Should I believe he was just tidying my daughter's panties?

My boyfriend of 4 years lives with me. He's 38. Recently my 22 year old daughter came home to live. Previously she and my boyfriend hadn't had much contact. He's shy and quiet, so I was surprised how quickly he took to my daughter. They laugh and joke in ways he's never done with me. With me he's always been rather dour. He swears around her, yet he's always told me he didn't like swearing. They are both sexually suggestive...he once told her in my hearing that he was going to play with his "hose" when he went out to water the garden. They both laughed. When I told him after that I hadn't liked it, he told me he hadn't meant anything suggestive. Was that suggestive or is it just me? They talk like that all the time. She's a pretty girl and I catch him checking her out though he denies it. I've asked her not to dress scantily around the house but she still does. The other day her skirt had slipped and she was showing most of her behind. I had to ask her to cover up. She sunbaths topless when he's around and makes a weak show of covering up. My boyfriend is rather proud of his flat belly. And I've noticed recently that when he's talking to her, he will lift his top and stroke his belly for ages. Then leave his top pulled up and continue chatting with her with his belly on show. Why? The other day I noticed him staring intently at something in the bathroom. I took a peek after he left the room and he had been staring at a pair of my daughters panties she had left on top of her dirty laundry bin. It gave me a bad feeling because it was the same look he has on his face when he's zoned out staring at women. The following evening I placed a pair of panties in the top of the my daughters laundry bin and after he had showered, I went in the bathroom and checked the panties. He had moved them. I confronted him and asked why he was handling my daughters dirty underwear. At first he denied it. Then he said he had only handled them to tidy them up. I scoffed at him and said the panties had been fine the way they were, ie tucked in her bin with just a scrap of lace showing. He got defensive and said fine, if I was going to be ungrateful like that, he wouldn't help me to keep the house tidy anymore, I could do it all myself from now on. That got to me a bit because I don't get much help here from either of them anyway. I do just about everything. He's behaving very relaxed about my accusation and is carrying on as if I hadn't mentioned anything. I don't know whether to believe him or not about the panties but it has worried me. I've spoken to my daughter and asked her to keep her underwear tucked away. I just said id seen him staring at it and I thought it was odd of him. She's told me she thinks he's fine and not odd at all, I'm just paranoid. I'm not sure what to think. Am I being paranoid? She's still leaving her panties on top of her washing in plain view. I don't know what to think. Is it me? Am I missing something?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No I don't think you are missing anything at all and I think you know the answer to this situation its just a very hard step to take.

    You don't talk much about the state of your relationship with this guy but I am guessing it's not great at the moment . I think you need to decide what YOU want out of this. If you really feel the relationship is worth saving then make a time ( maybe away from the house and certainly away from the chnace of your daughter interrupting) and talk to him - telling him everything you have said here. If his reaction is to brush it off or to refuse to discuss it then you need to decide how much you are willing to put up with and for how long.

    Ultimately you need to decide what your boundaries are and then let him know in no uncertain terms what they are and the consequences of breaching them - he needs to know he cannot ride rough shod over your feelings without consequences. He needs to understand that this is not just any "hot chick" but your daughter and that there are a whole different set of rules around that relationship on top of your regular expectations of how he should behave with other women.

    You also need to address your daughters behaviour. She is now an adult living in your home and she needs to understand that you expect a certain standard of behavior from her. Again define your boundaries and let her know the consequences of breaking them If she continues to dress and behave inappropriately she needs to know that she is in danger of not just damaging her relationship with you but also losing the roof over her head. She's not a kid and just like any other "roommate" it is reasonable for you to discuss the boundaries for living together ( that includes chores too - she lost the right to maid service when she hit adulthood)

    Remember YOu have rights too - the right to feel comfortabel in your own home. The right to feel loved and respected by your partner and your daughter and the right to voice your opinion when you feel unhappy. If either of them won't chnage their behavior to accommodate your feelings then remember you have another right too - the right to ask them to leave.

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What Guys Said 11

  • He's cheating or thinking about it

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  • I know I'm not alone with fetish.. I've enjoyed "exploring" women's. . and girl's dirty panties for many years. I first discovered the pleasure when I was 12 years-old and spent a lot of time in the bathroom alone. I'm not sure how to say this without being too descriptive. Because of things I learned from a neighbor boy and his father's, not so well hidden collection of nudist and p*rn magazines, I began to wonder about... smells and tastes. That curiosity lead me to the laundry hamper in the bathroom where I discovered the some answers to those questions on the crotch panel of my mom's dirty panties. It became an everyday thing. I think i became addicted to the sweet, strong, very distinctive smell and the taste when I'd lick the dried, white crust on the material. The best days were when I could get a pair mom had just take off and crotch panel was still wet with a white cream. God, it tasted so good. I immediately understood why guys were licking girls there in pictures in the magazines. I was also excited to find mom's long, dark curly public hairs stuck in the material or the dried crust. I saw mom naked a lot. Nearly every day for one reason or another and I was fascinated by her large triangle of fluffy hair. It looked so soft nice. I know that's why I prefer unshaven girls now. From that first day of smelling and licking the crotch of my mom's messy panties, I've "enjoyed" other's panties every chance I get. I've tastes dozens! I'm sure your boyfriend knows exactly what your daughter's crotch smells and tastes like. I can't blame him! sam161us (at) gmail (dot) com.

