In college, I had a total of five roommates. Out of the total, I would only consider 2 of them to have been what the college brochures advertised, which would be reasonably happy, well adjusted, smiling, normal people who attend class, and have social lives, and aren't crazy so I'd advise you if you have the chance to always room with someone you not only know, but know you get along with and can tolerate because those semesters can bet pretty long when you have to deal with the worst of the worst.
1. The Sex Fiend
When you live in a tiny space with another human being, everything is noticeable. You cannot seriously make-out and grope your bf/gf for an uncomfortably long time, masturbate, or have sex, or watch porn 'quietly' without your roommate knowing. Often times, these types of roommates don't care whether you know they are having sex or masturbating as long as they are happy. They may decide that your bed is way more convenient for their sexcapades than their own, and also decide that cleaning up after is just too much work. This is awesome if you're the type of person who enjoys terrifying surprises and the threat of catching something. Some don't mind if you watch. Others want you to join in. Others want you to leave the room you're also paying for all the time so they can get it in. By the end of the semester you'll know exactly 100% more than you ever needed to know about what your roommate and their sex buddies look like naked. Maybe don't use a black light, and prepare to vomit in your mouth and everywhere else.
2. The Slob
No home training, no manners, no concept of cleanliness at all. Their filth is toxic and they love to wallow in it. I mean, how can they live like that? How can they not smell the stench emanating from their sheets covered in litter, old crusted over plates, and stained with their own sweat and other bodily fluids??? Are you itching? It's probably something you caught from breathing the same air. Washing ones clothes or ones dishes, should never be just a once a month endeavor. It's really to the point where you either have to clean up for them for your own sanity, apologize to family and friends who assume you approve of the filth, or hire a maid because you just can't...even...anymore.
3. The Neat Freak
You're in the middle of lunch, but you need to zip off for a quick bathroom break. When you return, you find that your lunch has been thrown away. WTF? You ask your roommate about this, and they say matter of factly that they assumed it was trash, and that you should know by now that "we" keep our room/apartment clean. This roommate likes to leave you "helpful" reminders in the form of sticky notes to help you learn to improve. Leave a dish out, there's a note. The kitchen wasn't mopped, there's a note. The tv is a little dusty....yup, there is a note! They have also taken the liberty to organize your closet by color without your permission, to re-arrange the dishes the way they ought to be, and make several recommendations about how you...not them...can improve the neatness and efficiency of your living space.
4. The Ghost
Not necessarily a bad thing especially if you like you're own space, but it's the fact that you've gotten so used to your roommate not actually being there that when they do re-appear you almost are to the point where you're threatening to call the police because you don't remember what they look like and why they appear to be rummaging through your roommates room.
5. Your Mom/Dad
No, not your literal mom or dad, but your roommate equivalent. They are Mrs. and Mr. Perfect goody two shoes angel (in their minds) and they intend to make you their twin. "We" don't party, we don't drink, we don't have sex, we don't chew loudly, we go to class everyday on time and "we'll make sure you do," "we" dont...well, "we don't" do anything that they don't approve of morally or personally because when you live under their roof, with them, it's their rules...except, you're not a kid, you're especially not their kid, and you'll do whatever you damn well please and if they don't like it...oh man, they are definitely narking on you to your actual mother and father.
6. The Creep
You've felt unnerved by them since the day you became roommates. Something is definitely not right with them. You come back after a long hard day of classes, and they're just standing in the middle of the room staring at their bed, or you've walked and found them archiving photos of you apparently taken while you were asleep, or they mention things like them needing to cleanse your soul of the evil that exists within you...repeatedly. Honestly, you don't feel safe in your room with them and have told others just in case "something happens to you," half jokingly, but your other half is really concerned.
