I don't think girls like introverted guys like me?

I do things introverts do: I write and read. But, I also watch movies, listen to music, play sports, read about sports. And I can make people laugh. If I have a relationship, I'd want it to be long-term... I'm not a fling guy.

In the past, I wasn't very social; that's changed as now I feel confident when I talk to a girl, I'll initiate conversations now instead of waiting for people to talk to me. But the problem is, it seems to me that I'm not "exciting" to girls or any of that stuff because, you know, I don't go to bars, I don't party, or any of that stuff. I love doing thrill-seeking stuff, like roller coasters, and whitewater rafting, and rock climbing, but I don't party and all that. I'm a smart guy who's in med school at the age of 21.

But it just seems like girls aren't looking for someone like me. I've only made a serious attempt at a girlfriend once and it blew up (I've read up on a lot of this stuff, so I didn't make mistakes like being clingy and too nice and all that, but it still didn't work). In retrospect, she didn't seem to want a guy like me and now it seems like several girls don't.

I've tried "changing" myself. I've tried going to the bar, I've tried going to parties, being more extroverted, but in the end I'm uncomfortable and unhappy. So I went back to who I was. The thing is, I fear that I'm not appealing and that I'll be stuck alone. Any tips/comments?

Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem with trying to be something that you're not is that it smacks of insincerity. It's forced and obvious and that makes women uncomfortable. I know it isn't your fault, but since they don't know your motivations - wanting to be more desirable - it comes off as fake.

    As an introverted woman, I understand how you feel - it's hard being surrounded by people who don't understand that underneath the shy demeanor is a person who wants to connect. People are drawn to what is familiar to them and if you're going after extroverted women, well, it isn't going to work if you are not naturally extroverted.

    In order to be more comfortable in this world, you need to be comfortable with yourself. You need to accept yourself the way you are - if you're truly an introvert, not shy, but introverted - learn to accept that. With self acceptance comes confidence - and with confidence comes social acceptance.

    You need to be true to yourself.

    There are a few websites out there that talk about introverted traits and how to navigate in an extroverted world with minimal damage. You should check them out.

    Good luck.

    • I just want to clarify one thing. Don't think you can't pursue an extroverted woman - you just can't pursue her trying to be extroverted yourself. I don't want you to get the impression that extroverted women don't like introverted men. They really do.

    • Yeah, I tried getting an extroverted women and I tried being extroverted, a little. But the deal is, how can I pursue an extroverted woman by being introverted? It's like..... it feels like whatever I say or do would come off as boring to them. Maybe because I got told that to my face once. I don't know how to approach it.