He won't date me until I lose weight?

My best friend and I are very close And we have both spoken about being in a relationship with each. However, he won't say this but I know he won't date me until I lose weight. And I do not blame him. I'm currently 250lbs ( I've already lost 30 so far)! It hurts me because he dates girls that are similar to me and I can see that my size is the only reason he doesn't take me seriously. He always tells me" if you lost weight you would be the prettiest girl I know" and a lot of people tell me that. I do understand that no one to date someone who is unhealthy and at risk for a lot of things. My question is this does he not really care about me if he can't see past my weight or is fair that he wants me to be smaller first? Would you date someone who was in the process of losing weight?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't really know his intentions, but whether they are good or bad, it has help you motivate yourself to lose the weight.
    Either way, you win.
    Now, just because you lost the weight and got him, doesn't mean you go back to your own way. This is has to become lifestyle or else you'll gave it back up.
    Now, your question if he doesn't care about you.
    Only time will tell. Once you lose the weight and he is still trying to change you or making you feel less, then you should just leave him.
    Seriously, as you lose the weight, you'll have more self esteem and more guys coming after you.
    In general, lose weight for you. If he is with you or not, it doesn't matter. You should be proud for yourself for such achievement (:
    Remember to wear some type of shape wear. Don't risk having excess skin hanging on you.

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What Guys Said 10

  • wanting someone to be healthy is always good but the fact that he says "if you lost weight you would be the prettiest"... implies that it is more that he doesn't see you as attractive. that is not a good thing and I wouldn't lose weight with the expectation that he is going to want to date you or even that you should want to date him. lose weight because you want to, not because you think it's going to get you something because that could be a terrible let down if or when what you want doesn't come to fruition

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  • He sounds like an egotistical, shallow prick.

    Seriously, if he won't be with you now, for that, you deserve better.

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  • He should respect the fact that you are losing weight for him and encourage you to better your life WITH HIM. if anyone would change her appearance and work so hard for me well i guess that would be just awesome! and i would date her. Tell you what when you are at your goal weight and the best version of yourself you will realize that you can get any men. stay strong! stay motivated! keep sharing love!

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  • put it this way. if a girl said to me... she liked me but i needed to loose weight or gain weight. that would drive my motivation like crazy because id want to get her "if i really liked her" that much and was worth the effort. i would do it to prove to her i did it / could do it. all for her. its not a bad thing.

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    • That's why I've lost 30 so far. Thanks.

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    • Lol you weren't rude. I was just letting you know I was on track with your advise. :)

    • just wanted to make myself clear thats all :)

  • It works the same way for guys. I was fat all through high school and my first year and a half of college, and no girls really wanted to date me. I finally got a gf who didn't mind that I was fat, but even she would have preferred that I be in shape. People are attracted to fit people--men especially. Better to resign yourself to that now rather than waste a lot of time being mad at guys for turning you down over your weight.

    I do think it's fair for the guy to want you to lose weight. He's not obligated to go out with you, but there's a bigger issue here. Why do you want to remain fat? All you're doing is limiting your life. If you were 125 pounds and you have a pretty face, this guy would probably be just one of several guys vying for your attention. Wouldn't you prefer that rather than having to beg for this guy's attention?

    When I was fat, girls kind of laughed at me, but now those same girls are looking in my direction and trying to figure me out. It's a much better feeling for me, especially since I now have the exquisite pleasure of telling them all to bugger off!

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    • She stated that she's in the process of losing weight and has lost 30 so far.

    • @RestlessYouth_ I know, but she seems to be lamenting the whole thing. Why lament something that's a huge improvement to your life? If this guy has offended her with his stance on her weight, just forget the guy and focus on losing weight. She'll have a lot more options once she's thin than she's does now.

  • what hurts the most is you got a pretty face at 250 lbs so why wait to you lose weight
    why not date you at what you weigh right now, you want man who will date you now
    at the weight you are and i credit you for making this post, yes weight is battle believe me
    i been there many years so i know what your going through.

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  • I think it's pretty fair of him to want that. Attraction is an important part of a relationship, it's not all about personality.

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  • Lose the weight (for yourself and your health, not just for appearances) and find someone else to date who actually loves you for WHO YOU ARE. He doesn't deserve you once you reach your goal.

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  • No. But id bang em when they done with process? Whyumaddoe

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  • He is only using u u shoudl find someone who care about u for who u r

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What Girls Said 9

  • Maybe he's afraid that he'll lose you because of your weight issues. Being obese does come with a lot of health problems and maybe he wants to motivate you to lose the weight. I would probably wait until the persons lost the weight before dating them. That way they wouldn't slack off.

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    • Thank you. That's what I'm trying to do now.

  • I think it makes sense. I mean he isn't being an ass about it, and I think it's perfectly fine to look for someone of healthy weight. I don't know how tall you are, but 250 does sound like quite a lot. But if you like him, it's a good motivation to lose weight :) You'Ve already lost 30, so keep it up!

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  • Lose the weight for you, date someone else. It's not that I think it's wrong for someone to have preferences but his feelings on the matter would always weigh on your relationship and cheapen it.

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  • He should encourage you instead of put you down. Telling someone to just lose weight is just not enough. He isn't a prize, you shouldn't have to lose weight for him to date you, you should lose weight because YOU want to for yourself. He doesn't sound like a very reasonable person. Suppose you put on weight during your relationship, what is he gonna do? Dump you? Girl, keep it up! Lose that weight and lose him too! You don't need that in your life, you're a beautiful person inside/outside.

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  • Eh, honestly the whole "If you lost weight you'd be hot" thing just seems like something only an ass would say, there's nicer ways to put that. Maybe he likes you for you and just isn't sexually attracted to you yet. All I can say is, lose weight for YOU not him. Make sure it's somthing you want for yourself and not just for some guy. Don't get caught up in the dream of one day having him and forget who's most important.

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  • I am dating someone who is trying to lose weight. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but it can be something he pays attention to. It's understandable as long as he's not being a dick about it.
    And ''If you lost weight'' doesn't sound mean to me, it sounds honest, sincere, and motivational.
    Though I still think if he really wanted to be with you he'd make you his while he still had the chance.

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  • If he didn't care about you he wouldn't be your friend or bring out the topic of dating. But he is a guy u can't blame him for wanting the prefect girl with a perfect body in our selfish generation. U did a great job losing these 30 lbs and keep losing more not for anyone but for u and be confident about ur self sooner or later he'll figure out how dumb he was maybe you'll be together or maybe u will find someone who apreciate all your qualities.

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  • I bet once you lose the weight he'll make you feel insecure still. He should like you the way you are and suddenly you losing weight you should not have to do that for him to be with you you can find someone better.

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  • Your question is so hard to answer. I think honestly its both. The issue is it is necessary to be sexually attracted (even if you are not having sex) and although you want him to see past that it is virtually impossible. Im having that issue with a guy friend of mine. I wish I could like him but every time things move that way I have a hard time feeling butterflies and lower tummy tingles (wink wink) and so my crush kinda dies every time. But if he did lose weight I think I would like him... he had such a cute face. AND a lot of it (at least for me) is the fact that how you take care of yourself says a lot about your respect for yourself. If he began to lose weight and take care of himself my respect and attraction would grow even if he never looked like one of the guys I normally date.

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