7. Party Monster
You probably should have been a little suspicious when this one moved in and brought their custom built speaker towers and strobe lights but it became pretty clear that they came to college for one reason, and one reason alone: to make everyday a party. Every single day. Super awesome when it's the weekend, or you're not tired, or you don't have to study, you're not sick, or you don't have your parents visiting, or it's not 3am, or it's not a Tuesday, but it's pretty exhausting being their roommate because they don't seem to go to class, ever and they don't seem to have an off switch, and everyday you can expect 5-40 unexpected guests to be in your dorm or apartment living it up, and messing with your stuff, and leaving their beer cans and their vomit behind.
8. The Bitch/A-hole
Fundamentally everything about you two is so excruciatingly different. Maybe they literally hate who and what you are and lucky you, you now live with them 24/7. Everything is just a huge knock down drag out fight. You accidentally spill something on their side of the room and they lose their minds even when you profusely apologize or worse they use the opportunity to seek...revenge...like, it was just an accident! Calm down! They don't want your friends over. They talk about you on the phone as if you can't actually hear them. Every time you or they or someone else brings up a political, religious, social, racial issue, its not unheard of for your neighbors to knock on your door and ask if everyone's okay in your room. You've and they've never hated someone so much, and it's so incredibly irritating that you can't end your day by getting away from them like you could just leave your high school and not see the daily a-holes until the next day.
9. Your "Other" Roommate
Oh you didn't know the room built to barely house two people, was suitable for three? Well it is now. Your actual paying for the dorm room roommate has this buddy, and do you mind if they stay with you 'for a while,' because they got kicked out and stuff. They promise, you won't even notice and they'll chip in too. Famous last words because it's three months later and you're sick of your roommate having to sneak them in at odd hours of the night. They haven't paid for anything. It's totally uncomfortable that when you roll over, they are on a sleeping bag on the floor next to you absorbing the only square inches of walk room you do have in the room or sleeping in your roommates bed. They snore, they "borrow" your paid for food, and they keep saying imaginary things like next week they'll be out of your hair. Worse are the ones that try to live their with their siblings or shockingly with their kids. I'm sorry, who is watching them while they are away at class?
10. The Brochure Roommate
You were promised a brochure roommate. Someone that you could sit out on the quad lawn on a sunny day and smile into the distance with. Those pictures promised you someone you instantly got along with, that was similar to you, that got your sense of humor, that was respectful of you and your space, someone that brought you some food from the cafe without asking because they just like knew you'd be hungry too. And you got it. Everything about them is..so..normal. It's fate or something in how many things you have in common. They don't mind if you borrow a water, or they respect that you need to study and go party elsewhere for the night, and you actually feel like you could be life long friends, and you become that. Awesome.
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Of my 5 roommates....
I had two ghosts. One I literally never met because she disappeared before the semester even started, and the second one disappeared mid semester out of the blue. Her books or things would occasionally look shuffled, but I never saw her ever again. One day I came back and her stuff was moved out apparently without any notifications being sent to housing who one day came looking for me to find her...and they never did.
I had the slob who slept in a bed with all her belongings both dirty and clean. Plates, shoes, her books, her gym clothes. It was gross. Her bed was never made. Her desk looked like an episode of hoarders. Her trash was always overflowing. I stopped bringing my friends over, and one time, I was just so over it and begging her to just tidy up a bit that I did just roll her crap up in her blanket and shove it in her closet so I could have someone over.
I had the sex fiend and other roommate, who decided her boyfriend should live with us. They actually had sex nightly in the bunk above my head. I asked her to stop, and she promised for like five seconds. They just moved on to trying to sneak him in, but our security door was so loud, that I pretty much knew when he was being snuck in, until one day, I was getting ready for class--yup, getting undressed after a shower in MY OWN ROOM, and didn't realize he was there rolled up in the top bunk. That was the last f--king straw and she knew it, and moved out soon after I threatened to file a complaint.
But I did get my brochure roommate who by looking at her, I thought, we are not going to get along because she reminded me of my other roommate, but she was funny, and we loved the same tv shows, she loved being social, we worked out together and hung out together, it was truly wonderful and we are of course, still very much friends to this day.
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