Signs a girl is leading you on vs playing hard to get?

[Anonymous]

What's the difference?

[ReneDS]

ok, for that i must refer to 2 of my own experiences. I had girlfriend in 2014, who i had a great time with. She then left for a 3 week holiday to her home country. So i thought well, i see her when she gets back, she is having a good time with her mom , and friends who she hasn't seen for some time. so the day she came back, i was like, cool she is back. Well i got a text from her saying, sorry we can't be together bye. at work she would act distant , untill after a few weeks she started flirting with me again. Everytime i responded she would brush me off, till one day, she was flirting again with me at work, and i decided that this BS had to stop. i never knew why she left me in the first place. so i finished early that day and later dropped by at her place. She let me in , and i just told her, i know you still like me so what do you want. she starting leaning against me, and well before i knew we ended up having sex several times during the next days, staid together for a while but it ended all sour because she became pregnant from me , miscarried our child and ever since she hates me and i dont know why. currently im texting a girl i met in rl, we kissed and when ever i ask her for a 2nd date she just doesn't answer my f. ing question. only giving me boring answers etc. I think she is leading me on or using me as an option so im gonna be a bit more distant now, and i tell her after maybe 2 days that this is going nowhere, we had a pretty cool contact, and if she wants to try , we can , if not, wel cya but im to good to be one of your options. so i you want to meet up, i will hear from you and if not well, anyway. ciao. Its hard but in the end you will always have to be straight forward, like i did with my ex girlfriend, and which im about to do now.

[NearlyNapping]

It doesn't matter. Either way she is playing games, so stay away from her.

If you want to know the difference, leading you on is making you think she is interested and have a chance with her. But she really has no intention of getting with you.

Playing hard to get means she might actually want your attention, but she plays games and pretends like she doesn't. In her mind she might think she's giving subtle hints and expects you to read her mind and understand them. She's the dangerous kind of girl who perpetuates the idea that no means yes. There are a lot of rape victims fighting against that type of thinking, but she's perpetuating it.

I know a girl like that. She thinks that a guy has to prove he really likes her by continuing to pursue her after she's said no several times. You should stay clear of that kind of person.

[talias288]

based on some of the comments and replies, sometimes the girls just have issues. they might like you, but they're not really emotionally capable of handling a relationship. they might work too much, don't take enough time for themeselves, or just lack self confidence. I've had similar experiences trying to schedule time to hang out wiht a friendgirl. Seriously, i had enough of the last minute excuses, and the pure laziness. First time she cancels cause she gotta work, next time she got cramps, next she double booked something... bla bla. but every time she sees me she gets excited and we talk, and she says we gotta get together, my schedule is different now...

[Asker]

Thanks for that talias288, So I asked her out and she said she doesn't know what her schedule is like that weekend due to new job. Night of the date, she messages me trying to do something together but because I was busy she asked me to another event at a specific day and time. When I tried to confirm things later with her (I couldn't confirm then and there and she knew that) she said she had to flake and gave a reason and texted me a couple of times after that, then another couple of times the next day.

What would you make of that?

[talias288]

She's not ready for a relationship but she doesn't want to let you go. She feels guilty so therefore tries to make up for it by texting more. That kind of thinking is a tad selfish. The chick I was friends with was super pretty, smart and seemed so compatible - except I realized the whole world revolved around her needs. I tried really hard not to give up on her, but I kept getting more and more resentful. Some people aren't really good at being friends or in a relationship, because it takes a certain level of sacrifice. Honestly, if I were you I'd give her a break. Even if you manage to have a couple of dates, this is an issue that will keep popping up and you will be annoyed. Even if she gets another job, or a new schedule, the fact that she doesn't prioritize herself or relationships will not change.

[Asker]

Okay, that makes sense. I mean she's the one that opened up to me about having feelings and wanting to progress things, then she does this and gets jealous of me talking to other girls, or hanging out with friends (seriously? we're not even dating and she's asking if I am hanging out with friends in an irate way?), asking me if I am around or I'll be around, messaging me to get my attention and asking me out then not following through.

