Revenge of the side chick: my boyfriends friends with benefits is back, and she's coming full force; please help I need advice?

My bf and I have been dating for three years. During this time he would feel
The need to "communicate or hang out" with this other female. He and this girl attended highschool together; and had a budding (friendship/relationship?) Pior to us dating. Eventually this relationship turned into a friends with benefits relationship, but that was interrupted by our relationship. They stopped communicating due to her jealousy. Fast foward; my bf and I have hit. Rough patch in our relationship; and he seems eager to go back to his "player days" and started communication with her
Again. She admitted to him she still has feelings for him, and asked him to end our relationship; so they can purse a relationship. I'm unsure what his response was, but he is planning to "hang out" with her, and it's making me feel stressed about this. I'm ok with him having female friends; but I'm uncomfortable with him seeing someone who he had sexual relations with. Am I wrong for feeling like this? Or is this female over stepping her boundaries?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he wants to go back to his player days he's hardly going to leave a relationship for another relationship. It sounds more likely he's just going to use you both.

    Anyway,

    This other girl can't even see the mark any more with how far she's jumped over it. If that was a male pursuing my woman there'd be an altercation (Violence in my younger days which I won't rule out at the moment). So yes, do not stand for this. Tell him straight that you are not impressed.

    If he doesn't listen then let him go and find someone that will honour your commitment. Do not get sucked into this player's games.

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, you're right. She is over stepping her boundaries and he's a jerk for doing what he's doing. The fact he went straight to her tells me he kept her around the whole time you've been dating just for reasons like this. So he can run back to her. Chances are, he probably has before and you just don't know it. I would kick him to the curb now, and let him have his bed buddy. Maybe if he wakes up, he'll realize what he lost.

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    • What he said ^^^^^
      People don't usually randomly reappear out of nowhere, it's likely they were still in contact all this time. Might not have been very regular contact, but they most likely still had each others numbers and at least had a call/text convo here and there.

  • Nothing wrong with what the other girl is doing. She has every right to go after what she wants. But it does seem like there is possibly a very large amount of things wrong that your bf is doing. You have the right to be uncomfortable with this situation, as it is a very dodgy sounding situation and the chances sound very high that he could slip into familiar roles.

    If she asked him to end your relationship, and then wants to hang out with him, you have every right to expect him NOT to see her. He has the right to say no, of course, but this really does seem like a 'it's her or me' situation, to be honest. You win nothing by letting him 'test the waters' and see if he feels something for her or not. That's bullshit. You are in a committed relationship, and it is expected that rough patches will occur and that you can work through them. If a rough patch means 'look for hook ups elsewhere' then the relationship is doomed long term, as there will be rough patches throughout.

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  • Dump his ass and get a better man.

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  • I think you have every right to be concerned and if I was you I would contemplating ending this relationship because I'll be honest, he could end up cheating on you with this girl. He's got history with her and he's planning on hanging out with her while not being in your presence and your relationship is rocky at the moment. The signs don't look good.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Well, thats his answer... he's going to go hangout with her. Leave while you can.

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  • That girl is completely overstepping her boundaries. she knows you two are together and she's purposely trying to push him to dump you just because you two are having a rough patch. She sees her chance and she's giving it all she's got. he's probably confided in her all the things that went down between you too and how your relationship went south. The girl is to blame just as much as your boyfriend. She should have respect for you as another women. Honestly she had her chance to be in a committed relationship with him and they blew it for w. e ever reason.

    I definitely think Ms. Anonymous that jumped down your throat had her far share of being a side chick. I would only credit her for what she said IF the side chick didn't know this guy had a girlfriend or a wife. If she had no idea he was in a committed relationship it's not her fault.

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  • Why is the female over stepping her boundaries... she has no boundaries because it's not her relationship. Your man on the other hand is supposed to have boundaries and know when to say no... he can't do that, don't blame the other chick.
    She owes you nothing and has no loyalty to you, your boyfriend is supposed to be loyal to you, if he can't do that, don't blame the other chick.
    If a girl opened up her legs and told your man to dive right in, and he did, that's down to him not her, he's supposed to know how to handle himself and supposed to know how to say no.
    You can't blame other girls when your man himself is just as much to blame.
    Seriously, why should that girl give a shit about how you feel, you aren't her friend, her sister or anybody else to her, your man is supposed to give a shit how you feel and not hang out with her, it shouldn't even be a question. How you seriously gonna blame a next chick because your man doesn't know how to act right.

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    • Thanks for jumping down my throat... I'm not putting all the blame on her, he is also to blame as well. He should know better not to see or communicate with this girl, I'm coming to the conclusion that he just dosent care about me the way he should. She is also at fault because we do know eachother, and she knows I'm his girlfriend. She has no respect for herself if she's willing to ruin a relationship for her selfish gain. You must be a side chick, since you replied with so much aggression.

  • dump him, he doesn't even need to cheat imo. he's already shown to you he doesn't care about disrespecting you and the relationship by going to hang out with an ex friends with benefits whos been overstepping her mark and pressuring him to leave you for her. he should have even talked to her again, there's nothing wrong with talking to female friends but he obviously talked with her with the intention of cheating on you or she wouldn't have spilled all this out after 3 years of no contact with him. i think he's been seeing her on and off behind your back, people dont just wait three years for someone they haven't spoken to and confess they want a relationship and they still have feelings. sounds to me like she was still his friends with benefits and she's just now growing tired of just being that and wants more.

    dump him dont fight this girl away, she isn't stealing him, he's making this decision to do this to you.

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