Why does she choose to remain with a "bad boy"?

I consider myself a nice guy, I am nice just because it's the way I was raised...

I don't expect anything in return. I understand why girls like the bad boy...

I guess I don't understand why they stay...

I met this girl, She found me attractive, I am super nice, friendly to her, we flirt, she definitely likes me... loved my attention... We flirted, I did not chase her... She was chasing me, she really liked that... Because I guess she is not used to a confident nice guy...

I always go out on vacations, local events, games, hot restaurants...

She likes me, she would probrally love a guy who would do tons of stuff with her ( She had told me she would love someone to do all these things with, and is jealous of the girls I date)

She is with a "Bad Boy", he has muscles (I could take him though :p), doesn't ever go out anywhere, has a dead end low paying job, treats her like crap, makes her feel bad...

She had a chance to be with me, and she choose him... I just want to understand her choice...

Was her self esteem low? Did she feel like she didn't deserve me? She only wanted a physically good looking guy?( I am about a 7, he is a 9-10 TBH)... Does she not want to feel good? Likes feeling bad?

I know she liked me, but why pick the bad boy over myself? She must have a reason...

I don't really care that she chose him over me,

But I would like to know her thought or logic might be behind this decision...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This happens so often to most of my girl friends, and even though they never listen- most of the time I am usually going "I told you so."

    1. Being too nice doesn't always seem genuine- Nice guys are too nice. No one can always be that nice unless they're a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real, and women instinctively don't trust that. Bad boys "keep it real." Nice guys don't want to upset the apple cart.

    2. Nice guys are predictable- Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they're attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable. Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge. Predictable plus no excitement plus no challenge equals they prefer a bad boy.

    3. Loving a bad boy is in our genes- Women are designed to nurture. However, instead of doing this with children, they often end up doing it with bad boys. They think their love will save them. Nice guys rarely need to be saved.

    4. Women like to feel needed- Nice guys don't usually need "to be fixed." Bad boys usually do, so they become a "project." Some women think if they can "create" the perfect man, he will never leave them. Also, if they're busy fixing someone else, they don't have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.

    5. Nice guys want commitment- If a woman is afraid of intimacy, she subconsciously knows she can avoid it with a bad boy, since she can never get close enough to him to have to go there. A nice guy will eventually want a commitment, and that's scary.

    6. Some women have low self- esteem- We don't feel comfortable with people who treat us better than we treat ourselves. If you don't think much of yourself, the bad boy is simply reinforcing your negative belief. A nice guy is treating you in a way you're not familiar with and that feels uncomfortable.

    7. Bad boys are sexy- Have you ever seen a bad boy who wasn't hot? I'm sure there are a few, but they wouldn't be able to get away with half the stuff they did if they didn't look so good. Meanwhile, when a woman describes someone as a nice guy, she means, "He's not hot."

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    • 3mo

      Good Post!

      I am looking at #6, and #4...

      This makes feel like she has low confidence, and would be lost living with a guy who has direction... I don't really need a girlfriend, I live my own life... and come to think of it she doesn't have much of a life... When I met her, I guess she wasn't used to a guy who actually made her feel confident and happy and that scared her...

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    • 3mo

      Ayeee, never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
      She made her choice, so that's on her.
      I am sure you can make a wonderful woman happy one day. Best of luck :)

    • 3mo

      Thank You :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Why choose a girl who chooses that guy over you? Why why why? Because you're attracted to her, same as her to him. You might say she has a poor choice in guys but you also have a poor choice in girls if you fall for ones who don't like you back.

    People don't choose who they like on any rational basis. Attraction is often a magnetic and instinctive force, and just as we have types of girls who attract us, girls have types of guys who attract them. If women chose guys on a rational basis more often than their instinctive attraction, we'd have a whole lot more gold-diggers.

    One of the tests of a nice guy is how he does in a relationship. Thinking you'll treat your girlfriend so well from the outside is a lot easier than doing it from the inside and over a long period. You might be the genuine deal who is patient and good all the time, or find, in a relationship, that you start to lose interest and aren't quite the ideal boyfriend you imagined. Try to find one who is as attracted to you instinctively as you are to her.

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    • 3mo

      That is true, I am a hypocrite...

      I find her attractive, So I even ignored her bad qualities... "I would do anything to be with her" mentality.. and she feels the same way about him...

      Good thought to think about...

      That's true, I have no idea if we would make a good couple... I would like to think so, I make her feel good, confident, and the times we have had together she was happy... I know she is attracted to me, but I guess she is more attracted to the other guy... She has lost me now anyhow,,,

    • 3mo

      The trouble is that if she doesn't have a mutual physical/sexual attraction to you as you do to her, that doesn't necessarily lead to such a wonderful relationship if she's still going to be attracted to that bodybuilder type.

      One of the things I'm thinking though is that sometimes you can *implant* physical and sexual attraction in a girl who might kind of be in a neutral zone. It sounds like you got the physical strength from being a mechanic, the confidence, and charm to show a girl a good time. Maybe all you need is to learn how to elevate that to a sexual level.

      There is a point sometimes where you need to turn gentleman mode off. When the girl is bonding to you, warming up to you, and lowers her guard, sometimes it's time to make the move towards a more sexual or romantic gesture like putting your arm around her, grabbing her, pulling her close, dancing with her, kissing her (and when you kiss, make it a sexual kiss).

