The wrong type turned out to be the man of my dreams

[tizz704]

So, over the past months I have been dating the most amazing man. He is so caring and attentive. He is the light of my life and i have never been so in love. I have waited so long for this.

Since my late teens I have not been so lucky in love. I always went for the bad boys. Not necessarily the "I've been in jail" guys, but the type of fun man who walks into a room and demands the attention of every woman just with his personality and actions. Because I am outgoing, pretty enough, and a fun time, I would draw them in temporarily. I was a goodtimes goddess. Every nice guy that came around I quickly turned down.

All of this quickly changed when I decided to give up my job as a bar manager and clean up my act. I spent my time trying to change my life. I moved, I got a job using my degree and I exchanged my late night party pants for some early morning gym clothes. During all of this I was online dating, going on many 1st and 2nd dates but no 3rds. Finally after a couple months of these changes I decided to revamp my bio. As soon as I changed it I had an overwhelming bout of change in response.

Then one day I met him. We went for coffee. He was European and suave with a bomber jacket, sweats, an old BMW and a thick accent. My first thought was "wtf did I get myself into".

It has been 5 months since that day and I can't imagine my life without him now. He is the sweetest and most caring man I have ever met. He truly shows me everyday how much he loves me. He is the one. I feel it deep into the core of my body. It has been 5 months since we went to the mall for coffee and we have never left eachother alone since.

I took a chance on the guy who wasn't my type, and it turns out my type is happiness and sweetness, someone who doesn't make excuses and is just there; someone who shows and doesn't tell, someone who makes me a priority. An appearance and a swagger is not a type, your feelings being kept safe in someone elses heart is the only "type" of person you should be searching for.

[RationalMale]

The simple problem is... women are attracted to the brash, arrogant, "bad boy" type, just as guys are often attracted to the somewhat slutty/type.

But the girl who dates/marries the bad guy will still end up screwed up in the head and damaged, and the man who dates/marries the slutty type will probably end up cheated on and screwed up in the head.

In an ideal world, we'd all make sure to teach women to overcome their instincts and date good, loyal, honest men, and we'd teach men to date women who are loyal, honest, and don't sleep around.

[adkad]

So, I met this guy. Totally different kind from who I 'used to' fall myself into. He's not even good-looking but I can feel it he's brought out the best sides of me. then I found out that he's already taken (an even going to marry her) e. the lightbulb inside my head has broken into pieces once again.. I am moving on.

This is a beautiful Take. I hope I myself will meet the the good-guy and settle down. Congratulation, dear :)

[tizz704]

Keep your faith the right guy could be right around the corner :)

[ReneDS]

well basically you went for the douchebags and selfish narcisits. good job ! god knows how many men like this you have turned down. anyway, i love how you generalize him as a european. Yes europeans have style, that is true. but not every european guy has a bomber jacket, an old bmw ( which isn't that special at all ) or a heavy accent. I think you just like european men more since they are a bit different. anyway , girls like you are just terrible. you always keep moaning about stupid assholes treating you like crap. wtf do you want with a douchebag who couldnt care less about you, those guys dont make good husbands or fathers and quit frankly they are boring. because their modus operandi is always the same. and dont think nice guys won't defend their lady , because i bet you, they will take down every bad guy he crosses. i really dont know why girls think that nice guys are boring.

[tizz704]

No one is complaining or crying about anything, nor did i need defending and i never generalized europeans, i was describing my boyfriend who is european. Sounds to me like you are angry ablut something and trying to pick apart what the things i am saying, but you didn't really understand my point which was basically in agreement with you (although it was hard to read your points through the thick smugness you layered around them).

[ReneDS]

ooh wow, i know plenty of women like you, and its just frustrating how normal guys dont get acknowledged. you see thats the part i really hate about your take. It's always about women , what women want. it's like we sometimes don't count. thinking about it right now, is actually funny. all of them have their own petathic cry baby stories. and instead of showing some guy who tries to cheer you up some respect, all you can do is talk about shitty ex boyfriends who treated you like crap. thats the part that upsets me. if you like the bad boys so much, you should go back to them. god this is frustrating, woman these days are just completely mentally retarted.

[tizz704]

Calling women retarded and going on about how stupid they sounds like a generalization to me. I would also like to add that with that attitude you are not counted among "nice guys" in my eyes and probably not of any other woman reading the things you wrote. I wish you the best of luck :)

[AleDeEurope]

Great Take. I hope more people (both guys and girls) listen to what you're trying to say with this Take. Sometimes we're just too focus on going for the type we find more attractive, and we ignore the other type of people that probably will be as awesome, if not more, than what we look for.
Some people spend years and years of their life going for the same type, not realizing that it's never working and never gonna work. Why not try with another type? You're wasting years of your life in mistakes, open your mind a little more and try other people, who knows what they'll end up being.

By the way, congrats ;)

[tizz704]

Thank you for your appreciation of my thoughts! I just wanted to put it out there as a message because i feel like day after day i read this questions from people of all ages who are chasing after people who they think is the perfect person for them. But i can now say from experience that the perfect person does not want to be chased! :)

[RationalLioness]

Because if we know that we don't WANT that other type, what's the point of going after them? No thanks.

[AleDeEurope]

@RationalLioness Well, obviously if you don't want the other type, don't go for them, I think that's pretty obvious, but there are many different types, and people seem to usually go for the same type, without even trying others, they just assume that they only like one type.
Like I said, open your mind and don't focus too much on one type, maybe you realize you like other types too.

