I am a 32 year old woman dating a 24 year old man. Is that too much of an age difference for it to work?

I have always only dated men older than me. Sometimes as much as 10 years older. This is the first time something like this has happened to me.

It was actually kinda by accident, cos I met this guy totally at random in NYC, while on holiday. We ended up going out, and only realised by the third date that he was 8 years younger than me. I was rather uncomfortable, but then I thought it to just be a vacation romance and let it be. But we ended up falling for each other. And now that we are on the brink of something serious, I am getting cold feet.

I am not sure if this could ever work. I mean barring the distance (I live in Singapore), the age is difference I think is just too significant.

I am in a phase of my life where I am ready to get married and start a family. He is only just starting his career... Plus to be honest, I have my insecurities about whether he would remain interested in me for Long. I mean I am only going to grow older...

I am in a real dilemma, cos I've not been as happy in a really Long time. We have an amazing connection, and I hate the thought of throwing it all away.

What do you all think? Have you ever been on this situation, or know any such couples? Has it worked out for them?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll give you two examples to give some hope.

    First in terms of the age difference, 8 years is not at all weird. I personally know two people that are together that are TWENTY-TWO (!!!) years apart. Personally I find that really weird, when he was 22 she was just being born. If you think in those terms it almost seems creepy, but the fact is its becoming more common. They seem happy together and that's all that really matters. The moral of example one is 8 years is not at all too big an age difference.

    Also I have an example of the woman being older. On one side of my family my grandma was about 8 years older than my grandpa. With tradition and all that people may judge the fact that you are older than your man, but the truth is it had to be really weird back in the 60s when they got married and they made it work for almost 50 years. So moral of story two is don't let others tradition or judgement affect your relationship.

    Overall moral of my post: if you two are happy and can make the distance work work, don't worry about anything else. Personally, I would predict that the distance would be your biggest problem, not the age gap or the fact that you, as the woman, are older.

    Hope this helps!

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    • 3mo

      That does give me hope, thanks. Can I ask, how old were your grandparents when they got together?

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    • 3mo

      That was really brave of them in that era.

      I am a little surprised at how this is not so much an issue in the United States. His parents are actually very cool with it. They are encouraging him to come visit me in Singapore. Here in Asia, it would be so frowned upon, or rather laughed at...

    • 2mo

      Thanks for MHO!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think if you're happy & having fun together then something is working. You don't have to think long term. Just enjoy it for what it is.

    There was six years between my ex partner and I. We got together when I was 17 and we spent close to a year sneaking around because of his fear of what other people would think... but at the end of the day, it's not their relationship.
    It's not something you can judge from the outside. Only the two of you know how you both feel
    He and I didn't break up over the age difference. Something happened, but had it not come up, we'd still be together. Absolutely.

    Also, My friend's mother is 13 years older than her dad and they've been together for 25 + years and I have another friend my age who's girlfriend is 28 and he's crazy about her.

    Right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Like I said, If you're both happy, that's all that matters.

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What Guys Said 13

  • It might work out. But there is also the strong possibility that his interests in life will change as he grows older, and you have already arrived where he will be in several years. So by then, you may not be all that compatible.

    I married a woman 6 years younger, and it worked perfectly. But often the older male, younger female works better.

    I think you dating guys of whatever age you like is great and strongly support it. But making a decision to marry is always a step that requires a lot of thought. If you are sure after a lot of thought, and he is too, then it may be fine.

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  • I think the distance, is a bigger problem than the age difference.
    Long distance relationships never usually work out.
    They also take longer to cultivate things like trust and love.

    If you lived in NYC, i would think you have a good chance at being with him. that age difference isn't bad. But You are at different stages and different places.

    Its an uphill slope and a big risk. I hate when things like this happen </3
    Best of luck!

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    • 3mo

      That's his opinion too. But I was looking to move to NYC anyway. But it's gonna take a while.

    • 3mo

      I live right outside NYC
      It's so expensive 😭

      I say be friendly and build a relationship with him. Keep in touch but don't put all your eggs in one basket.

      Best of luck!

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with an older woman dating a younger man. If you two really connect with each other you should give it a chance to see where it goes, sometimes the older woman/younger man relationships are the strongest.

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  • Only society will judge you and if you care in to let it bother you then you're not mature enough to handle that relationship

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  • if he's a mature 24 y. o. and repectful, being 8 years younger shouldn't be a problem. might also depend on your social circle, which could be problematic at times, however not between the two of you

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  • It is and it isn't, let me explain. It is if you (or he) think it is. It isn't for the same reason.

    Do you know how he feels about this?

