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My boyfriend won't talk to me unless I talk first?

He'll tell me to call him when I get home, sometimes he calls first, but that's like once in a while, he NEVER texts me first unless he's bored or... Show More

it's been nearly a month. I spoke to him once on Facebook and he said he wasn't home. I spoke to his sister and she said she didn't know where he was, like last week, but last night she said he's back home and he's been on the phone every night..
should I call him and break up with him or just leave it alone and never talk to him again?

Most Helpful Opinion

  • I once heard my former best friend's dad say the following statement: "If a guy truly likes a girl, he will do almost anything to talk to her." I still remember it word for word to this day, because it's so true. I've heard that relationships that start from hook ups are not always real, loving relationships because everything was done so fast before you took the time to get to know each other. That happened to me once, and I ended up in a relationship with the guy but at first he always alwaysss texted me and called ME. I rarely had to initiate conversations. After a little while though, I noticed that he rarely ever texted me first and I was always the one starting the conversations, but I did notice that he still texted me first on occasion if I hadn't texted him in a while. This confused and hurt me, but I eventually realized that the only reason he wasn't texting me all the time anymore was because he didn't "love" me anymore and really only wanted to make sure I would still hook up with him. I've heard from countless girls and guys that guys who aren't interested show that they aren't really interested by their actions, and that if a guy truly likes a girl, he would let them know and try to do anything to be with her. It really sounds like this guy is only in it for the hook up. I'd say dump him before he dumps you and find someone who you can get to know and have a mutual connection with, THEN do all the fun stuff :)

    • It is so true. This hits home with me. There was this guy I talked to and now he never says anything to me. If a guy truly likes you, he should take the initiative....especially if he really likes that girl. But it still makes me sad.

What Guys Said 11

  • I agree with Crazymango; but when you add the fact that you've been dating for two days, it's likely that he's using you for a snuggle-buddy.

    He's taking advantage of the situation to a point that isn't reasonable. If he wants you to call him, he should be able to call you too.

    Have you talked to him about this, and clearly expressed what you want from him too?

    - You have needs, and it's okay to express those needs to him verbally. Just don't make it dramatic.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • But he says that he wants to come to prom with me and all this stuff and I didn't even ask him about prom. he's also not a very verbal person. maybe that has something to do with it?

    • Show Older
    • Your best bet is to just break up with him :( if that's by phone, so be it.

    • Thats what happens sweety when you give up yourself too easy. And that's all you will get in life if you give out your body to someone too fast. learn from your mistakes and keep your pants up unitl you know who your dealing with

  • News flash, guys don't like to talk nearly as much as girls do

  • I'm gonna speak from my experiences but this girl that I'm kinda dating always texts me first but if she doesn't then I'll wait a day cause I just don't want to look desperate but I feel bad cause she's doing all the work and it's funny cause the day that I'm gonna do it first it's like bam there she is. Although I'm the one who always sets the dates up so it's even haha. She hasn't complained Yet about it to me though.

  • I would try to talk to him face to face and confront him about it. It sounds to me like he's being a little shady. If it seems like he's lying then break it off, you don't need problems or drama, if he seems to tell the truth then discusse your problems about the relationship. If he doesn't want to listen then he's not ready for a relationship.

  • In short, not really. It usually means the relationship isn't too serious in his mind and he does seem to call you occasionally. If that's not enough attention for you, think about seeing someone else or talk to him about it. You just don't want to make him feel obligated to talk. That comes off as you being needy, which you don't seem, but depending on how you phrase your issues, it could come out that way when you talk to him.

    Also... "never" means different things to different girls... If never means less than once a week... that's pretty infrequent... if it means less than once a four hour span, that's not something to fret over.

    • It means less than once a week.

  • i vote for break up with teh guy

  • You're being waaaaaaay too clingy. Then again, you're under 18 and maybe still in high school.. so it comes with the territory. Nothing's ever serious in high school. Just stop being so needy toward him or break it off and tell him you need some communication going on.

    • Ive known him for 3 years and I'm not just your average girl, when a guy only talks to you once a week and then expects me to buy them booze and smokes and give them sex.... somethings not right, however old you are, you might not understand.

  • What tipped me off was when the asker said "He's not a very verbal person". Some guys just don't talk. The real question is how does he treat you? Assuming it's positive, he may need you to help him communicate. A true relationship is about helping each other with their weaknesses. Well, does he treat you right? Only you can or should answer that question.

  • sounds like you were a booty call. he's moved on and so should you.

  • I generally don't call my girlfriend or text first. I know she is busy with her child, work, school, etc. Since my life is more open, it is best if she contacts me first. That's not to say that I don't wish to talk to her though. I have told her that communication is key to any relationship.

  • I was in your position with my last girlfriend. She would respond if I called or texted or found her after class, but she would never make that effort with me. It took me a while to accept that she just wasn't that into me.

    If you really like him and think that things could work out, try talking to him about it. I bet that he doesn't realize that you're upset that he doesn't put in the effort to try to talk to you.

What Girls Said 26

  • I don't think you should be worried. That boy is smart, and realizes that texting is cold and impersonal. The fact that you want him to text you so much shows that you are as well, and that you don't realize that you can use phones to communicate verbally with people.

    • I don't want him to text me so much, if you read it over you'll see I said he doesn't text OR call. thanks.

    • I read it over, and I understand what you said. You just must not have understood my answer. Maybe you don't get sarcasm.

  • Talk to him about it before jumping to conclusions.

  • From your responses to the others I can see two things here myself. It seems having a Girlfriend is a comfort to him, security that he isn't alone on a friday night. Also, he sounds like he may have an ego. He wants you to want him, and work for him. You already had sex, and now he is being distant. Guys like a challenge and to feel like they have won a prize. Unfortunately, he may now see you as a been there done that. He may also think you are no fun since you gave it up so quickly.

