Past crush. Should you tell a guy that you USED to have a crush on him?

[mormongirlmichl]

Should you tell a guy that you USED to have a crush on him?

What would your reaction be if a girl told you she used to have a huge crush on you?

[Da-One-n-Only-]

I did tell my biggest crush that I liked him I think I mest up a little because at the time he did have a girlfriend and I don't know I guess I thought he would dump her but no.When I told him he said that he had a lot of repect for me because I told him and that not everyone would do that.But now that I think about it I did do things wrong by having high expectations that he would leave her,I'm proud of him though because he lasted with that chick for a good run.Now we got a class togeather and he's like a good friend now,although it seems like he's hiting on me now more then ever.I see him as a great friend that I can tell him about my love life but yeah he just has even more respect for me beacause he says that I'm not an easy girl.

[mormongirlmichl]

That's cool! It may have been hard at first, but obviously it turned out for the better....and maybe it'll turn out for the best? :)

[Da-One-n-Only-]

Maybe but it's kinda sucky if he wants something with me because I'm like really over him and I don't think he understand that but who knows

[mormongirlmichl]

Mm, I see. oh well, at least you'll have a really good friend...

[bakeacake]

What for? What if he likes you now and that makes him feel bad?

I've thought about telling him I used to like him though... but it's just so pointless

[mormongirlmichl]

That's what I'm thinking, it's pretty pointless, so I want to know how guys would react to hearing that....how would you react if a guy told you they used to have a crush on you? Plus, if the guy seems really surprised and feels bad, I would probably flirt to see if he likes me.

It's kind of a long story, but I had a crush on this guy for the longest time, and I think I'm finally over him. But if he liked me, I'd probably start all over... lol :S

[bakeacake]

Hehe.

I used to have a crush on this guy for 3 years and I think that if he liked me, I wouldn't be able to start again. :S

[mormongirlmichl]

You wouldn't? No, I've had a crush on this guy for 3 years... (funny eh? I guess it wears off after 3 years lol) And if he liked me, I would so start over... lol :S

[emzy-89]

I wish mine who wear off. lol. I've liked the same guy for 7yrs :S

[Tiff-uh-nee44]

I usually tell guys I like them, after I like them cause it shows that I somehow liekd them at one point. Its a ego boost for them too

[mormongirlmichl]

Mm, good point....it's an ego boost and if they don't like you in return it's not a huge hit for the girl....although I probably wouldn't have much of a love life if I did that huh? lol

[Tiff-uh-nee44]

I only tell some guys lol

[mormongirlmichl]

Haha some others don't need the ego boost....hahaha

[djmoney]

It really depends if you want to pursue anything with him now or if you just wanted to tell him.

If he had a crush on you, things can escalate and it could potentially become a relationship. This happened to me and it turned into a relationship. Although irrelevent, we ended up not working out, but the admittance of mutual crushes definitely helps to allow emotion to be expressed openly.

If this happened and I did NOT have a crush on the girl at any time, I would assess and see if I found them attractive and if I thought a relationship could blossom from this event. If not, at least she would feel better about telling me, and we could move on with life as friends.

[Nosperato]

If I were you I wouldn't do that. I read a lot on psychology and as far as I know, if you tell him you *used* to have a crush on him he will inevitably develop feelings for you and that could become a problem. Do not do this unless you are sure he won't.

[mormongirlmichl]

Hmm, interesting...thanks! Is this (what you read) online? I'd love to read it. I'm passionate about psychology. :)

[Nosperato]

Actually my two fields of interest are neurolinguistic programming and the art of persuasion. I own a few books and I think I read this in "Influence: The Psychology of persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini". It's more of a salesman oriented book so some examples were of this car sales man who doubled his number of returning customers by simply sending all his clients a Christmas post card that say "I like you" or something of similar nature.

[Nosperato]

And since liking somebody is a huge factor in persuasion, and since people follow "the rule of reciprocation" (where they want to pay you back whatever you do to them) people somehow feel compelled to a person when they know they are liked by them. This seems to be the same with crushes as I see from experience. However you shouldn't go confessing like crazy because he would probably never feel the same around you.