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    • 3mo

      We have talked about it. He has no problem whatsoever with the age difference. But he understands my issues with the biological clock thing. That being said, he did tell me while he is not ready for marriage and kids now, he is expecting/hoping to be in that phase of his life in about 2 years...

      He is very certain that he doesn't want to give up on us right now, cos he thinks what we have is special, and not something that happens everyday.

    • 3mo

      So would 34 / 35 be too old for you to start having kids?

    • 3mo

      Not ideal, but if I were to meet anyone else now, it's unlikely I would have kids any earlier. It would take a couple of years to get to that level of commitment even for me.

      The question is whether he really means it, and would he really be ready. I sometimes wonder if he is just saying that cos he just wants me in his life right now. Not saying he is lying. But what he is planning might not work out in that time frame. A guy who is my age is likely already there, which takes away that uncertainty...

  • Wow that's hot where can I find women like you?

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  • Enjoy it.

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  • It's fine.

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  • The age gap is too large, but if it makes you happy then let it be.

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  • What's wrong with dating a younger man? He might very well like the fact of dating an older woman.

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    • 3mo

      I don't like the idea of him dating me specifically cos I am older. That would be kind of a fetish. But I don't think that is the case anyway. He doesn't mind the age difference, cos he doesn't feel it. He is rather mature for his age too, so gets along better with older women.

    • 3mo

      Lol then what's the problem? There's a connection between you two. He doesn't seem to mind the age difference. Just go with it!

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What Girls Said 8

  • I think it's just unusual. People are used to men being older. If it was a man 8 years older, it wouldn't even be up to discussion.
    I do think those kind of relationship can work. You just have to be on the same page. You said yourself that you're really to settle down and have a family. If he's also ready, you're all good. If he want to wait ten years... maybe you should end it now.

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    • 3mo

      When I spoke to him about my issues with the age difference, I explained to him how I am hoping to be married and have kids in the next 2 to 3 years. He responded by saying that he expects to be in that stage in his life around 2 to 3 years as well.

  • I have similar thoughts like you. I do look younger than my age, and have had college guys want to date me. I know where I am in my life and what I want out of it, but they are still starting out. It makes me feel odd; kind of bad because I feel that eventually things won't go anywhere.

    I only know one person that is 33 and married a guy that is 25. They met when he was still in college but visiting his family in another state. She told me she didn't think it would go anywhere, but they flew to see each other and now a few years later recently got married.

    I feel that is a rare tale, though. It's nice and I am truly happy for them because they both are really great people and fit so well. It's a tough choice you have to make, especially you both are in different countries. That would be more of an issue at the moment than the age. Age if you have this great connection, it doesn't matter. If you feel really happy, you can always try and go for it.

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  • Personally I think it's too big of an age gap but if you can make it work, then go for it.

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    • 3mo

      Thanks for your opinion. I'm curious though, I noticed you are 24. Would you think the same way about dating a 32 year old man?

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    • 3mo

      I do understand...

    • 3mo

      I personally never had a problem dating guys 10 years older. Actually I was dating someone 12 years old last year.

      But it is a fact that men are attracted to women younger than them. And it just makes sense biologically. All this feeds to my insecurity over proceeding with this.

  • Nope, as long as there is communication it will work.

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  • When I was 47 I dated a guy who was 37. I knew it probably wasn't going to go anywhere. We had a good time and the sex was amazing. But when it came to finding someone for a long term relationship... I went for someone close to my own age. But enjoy it now... enjoy the sex. I have a friend who married a woman in her mid 40s when he was about 28. Now he is 52 and she is 70. She has dementia now. That is something he is going to have to live with now. Taking care of an old woman. But he chose it.

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    • 3mo

      But that works the other way around as well right? I mean if the man were 70, and the woman 52...

    • 3mo

      Absolutely it does. That's why I am with someone only 2 years older. You never know what can happen. But you want to make your chances go down.

  • I've always dated guys older than me and it never seems to work out. I'm not saying that it will be the same for you, but it happens all too often. I would tell him how you feel and see what he says. If you really think and feel like you care for him, then don't just throw everything away because of an age difference.

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  • This is why I couldn't date younger guys because I think like you. Some guys think I am 22 or 24 years old. when a guy tells me there 20 something I just move on before anything happens. I just don't see it going anywhere plus what can he offer me. Will he be there for long? I mean a lot goes through my mind. I just met this really good looking 22 year old we flirted a little. But then reality hit and I was like no let him go and I did. Nothing physically happen between us at all I didn't continue with him.

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  • I've seen some work out, I've seen some where the guy is using her for stability and money that girls his age can't offer, I've seen some who just have a cougar fetish... So really depends on the two people. Some can work, others can't. I say go for it, but as with everything, don't put all your eggs in one basket.

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