should not matter. but for some people it might.
    My favorite of all is "Hair Length"... I am one of those who will not date a woman with super short hair. it can be short, but not like a buzz or just super short. it makes a woman look like a man. I don't want to date a man. And yes, that construction guy looks like a woman. But since I am not an asshole, I would not say that to him unless he was a friend or I knew him. I tease my oldest son about his all the time. It is super long and it is Red. I would not have been allowed into my house growing up if I tried either of those separately.

    the fact is all of this comes down to "what turns you on?" if there is no sexual attraction ultimately the relationship will not work.
    Your right about the Alpha shit, I hate hearing that word also.
    Also the last part... I don't need to be rich to be happy. I just need the right woman to love me. But the right woman is going to be someone I am attracted to...

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    • I think she's talking more like "don't reject a girl just because of her race". That is, if you are attracted to a girl, don't be like "I can't date you because you are black." despite actually BEING attracted to her.

      For instance, I'm not normally attracted to black women, either. Not because of their race, but because of other factors, like size or the stereotypical "black attitude", which was basically created by MTV. But if I find a black girl attractive, the fact that she is black doesn't prevent me from being attracted to her.

    • I thought of that when I put the reply. I figured if that was what she meant she would let me know. If that is true, then we are basically on the same page.

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What Girls Said 14

  • You have some good points, although I don't agree with every point you made. But to each their own =]

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  • Thing is outer makes the person these days. If the soul mate of a man is in a woman with body fat. he will miss her everytime. Who cares who a person is on the inside if the casing is all wrong. Preferances can be shallow, but hey at least people are honest. What's worse is forcing attraction with a genuinely good person that doesn't suit your physical appeal.

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  • I agree with most of the things you said however people might be attracted to a look that a certain race so it ends up being a case of that is what they are attracted to.

    Also with the other category there are some things you mention saying it doesn't matter in the long run when it actually does.

    For example I am not big into exercise or sports and I love eating meat. So in a serious long term relationship someone who is a gym rat or a vegetarian will not mix with my lifestyle. The person needs to be able to mix into the other persons lifestyle if you are looking for something that will work in the long run. Some of those other things are stuff that legitimately can cause a relationship not to work out in the long run.

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    • I disagree, my Aunt is a vegetarian and her husband is not and they have been married for a very long time. She makes him meat and she just eats the sides she makes with the meal. Which is my point, a lot of things can work if you try but no one wants to try.

    • ok but the other example of a gym rat is still valid because you need things in common that you can do together for a relationship to work in the long term.

  • I'm sorry. You can love someone for their personality but there needs to be that chemistry which draws you there first. Being politically correct has no place in biological attraction. I've had my hair both long and short and growing it back out long. Why? I was prettier and more feminine looking that way. I don't have a problem using nature to my advantage. It's an intelligent move. If I don't like someone's body type, you can criticize all you want but you aren't the person who has sex with them. Socioeconomic status. I am used to living a certain way. I don't need someone rich but I also don't want anyone thinking they need my money. There is also an entire difference in the mentalities of people from low socioeconomic lifestyles than the one of someone who is used to living more comfortably. Living poor is rough and it puts undue strain on a relationship. The "Alpha" thing. I am strong minded so I need a guy who isn't whiny and insecure because I won't put up with that. I know better.

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    • Did anybody even read what I wrote? I specifically said that chemistry/ a connection is apart of the relationship, how do people keep missing that? I also said I know people have a certain type they're drawn to, which I understood. I also had long hair when I was young and I have short hair now, I'm not going grow my hair down to my butt just so a guy wants me. That's ridiculous, I'd rather just be alone if I have to jump through a bunch hoopes to make someone want to date me.

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    • The kitten in the middle looks just like my cat Whisper:)

    • Nope, that's not what I was doing.

  • Everyone has preferences, there is nothing wrong with that. Not all women care about these things, but if they do they probably can't help it. We are just attracted to what we are attracted to and thats okay as long as we are not going for abusive people

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    • Unless the people you happen to be attracted to keep making you wind up miserable and alone.

