Dear Skinny Jeans, Why Won't You Just Die Already?

Dear Skinny Jeans, Why Won't You Just Die Already?

Dear Skinny Jeans,

Why won't you just die already? Why are you a thing that continues to exist in my world? Who invited you to the fashion party and told you, you could last more than one season? Ugh! Look, I don't hate skinny people. There's nothing to hate. They were born skinny and will die skinny, just as I was born curvy, and will die curvy. I know this because even at my ultimate skinniest of skinny moments where I went HAM and lost 50 lbs in a summer (would not recommend to mere mortals), I still had a butt, and I still had some thighs, hmm-k, but I like that about me. I'd rather be me, then skinny, because just like being skinny is great for the skinny girls, being curvy is great for me...that is until I encounter the jeans section, nay, the entire pants department at any store within a 50 mile radius. Those "skinny" pants are everywhere. They are distressed, they are multi-color, they have cheetah print, they are acid washed, they are made from leather to pleather and not a single one of them looks good on me. Ever put something on, and said to yourself: no, just, no? Well I've done that like 20 times now, which I believe is the definition of insanity because I certainly hoped each time they would magically look like the did on the models in the magazines.

Wearing any type of pant that goes from my delicious boo-tay, over my thighs, to then choke the life from my ankles, is a silhouette that disturbs me. I mean whatever happened to boot cut, beautiful bootcut? Oh those were the days where my closet was lined from front to back with jeans galore. Boot cut flatters every woman because it provides an even balance between top and bottom half of the leg and it doesn't provide any type of exclusion in the name. I mean, does not being able to really wear a skinny jean mean you're not skinny, and therefore not worthy of said pant? It's the most judgey type of clothes I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. Realistically these aren't really jeans at all, they are glorified tights. They're like 3 notches up in thickness from being a pair of tights or leggings which the closest I'll get to that is capris at the gym and the gym only.

I know there are people who believe you should just wear what you want and be happy, but that's just it, squeezing myself into those jeans doesn't make me happy. It makes me look at the mirror and think, "# regrets." I want to wear things that make me happy and make we want to flaunt what my momma gave me, not force fit myself into a trend just because somebody out there in the fashion world decided for the entire female population that this was it and let's HIDE all the boot cuts from every shelf in town (you monsters!). I mean, that's really it, isn't it? You can't let "someone out there," that doesn't know you or your body type tell you that you can or can't wear something or that you should or shouldn't wear something. At least for me, part of growing up (aka, slowly dying) has been to realize that I know what works for me and what doesn't...she says having, what did I say earlier, tried on 20 pairs of these things...but, but, but, I never bought a pair, so even though I may have been in some sort of denial, it didn't actually cause me to do anything I'd regret later in all those digital photos that never ever seem to go away (I'm hissing directly at you through clenched teeth 'that wedding' of 2014).

So in conclusion...this


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What Guys Said 16

  • hopefully you wrote this for the guys because the conclusion most men will probably have is that you're too fat and are making excuses about it

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    • Actually what I've learned from writing this take is that people assume a lot of things. I'm actually not fat. I guess when people hear curvy, they automatically think fat... and the sad thing is how disgusting some of the responses have been in that vein. Apparently everyone in the world loves every single fashion item ever created and all those clothes fit and work for every single person on the planet which is 100% not true, but complain about one thing that doesnt' work for you... and you are "fat," "lazy" a "hater," "jealous," "making excuses," and the list goes on. Seriously, if this is just a pair of pants, can't imagine what all you guys would say to other people discussing other more serious issues here...

  • Hot girls look hot in skinny jeans, so please, for the love of god, skinny jeans, stay forever.

    P. S.: Curvy doesn't mean fat.

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  • I have one pair of black skinny jeans. I find girls that wear skinny jeans very hot!!! Leather pants on girls are even hotter!!!

