Maybe She Isn’t PLAYING Hard To Get. Maybe She IS Hard To Get! 💎

[justbanANNAz]

Oh, women. The mystery even the most talented, intelligent and suave of men could never completely solve.

Yep, this one's for you boys. In this take, I'm going to talk JUST about the woman who appears #HardToGet. We all know her, we’ve all seen her, some of us have tried to understand her, yes? Okay. So what is it about this girl that’s so f*cking frustrating, and yet so alluring?

There are seriously only 2 options. Yep, just 2.

1. THE MIND GAME: Playing Hard To Get.

Some [SOME] women enjoy playing a number of mind games to lure men in, wrap them around their pinky finger and keep them at their disposal whenever required.

Why? It's quite simple and I'm sure you know. It's a facade she utilizes to feel desirable.

[A moment for any men who have fallen victim to this girl. The ones who got played, used, manipulated and tampered with. On her behalf, I am truly sorry. I mean it.]

To put it into perspective, these women are the female version of your stereotypical male ‘player’. They’re all about mind games, tricks. Personally, I don’t like it, nor do I engage in them [whether or not you believe that is up to you], but as I’ve mentioned, you have women who really use this to their advantage, because, despicable as it is… it works.

Some men like to chase. They enjoy the vibe given off by that mysterious girl who makes him work a little bit.

So the real question is:

How can I tell whether or not she’s being real with me?

Here are a few signs of a girl who PLAYS hard to get.

- She is high maintenance.

- She’s dependent.

- She’s easily jealous.

- Tends to be manipulative.

- Quite spoiled growing up.

- Very self entitled/proud/narcissistic.

- Gives you little to no attention.

- She’s confident. Too confident.

- She demands your attention and affection a lot, and doesn’t give much in return.

There are NO ifs, buts or maybes about this guys. It's not 'oh she kinda looks high maintenence', or 'oh well maybe she's just too busy to get to my 11 missed calls'. No. Don't overthink it. With this girl, take her behaviour for what it is. Why? Because it deserves #noexcuses

So looking at these traits, the likely series of events goes as follows:

She uses her sex appeal, manipulating her personality to suit the game ➡️ she draws you in ➡️ takes advantage of you ➡️ her confidence is satisfied, your heart is broken.

What the flaming hell did you get out of that? Use your head boy. -.-

That’s it! That’s honestly it lol. It’s funny because it seems so simple yet many men fall for it, because let’s face it, she’s so sexy right?

Point blank.

But if you ain't gettin' anything out of it, why you still in it?

Unfortunately, men who encounter this kind of woman will realize it’s a game and it’ll be too late when he does. If he lets it bring him down, he’ll become resentful and approach all women with the mindset that "if she’s just a little too difficult to handle, she’s playing hard to get. I will never bother with that kind of woman".

WRONG.

What if I told you some women are ACTUALLY hard to get though?

2. THE REAL DEAL: She IS hard to get.

NOW boys, If you’re going to be a close minded prick about this, PLEASE EXIT the premises. You can’t possibly seek advice about the opposite gender, then refuse it from someone who IS and KNOWS that gender better than you ever could. Gracias boo. ✋🏽 -.-

This is where the confusion happens, and this is where A LOT of men become skeptics. This girl is often mistaken for the first type, because arguably, playing hard to get is more common than actually being this kind of girl. Even as a woman, it’s SO hard sometimes to tell exactly which one a fellow sister is.Rather than playing mind games, being hard to get is actually this girl’s personality type.

You must understand this.

This girl is the exact opposite of the aforementioned girl, and yet the irony is that they appear to be the same kind of person.

A man who is actually smart enough to recognize and even pursue this kind of girl will be in for a treat, but yes she is a handful since she is obviously hard to get.

A few signs of the girl who IS hard to get:

- She is NOT high maintenance/flexible

- She’s INdependent

- She's had a tough past.

- She’s not easily jealous, but just the right amount.

- Tends to be a good listener.

- She’s an over thinker, and can be indecisive.

- She’s humble, maybe a bit awkward.

- She gives you her undivided attention [once you’ve got her interested of course].

