You Can Learn To Trust Again

[BeeNee]

When a partner cheats on you, or a friend stabs you in the back, or a sibling betrays your confidence, it can be devastating. These are people you have entrusted with your heart, or your secrets, or with your friendship and they have ultimately let you down in a way that often leaves you feeling somehow broken.

You can sometimes begin to wonder, how it's even possible to trust anyone else again in the same way you trusted this person. You wonder how you could have seemingly been so stupid and so trusting and let your guard down. You sometimes take this experience, and use it to blame the world for one persons actions leading you down a long and winding spiral that if not checked, can end in bitterness, loneliness, and total paranoia for fear of connecting ever again with another human being in the same way. How, then, after all that's happened, can you ever possibly trust anyone ever again?

Well, there is but one way you can ever possibly hope to trust anyone ever again, and that's to follow the immortal words of Shia Lebeouf and Nike alike, and just do it! You cannot hold someone new in your life who has done you no harm, no foul, responsible for the sins of others by constantly seeking to punish them for something that happened in your past. The only one you will end up continuing to hurt is yourself in driving everyone else away.

Of course its not easy; you're not stupid. To trust again NOW, should for you mean to take it one day at a time with someone new in your life or with forgiving someone from your past. It's recognizing that today is day 1, 2, 3, etc., and you are trusting that person today and letting their actions speak louder than their words. Let someone show you who they are. It's going to be difficult at first, but over time, a trustworthy person can help you feel what you first felt before whomever betrayed you in your life. You may have some setbacks stemming from your own past issues, but it and you, are going to be a work in progress.

In the meantime, don't engage in the endless banter of negative self-talk whereby you blame yourself for the actions of someone else. They created the mess they created and unfortunately you were caught in their wake. When you blame yourself for something you didn't do, it takes the responsibility of their actions, and erroneously places it on your shoulders as if you have something to apologize for, which I'm sure is far from what you feel. Instead, work on your self-esteem if it's low, and take the big leap into the unknown and allow yourself to trust again, because you will quite literally never be able to trust again if you don't once again, put yourself out there, and just do it.

[Nojudge]

Back stabbing, squealing, and more... I was hurt! I always kept to myself but at anytime anyone can say something nasty or slander at me.

In 2011, I worked with a old friend at a translators business for 15 years. Until he was 58... His behavior changed... Narcissistic and more. Also giving me lot of craps too. I told him about my concerns about a person... He told them all with my name rather than confidence. The person who came and harrassed me and other jumped at me and screamed. I could have called police. So, I drew the line with him for many reasons... Until he sent me a e-mail that, I am no longer at this job. What did, I do is... REVENGE! I went out to any businesses to businesses to tell everybody what happened. Previous employees were involves too. Including he was talking about N word too. In result he suffered business loss. Lost contracts and no contracts renewal. Lost his office space. Left with 2 employees. No book keeper and more. Recently, I heard that he sold his house for under $300,000 which he cannot afford HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Lesson learned not to screw with me and former employees too. Do I feel better? YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!

[Cccgala]

This was a great read! Negative thoughts do break opportunities and one's self-esteem is always at stake when it is at it's lowest. The formula in the last picture you've shown is a great representation of how time can give a person an opportunity to trust once more.

[ThisDudeHere]

I can forgive someone wronging me if they apologize. But cheating is a no. It's not that I would struggle to trust them gain - I would actively refuse to trust them, no matter how much they regret what they have done. That ship has sailed, I don't care if they love me, if they cheated then it is forever over.

[Tony1974]

Sorry honey but no. Over my life, I've had more "friends" stab me in the back than enemies. I've seen countless relationship end over cheating. Once a "friend" stole my cousin wife... people are fucking scum and best to be wary of anyone who is eager to be your friend. I can count on 1 hand the # of friends I have.

[BeeNee]

First, it's 2017. We should be well over and done with addressing women we do not consider our personal familiars, as "honey." We don't know each other like that. Second, there are scummy people out there. There will always be scummy people out there, but there are just as many good people out there too. The whole point is to at the very least, give the possible good ones a chance to show you that they are in fact, good people, but if you just shut down and consider everyone an enemy, like I said, the paranoia will set in where you feel everyone is out to get you, and you'll be the one to hurt people as you push the good ones away rather then let them show you who they are.

[Tony1974]

No honey for BeeNee... got it! I beg to differ... I happen to agree with Annie Lennox

https://youtu.be/qeMFqkcPYcg?t=11

[thetundrawolf]

GREAT take. Only those with soft, vulnerable hearts, who allow others to trample them and destroy them, ever find true love... Because a heart that is hard and closed off and immune to pain, cannot every truly give love, nor can it receive it.

[Anonymous]

thanks for making this post but would the last paragraph apply to someone who was bullied because they were fat, unfit and soft and they are now fit but still angry about what happened then?

[BeeNee]

In some ways yes. Bullies tend to take out their issues on others, and try to make their victims feel the same way they do whether that's angry, or sad, or depressed, or bitter. It's difficult not to take that personally not knowing where it's often coming from because it's being directed at you. Sometimes you have to be your own champion on this cases, even if no one else is, and know that no matter what they say, you know who you are.

[Opinion Owner]

thanks :)

[Greek_God]

The question is, why would you WANT to trust again? You were stupid once, thats fine, it happens. But when you repeat your mistakes, it means you choose to be stupid

[BeeNee]

Again, that may be true if you're going back to someone you trusted before who upended that trust, but I'm mainly referring to new people in your life that have done nothing to you. To throw a blanket over that and say, I'll never trust anyone again, will only hurt you in the long run and leave you lonely and broken and paranoid.

[Greek_God]

The truth is there are too few people you actually can trust, that its not worth the risk. Opening up yourself to people is like turning your back to a tiger - there are a few who won't use it to kill you, but over 95% will. Its just like gambling where the odds are against you, and you have a lot to lose and very little to gain

[BeeNee]

Perhaps you just need to surround yourself with better people to begin with. It's like someone who says, well, every guy I date is a jerk, but then they look for the same guy with the same poor qualities as the last, and think it's on them, when they are the ones not branching out and looking for someone good. Same with trust. You hang in the same circles around the same people who have the same attitudes, you might be dealing with that dangerous tiger, but it's still not enough to say, well never trust anyone again... just because you MIGHT get hurt. I mean, might as well say, I'm not going to drive again, because someone might hit me and get in an accident with me.

[Greek_God]

I hope we have different experiences, but I literally don't know anybody (and I know a lot if people) who trusted someone and it went well. Me and a bunch of my friends made that mistake in the past, and regreted it. So thats why I have this attitude. But I hope your environment is better

[Anonymous]

nooooooo!
baD IDEA!

[BeeNee]

Why would learning how to trust someone new be a bad idea? They haven't hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you!