Does it make you a slut for making out with a guy when you first meet him?

[Anonymous]

I just met this guy and I was really interested in him and I think he was too. I had a little to drink and really felt a connection so we made out. Will he think I'm a slut now? I want to go on dates and take it slow but can you do that when you've already made out?

[Tamikaze]

First, I want to say, It is important to not use words that are derogatory towards women and unnecessary in discussing something that though maybe not the best idea considering your goal to date this guy, is certainly not worthy of such a title. And, yes, go ahead, I am sure someone will argue with me that men can be sluts too, but we all know that word is rarely used on men and when it is, is only applied to men that are hardcore players, not a guy who makes out on a first date.

So, anyways, "made out" covers a lot of territory and there is a lot of territory short of actual intercourse that you could mean. I was told once that men don't know what to make of it if the girl they "made out" with all of a sudden wants to take it slow. They may assume you lost interest in them so you will have to show him that is not the case, but not by using sex. Just something to think about but not a reason to not try to take it slow.

The one difficulty you have here is now knowing whether he was interested in you in the same way you were interested in him. You will soon find out. If he calls you to get together, see what he wants to do. If he asks you for a date, great, go on it, and at some point you should just put it on the table that you were drinking when you met, that things moved quicker than you are comfortable with, but that you really like him and you want to date and get to know each other. Then, tone down any making out after that date (certainly there will be some kissing) and see how he reacts. Oh, and don't drink, you will just end up right back where you did when you first met.

If he calls you to do something that is pretty much just a guaranteed make out session or continuation towards sex, try suggesting something along the lines of a date and see if he is interested.

By doing all of this you at least get a shot at trying to see where his mind is at and whether he is interested in sex-only or whether he is interested in more than that. None of this is about him thinking poorly of you, or changing where he was trying to go with you, but it is all about figuring out what his intentions are.

[Asker]

So he texted me today and asked if I wanted to hang out tommorrow. I told him I would like that when I suggested we go see a movie. He said we should rent one because he could off work anywhere between 2 and 5. There are later showings, so is he just making up an excuse so we can hook up more at his house. Or am I overthinking it..

[Tamikaze]

He is totally setting the stage for hooking up. Yes, there are later showings and a guy who is actually interested in more than sex would take your request to see a movie out and run with it. I do not think you are overthinking this. The only detail I don't have is if he is living at home. If watching a movie at his place means lots of privacy, its a problem.

[Asker]

He just graduated college in the spring. so I think he is back at his parents house now. I want to gain his respect and show I'm not easy, but I don't want him to think I'm not interested. So can I flirt without him trying to kiss me? Should I just look away if he tries? Or kiss him and stop before he tries to use tongue? or say something like I was drinking before and I think I like you so I wanna take it slow.

[Tamikaze]

My personal best strategy would be to keep things non-physical as long as possible in your date, talk and see if he is interested in getting to know you. Some kissing right before you expect to leave would be fine. This isn't about showing him you are not easy, this is about figuring out if he is just looking for sex or really wants to get to know you. If he is just looking for sex, there isn't anything you can do to make him think differently.

[Tamikaze]

I couldn't add this in my comment response below so here is something to think about:

Not making out with a guy the first time you meet is important but probably not for the reasons you think. The reason not to do it is to figure out what the guy is in the market for. A guy who is only looking for something casual, sexual, well he's not going to put in time with a girl that isn't showing any signs of that on the first several dates. In fact, he will try to eliminate dating. He will keep it casual, ask you to hang out and then try and make out.

A guy who is on the track for a relationship and who is really in to you will be asking you out for dates and the fact that he gets a nice kiss from you on the 2nd date and takes longer to get to sex, well, he won't care, he will still keep asking you out because he is in to you, not just looking for sex with someone. A guy who is in to you and is ready for a relationship, well your smiles, your voice, all that you do to show him you like him too, that is enough to carry him through the dating process until it does finally become sexual.

With that said, I do not believe that showing someone you are not "easy" and want to take it slow will convert the sex-only guy into the relationship guy. It is totally the best idea to take it slow, it just won't change a guys intentions if he is really just set on something casual with you.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for all your help. your so right I should be more worried about what his intentions are. I talked to him about it and appologized for being so forward when we met he said he liked it, but I think were on the same page so far. he said he has been looking for a relationship not a just a fling. so we agreed on taking it slow and just getting to know eachother. so far everything has been good. every time he calls I get the butterflies and I can't help but smile whenever I'm with him.

[Tamikaze]

Very cool!

[smilezz]

You're not a slut, but now you've given him an opportunity to think that if you were so quick to make out with him that you might also be quick to make out with other guys. Yea you can totally take it slow from here, just don't let your body get the best of you.

[Anonymous]

OMG, get that word out your head. Something guys came up with to control us. You just kissed him, you went with the flow and enjoyed yourself. Think nothing of it ok? If guys do it and don't feel bad about it, then why should we? So its fine. You are not a slut but were havin fun.

[Evi-Baba]

I don't think its that big of a deal, its not like you had sex with him. If he felt a connection like you think he did then he should be calling you at anytime...