My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 months. We were from the same university, that's where we got to know each other. I was at the end of my 3rd semester, and he was in his last semester when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed. But I told him about my insecurities, I warned him about how paranoid I am when it comes to long distance relationships beforehand. A few days passed, and he confessed to me, he wanted to study abroad. I was really disappointed. I told him that if that's what he wanted for his future, I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, at least not at that moment in time. In a way, I told him I didn't want to go on with the relationship if he really wanted to study abroad. After a few hours of talking, he told me that he'll just pursue his studies inside the country. Since then, I have asked him a couple of times if he'd go study abroad if he got the chance to, and he'd always reply with 'no, I promised you I wouldn't, and I don't want to'. I haven't asked that in a while now. Anyway We've been together for 8 months. And I have to say. We're perfect for each other. I mean, we're both the jealous type. So in a way, we both know how to not overstep boundaries when it comes to socializing and stuff. We've met each others' families. And we're friends with each others friends. We even have each others' emails and Facebook passwords. We don't usually check each others accounts for no reason, but we do so once in a while. And while I was checking his email just now, I noticed an email from a website which offers visas for students to study in New Zealand. The place where he said he wanted to go. So I'm just really disappointed and sad at the moment. First about him not telling me. Secondly is because he told me multiple times that he doesn't want to study abroad anymore. Third, is because he made a promise not to go, BEFORE we got together. He knows he's at stake of losing this relationship. Doesn't this mean anything to him anymore?
And If he does go, what should I do? I mean, surely, he'll be begging for us to stay together. But I know I just cant. I haven't asked him about the email yet. I'm really lost right now. Please help.
Most Helpful Guy
You were completely honest with him right from the start. I can also however, see his point of view. You're both right but he is also wrong for not being honest with you about it. I sympathize with you. It's a tough situation. What insight I can however give you is something you already know. He is going to go study abroad and if he doesn't, it will be on your account, and it's going to reflect negatively on the relationship.
The way I'm seeing things, you have one of two options, you ether accept the fact he is going to study abroad and you try to make things work. or you let him go, and hope maybe he comes back to you sometime in the future.
Ether way, if you really care about him, you would encourage him to go. Sometimes we just have to let the good ones go free. It's not always about ourselves (I've got personal experience here... I helped pay for one of my ex's to go away to Australia to study. Sounds f***ed up I know but it was the right thing to do).2