The typical attractive girl dilemma: I only get approached by unattractive guys that I am not interested in. I need answers!?

I've mainly had short relationships that werent serious, cuz I would crush on guys not interested in me so I would end up settling for the guys that came after me (all very average) & it wouldn't go far, I couldnt get physical w/ them & if I did, it would be SO awkward cuz they knew that I wasn't attracted to them & I learned my lesson & NEVER making that mistake again. My most serious relationship was for 2 yrs, he was my first love & to make a very LONG story short, it didn't work out & yes I got hurt & it sucked. its been over 2 years since that ended. I've moved on & taken time to myself, I've traveled, I've spent time w/ family & friends & now I definitely think I am at a point where I am ready for something serious w/ someone I could potentially have a future w/. But here's my problem, Im STILL getting approached by the same old type of guys, very average & just not my type & I no what ur thinking well maybe ur not all that great urself & I promise u Im not average & thats actually something I've been asking myself lately, “Wait am I ugly? Is this really all I can get? Is that ‘guy-of-my-dreams’ ever going to want me back?” but I won't let those thoughts creep into my head, cuz all its going to do is just ruin my self-esteem. But when I am getting approached by men within this profile: mid-late 30’s (keep in mind I’m 23), overweight, losing his hair (Im very petite & take very good care of myself), saying things like “OMG I am mesmerized by ur beauty…” DOES NOT make me feel good about myself. & ok I know what u are going to say well maybe he's a good guy & ya u know what, he might be, but Im not going to date someone just cuz theyre nice but unattractive. If its ok to cancel out looks for niceness then I guess its ok to cancel out looks for money in a gold-digger scenario? y can i attract the guys I would NEVER consider but not the ones who I can see myself w/. please do not JUDGE me! what is SO wrong w/ wanting an attractive bf? Specially if Im attractive


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being an attractive girl, you're going to get sexual attention from all sorts of men.
    You don't really have a way of filtering that.

    The kicker is that a highly attractive man does not have a reason to go out of his way to try and approach an attractive girl.
    Usually the interactions just kind of happen or he gets approached.
    But the thirst isn't very real for him. He's generally pretty well-quenched.

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    • I think this is the first answer that actually makes kind of sense. Because thinking about it, I myself would NEVER approach a guy I like. I don't need to. I would like to, but I don't need to. I like to wait for him to come to me.

    • Basically.

      Most attractive people meet by chance. Maybe through friends or at an event and they get to talking. And believe me, more women are going to feel inclined to talk to the attractive guy.
      A guy who doesn't feel like he HAS to put himself out there to get a chance with women - won't.
      Even if he finds you attractive, passing up opportunities isn't the end of the world for him. He gets a lot of them.

      Lesser attractive men, the ones you deal with, know that they have to put themselves out there to get to know women any women. It works a small percentage of the time, of course. But that percentage is worth it to him. And the fact that you're annoyed by it doesn't have much meaning to these men. Your preferences don't become relevant to them until you're a potential romantic partner. You've just got to trudge through them, gal.

What Guys Said 20

  • its probably because you aren't as attractive as you think you are... guys tend to go after every girl in general , because thats how guys are and the fact that you can't even get one "hot" guy is not a good sign. maybe you should give some of the average guys a second chance lmfao , because it seems that is all your getting. pluus dont be soo shallow , you are probably not giving them a shot , because you are too focused on their looks.

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  • And maybe the hot guys don't think you're as hot as you think you are.
    I think your attitude is the problem here, it seems you believe you're better than others, and honestly no one likes that, and maybe that's the reason why does you're interested in don't want anything with you.

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    • Okay so if my attitude is my problem, then that would mean I would be getting approached by NO guys, but I'm saying I'm getting approached by guys but they're not attractive. So putting together the pieces with your answer you're basically saying attractive guys don't like "bitchy, stuck up girls" like me but apparently unattractive guys do since they still approach me every single day.