[tizz704]

If you had asked me a year ago if i would ever be attracted to a european immigrant i would have laughed at the mere thought of it and i felt the same way as you @RationalLioness but this man is the best thing that has ever happened to me because i took a chance on proving MYSELF wrong. Turns out i was, and by realizing this, i ended up winning.

[AleDeEurope]

Why would have you laughed at the thought of going out with an European immigrant? I'm European living in the US (I came here for college, but I wanna stay forever), so I wanna know why wouldn't you wanna have dated a European guy (back before you changed your mind).

[tizz704]

Just very far from the type of guy i dated in the past. I was always dating blue collared workers who drove big trucks through the mud for fun and moisturized with engine oil. But i love my boyfriend more than anything and he is the perfect man for me.

[Sinister]

I guess you could write a short story. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character has been through many hearbreaks & suffers a little? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three-dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? Oh, I look forward to reading it.

(not to be takin seriously, but glad you found someone)

[FatherKnowsBest]

Tizz704 you have made my day! No one could have said it better! Reading so much here on GAG of broken hearts and loves lost, you have put a big smile on my face.

It is really refreshing to read that someone has found the love of their life and is a happy person. 😄😄😄😄😄

I wish both of you the best for the future and that you continue to spread your good cheer and thoughts to those who are struggling with their lives.

[UnknownXYZ]

Ugh and this Take started so well too. I feel like you left a lot of substance out of the last two paragraphs. I think it would have been better if you could have gone in way more detail of how you transitions to favour him so much. It's like you didn't like this guy one and you changed your mind the next instant. The part inbetween is what is missing. Decent Take overall, but this had so much potential.

[CindiluvsFriends]

Me too!
I'm currently dating/living with a wonderful, beautiful man.
He's sweet, romantic, attentive, spontaneous, you name it.
We have this AMAZING chemistry. Its unreal. Am I dreaming?

Thing is-he's way older. Like 22yrs. (I'm 44, he's 66-but he's not your typical 66yo)
But that's another story. And I don't care.

But I'm very happy. Thats all that matters, right?

[Frost_Byt3]

Damn, i wish every girl thought like you did. Great take!

[tizz704]

Thank you!

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

The bitter cynic inside of me is screaming "It's only been 5 months! Comeback to me after 5 years or more and tell me how things are."

No wonder why I'm alone with an attitude like that, oh well, I think I'll just become a bad boy instead...

[tizz704]

You dont need 5 years to figure out if its right or wrong. Relationships grow and life circumstances change but as long as you have a strong foundation and you are on your S. O.'s team and vice versa there's a lot less room for failure.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

So want I've learned from you're response & the down-votes is that I should be willing to accept something that happens really fast and maybe keep this phrase in mind.

"Good things take time, great things happen all at once."

[tizz704]

You shouldn't be afraid of the right thing if it comes along or let it slip away or lose meaning because you feel things should be on a certain timeline. Hey, at one point it took me three years to accept i was dating the wrong guy. In this scenario it took me 3 months to figure out i have the right one. It takes a lot of mess ups and redos to find the right thing. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes. And if it doesn't scare you a little it isn't right :)

[GoodDogNigel]

"caring and attentive" is the wrong type of man?

"I have not been so lucky in love. I always went for the bad boys."

Well then it's rather your fault isn't it?

[tizz704]

This whole take is about how i changed my behavior to get a different result, so i think i took responsibility for my bad luck and accepted "the fault"

[Anonymous]

so can i be fair enough to interpret that we should first have mindblowing sex and good times with people who aren't our type but look for someone timid and innocent when we wanna settle down, coz, girl, i like that thought he he

[Nice_Guy_Last]

That is awesome for you!!!
Now, if you can only convince the rest of the girls in the world...

[BluePlanet1992]

Score one for the nice guys about damn time

[tizz704]

A mature woman always falls for the nice guy.

[BluePlanet1992]

Well I hope that's true

[ManuelMarquez]

Most women in their teens and early twenties like guys that are jerks, etc. but most in their mid to late twenties and older don't like them anymore.

[RationalLioness]

Aww, that's nice. But it sounds to me that he has that "bad boy look". I think that's what many women want: a bad boy look with a great personality.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong though. :)

[Kabloosh75]

It's good to see you finally saw the light and went for someone of value, and actually sees you more than just some hole to stick his dick in and have a good time.

[Creole_Flavor]

And this is why I don't have a type it limits you from finding the one and a lot of people don't realize that their type is not even right for them.

[Realfire22]

I absolutely agree with this.👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Yeah been there, done that with the type thing. My Boo wasn't originally my type , but Lord have mercy thank God his isn't. He's so much better than what I've ever wanted for myself. I wouldn't even know what to do with my old "type". I almost short changed myself when i got engaged to my "type" 2 years ago.

[Creole_Flavor]

Yep once you learn that it makes you think about the decisions you used to make when picking its really a learning experience.

[beyonder]

That's such an inspiring/sweet story! I'm glad you both found each other 😊

[tizz704]

Thank you! :)

[KHaskins]

I'm glad you were able to find someone who's right for you. Congratulations.

[tizz704]

Thank you :)

[Vinvei]

It's good to find someone you care for :) I'm happy for you :)

[tizz704]

Thank you 😊

[Cam700]

Congratulations, guess I haven't developed a type yet although I'm not exactly seasoned but I always try to be open minded :)

[tizz704]

Dont worry about a type! Give your heart to the person who proves through his actions that he cares about keeping it safe :)