How do I let a girl down gently after sleeping with her?

I know this is a really dick question but I don't want to hurt her. So there's this girl I know and she recently became single. I also knew that she liked me but the feeling wasn't mutual.

We were on a night out together with a few friends down the pub. I had a few to drink and things escalated quickly, within the space of like 20 minutes we started making out and went back to hers. When, during the middle of sex, she said she wanted us to date I agreed; partially because I didn't want the sex stop, partially because I was drunk, but also because I didn't want to reject her.

The next morning I left and we continued speaking. She now want's us to date and due to feeling guilty I've agreed to take her out in the near future (nothing actually arranged though). I know that everything I've done has been stupid and selfish, so you don't need to tell me.

I just really need advice on how to let her down without hurting her (and hopefully without coming off as a complete prick). At this point I'm not above lying to save her feelings.

Updates:
By the way I live with two of her best friends. I've got to think about that too :S
By the way, remember this wasn't just some random encounter. She is my friend and I'd like to keep it that way; that's why I'm hesitant to tell her the blunt truth.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Too late now.
    Do the right thing.
    Date her. Marry her. Have a few kids together. All their names should start with the same first letter, it'll be adorable. Buy a golden retriever, they're great loyal family dogs. As far as what to drive, I'd recommend a truck for you, and an SUV with a high crash test rating for the missus. Make sure you take some finance classes in university because it's going to cost a pretty penny to send three kids to good engineering schools. Oh yeah, steer them in the engineering direction from a young age. You don't want them going and getting some lame ass degree in "liberal studies". And one last thing, if your son ever comes to you talking about how he accidentally lead a girl on doesn't know how to let her down, you'll be able to tell him to man up and stop being a pussy or he'll end up in an unhappy relationship like you.

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    • Just be polite and say "Sorry if I led you on, but I don't want a relationship" And then stop contacting her. Dragging it on is what really makes people mad. Short term flings come and go.

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    • Do you see where I'm going with this? Be honest and give this nice a girl a clean break.

    • Thanks to you I'm now the proud owner of a Golden Retriever :)

What Girls Said 14

  • see; proved it!! "I also knew that she liked me but the feeling wasn't mutual."
    I knew a guy didn't have to like a girl to fuck her. HA

    anyway...yeah, dick move, but I understand it. I've done it. Well.. I won't tell you what I did, it was a mistake. I did it the bitchy way; made him hate me after.

    So, what I'd advise, tell her the truth -kinda; you were drunk and aren't sure what exactly she meant about 'dating', you thought she meant 'just hooking up'... and then let her answer "no, I meant actually dating.." the come back with.. "well, because of that, you aren't sure that'll work out.. I'm not looking for a girlfriend.." you did a dick move, I'm sure you can come up with another lie to fill in the gaps.

    See if that helps... :)

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  • If you genuinely didn't want to hurt her feelings you wouldn't have let it get this far. You thought with your little head instead of your big head.

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  • Well, I am currently in this situation with a guy (in that he let me down) and I can tell you that there is no way of letting someone down gently, so I guess it is best to tell her that it was a one time thing and it will never happen again.

    However, I have a question for you (again - considering that I am in this girls situation): Would you continue sleeping with her now? Let's say, 3-4 more times? Because that's what the guy did to me...

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    • No, and to be honest I was already regretting it by the time the night ended. May I ask, do you think I should tell her now or go out with her and tell her in person?

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    • and sure :)

    • then you dodged a bullet right there, my friend haha!

  • i don't get why people think you're a bad person. you guys were drunk and she popped the question in the MIDDLE of sex? crafty. she knew you'd be have a hard time saying no. i tell the boy beforehand not during sex. oh and yeah, i don't go get drunk and have casual sex either.

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  • No matter what you do, you will hurt her feelings so just tell her.. just do what you gotta do.

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  • Oh dear. You owe it to her to be honest, it will hurt her, but you will hurt her anyway. If you string her along that hurts so much worse.

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  • Just let it fizzle.

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  • If you genuinely didn't want to hurt her, you wouldn't have strung her along like this and given her false hopes about the future. Talk about being a coward.
    At this point you can't do anything without looking like a jerk (because let's face it, you are one) so what you need to do is be honest with her. Should have thought things through before letting your selfish desires cloud your mind. But now you know not to think with your dick, unless you actually want to be a dick. Then go right ahead.

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  • I had something sorta like this happen to me. My best guy friend confessed his feelings for me one day, and I declined him out of the pure fact that I wanted to remain friends. Eventually, I liked him back, and we did stuff one day after time has passed; it just happened (a girl and a guy all alone in the house can turn things pretty quickly...). After that eventful day, I wanted to date him. I felt like we could work out a relationship being that I've known him for so long, and that I felt comfortable around him. However, he declined all calls with me, would avoid me, etc. I wanted to talk about what the hell happened, and what it meant between us. He just kept dodging me. 3 months later, he was back with his ex, and I had to find out through text and Facebook. Seeing all those lovey-dovey pictures, etc; it just hurt me into pieces. Had he been straight up with me from the very beginning, and told me what the hell was on his mind, I would have understood and gotten some closure. Instead, I spent months in agony trying to just accept it, and get over him. I deleted him from my contacts, social media sites, etc. Everything.

    We all make mistakes, and it happens to the best of us. No biggie. Just tell her straight up how you feel. It will help in the long run, trust me. And you won't risk losing a friend over a misunderstanding. Don't beat yourself up about it. I wished my friend was as straight up, and approaching this sensitive topic like you're trying to do. We would have still been friends..

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  • 1. rip your dick off
    2. rip your balls off
    3. jump off a cliff

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  • just remember that karma goes around, one day your future wife will fuck your best man and divorce your ass and then whatever you did to this poor girl now will happen to your future daughter in the future when you're a grumpy ass old father.

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  • Ugh goddamn my heart hurts for this girl :( you need to explain to her what you just explained to us. Let her know it wasn't your intention to hurt her but you realize now that it's was down right stupid of you to even fathom what you did wouldn't have affected her too bad. If you're any kind of decent you'll spend a LOT of time and energy trying to make amends...

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  • You're a horrible person and I hope someone rips you a vagina and then fingers you with a knife.
    But as for actual advice you should just tell her this. And its bull that you don't want to hurt her feelings because if you didn't you wouldn't have done that. Don't try to salvage your feelings of being a generally good person because you aren't.

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    • Why would I want to hurt her feelings?

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    • I just stated another idea. Because you were a prick then doesn't mean you have to be one now. Be a man and tell her how you feel just as you feel it. And if that means telling her to fuck off, you should do just that. I'm real with people, and while I don't make decisions quite as drastic as that it has earned me a hell of a lot of respect. You should do the same.

    • I appreciate an ugly truth a hell of a lot more than a convienent lie

  • No matter what you do you will be a jerk.

    Anyhow the smartest things to probably go on one date and tell her after that you don't see it working out between you.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It is so weird how people try to be a people pleaser but end up making things worse for everyone. You should have been honest from the start. That would have avoided the feeling that you owe her something now, which you don't. Just apologize and tell her the truth. Maybe you should acknowledge that you were a prick, and that it is something you are working on, because "not coming off as one" is not as important as working towards not being one.

    A real mans word is reflected by his actions. If they are not in sync, then something is up. A prick who can acknowledge his behaviour is still more respectful than someone who is trying to cover something up.

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  • Just tell her straight up. Heat of passion, drunk, etc, the whole thing.

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  • too late you are already a big prick. all you can do is just let her go. she will be hurt either way.

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  • She is going to stab you to death. Just FYI.

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