We moved too fast, is there a way to recover from this?

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to recover from moving way too fast? Physically and emotionally I don't know everything

[soneoak]

-_-; Sigh, virginity, it must be important to you.

It might be fast, or it might actually be okay. The thing is this... was he committed to you? Is it your friends tell you that things are moving too fast?

I would like to share my experience with you.

I once dated a girl who felt 'we moved too fast'. Often times, it was all her girlfriends telling her to 'be careful, you should hold back in relationships, you're moving too fast, look at me, I have been dating for almost 3 years!'.

She only had one other relationship before.

I was the fastest with her. We only met each other and never really talked for like 3 times prior. We got together in 12 days or so of actually talking to each other.

In about another week or so, we had done some sexual stuff (no sex though, but it really felt that intimate between us, sex is probably another ball game, had I not stopped myself, we could've gone there). She was wondering if we were going too fast. She didn't even tell her friends what we did, only that to her friends, dating after only talking for a few days felt too fast to them.

NOW here is the important part.

We had a connection. We shared dreams. We also had very similar principles (no sex before marriage etc, hard work, kindness, science and medicine). We felt really close. I never once felt that we were going too fast or were incompatible.

I always told her "different people have different rates of moving in a relationship, if you understand each other faster, it naturally skips over the simpler parts".

We talked about deep things, about how our thinking worked, etc, we skipped over favourite foods, colours, gossip. We could almost read each other's mind.

But suddenly, she wanted to slow down, hold back, etc... and later on she lost 'interest' first, and started cheating emotionally with another guy friend.

The point is this.

I was always committed.

Now I ask you. IS HE COMMITTED TO YOU? If so, speed doesn't matter.

[soneoak]

And yes, I still loved her to the very end, even though I was 'changing' (mostly for the worst... exactly according to what her and her 'friends' wanted me to change... they really didn't know what was the best for us).

And I still love her now (though the trauma means I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with her... the betrayal wouldn't slide easily).

If he is committed to you, just talk to him, he may take time to work things out, but if you have a committed man... and you throw him away... I've got no other advice for you.

Women all over would kill for such commitment.

But if he isn't committed, and you went too fast for other reasons... then I can not answer the question for you.

I am sorry you had to endure this disappointment. Know that people still love you.

And once again I say this - If he is committed to you, there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO FAST. Because he would try to work things out with you, even if it's hard.

[soneoak]

Last append to my opinion. Hearing your story just brings so much emotion to me. It feels like you're my ex-GF, sorry =P. I really didn't get to tell her a lot of things that I have wanted to. I hope my advice could help you work things out for the better, rather than you listening to others who don't really care about the outcome of your relationship.

Do not let the standards of other people mar your own relationship. Each relationship has its own special parameters. Some people met online. Some people meet through friends. Some meet just while walking on the street.

Some go fast, some go slow, some go very fast. People are different, and would take time to know each other, but if they share a chemistry, that stuff is rare and helps a lot.

Things that burn fast at the beginning burns brighter than other 'slow' relationship. They can last for ever if taken care of. There is no such thing as a standard relationship. Each is fully unique. No fixed steps. No right way.

[bigsteve21texas]

No. If you give it up to a guy right away, in a guys mind, regardless of how you really are, he says "Wow she must sleep with every single guy that quick", then one of his buddies will have claimed to have sex with you too, (probably a lie) but it will ultimately be the fall of the relationship.

[Asker]

I lost my virginity to him... He knew I've beev waiting

[bigsteve21texas]

How quickly did you give in to him? And was your whole relationship based on him trying to get in your pants. For example, going out for dinner, then straight back to "watch movies" etc?

[Babaorom1]

My usual advice is always take it slow. It takes a while to really know a person, in order to know if you want them to be a part of your life. You also get more respect with this approach; guys sometimes see girls as hump toys before getting to know them properly.

1- If you're really stressed about things moving too fast, it might be because the guy is not giving you a feeling of "safety", whether you consciously see it or not. Ask yourself this question, is your instinct telling you that something isn't right, but you're choosing to ignore it?