[mormongirlmichl]

Oh, I see! Well that's interesting! My dad is a salesman, who is addicted to those kinds of books, maybe he has that book somewhere. I guess I'll check. sounds interesting, and what you're saying makes sense. Thanks! I'll keep it in mind if the subject ever does come up... :)

[kcoolkittie]

I read your answer and I decided maybe you can answer my question. I had a huge crush on a totally adorable guy back in grade 9. Then I stopped having a crush on him. Now I am in grade 12 and I have a huge crush on him again. He is soo hot! (sighs). I am planning to tell him that I have a crush on the day we graduate cause he will probably go to a different university than me. What do you think?

[Nosperato]

It all depends really on what kind of guy it is. Either in his mind he'd be all like "Arg, I should have made a move when I had the opportunity!" and live in regret for a while before he moves on since long distance stuff doesn't really hold up much. Poor guy :P. Or he gets that self esteem boost and try to start something which would probably be a bad idea since you guys might go to different unis. Only you can judge what the outcome most likely will be.

[Nosperato]

There's a different breed of guys that have solid self esteems and would normally feel rather superior that might try to return feeling somehow but it would only be because of pity. No matter what kind of guy you would trigger something in him anyway I'd say. It would at least definitely make them like you more for making them happy. Unless you're absolutely hideous and awkward (which I don't think you are xD) but in that case the pity thing comes up again.

[Nosperato]

I'd be interested to know what happens though if you decide to do so. After all what's the worst scenario? He would probably either say "Thanks" or "What really? Me too!". The "Um... yeah. Ok...." Come only from the arrogant kind but if he were I guess you wouldn't have a crush on him. The "Hard to get" mindset is in my opinion is very strong. You both might just laugh it off but you never know what he might be thinking. ;)

[scarlett1129]

I agree with this answer. I was the one to develop feelings after a guy told me he used to have a crush on me...

[Money]

If someone confesses that they used to have crush on you it usually hints that they still kind of do. People use that as a feeler to gauge interest. Unless its been years and it actually worked with the flow of conversation.

[Sweet-A]

Really? Recently a guy I knew in secondary school told me he had a major crush on me. But now we live in different continents and he has a gf. It just felt kind of awkward him telling me that after all this time.

[Jd_Ecid]

Don't. Because a guy'll dig deep into his past with all the previous encounters with you and kick himself because he would be able to see it then. That and he'll most likely develop feelings and eliminate the "used" from your statement and believe that you still have feelings for him.

[mormongirlmichl]

Yikes... well ok then, I certainly won't!!

[metaldave20]

im sure its ok, as long as you don't like him anymore, cause thatd just make things weird if you plan to stay friends

[MrSchneider]

wouldnt care.

after all, this is in the past tense not the present tense.

the crush is already gone, so forget it

[shadowcat517]

It doesn't matter all that much when you're over it. But it's a huge ego-boost for them.

[Anonymous]

I'd be flattered. I might ask what I did to change her mind, tho

[Abu-Shreek]

actually I would be disappointed, bcos everything is better in it's time.

[mormongirlmichl]

So if a girl you really don't like tells you she used to have a crush on you, you'd be disapointed? even if you didn't like her?

What if you've never thought of that girl in that way before, what would that do?

I'm really curious about this...

[Abu-Shreek]

If I didn't like her,i wouldn't care to be honest I'll just be flattered.

u might not like what I'm gonna say,but it's the truth,i'll probably think of her while masturbating! LOL ;-) easy on the ratings guys!

[mormongirlmichl]

You were right...I don't like what you said....

so you'd be flattered... mk

[fedex]

Hmm I think you should tell him. because he might have had a crush on you too. Never know... maybe it could grow into a relationship.

[mormongirlmichl]

Lol that'd be funny, "I used to have a crush on you..." "Me too!" awkward silence... lol worth the shot... Thanks for the advice!

[emzy-89]

Ive had that "i had a crush on you" "i had a crush on you too" discussion with one of my friends. lol. it was hilarious.

[grahamcrackers93]

I had the "i used to have a crush on you" awkwardness with one of my friends. After he told me he used to like me, he had another crush on me which he then told me about later!

[Anonymous]

I might if we were really good friends