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    • No, I don't know you, and I'm glad I don't.
      So if you're not average, then explain me why hot guys don't approach you? If you're great, everyone will want you, but if you're just ok, only ok people will want you.
      I think it's pretty clear, but I guess it's the same that with your looks, you just don't wanna accept the obvious: you're not as good as you think you are.

  • No matter how hot you are, some guy got tired of your shit

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    • Okay. I know I'm not perfect, I know I have my flaws but everyone does but I don't know I see people finding someone who's willing to deal with their "shit" all of the time, but I can't seem to find that.

  • Its because of insecurity. Im not saying you aren't as pretty as you think you are, but im saying you dont actually think you're as pretty as you want to be. You aren't secure in the fact that you're gorgeous, because if you were you would be ok with dating an average dude. But you need a hot dude so that you can be confident that you're hot enough to get a hot guy.

    When you lose your insecurity, you will just straight up know that you're hot. You won't tether the quality of men you get with how attractive you are.

    I have this issue, a lot of fuglyish girls want to be me, but I am opposed because I feel like if I get with someone fugly, that thats my range. I need to stop seeing a range and be ok with getting with someone fugly.

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    • Hmm not really. This has nothing to do with what type of guy I can or can't get. It has to do with who I find attractive. And I find 99% of the guys that are after me unattractive.

    • Damn must suck for them.

  • Nothing wrong with wanting what you do. We all want someone we are attracted to. You need to find out what it is you're doing to attract these guys you're not interested in. Pretty girls are going to be hit on lots of guys no matter what she does, but if none of them are ever potential matches for you, then you have to look at what you're putting out there.
    At the same time, you can't be afraid to approach the guys that you like. You're sitting there waiting for a catch to just fall in your lap, then want you, then actively pursue you.
    That's unrealistic to assume that should happen to you.

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    • Okay but when I'm sitting there "waiting for a catch to fall in my lap", a frog does.
      Why is it that I can attract they type of guys I want nothing to do with so easily but then I HAVE to chase after what I want? And maybe even get rejected. It just frustrates me to think that I have to go after what the guys I want and that they will never chase after me, but the unattractive one do.

    • "Why is it that I can attract they type of guys I want nothing to do with so easily"
      This is what I meant when I said you need to find out what it is you're doing or what you're putting out there. Because if EVERY guy that hits on you is this way, then the only common factor is you.

      You do have to go after what you want. That's a life lesson. Guys, like girls, like to have other attractive people pursue them. How can you be upset that a guy isn't doing what you are unwilling to do yourself?

    • If you're not going to be doing any work to be with someone you find attractive, then you need to get comfortable with being alone until that guy falls in your lap.

  • You have too high of an opinion of your current self. If you possessed the ability to get the man you want, you would be having more success. I am not saying you can't become the woman you need to be to get these men, but there is something that you need to address.

    And it could be something simple. It sounds like you are doing online dating, maybe your profile just sucks.

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    • I've actually never done online dating. I'm talking about the guys in my classes. The unattractive guys that distract the shit out of me in starbucks while I'm trying to study and the attractive ones that walk by as if I'm not even there. I'm talking about the 40 year old salesman who works at the mercedes-benz dealership who's called me 5 times within the past 2 weeks to take me out and then my 29 year old extremely attractive tudor who treats me like im his little sister. That's what I'm talking about.

    • Got ya. When you get older, it gets harder to meet people. So you have to be more forward to a limited degree. College is the easiest place in the world to meet someone. I know it doesn't feel that way, but looking back on it you will probably agree, some day.

      So with this detail, I think the problem is that you probably aren't making it easy for guys. You have to put yourself in a position to get asked out. It isn't just going to happen. Join clubs, meet guys, make eye contact, be flirty, talk to strangers. You mention starbucks, you are getting hit on people that you don't want to hit on you. My guess is that you now put out a 'don't talk to me vibe' that is keeping the good guys away.