2- The most important thing of all is : DO NOT do things you are not comfortable doing. If you feel like you were pushed towards moving that fast, STOP and think. Starting from today, move to your own rhythm, not his. A guy is always going to want to move things faster. It's often our job to slow things down, and contrary to what you might think, it does NOT piss them off that you impose your own rhythm. It makes them respect you more. I have been in this situation where I tried to move at the guy's pace in order not to disappoint him even though it was too fast for me. I'm glad I'm past that phase.

Now I have healthy relationships and I never feel bad about going further with a guy because I never do it until I'm absolutely ready. And I never feel bad about putting my foot down either.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you're saying "too" fast means it is perceived as such by you. Then just evaluate whether this person is whom you want in all aspects of life. If not, cold turkey. If so, well talk to him And take measures to slow down if you think you'll get to know him better like that. It's hard though. You need to get involved in something early AM for example.

[missjayne]

It's kinda hard to recover from losing your virginity too fast. Guess your regreting it then? Not much you can do now, what's done is done. Make your peace and move on.

[TheReignman]

well now I have read the replies & saw your post that you lost your virginity to him if you were waiting & saving it for marriage let's say, so why did you think he may be the one? you kind of defeated your own purpose, well now that the egg is broken You might as well go make a few omlettes & then that way you may actually find a great guy who loves you in heart stimulates your mind & Pleases you physically, good uck in your quest , remember most girls are so busy Looing for Mr Right that they let mr not so bad whatsoever pass them by

[gemini26]

One thing that I have learned is no. I did plenty of times and once I did things kind of just spiraled out of control in a way I couldn't stop and I felt completely guilty and horrible. That is one of the worst parts about being a girl... So I would just either let it fizzle out or take things into my own hands and end it right away.

[kerilynnecas]

Yes, tell him you want to take things back a notch, that however fast you two moved so far, you dont want to skip anything inbetween and missing special moments. Tell him if he cares he will respect your wish and that when you feel the time is right you can move forward again

[soneoak]

Never demand things. Be fair. Just state your wants and let him decide. Just because he decides something else doesn't necessarily mean he is 'disrespecting' you.

You would want him to be as IN on the plan as you are, and that means that he would have to make that decision without any duress.

Never decide things on your own and control his ability to participate in the decision making as well, that is a surefire way to make a relationship go sour. Any relationship can go sour because of this.

[IPreferToListen]

Please don't blame yourself. It takes two people to have sex. Learn from the experience and just realize he probably wasn't the one.

I'm not saying wait until marriage, but if they really like you then they would be willing to wait for you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is such a thing as 'moving too fast', though things can get intense before you really get to know a person well or develop a real underlying friendship in the relationship properly, maybe that's what you mean. In that case the solution is to focus on just slow down and carry on getting to know the person better and work on building a friendship etc. ... and then you can see if it seems like it is best to continue with the relationship in the lnoger term.

[Overactivetits]

you have to soak your legs in a seaweed bath and then recite the alphabet from start to finish 3 times, then backwards. and then take a really big dump. when you're finished, smack yourself in the face. this will reset your chi.

[reptocarl]

If there was true love involved the relationship would survive anything and you'd still be together. It sounds like its played out. It happens. Most relationships aren't successful

[CrazyMinta]

In what sense did you move too fast? Try giving each other space and maybe limit time. you spend together and try create routines

[ahmedshah]

In any field of life the first step is not only building your mind but more difficult is controlling it sometimes you don't understand how to run it like fast or slow but you should keep calm and carry on..

[Stacyzee]

I don't think any of us know every thing.
Just ask him to slow down.

[bubble_tea]

The more passionate the relationship, the faster it fizzles.

[Anonymous]

It's all in your head. Or it's all in his head. There is no 'moving too fast.' The widespread notion that two can move 'too fast' is bullshit.

[williamashley]

I dont think there is a too fast it is just like deciding on a car or house. you can mull over it for years or go all in on first sight

[Anonymous]

Slow Down And Refrain From SEX.
Nothing Kills A New Relationship Than Sex Too Early.
When You're Horny Masturbate, In Fact Masturbate Several Times A Day!

[Anonymous]

Spend less time with each other, and spend more time with your friends

[WhiteRaven]

You can't go back. You can only slow down now.