Why do I envy beautiful girls? And how can I stop?

Ok I wouldn't call myself gross, but I'm definitely just plain or average. I envy beautiful girls so much, and all I wish is that I were beautiful like they are. And I know I have other good things to offer like brains, a nice personality, talents... but still I feel those things just aren't good enough. And I don't know why. I just wish I was gorgeous. And I mean, I even feel envy of escorts and p*rn stars because they're beautiful despite the fact that they're basically paid sl*ts. And I see them and I feel so ugly and like I'm not good enough no matter how many other good things I have (people always say it's the inside that matters, but somehow that just doesn't feel true).

So how can I stop envying beautiful women and be content with who I am, a smart, but plain girl? Is being smart as good as being beautiful? Or is being beautiful the best? I mean, otherwise, why do we value beauty so much in our culture? Women are never expected to be rocket scientists, but they are expected to be beautiful... does that mean brains are not good enough?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dumb guys go for dumb girls

    Smart guys go for smart girls

    That solves one part of the equation there. You'll find someone who is up to your intelligence level. Trust me. You wouldn't want a guy who could not appreciate your being smart right? Don't dare dumb yourself down:)

    If you're average, there are things you can do to spice up your appearance. Change your hair, get a new haircut, color your hair, lose weight OR gain weight, exercise and dress more appropriately for your body. Wear a little makeup to enhance and accentuate your best features, dress for your body shape and body type, wear undergarments that make you feel sexy(secretly) and don't be afraid to show a little skin.

    You also have to remember, it isn't all up to guys to give you attention. You have to show interest also and maybe take initiative.

    I'm pretty average and plain without makeup & while I don't have guys crawling on their knees for me, I receive male attention.

    Honestly, you wouldn't want to be with the type of guy who can base a relationship off of looks. YES, looks ARE important. Looks attract initially. But would you really want to lose sleep over not receiving attention from guys who ONLY care about looks?

    As for society, who cares what society says? One minute society says it's unacceptable to be thin, the next minute thin is in. One minute it says being tan is the cool thing to do, the next, it's awesome to be pale because of some vampires. Society sucks hun.

    Learn to appreciate your beauty and focus less on other girls:)

    As MzNatalie said, cosmetic and plastic surgery is an option, but I do believe it should be a last resort.

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What Guys Said 6

  • No, you can be whatever you want. No one has the right to tell you that you can't do something unless it's national security, but that's a separate issue. However, beauty is important if you want to attract guys. Most males are attracted to physical features. No one will ever become the most beautiful person because there is someone better. Accept who you are and you'll find a nice guy who will appreciate your brains. There's no point in feeling jealous; if you feel unhappy with yourself, then do something about it.

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  • I'm 35.

    By my age, the 'beautiful' women are the ones who go to the gym, eat healthy, and dress well. Even if they were not that pretty when they were young, they'll have good bodies. Most women that age don't.

    You want to be hot? make it happen.

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  • I don't know but I like beautiful women too!

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  • There are males out here that will think you are beautiful...

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  • This gives me the impression that your strait up and down skinny but if that's not the case and you have a woman's body then staying really fit and being shape will always give you the upper hand on the average person

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  • Just play the hand you've been dealt and accessorize what you've got. I saw that written somewhere once, and I thought it sounded pretty good even though there's a good chance it's from Sex and the City or something equally terrible. You'll stop when you find a guy you're happy with. Just make sure that you don't make the mistake of being shallow also - there are plenty of smart, fun, interesting guys out there that look sort of plain, too. Besides, doesn't it feel more rewarding to know that people like you for something you have some amount of control over (as apposed to something you were born with)?

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What Girls Said 11

  • I can't tell you how to stop feeling the way you do. You know those days where you just look in the mirror and say "holy sh*t today is not a good day for me"? Beautiful people have them too. And those days where you see your reflection and can't stop looking 'cause you love the way you look? Don't deny it, everyone gets narcissistic every once in a while :) . Basically, you feel feel beautiful when you perceive yourself as beautiful, and you feel plain when you perceive yourself as plain.

