My ex boyfriend was what we like to call a piece of work. He lied to me, cheated on me multiple times, made me feel crazy for suspecting him, made me apologize for being suspicious, dumped me multiple times and then would sweet talk me into coming back. He even had a back up girl for when we broke up but would kiss me and tell me that he missed me every time I tried to move on. Now he is out of my life but when I try to date I get really worked up over little things. I don't trust any guy and I get really upset because I feel like they are going to not like me because of little things that I do or say.
My ex would leave me any time I did something "wrong" and he would make dates with me and cancel them last minute. Now I have all this anxiety that when a guy can't make it to something or doesn't text back it's because he doesn't like me or he is seeing someone else. I feel like a crazy person...but I know it's because my ex really messed with my head.
How do I get past this? How do I actually enjoy dating? My anxiety is out of control. It's been a year since we dated and I am still like this.
Most Helpful Guy
There are already some good answers here, but let me add this:
Your real issue here was a lack of self-worth and self-respect. A girl with a healthy amount of these things wouldn't have tolerated that crap, and would have dumped his ass and never looked back. In fact, even if he doesn't know it, he almost certainly "targeted" you BECAUSE he could tell right away that you lacked self-worth, which means he knew he could get away with treating you like crap and you'd take it and allow him to manipulate you.
What you need to see is that you are worthy of self-respect, and more to the point, it's up to you to DEMAND respect. That doesn't mean people need to kiss your ass in some phoney extreme, but they absolutely need to treat you decently and respectfully, like a PERSON, and a BOYFRIEND needs to treat you even better, even in his worst moments. If he can't or won't, then it's YOUR job to DUMP HIS ASS and move FORWARD, and never look back. He doesn't deserve your look or your time.
Once you accept that you ARE a worthy, deserving person, and demand that others treat you that way if they want to be in your life, then dating will start to be much more enjoyable, because the abusing manipulators like your ex aren't going to be drawn to you as much anymore. You'll no longer be a "good victim" for them, and they'll look elsewhere, while better guys will be attracted to your confidence.
It all starts with YOU, and your own attitude about yourself.2