  • I don't agree with any if the things you've said

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  • RACE is about looks and status.
    Looks part is simple. If someone is not attracted to features of a particular race you aren't likely to date them. Period. My older brother thinks Asian girls look freaky because of their eyes. My younger brother thinks lips and noses of black women are gross. They can't help that.
    Status is more subtle. Women try to gauge out status from any angle possible. Starting with your dress, confidence and assets all the way up to the color of your skin. A guy who is dark skinned, or Asian in my country is likely to be dirt poor, uncultured, lazy/deadbeat or simply a religious fanatic, that dark skinned and Asian guys are almost entirely ignored by all women in unison. If one were to date a guy like that, everyone would think she's of "low worth" too, which is why women avoid any association in extension.
    I bet that America which has a marginalized and a struggling black population is no exception to this rule (at least to a degree seeing how black in your country do a lot better than here).

    So race stays. You can't remove it without attacking human nature itself.

    HEIGHT correlates with power. It is physically attractive to women because it implies said guy can protect them. Just like beauty correlates with health, suggesting a woman to be fertile. Height is a desired physical asset just like a beautiful face is. I am so grateful height is a part of the dating game, or we may have died out long ago.

    HAIR LENGTH - You can rationalize it any way you like, but it can't be "removed". This is the same issue. What is attractive is what suggests health, but in this case femininity as well. A feminine woman takes care of her hair, she's gentle, she takes time to grow it instead of caring to be "powerful". A gentle woman who is diligent, healthy, soft, calm makes for a better mother and a wife that the warrior. It's encoded into us.

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    • BEING ALPHA - I agree, this is nonsense. It's man-to-man competition confused for woman-to-man partner selection. It's idiotic but guys keep repeating it. But women still want "alpha traits", or so men call them. Only these traits have nothing to do with beating other men. I addressed this nonsense in MyTake: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8369-what-women-really-want-cutting-trough-the-nice-guy-alpha-male

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    • I still don't get what's funny, but since you are younger than me I shouldn't we surprised by the immaturity. I'm really trying understand things here, but if you don't want to tell me. That's fine.

    • Did you just play the age card? Hahahahahahahahahahah! xD

  • Definitely agree! And I'm so glad the admins finally promoted a take that was just pictures they posted themselves of nipple clamps and what not lol

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  • Maybe in a perfect world... But everyone has preferences.

    Sorry, but that's how it is. I'm a short white girl, and I prefer tall guys of other races. Why?

    Because in my life I've felt constantly unsafe, and tall guys just feel safe to be around. I've generally felt more unsafe around white guys, so I don't date them.

    If that's not a good enough reason for you, then tough fucking shit. My well being means more to me than strangers feelings and opinions towards me.

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    • Does anybody here know how to read lol? I didn't say anything about preferences. I even said I know people have certain types of people they like.

    • Your imaginary well-being, you mean.

  • I think the only deciding factor that should matter is if their face is good looking. It's what I do. I've dated other races, short men, chubby men, and they all had one thing in common. Their face was attractive. In my personal opinion, that's the way it should be. It's the face you see more.

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  • That picture is so hard to choose from!! D:

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  • loved it ! , well some comment there did make sense but all in all with the comments i enjoyed this a lot <3

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  • are you saying i should date every guy?

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    • No, why are people taking this the wrong way lol. I never said that.

    • lol I understand where you are coming from, but it starts to get irrational when you explain factors that you shouldn't base your dates on such as going to the gym, playing video games.. To me that is a preference and it should be enhanced in order to distinguish different people and the type of guy you are going to date. The two people should be compatible, I agree maybe height and race should not be judged but everything else defined your personality. Maybe if a guy had childish bedsheets, I might overlook it, if they have the qualities I prefer, but if they act childish 24/7 then he may not be the guy for me.

    • I think you misunderstood that sentence, I meant it's wrong to not want to date some because they play video games or because they choose not to go to the gym. To me, none of that stuff is important. I'm an unconditionally person and I take a person as they are. Whatever it may be.

  • ✊💯✔️👌👏🙌

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