    • Yes, I absolutely put on a "don't talk to me" attitude because I am sick of it. I figured if I'm not getting approached by guys I like and only the ones I'm not attracted to, then I might as well just keep to myself when I go out, run errands, study or even sitting in class. But guess what, that "aura" totally doesn't work on the unattractive guys, if anything it makes them come after me even more!

  • Have the men gather in a medium sized room and drop a sharp pole in the middle. The survivor is worthy to mate with you.

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  • I kinda get were ur coming from lv been told im attractive. If i get the impression a chick is chasing me because they want a nice lookin boy toy its a nice fast way to make me loose intrest. If ur not interested in gettin to know me u don't get the outside. There ar times i think it would be good to be a little less attractive. Ill end this by sayin my most attractive xs were but ugly on the outside. But to die for on the inside. If ur not shalow it won't matter love will make the other person beautiful.

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    • I have never chased a guy in my life. So that's not the problem. I'm actually very aloof when it comes to men. But the ugly ones always seem to find a way to annoy me

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    • Wel m8 u just ain't found the right one. Like i said love will make him sexy. U ain't found love yet. If u loved th guy we prob wouldn't be having this convo m8. I fall in love m8 it don't matter what she looks like. One of my xs had a face disfigurement i look at her photos today an think she is flat out ugly. But god i thought she was the prettiest thing ever walked the earth still do. My point love should make ur partner beautiful no matter the poor buggers looks.

    • My last x was really pretty nice bod to. We don't talk now caus she is a crazy bitch of a thing shallow plenty of love for herself but none for any one els.

  • Tough titties. First world problems.

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  • There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you find attractive that's almost basic but the way you look at attraction is stupid. This may be an old saying but it's still holds true ''Beauty is I the eye of the beholder''. There will definitely be a guy your type that will be attracted to you, you just have to find them.

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    • I agree with you. I'm not looking for this perfect hollywood type of guy. I'm looking for what I find attractive. And it's never the guys who are after me

  • and this is why you dont have all the good looking guys go for you., I won't date you ever just based on this

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    • Okay so assuming you're an attractive guy.

      guys want someone who's confident and then modest and humble at the same time, someone who's smart but not too smart because then they outside their partners. Someone who's easy-going but hard-to-get. You know it just doesn't make sense.

      So if you again assuming you're attractive, wouldn't ever 'go for me' then why does the average joe 'go for me' every single day?

      So there must something going on with you too? Perhaps, you're just as egotistical?

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    • Plus you think you have the right to kick people away just basiced on there looks i wouldn't do that i would give them a chance

    • based* good luck on finding someone with that out look on life. all that matters in the end is whats on th inside not the outside , as long as they arnt butt ugly in your eyes and you gave a amazing connection with them why not make it more

  • The hot guys are still guys and guys don't like women with this attitude.

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    • But the average guys do? because apparently my attitude "suck" but I still seem to get approached by A LOT of average guys

    • They're desperate. Show us a picture of you and we can dictate if you're hot.

  • i dont know maybe they think your pretty what would u do if i walked up to u

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    • I would be nice to you. But I don't flirt. I don't like flirting. I think it's desperate and classless.

  • See I love these questions would you classify me as ugly if I approached you

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    • I don't think I ever used the word ugly in my question, I mainly mentioned guys that I don't find attractive, meaning they could be attractive to someone else I don't know, so to answer your question, I will say that you're not my type.

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    • How do you know I'm not biracial?

    • I don't just a guess on my part

  • Oh it must be so fucking bad being approached by unattractive guys huh news flash the pretty guy will treat you like shit and the only guy that won't treat you like shit is the unattractive guy but you would never go for us will you. Your a typical woman always wanting the attractive guy that will treat you like shit v. s. the unattractive guy that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

    I'm sorry I snapped I'm just so sick of women always judging me on my looks and never on how I treat them which is I treat them the best by the way but they still go for the pretty guy.