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  • Sounds to me like they like each other. They seem really flirty but never do anything more than that(that you know of). With her being 22 I'd be a worried too in the same situation.

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  • Might be wearing them. Def something to look into tho.

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  • He's fucking your daughter and she loves it. She leaves her panties out for him to look at. It won't be long before you're a grandmother to your boyfriend's child.

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  • yeah he's sniffing those panties. if i were you id straddle his face shove your daughters dirty panties in his face and say something like you like sniffing those panties mother fucker? you like the taste of dirty teen panties? how do you like the taste of this?
    then piss right in my face i promise i won't spill a drop !!!
    i mean his face. . . . . . . not me. . . . . unless you want to. . . ? cause i'd let you. . . if you wanna? . . . . . please?

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  • The truth: he's sniffing your daughters panties while masturbating and thinking about her hot ass. She's young and good looking-what man wouldn't take advantage of the situation? Accept it as it is or try to keep him from being a carnal sex-driven man.

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  • As a guy with a panty fetish, I can tell you, he wasn't just tidying them. Unfortunately I have this addiction and when I see dirty panties, particularly if the owner is good looking, I am compelled to sniff the crotch of them.

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  • Your daughter is enjoying the attention that he is giving her, as well as flirting. He seems to be enjoying it as well. Maybe you should take a holiday by yourself to give them some quality time together to work through their issues. I am sure when you return they will have resovled any tension and you can go back to your old routine...

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    • 3mo

      Let him fuck her if she's okay with it... It'll calm him down and release all his built up tension over her tight ass

  • I would leave him, if I was you... It must be really hard to live with a guy that also wants your daughter... Maybe if she is that hot, she shouldn't be living there if you're going to be having boy friends..

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  • No, you are not being paranoid. You are fine. How old is your boyfriend ? They like each other. Your daughter doesn't listen to you and so does he. He likes her and so does she. Otherwise how are things between you two ? Does he have sex with you ?

    I don't mean to offend you, but your boyfriend should think of her as her daughter because he is in a relationship with you.

    About the panty thing, I strongly think that he sniffed them or did some dirty stuff with it. I see where this is going. Just be careful. Who knows, some stuff must be going on behind your back.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Nah, I don't think you're paranoid. It seems like he's clearly interested in her, and she, at the very least, enjoys the attention. No one "tidies" laundry in a dirty hamper--it's all going in the wash anyway. If he was really interested in helping around the house, he would have one a job that actually needs to be done, not something as pointless as tidying dirty laundry that's already in the hamper (and why just tidy one pair of panties and not the other things in the hamper as well?).

    Honestly, I'd get rid of him, but that's just me. He sounds like bad news.

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  • I don't think you are paranoid. I think you see things quite clearly. Both his and her behavior are inappropriate. It certainly doesn't help that either of them doesn't want to acknowledge that they are doing something inappropriate. Your daughter is young, but he's 38 and def should know much better. The way you described everything, I do believe he wasn't just tidying her underwear. But that's just a detail in a larger picture. I think the larger picture is that this guy cannot be trusted. He also has a fixation on other women ("zoned out staring at women"). I know your you weren't asking that, but I'd honestly strongly reconsider continuing the relationship with him. Even if your daughter moves out, what's gonna be the next for him? A fixation on a neighbour's 22 year old daughter?

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  • It sounds like your gut is telling you something! alarms don't go off in your head for no reason when certain things are said or seen...he may be unaware of how he is acting but his actions are very clear...I do feel that your daughter likes the attention, if my mother had a boyfriend I would be respectful of how I acted and what I wore, your daughter is not being respectful and you may want to talk to her again about that. I personally would feel very creeped out if my mothers boyfriend had touched my underwear... I don't know maybe they were making him uncomfortable and had moved them...this is an odd situation...like I said listen to your gut, as a mother, and as a woman, your intuition is strong!

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  • ah! I'm SO GLAD you added in the part about him stroking his stomach, I will tell you why - this is a CLASSIC CLASSIC CLASSIC example of a narcacisstic guy! He's obviously cocky, and if he really was tidying up, he would have said so in the first place, why would he cover up his "kind gesture". But back to the stomach thing, google it. it is a male display to attract women. its just a downplayed version of him taking his shirt off. leave the bum, if you can't even trust him with your own family, why should you trust him in general. good luck!

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  • No, I think your totally 100% right. His obviously denying it, it's just so obvious, and I'm sure your not panicking and imagining things, if that's what you think, because your her mother, and that's the right way to feel. Seriously IF I was you, I wouldn't think of trusting him, and I would leave him, before even thinking of marrying him, and no I'm not trying to say to do that, it's just my opinion and something that I would totally do without even thinking about it.

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  • He sounds like he wants to bone your daughter and your daughter sounds like she's trying to tease him as much as she possibly can. You should really dump the guy because he sounds like he could snap any second now and have his way with you daughter.

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  • That's too weird! I think your gut is right about him.

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  • Gosh, there seems to be plenty of smoke signals... there has to be a fire in there somewhere!

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