[Asker]

Didn't mean to hit enter.

But ya, just seems weird to me. If you're not ready for something then go on your merry way lol. Why keep other people around?

[Azara]

no difference. none. Playing hard to get means setting a higher value for oneself

how is it setting anything. its a game.. wasting everyones time. If a person is not worth enough to you that they can be direct and still be sought after... then pushing you off is not increasing their value its just accommodating your desire to play games. A persons value is inherent within them.. its not an external thing.

I dont think you'll be able to see if a person is playing games or not bc you like playing games. and people who ply games have difficulty seeing like through any other loans.

[Pink_pony]

When she's leading you on:
- she plays mind games like making you feel guilty about something or feel bad about yourself

- says she's 'not sure ' about what she feels

- she constantly changes, one minute she's all into you (because the guy she likes is ignoring her) the other minute she's cold.

-She talks about handsome guys around you.. meaning she doesn't respect you.

- she doesn't care about your feelings. She tosses you around.

-she dodges your company... acting busy or sick.. blah blah.. if a girl likes you she will be available for you.

[altair212]

wow that helped me out im gonna stop talking to this one girl cuz she dosent put forth effort into contacting me

[Asker]

- she plays mind games like making you feel guilty about something or feel bad about yourself

Well the first one she doesn't do (I mean she tried to play mind games but I don't feel guilty about anything and I just ignore them and push on.

- says she's 'not sure ' about what she feels

She's told me she likes me and told me she'll take me on a date

- she constantly changes, one minute she's all into you (because the guy she likes is ignoring her) the other minute she's cold.

This happens, not sure if it's because her guy is ignoring her or not but it could very well be as she has tried to make me jealous before.

- She talks about handsome guys around you.. meaning she doesn't respect you.

She doesn't, but she has talked about another guy in negative light, made him sound like a chore/nuisance.

- she doesn't care about your feelings. She tosses you around.

Can't really say if this is happening.

(cont. in reply)

[Asker]

- she dodges your company... acting busy or sick.. blah blah.. if a girl likes you she will be available for you.

She invited me on two dates, one of them she didn't get back to me till it was too late but counter offered and apologized. When I tried to finalize the plans for the second date with her, she said she had issues with work and explained, as well as messaged me the next day a couple of times about it but didn't make a counter offer

[Chupacabra3rd]

In my opinion and for the mostpart of my race, what Americans call playing 'hard to get', we call 'romancing. I've been on both sides of that fence and it's the little things that you need to pay attention to.
If she does this she is leading you:-wants to hang out but is always busy
-when u do hang out she always seems bored or non talkative
If she's playing hard to get she may flirt more but without ever saying 'yes' 'I like you'
-she gets jealous if she sees you talking to another girl

[Blonde401]

I don't play hard to get because I really don't like playing games. People are saying its placing a higher value on yourself but honestly? If I like someone, they know it. Ask her, be straight forward and don't play her games or your own. Once she realises you won't play, I'm sure she'll either show you she likes you or she'll back off because the thrill of the chase is no longer there.

[HowRUbBuddy]

its easy she seems flirty and joking and getting close but whenever you try getting a bit close she brushes you off and ignores your attempts , basically she wants to flirt and get you help and keep you around but if you try crossing the line she will start acting cold and won't respond to you attempts.
so my friend my advice is : act nice and confident and try to get her , the moment she starts becoming distant and your efforts are only making her even mor distant , leave her.

[Anonymous]

i was told i am hard to get but i didn't think so at that time... I don't know why he said that. When do you guys say that a girl is leading you on or hard to get? i guess it's the same with guys?
In my understanding, leading on is making confusing actions? while hard to get is really takes a long time to make the man/woman fall for you although both can be confusing. lol

[Asker]

But isn't taking your time sending conflicting messages?

[Opinion Owner]

what do you mean?

[Kirah]

Playing hard to get means intentionally ignoring the other person or acting disinterested, like ignoring their texts/calls, intentionally waiting a while before texting/calling, intentionally acting distant or acting like you don't like him.