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  • I like girls in skinny jeans, so I would like them to stay forever ;)

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  • cos they look nice

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  • It's just a fashion trend. Wear what suits your body type regardless of the trend. Or you could really work your butt off to get in the sort of shape that would would suit skinny jeans... Whatever you do, don't lose your chill

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  • Skinny jeans look good on a slim woman.
    They are grotesque on a fat female.
    The only men who wear any form of skinny pants are effete inner-urban social justice warriors and homosexuals.

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  • for woman, it still looks amazing! for guys, theirs a limit, i like a good fit but anything like what Conan is wearing is horrible and probably painful.

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  • Yeah skinny jeans for guys is kind of stupid. But skinny jeans on women are super hot.
    by the way they are not new. Women have been wearing skinny jeans since the 80's. The trend isn't gonna die because guys love seeing the tight outline of a woman's legs.
    Just like the "fad" of cleavage will never die.

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  • Because they're better than baggy jeans. If there's one thing I hate about the 2000s, it was how those were "in" for guys, and girls back then were able to wear slim fit jeans

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  • My first thought at you choosing that particular cover image:

    encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images

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  • The conclusion I draw from this is that you probably have above-average sized calves to say the least, otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about skinny jeans over boot-cut jeans. You obviously have an ass, and obviously have thick thighs, those two things adding up should mean that you would love skinny jeans. But the fact that you describe skinny jeans as choking the life out of your ankles? that's obviously your problem right there. So instead of trying to lose 50 lbs a summer and looking for boot-cut jeans to cover the calves, why not just focus on slimming your calves down?

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    • I'm skinny (5'8 and 115 lbs) and I'd love it if bootcut jeans were considered fashionable again. They just give you this cute, relaxed girl-next-door look. AND they're flattering! I hate the way skinny jeans look on me so I never wear them.

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    • There's lots of crap on google because people want targeted weight loss to be a thing. But that's just not how weight loss works. Weight loss works by causing your body to burn more fat than it takes in in calories. Your body will target whatever areas it targets first, without respect to what area you work out.

      Trust me, if targeted weight loss worked, I'd make my face a lot thinner.

    • @SunsetStar It's my fault I got caught in totallycrushed's wrong term. What I originally said was slimming of the calves not target weight loss. Target weight loss is misleading with because what I mentioned it can be accomplished without weight loss. You can slim your calves by toning them, i. e. more muscle less fat on the calves will make it look slimmer than high fat low muscle percentage.

      You're absolutely correct in that you can't achieve this as well for the face, that's because the muscle groups on the face is very small unlike that of the calves.

  • Because nice butts look awesome in skinny jeans. True that skinny jeans don't fit men.

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  • First World problems.

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    • Ha, best comment!

  • Did you hear about the woman that wore skinny jeans so tight they cut her blood flow off to her legs and she had to spend I think a few days in hospital?

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    • She collapsed I think as a result of her skinny jeans cutting her blood flow off to her legs.

    • There's probably a higher chance of someone needing to be hospitalized due to a falling coconut than a pair of skinny jeans

    • @Baconburger to be honest I am not sure about that. I personally love skinny jeans on women.

  • Well everyone has their preferences, I personally love skinny Jeans. I wish dresses and skirts would die already though.

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What Girls Said 47

  • HAHAHAHAHA Love this mytake!
    Yes, you are definitely right. =)

    I can't handle the ankle restraint with skinny jeans - WHAT IS THE POINT?

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  • ok I'm sorry, I got lost at the part where u implied that skinny jeans are only for skinny people... you do know they come in multiple sizes right?

    girl I've got curves like u and i dont care if people think my booty is gonna make them jeans explode, i like skinny jeans and i think that i can rock them =]

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  • I like skinny jeans, don't hate because you can't fit into one.

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    • This is seriously the most non nonsensical comment. Let me ask you something? Do you love clothes that don't make you feel or look good? When is the last time you tried something on, and didn't like it or it didn't fit right and you proclaimed to the world that you loved them? I'm glad you and others love skinny jeans, but I don't like them because not all clothes no matter what your size or height, look good on everybody. I am also really tall too and a lot of clothes that work for my petite friends absolutely do not work for me. Such is life. Am I "allowed" to complain. Absolutely.