    • Well we've been together without the title for a year, and I gave it up after a year..

    • what does that mean? People are fun based on their personalities, not wether or how quickly they have sex

      Maybe if everyone stopped repeating that nonsense ,it wouldn't stick around as a stereotype.

  • Yes, because it's a little strange that he isn't crazy about you if it's a new relationship. If you guys have been dating awhile, then it's completely normal to not be as excited. I would be completely honest and tell him how you feel because guys don't get hints very well. He could not realize what he is doing.

  • Guys play that childish game all the time It shouldn't be that extreme though. He's obviously not mature enough for and doesn't care enough to talk to you really. I say leave him. It's not worth it.

  • you should be worried ...cause it sounds like he is done with you he is not putting the effort into talking to you everyday - its like saying he's on aim for 2 hours and you sign on then3 hours later he is still on and he does not I'm you and then you finally I'm him and he talks ... what do you want to do pretend like evrything is alright or take some action

  • no I think you should go a while and don't txt me

    and maybe hell get the memo

  • Jus leave him sweetie I know its hard but, He just one in a big long line of a55holes whom you will meet give your heart to then they will stamp on it. Men don't become good loving creatures that women need untill they are at least 25!...Your worth more than being messed about. If you call him you loose the game make sure you win. Ignore him when you see him if he says hi say hi otherwise steer clear. xx

  • I was going to say you have nothing to worry about, but after reading your edits, dump him. If you haven't spoken to him for a month, he doesn't want to make the effort and you need someone who will. If he ever does call you back, explain this to him and explain you want and need different things out of a relationship

  • I would be worried - when me and my husband were dating he texted me first, almost so much it was annoying and he called me every morning and was the one who was always texting me asking me to do something.

  • no don't be worried my boyfriend does the same thing to me, just like if were alone or something he WONT do anything enless I make the first move...

  • No, not at all. Maybe your asking for too much. He may want a life outside his girlfriend too and feels your taking things too fast. Or he could possibly be one of those guys who want you to chase him and act like the sun shines out of his ass. He wants you to always text him, always call, always eb sweet, and he'll never want to do any of the work. If you like him, he may be worth it. Hell, I don't know this guy to tell you that you should break it off, but what I do know is that this won't be an easy relationship if my opinion's correct.

  • Personally, I think he's tired of you. If he hasn't even made one attempt in an entire month to talk to you, he's probably either found someone else or is just not into you anymore. Maybe it was fun for the first beginning year or whatever, but after it became official he felt trapped. Either way, it can be quite bad for the relationship...

    • I realize that now but I just wanna know if I should call him and break it off completely and see what's going on or if it even makes sense to call him.

  • I don't think you should be worried. First because it never serves you well to ever worry about anything, especially in love and relationships. It doesn't change things, it only causes you to be worried, which never feels good. Second, in my experience, guys are not as communication happy as girls. Usually the ones who are overzealous in this area, are the ones to look out for, you know, stalker types. I've been married almost 20 years and my husband rarely emails me back, but I know this is true for him with his own mom too so I don't take offense. ?

    • Best answer!

  • babe talk to him in person & tell him how that makes you feel,in a sweet calm way. If he cares he'll appreciate that you told him how you feel.

  • it sounds to me like he thinks he has you rapped around his hand that has happened to me too

  • Maybe he is just shy or doesn't know what to say? I suggest talk to him about it...

    either you do and you find out whether he likes you or not...

    or you don't and you play the painful waiting game and possibly can part with rejection... or he will never find out you want to talk to him morel.

  • yes I would be like what is he doing and like why would he want you to talk first cause if that happens it might end really quickly

  • Stop deluding yourself and face reality! I was in your position at one point and All I had to do was cut any form of communication with him.
    My advice is just cut all contact with him remove him completely from your life! Guys like him are just some aholes and you're better off without him. He's a poison and you just gotta suck him out otherwise you'll just get extremely hurt along the way and I don't want that to happen to you.

  • dont text him or call till he does cause it well make him think that ur not that into him anymore and he'll fall for you something like that or just break up with him cause it don't seem like he likes you that much sorry if that kinda hurt but ull find better

  • i'd dump him. a relationship is all about give and take.i f he's not bringing anything to the relationship through this own initative then he's obviously not that into you and I think you should move on, he sounds to me like he's using you.

  • a little, he should at least make more of an effort to talk to you. know what you should do? don't call or text him. forceee him to have to talk to you first. cause if he cares a lot about you hell start wondering wer the f*** you are lolll! then hell have to text andd that's wen you will see that he cares, but perhaps is always occupied with something during his days to not talk first. if he reallyy doesn't make any effort talk to you, then that is were I would worry and talk to him about it

  • Sounds like definite signs of a guy that's losing interest.

    • We started going out 2 days ago lol! but before we started going out these are all the things he would do. and he sitll does it.

    • I agree +1

  • Not necessarily. You may have just fallen into a pattern where he "expects" you to call first since that's what you've been doing for so long and that's what he's used to. If you don't call one day I'm sure he'd notice and just think you were busy.

    To know for certain... just ask him

  • Um no I don't think you should be worried. My girlfriend never calls or text me first and we are amazing. Its been 7 months. But if he is acting weired around you then I would be worried. But ask him why he doesn't call that much or why he never raley texts you.

    • He doesn't act weird ,when he sees me he acts like he's in love. but outside of that he doesn't call me or text me.

    • Then I wouldn't be worried. He proubly just doesn't want you thinking he is too obsesive. Talk to him if it bothers you alot.

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