If you genuinely don't like him that much (yet) or need to warm up to him first, then you're not playing hard to get.

[bostonceltics1991]

If a girl wants to play mind games with me then I'll play this game with her. It's called "F this, I'm out."

I'm looking for serious relationships and commitment. I have no time for this "hard to get" nonsense - girls who do this aren't worth it.

[Kirah]

Often there is none, and as said before, you're better off just avoiding these girls entirely. Playing hard to get should be ignored.

[Asker]

Just read both your comments, so I have a situation where girl already admit she likes me and invited me on a date twice but didn't follow through on one because of work but counter offered and the second date she couldn't make it because of work schedule change but no counter offer this time.

She's hot cold for texting, sometimes replying in seconds to minutes other times a little over a week. If I don't text her when she disappears / chase her she comes back and the cycle starts again

[Anonymous]

Leading u on would be more, she wants to see u sometimes but only on HER terms u know? Basically calling on u for an ego boost when she doesn't have anything better to do. When a girls playing hard to get you can tell the difference because she'll def let u know she's into u just more subtly, if ur being lead on u won't know if they like u or not

[Asker]

Okay she already admit she likes me, she's invited me out twice once she replied to late (she asked me the night of to confirm the plan I asked her to expecting that I was going to be free - but apologized and made an offer for a new time and event well in advance)/

When that time came around and we were finalizing things she flaked and kept asking me about the event multiple times but didn't give a "no", but she didn't give a "yes" either.

[Opinion Owner]

That sounds a little suspicious, but it's only happened twice so it could be pure coincidence. I'd say go for it again and if she flakes then she'd definitely leading you on.

[Asker]

Hmm so you don't think twice is too much? I mean the first time fair enough she made a counter immediately. The second time though no counter but kept checking up on it? (Although I don't get why she kept mentioning it after she found out she couldn't make it )

[ClariceOwen23]

It doesn't matter since you're better off avoiding her in both cases

[Asker]

Fair play

[Mysterio421]

To be honest I don't know and I don't care. I don't tolerate these mind games. Matter of fact it's a turn off for me. I move on just like that.

[TheBraveLion]

Both are the same dude, don't bother wasting your time with her if she's acting like that. And yeah I also wish more people would answer these types of questions. :)

[cinderelli]

seem to be same thing.. very hard to differentiate..

[Asker]

Hmm think so? Why do you say that?

[cinderelli]

because signs would be same

[Asker]

Okay, so would you just write off a person you think might be playing hard to get?

[cinderelli]

umm.. yeah.. if I begin to get bored

[Tarvold]

If you are a man who values his time, you shouldn't put up with such childish behavior and just move on to someone with less drama.

[Albinoninja66]

Good question. I wish more people would answer.

[Asker]

So do I

[Poppykate]

You could just ask her!!

[Asker]

No girl is going to admit she's leading you on :P

[Poppykate]

Yes, but you can usually tell if someone is lying!

[apple24]

Aren't they the same thing!

[Accipiter]

Not quite. Playing hard to get means setting a higher value for oneself. Leading someone on is taking advantage of someone because they have a crush.

[apple24]

@Accipiter ohh true!

[Asker]

Okay she already admit she likes me (she admit it this way before I admit it or showed signs), she's invited me out twice once she replied to late (she asked me the night of to confirm the plan I asked her to expecting that I was going to be free - but apologized and made an offer for a new time and event well in advance)/

When that time came around and we were finalizing things she flaked and kept asking me about the event multiple times but didn't give a "no", but she didn't give a "yes" either.

[apple24]

Wait you cancel on her? Why would you do that? She might think your playing games. You need to see her in person and just ask her if she alright and explain why you cancel! That you really do care..!

[Asker]

No I didn't cancel. I invited her and she didn't till the night of the date I proposed and that point to was too late as I had already made plans. She made another offer immediately and then she ended up flaking on it later

[apple24]

Thats werid! You need to seriously talk to her because we can't be playing guessing games all night!

[ConsultantIsBack]

Doesn't matter either way, get rid of her!