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  • Skinny jeans are the best.
    Other jeans are gross.

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  • Wait, if you start of skinny you die skinny and if you start off fat you die fat? Pretty sure that's inaccurate. Most people go up down, a lot of people go from one extreme to the other.

    As for skinny jeans, I'm a size 2 and I don't wear them because they're too straight legged and make people look shapeless and gawky.

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  • I love to wear skinny jeans XD

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  • Just buy one that isn't too tight. And don't listen to a certain editor. He's a fatshaming idiot who thinks he's a greek god.

    And wear straight Jeans. Down side is, you might look like a mom with straight jeans.

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  • The second set of photos in this take are straight leg 😅 Not skinny. But I get your point. I'm probably too fat for skinny jeans but so what? I wear high waisted ones and don't care. Wear what you wanna wear or wear what suits you but don't get so upset over something you can't wear. There's loads of things I can't wear either and I don't let it stop me.

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  • I understand you. Just some apparels just don't feel good on some people. I am skinny myself and I hate wearing skinny jeans 'cause it emphasizes how skinny I am. Ignore those haters in the comment section.

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  • On guys it's just so wrong. So. Wrong.

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  • I like skinny jeans. If you said this about leggings I can understand.

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  • I'm average build from the UK, I love skinny jeans and jeggings. My legs aren't exactly like sticks. I have big thick thunder thighs, quite a big arse too. I still manage to pull of the look. You could always by some when you go on holidays. I wouldn't wear light colours like white, yellow or baby pink. As lighter colours can make you look bigger. I don't refer to my build as curvy. I'm just average. A lot of people have never understood the concept of curvy is. Most of them think that there is only one type of curvy and that's if your slim with big boobs and a big arse. Most of the celebs are often mistaken for being curvy. When you see some of them. They lack curves. Curvy is a shape, even if you are a bit overweight as long as you have an hourglass shape you are still curvy. Most men like the mini hourglass which is slim and curvy. Some like average build with curves. Others like a little more to love.

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  • I liked wearing skinny jeans but I had to wearing them cause they were to tight for me cause they didn't stretch Conan o Brian looks funny in skinny jeans

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  • Woah you've gotta relax. Me personally, I love skinny jeans. I've always hated bootcut jeans. They're like the less extreme cousin of bellbottoms. I hated all that extra ankle room and the constant swishing noise of the bottom of the pants rubbing together. Bootcut jeans look awful on me. I look rectangular and curveless when in reality I'm very curvy and I've got a nice butt. I may not be skinny and people always comment on my thighs and butt, but skinny jeans are my favorite. If you don't like them, don't wear them. There are still tons of places to buy bootcut jeans that will look amazing on you. Skinny jeans aren't just made for skinny people. They're just tight.

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  • I love skinny jeans! on myself, other females and guys. the tighter, the better!

    however, the ones on the guy in that last pic look awful, but only because of the coloring. it they dark, they would look good. (:

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  • skinny jeans look good on us, not on men

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  • Boot cut jeans definitely do not flatter everyone they look awful on me, makes me look short and stubby. I'm glad the skinny jeans haven't died as they are my saviours ever since I started wearing them when I was 10. They make me appear taller and show off the booty!

    Now I don't know where you're shopping but here there is definitely still a large range of boot cuts. Maybe you're not looking in the right places? If you go to stores catered to younger people (teens to late 20s) you're probably going to find a large range of skinnies but if you go to stores suited to older women or a store specifically catered to jeans (Levis) you'll find what you're looking for.
    Everyones body shape is different, not everyone suits skinny jeans but it just turns out that a majority does so they sell them because profit.
    P's. I'm not saying your style is old.
    Pps. Being able to wear skinny jeans does not mean you are skinny.

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  • Skinny jeans are bloody fabulous. You should have concluded this take with "#fatgirlproblems".

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  • TL;DR I'm too fat to fit into skinny jeans, woe is me, first world problems

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  • BRING BACK BELL BOTTOMS.

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