    The way you see yourself is, like you mentioned, very heavily connected to the people you're around. If you're a plain person around less-fortunate looking people, you'll feel very pretty. But put yourself among a bunch of supermodels and you'll be feeling like the dirt under their shoe. The real way to be content with who you are is to stop the connection between being beautiful and public expectation/preconceived ideas of beauty . If that makes sense.

    Sorry if this didn't help. I feel like I tried to sound too smart ;)

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  • Every person sees beauty in a different way. Some men & women think women who wear fake eyelashes go tanning have breast and hair extensions are beautiful, where as others find beauty in no make, all-natural, true beauty. Because it is the real thing! It is NOT FAKE.

    You do not need 3 hours of make-up plastic surgery or giant boobs to catch a mans attention because you have natural beauty...intelligence...are kind...considerate...and thoughtful.

    This is how I look at it.

    I want a man who loves me for me. Who wants someone to wake up to without make-up on and think I am beautiful..this type of man is going to be kind sweet loving personable type not some jerk who will leave you when you have a baby and can't lose the weight...ya know what I am saying?

    To find beauty and confidence in yourself maybe you should try what I did.

    Last fall I started college and felt like I was going to be the ugly duckling being 5'2 glasses not thin but not really over weight...i realized I was focusing on all the things I wasn't. which is an AWFUL perspective.

    I wrote a mission statement about myself...like-- I am a kind, energetic, loving, smart, confident, fun, goal setting, spontaneous, career driven women that does not need a man to complete me nor make-up to make me beautiful nor will anyone make me feel inferior to them ever. I love myself and the way I am.

    **it can be however short or long you want but it HAS to be POSITIVE...and for me I wrote things that will not change like young thin etc.

    This is not the exact one I made a year ago but this is off the top of my head, because this is how I think now.

    I read this everyday as many times as you feel you need too, while I was walking to class, eating breakfast, running on the treadmill. I taped it to my wall by my desk typed it in my phone and inside one of my notebooks.

    Most women who think they are not beautiful and the most gorgeous breathe taking women ever.

    GOOD LUCK and I hope you see that you are beautiful!

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    • I meant I did not write things in my "mission statement that can change like young thin etc...

      *are the most gorgeous breathe taking*

  • who doesn't envy beautiful people? or really smart people? or really talented people? you have to work on how you see yourself. you say that you're intelligent, talented, and that you have a great personality... I'd say you're doing pretty well :p beauty is superficial, it doesn't last. guys may be attracted to good looks initially, but there needs to be something of substance to hold on to, or else it's all pretty much meaningless. another important thing to keep in mind is that everyone has a different definition of beauty. just because you don't find yourself to be beautiful doesn't mean someone else doesn't. you just have to understand that you have so much offer- don't let the envy weigh you down. :)

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  • When you look at a girl and think 'ahh she's beautiful', remember that there's someone out there thinking the same about you

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  • Sorry, but I don't think anyone on here can tell you how to feel better about yourself. There's nothing wrong with being average, "beautiful" girls arn't the only ones who get boyfriends. Wake up and look around. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, if you want a guy, go get one.

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    • It's not about getting a guy. It's something irrational I can't really explain, I just feel it. I don't like "feeling sorry for myself" and I know looks don't determine whether you get people to like you or not. I don't know... I just wish I was beautiful. But this is not a guy issue.

  • It seems you have low self esteem, the only way you can get over that is somehow feeling your inner beauty, all girls are beautiful in their own way and I am pretty sure you are beautiful even though you feel you're not. You'll get over that one day you can count on it, don't ever let anyone tell you you're not beautiful.

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  • you need to work with what YOU have and quit looking at other girls. wear some makeup, shop for your body size, be outgoing, smile and go meet people. everyone is beautiful in their own way you just have to learn how to accentuate those speacial parts on your face and body. good luck :)

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  • i feel the same way when I go out with my bf..

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  • Cosmetic surgery can do wonders.

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  • ew I feeel the exact same way with envy

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  • human nature, I'm with you as well

    you just have to accept you for you and love yourself and don't compare yourself to anyone else. strive to the best you can be and that's all you can ask for

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