So I've come across a lot of women who are much more beautiful than I am yet they don't see that beauty in themselves. I'm sure plenty of them have circumstances which led them to feeling this way or never had any support, but I would like to say a few things to women who seem to lack confidence or can't believe they're beautiful despite what people say.
The above is me. I freaking love myself. I wouldn't change places with anyone in the whole world, because every day I look in the mirror, I see someone that I find to be so pretty and that it makes me smile.
Every. Day.
Just a small background about moi: I believe I'm pretty as I said. If you asked me when I was 17, I would have been like many women on GaG--highly insecure and wishing I was prettier. I thought I was ugly because I couldn't get a boyfriend that I wanted. It didn't help that I was called "ugly" more than I was called "pretty" and the latter was usually done by women. It also didn't help that the only guy who seemed interested in me was my best guy friend, but I wasn't attracted to him (of course, I had delusions of grandeur about the type of men that I expected).
During my senior year of high school, my sister asked me why I cared about what people thought of me---not everyone's going to think that I'm pretty and you're not going to please everyone.
You might have heard this and it might not resonate with you, but it did with me. So I stopped caring and I felt much happier in my life not having to be bogged down with other people's thoughts of me and focusing on myself. I still do. I have now been called pretty/beautiful by more wo/men than I have "ugly". And being called "ugly" doesn't get me down as it used to....because I don't care and I know many people willl think that I'm a hideous wildabeast compared to other women.
It. Does. Not. Matter. Because I love myself...and no one will ever change that fact.
I want to share a few things that I've learned from journey that might help you all.
Love AND respect yourself. This is the most important step. If you look in the mirror and see someone that you loathe, that needs to change. Instead, whenever you catch your reflection and dote upon yourself, I would only say nice true characteristics about yourself. This helps build your self-esteem and the more honest and factual it is, the better you'll feel and the more confidence you'll gain.
Understand that there are going to be women more attractive than you are. I think this one of the hardest things for a lot of women to accept, but it's true. Whether you consider them more attractive or whoever you're interested in, there will be someone better looking than you. This is okay! If your guy wasn't interested in you (assuming you have one), then he wouldn't be with you. Understanding this fundamental truth will allow you, I believe, to be as I am--able to tell a more beautiful woman that she is pretty with not a single negative thought about myself and only wishing the best for her. :)
Immediately counter every negative thought that you have with a positive one.
A lot of people allow their horrid thoughts about themselves last more than a few seconds which causes them to dwell on them and degrades their self-esteem. As soon as you recognize such a thought, I propose that you automatically counter with a good thought about yourself and FORCE yourself to not ruminate on the bad thought of your image, weight, life--whatever.
Eradicate any delusions of grandeur and be realistic. In high school, the "man" that I was going to have would have been someone like Dave Batista naked in my bed or some hot model with a big penis with his ass and penis delicately draped by a lovely red sheet. (I've had this thought since 14 years old so I now realize that the 30 year old men that I was envisioning would have been pedobears...bahaha).
I've grown up and realized that I need to face facts--I'm not sexy enough to get that model (nor do I want one anymore). Staying in this realm will more than likely keep you from happiness, because there is no such thing as an idealized perfect man. Having such high expectations tends to be detrimental and that's what it did to me.
Don't let ANYONE get you down.
This includes parents, friends, loved ones, significant others, random strangers--and yourself. Allowing someone to have that type of power over you can stifle the growth of your confidence and make you doubt yourself.
Surround yourself with people who will support you in all of your endeavors and build you up when you're down instead of kicking you.
This doesn't mean be prideful and narrow-minded, unwilling to listen or tolerate other people's critiques. This means listen to what they say, internalize it, and disagree if they're completely wrong or tell them that they're right.
But NEVER let it affect you.
The above is what helped me gain the confidence that I now have. There are many different avenues to gain it, but I'm showing a route that you don't have to agree with but what helped me as a person.
I know though that whenever someone calls me "ugly", the first thing that goes through my mind is "So? Some people will think that. And why should I give a fuck about you? :D" A few years ago, I would have been about to cry.
I'm not going to lie--if it was an attractive dude, my self-esteem would take a hit...but I'd be right back up to my high self-confidence within 5 minutes and that dude is in the past.
I want EVERY woman (and man of course, but this is targeting women because I see more women than men with this) to feel as I do: confident, yet not cocky. Pretty, but not narcissistic. Smiling at their reflection as they pass....maybe doing a little dance (I do it. I know some of you do too). Good about who you are, but not doubting at all.
This is what I want for everyone who was in the situation that I was in, because I empathize and have been in that situation...and it's hard. But you can do it. I promise you.
Don't give up. ^_^
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