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    • Why do you think that good looking men will treat us poorly and unattractive guys will treat us great? is that a rule?

    • Most attractive guys do treat women like shit because their douche bags and most unattractive guys will treat women great because we'd be lucky to have a gf since most of us never had any before if that makes any sense

  • Things don't work like that. What your asking for is too much, yes. You can't dictate the terms of how you fall in love, if you ever get to that. You may never with the attitudee, if you want to call it that, you have. The day you stop caring about things like apperance as much as you do will be the day you get what you want.

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    • I'm not trying to fall in love, I'm trying to date. I'm trying to date someone I'm attracted to, someone to have fun with, to talk to, and someone I can hold and feel amazing. Not just an average guy who's nice to me but goofy looking and makes me feel uncomfortable.

    • Fair enough, but dating, as it is, leads to love. If what you really want is just "eye candy" so to speak, well, if your an attractive enough girl, or at least know how to play your cards right, it shouldn't be too hard. Unless, ofcourse, the guys either know your trouble, for some reason or another, or they simply don't like you, once again there is a reason. Find the reason in either case and you find the solution.

  • TL, DR, but I think it's safe to say that this pussy needs to be kicked off of its pedestal.

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  • You shouldn't try and be with someone you're not attracted to so you're right there but as for the rest...

    I'm not sure what you're complaining about or what you're asking but look at it this way, what if a guy complained online about how he could only 'score with ugly chicks that just ain't worth it'. He'd probably be laughed at and dismissed as a shallow tool. You seem to be upset that the universe hasn't provided you with a brilliant (looking) guy by post just because you're hot. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what it looks like to me.

    And as for the title, "Typical Attractive Girl Dilemma". I half think you're a guy trolling.

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    • Unfortunately nobody is just gifted love (or in your case a hot guy), not even if they are attractive.

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    • I'm trying to be sympathetic but you can't just go "I'm hot, where are all the hot guys chasing me?" and not have some people react negatively. What would YOU do for a guy? Just being hot isn't enough. Same as just being nice isn't enough.

    • Sorry by What would YOU do for a guy? I meant What would you bring to a relationship. Aside from looks and a sense of entitlement.

  • Calm down! Every time someone posts like that, I hear Alvin and the Chipmunks! Seriously though, if you want something serious and you're only going off looks, you won't get anywhere. I'm ugly as sh*t and I'm going out with one of the most beautiful girls at my school! My point is, beauty is subjective, and the more you refuse to see from other perspectives, the more people will refuse to see from yours.

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    • Okay but I don't know if you read my post. I HAVE tried dating the less attractive guys, and kissing them and sleeping with them was horrible. And then having to tell the I actually care for them and like them, I felt like the worst person ever! I felt like I was living a lie. Cause I don't like those type of guys!

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    • Well that's where I am at now, I learned my lesson. I simply just turn down guys who I dont want. And that has led me into being alone for 2 years. Because I don't get approached by the type of men that I can see myself with.

    • In that case, try to be open-minded. You can't stop people from doing that without altering yourself, and I have a feeling you don't want to do that. No, instead, try to be open-minded. You might not be able to see yourself with them now, but people change. Change is what keeps our lives interesting, so perhaps give them a chance, shut them down if they're too pervy, and focus on personality as well.

  • Maybe they feel the same way you do, typical attractive guy dilemma. Average girl who needs to get over herself, is mesmerized by their looks, and has a terrible personality, not giving everybody a fair chance.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I don't need to read the entire post, nor do I want to, the question itself is enough " The typical attractive girl dilemma", maybe people see through your exterior to the arrogant and and vein person underneath, maybe the guys you consider attractive are just as vein as you and only see themselves. Get Over Yourself, honestly.

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  • Girl your silly. lol if you want to be with a attractive guy then go after him. Why wait. The only ones with balls are the unattractive ones (or the sexy players) so step out of your comfort zone.

