Why would a guy choose to just cuddle rather than have sex?

I met a guy in the military that doesn't live near me. When we met, he told me up front that he was deploying after the holidays and that we could keep in touch by email and he would let me know when he came back to the city I live in. We ended up texting and talking on the phone for the next month and I went to visit him for a few days before he deployed. The first night we were together was great and he even kissed me out at a bar, while at the same time insisting that he doesn't do PDA. We slept together for the first time that night and he told me I am the best kisser he's ever had and that I was one of the best lovers. The next day he intended to take me hiking, but it was really cold and kind of blizzard like, so we just ended up coming back down and touring downtown. We went to a museum and lunch and then he had an errand to run before going home. We had intended to make it a movie night, but he fell asleep after the first movie and I didn't have the heart to wake him up (he had just spent 2 virtually sleepless weeks to prepare for deployment). Early the next morning, he hugged me close and we cuddled for about 2 hours. We then had to get up and get going as I was flying out that morning. After we both got all ready, he asked if I wanted to cuddle for the last 30 minutes before I had to go to the airport (which of coarse I did). On the ride to the airport, we agreed to keep in contact and that we want to see each other again when he sets home in a few months. But at the airport he just gave me a big hug outside the car...no kiss goodbye.

Is it strange that he didn't want to have sex the morning I left, or that he fell asleep? I'm just as happy to cuddle without the sex, but I can't imagine a guy not wanting sex. A few days later he wished me a Merry Christmas through text because he had no reception. He also called me when I asked him to because I wanted to talk to him before he deployed--again though, sounding very tired. Nothing definite was decided other than we want to see each other again, but it seems like he likes me. Well, except that he preferred to just snuggle rather than have sex. Am I reading too much into this? Is he still interested, or does the lack of sex and a kiss goodbye mean he was pulling away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Way to too much.He got what he wanted by someone that traveled to see him.Big mistake n#1.INSISTED that he doesn't do PDA's and kisses you Big mistake#2.He had two sleepless weeks to get ready for deployment .Yet had plenty of energy to tour downtown and have sex with you .Big mistake#3 A kiss goodbye would mean he was into you.You showed up wrapped in shiny I am here for you paper and he took full advantage of it.You should feel lucky you didn't go hiking and loose your footing or god forbid fall off a cliff since this wasn't anywhere you were familiar with.Count your blessings Learn from what will be coming your way soon and for gods sake get yourself tested a s a p.If not for you at least the next guy you decide to fly across country to have sex with.Work on having people treat you with more respect and start by having respect for yourself.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Because just like girls we don't want sex ALL the time. Mayhaps we want it more often than girls but not all the time. Or at least I don't.

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  • Men's ultimate goal is to have sex, yes, this is true, but isn't it also women's? But when it comes down to it, men want that mushy gushy stuff too, we just don't like to admit it

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  • Whereabouts was he being deployed? For how long? I'm ex-Navy and before I get on a boat with 200 other smelly men for 6 months I'd like to hold a beautiful woman in my arms for 30 minutes too...

    Yes we like sex. A LOT. Trust me though, where ever he is, when he goes to sleep at night he's thinking of that 30 minutes. With you. And that will get him through some tough times.

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    • He's Special Forces, so I'm not sure where he is. I know he's not in Afghanistan. He's gone for 5 months. I emailed him to say Hello and that I got home safe. I'm just not sure how to keep the interest up over the next 5 months. I know I'll still be interested in him, but I'm afraid he will lose interest in me. I really like him and want the chance to date him when he gets back. His unpredictable life isn't ideal, but it doesn't really bother me. I don't want to bother him with too many emails.

  • He seems he really likes you think about it he could of just had sex with you before leaving but deiced to keep you close trying to live in the moment the way military men think is their lives couod end at any moment and he would prefer to hold you close then just nailing you,see this as a good thing

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  • Sometimes you need a different kind of intimacy. He was getting deployed and must of felt right to hold you instead of have sex.

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  • I might

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    • You might choose to just cuddle rather than have sex? Why? I'm just curious. It's not at all bad, just different than most of the guys I've known or dated.

    • well having sex is a bit premature for a relationship that has not become very committed now isn't it

    • I agree! And I appreciate it. But I feel like many guys don't think that way.

What Girls Said 2

  • Not all guys want sex all the time - some of them want comfort or just prefer cuddling

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  • You have to remember leaving is hard for them he is probably bummed he met a nice girl right before he has to leave.he probably didn't want to get to attached and come home and you were uninterested.. he probably has a lot of things going on in his head as a military girlfriend I can tell you this is nothing out of the usual. Cut him some slack :)

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    • Thanks. I obviously have never been involved with a military guy before. It's really too early to decide we are dating, but I do really like him and I would like to hopefully date him when he returns. How do I keep him interested while he is away? Just send emails over the next 5 months? I know he thinks his lifestyle is going to ruin any relationship he could have, but him deploying doesn't really bother me, or at least I think he is worth it to put up with the deployments.

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