How do you date a super extremely shy guy? i really like him and want to put in the effort to make it work. i need advice please.?

I've been dating this SUPER shy guy for almost two months now. We've been on 4 alone dates + multiple hang outs with other people/friends. Obviously, it's been going very slow. I met him in class, and he asked me out for drinks. First date was great, but he told me he was shy and acted very reserved. Ever since then, I've been making all the moves. I text him first like 85% of the time. I invite him on dates (90% is me). I text to say hi/how are you/send cute text. He's been slowly opening up but sometimes he pulls back into reserved mode (I guess because we don't see each other as often as I'd like because people told me to take it very slow). I know he really likes me for sure. He still gets a little nervous around me, is super sweet, thoughtful, paid for me on 3 of 4 dates, remembers all the little details. He's so adorable and sends me cute smiley and blushing emoticons in his texts. What I need help with is the following:
-People said I should take it slow (he hasn't had a gf before and is afraid of relationships according to his friend). But how slow is too slow? Like a clear definition please. Is it too much if I ask to see him 2x a week? How often can I text without coming on too strong due to frequent texting? "Slow" is too ambiguous, I need a real timeline.
-We haven't had any physical contact yet. Should I wait for him to make a move? He did ask me out first so he can make some moves… I'm afraid of "emasculating him" if I make a move first. Also, when can I expect a kiss?
-How can I move things along? How can I gently push for more time together? How long will it take for him to get comfortable with me? Everyone is different, but I'd like to hear experiences people have had.

I really like him and he is worth the effort. Please help! :) thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. If you're already seeing twice a week then it's fine to stick with it. But don't force yourself into a routine - it's okay to miss one or two.

    2. A kiss comes AFTER physical contact. Start with holding hands first. Try a theme park? It's a really good excuse to start hugging his arm or gripping his hand tightly lol.

    3. Well no matter how much you push for more time together, wouldn't make him more emotional/touch-feely. If anything it's the reverse. To me, the growth of a relationship is the time and memories we formed, the trust we have, the amount of secrets we have shared, and how comfortable we are doing the most mundane and most outrageous things together. It's kinda boils down to "time", and again, that is very subjective for everyone.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Wow lucky guy. Most women wouldn't put in the effort. The best way to date someone shy is to let them go at their own pace so they don't feel overwhelmed. getting to know eachother after a while should break down barriers.

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  • if he's never had a gf before u can be sure he is afraid of people in some manner. he may pull back if things move too fast. maybe even disappear for awhile. people who have been alone for a long time have been traumatized. humans are social animals. reintroduction to new stimuli will cause fear. he has been afraid for a long time.

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    • that what happened to me...my shyness keeps me from getting girls i like

  • Try to find that crazy side of him im sure he has one. He's probabaly passionate about a certin thing and can tslk for hours about it

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  • im the extremely shy type guy so never ever expect a extremely shy guy to make a move what you can do is try to be with him as often as possible, 24/7 , and you make moves 100% of the time, show and tell him your feelings and desires and what you want him for, compliment him

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