    Whats holding you back. You are ready so put yourself out there. Flirt with the cute ones. Dont hold back. And Dont feel bad cause your judging guys on looks. They do it to us all the time!!!

    I attract the complete opposite the cute ass holes. And they like more aggressive girls (not to aggressive). Cause they are more afraid of rejection and tend to be confident but unsure of themselves. They like Girls that know what they want and have a inner beauty as well. It gives them a sense of security. A girl who can make them smile.

    The cute ones are usually shy. So if you a talker. Strike up some conversation with one. Compliment his shoes. It'll open doors. They require way more attention too so if you are ready to be a mother figure and smother them with love and affection. They will never leave your side lol.

    That's just my opinion. Don't go jumping in their face tho. Just do enough.😊

    It's all up to you sister and what you want.

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  • The good looking guys have throngs of attractive women after them. They aren't looking for anything serious right now. I understand your dilemma.

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  • Why don't you stop being a princess and approach guys that you're attracted to yourself. And if they reject you... move on to the next one. That's what dudes are expected to do.

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  • Annnnd its these types of posts that make girls look bad :/ you should be glad that any guy is approaching you, and not just be bitter about it

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    • There are many other reasons that make girls look bad. Like all the drunk ones, and the ones who cheat and hook up with 89945 guys. I'm sure my post won't hurt us that bad.

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    • Ok no I wouldn't - however you didn't state that this was the type of guy who is approaching you. it sounded as a couple of average looking guys approached you and you turned them down because they didn't look like models - which is why you're being attacked by a lot of people here. In the question you come off as very snobby and up yourself (now of course this may not be the case, and its just how it was worded).

      Also approaching a guy isn't desperate! But I can understand the shy thing as I'm also this way.

      The shy thing can also stand in the way if guys think you look un-approachable. Also if you really are as attractive as you say - a lot of them think you will automatically reject them or are already taken.

    • You know why because average or the guy's who aren't goodlooking i don't use ugly on a person sounds cruel and sadistic but those guy's have confidence I'm average and if i approached you and you weren't intetested I'd be like ok later on to the next one i just gotta find the right one and if you're attractive but your personality is lacking it's a deal breaker doesn't matter how pretty you are if your personality is lacking I'm no longer attracted and for fuck sakes get your ass up and approach those guy's you want sooo bad to approach you lmao beauty is in the eye of the beholder so what you consider so called ugly might be attractive to another and if you do approach those goodlooking guy's what will happen when they reject you?

  • There is nothing wrong with wanting to date someone you're attracted to whether you think you're attractive or not.

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  • Look I totally get this... I also get compliments on my looks. ( I don't think I'm all that pretty) But if there's anything I've learned it's that guys don't go for ONLY looks. If he does, than trust me, he will NOT make a good boyfriend. See, guys barely approach me because I don't talk to them (I don't have the guts) I would suggest to build a good friendship with someone your interested in and slowly make it something more.

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    • I agree with you, I know that looks aren't everything. But I do have a lot more to offer than just looks, but this post was simple based on looks. And I agree that guys don't only look for someone attractive they want substance and that's how it should be. My question simple is why is that these guys that I'm not attracted to are after me but the ones I'm attracted to, are not?

    • Same issue with me. I guess the more attractive you are... the higher your standards. So all these attractive guys have standards that maybe you and me don't measure up to. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So... in order to get these attractive guys you have to show them what a great girl you are with your rockin' personality

  • I think you're going to the wrong places! Go to clubs or whatever there're good looking guys, looking for girls to spend the night.

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  • Make sure you smile and be friendly. You'll make yourself more approachable. Or approach them?

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  • it sounds like you just think you're hot. as far as the gold digger thing, maybe that'll work for you, buy nicer more expensive clothing to make to your socioeconomic status seem higher and your desired better than average guys will start approaching you.

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