      Execute this successfully and you can elevate [...]

    • 3mo

      [...] a relationship which is currently kind of at a friendly level to a mutual sexual and physical attraction. Perhaps that's all you need the next time you are having great fun with a girl.

What Girls Said 4

  • Do you even know this man to know that he's a "bad boy" or are you just categorizing him as one because he got the girl and you didn't? No offense, but maybe it's not that her self-esteem is so low but that she sincerely finds him more engaging, thrilling, adventurous, and overall delightfully intense. Maybe she and him have stronger chemistry than she had with you and all of your positive traits aren't enough to draw you in the way he draws her in.

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    • 3mo

      Sometimes we just don't get the person we wanted. For whatever reason, the person we wanted has a stronger chemistry with someone else. Degrading him as a man and making him sound inferior to you to make yourself feel better isn't going to change anything. If anything, it makes you look like an ass on some level.

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    • 3mo

      She is on my mind 24/7... I even dream about her everyday...

    • 3mo

      That's not healthy.

  • Might be the attraction. Girls think they can change a guy like that, they like the challenge. And it's attractive as it's dangerous

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    • 3mo

      Yes it is attractive, even myself.. I am kinda chasing her because of the challenge I admit...

      But after years of dealing with him, trying to change him, failing, and feeling really bad... why keep trying?

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    • 3mo

      To be honest I said that because they broke up...

      She is apparently heart broken, but she seems happy in person...

      She broke my heart, her heart got broken... I am confused because I like her, but don't want to be with her anymore... I am still trying to get over her...

    • 3mo

      They broke up already?
      And we'll people put on faces
      guess you should move on then

  • You're obv a better dude. I'll speak for myself here. I love bad boys esp with muscles like that dude. She's also probably not looking for a real relationship.

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    • 3mo

      In her case, she has been with her partner for 4 years and she is 25 now as well...

      I thought she is looking for a real relationship, she has admitted she would like to marry and start a family... So I am not sure if she is lying about that? What do you think?

      Yes, he is tall, has muscles, abs, about 6-2... Gym muscles...

      Myself I am fit, same height, I don't have the gym muscles, but I have a lot of strength from being a mechanic... I don't have abs either...

      I know I am the better guy, but she would choose someone more physically attractive over myself?

      It just doesn't make sense?

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    • 3mo

      Yes that's what I think tho as you can see by that girl some girls only want hotness in a Husband.

    • 3mo

      I suggest that rhetorically (not really saying you need to do that) because the basis of human attraction runs both ways for both sexes. Guys don't necessarily always choose ideal girlfriend material any more than girls choose ideal boyfriend material. Our instinctive sense of attraction doesn't always align with what we might put down as an ideal partner on paper.

      It's what a lot of nice guys don't understand. Personality is not necessarily the most powerful force of attraction. The most undesirable girl with the sweetest personality who makes the most ideal girlfriend in the world isn't the one that ends up with Brad Pitt.

      But understanding this can help you cultivate some qualities about yourself which will attract women more, if you can kind of embrace the idea that women are attracted to certain qualities which aren't always the things that make the most ideal boyfriend material. You can then become the ideal boyfriend that women want.

  • Maybe she's badder than you think. Sounds like she was messing with you, so that speaks for itself about her character.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I wouldn't be surprised at all if she comes around hoping you'll marry her in a few years, maybe with her bad boy's kid in tow.

    Right now she wants the pleasure and validation sex with a hot guy gives her. She'll put up with the rest in the meantime. Eventually (probably), she'll start valuing other things -- the things that you offer -- more highly. By flirting with you and floating things out there like she's jealous of the girls you date, she's successfully kept you hanging around as her Plan B.

    www.mirror.co.uk/.../nearly-half-women-relationships-plan-4323872

    You sound like you're okay with that, so just stick around, be yourself, and there's a pretty good chance you'll wind up as an example of how "Nice guys win in the end."

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    • 3mo

      Hell no, I am not her not going to marry her...

      I am her "plan b", sounds about right...

      I am being myself, but she put herself in this situation... At the end of the day the guy will dump her, she will be old and desperate...

      I know I want a girl who didn't need the sex and the validation in the first place, I will find someone confident... I know these girls exist as well... there's tons of them!

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    • 3mo

      Yep, that story plays out again and again in modern society. It is what it is. We don't get to make the rules.

      You doing what feels right to you is the most important thing.

    • 3mo

      That just sucks...

  • Because nice guys typically aren't nice guys. They're often judgmental, manipulative, kiss asses who are only nice to earn the favour of someone else. Typically the "Bad Boy" speaks his mind, doesn't care if he comes of as brash because he is confident in himself and isn't concerned with what people think of him and does what he feels is necessary to do as a man. And women respect that even if he has some less desirable traits. Typically women don't want a pussy because they already have one.

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    • 3mo

      I agree with you, That is a good definition by the way.

      I am not the typical nice guy though, I feel that stems from low confidence and being experienced with women.

      I am nice, I am confident, I don't kiss ass, I am not a pushover, and I don't chase these girls... I feel like thats the biggest point, don't chase the damn girl!

  • She thinks what she has, is what she deserves

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