- She’s confident- the sexy kind.

- She likes occasional attention, and returns it to you.

- She’s a sweetheart with a bit of sass.

- She’s opinionated, and unafraid to say ‘no’.

- Her values are so grounded, which can create conflict if views differ.

- OR, she is genuinely uninterested in you, and isn't vague about it.

Thus, with all this in mind, the likely series of events goes as follows:

She is effortlessly herself, without throwing herself at you ➡️ her mysteriousness draws you in ➡️ she [hopefully] lets you in ➡️ she discovers an intelligent man, you discover a wonderful woman.

Win Win.

This girl is so frustrated with the dating scene by the way, and being one of them, I can relate. She has a lot to offer, but she is so so misunderstood.

It’s even more frustrating for a man looking for a girl who is real with him. That she’s not playing a game. That she’s looking for authenticity.

THE SOLUTION?

1. BE SMART: Don't blend the two sets of behaviors. I can't stress enough that these are 2 completely different kinds of women.

2. BE OBSERVANT: Think critically. Don't get so lost in your desire that it completely misguides you. Watch for what she does or doesn't say and do.

3. BE PATIENT: Don't come to conclusions so quickly. As I said, even we women can get it wrong. Give her time, give her a few chances. Figure out what's really going on.

4. BE POSITIVE: Never let the way one woman treats you define the way you perceive them all. We all have bad experiences, and we all have moments when we wanna give up. If you plan on getting anywhere in life, you need to get your ass back up when you get knocked down.

5. BE AUTHENTIC: Never change yourself for anyone. I always say this. We can all improve, we can all compromise, we can all sacrifice, sure. However, to abandon the essence of who you are is essentially prioritizing another's opinion of you over your own self worth. Don't do it.

---

~ j.B 🍌

[the_rake]

that's a reasonable perspective and I can see where you are coming from, but like you said yourself, it is very hard to distinguish between the two types of women. I think it is better to pursue the woman who is willing to put in the same effort as you (50/50 on both sides). that's the only way you can be certain the woman you are putting all of this time and effort in to is equally interested. if she really liked you, then she would MAKE time (as I, busy man, would for her).

[justbanANNAz]

i totally agree. a woman MUST put in effort as well, it's only fair.

[lolatyou]

I love how women who are smart and have standards are labeled as "playing hard to get". Since when did taking your time and getting to know someone become such a bad thing.

[Punkin45]

Exactly. We can't win either way. If we fall in love too easily, we're "emotional" and "clingy." If we take our time we're "manipulative".

[lolatyou]

I think women for the most part are more emotional, which is all the more reason why we should take our time in a situation like this. When you're the one who is most likely going to be investing more emotionally then you should be more careful with who you get involved with.

I kind of get the feeling that if someone can't understand or at least take that into consideration with women/dating instead of throwing words like "playing hard to get" and "manipulative" around, then maybe they aren't worth your time to begin with.

[justbanANNAz]

EXACTLY. THANK YOU.

[0112358]

I'd suggest that whenever anyone - male or female - is dealing with a partner who is 'hard to get', they just move on. Most of the time, someone is being 'hard to get' because they're not interested. In which case you should move on. There is also a chance they like you but are playing games, which probably means red-flag and move on, but ironically, the correct way to 'game' someone playing hard to get is to move on (and they'll come running). Finally you have people who are actually not trying to play games, they're just super withdrawn. And I'd honestly suggest moving on from them anyway. People like to imagine that there are all these people out there who are holding back but at some magic future moment they'll suddenly transform into being open loving and awesome partners. It -does- happen once in a while, but most of the time, they will continue to be withdrawn, continue to pull back even when married any time they're upset. They are bad communicators with bad relationship skills. So I wouldn't suggest waiting around for them anyway - even if you could pick them out of the huge pile of 'not interested' and 'playing games'

[justbanANNAz]

well i respect your suggestions, but there are always exceptions to everything. if it doesn't work for u, it doesn't work. it will work for someone else though.

[milightman]

I must really see things differently haha I didn't even think women do this anymore. I also tend to over simplify things with them. Like, if a woman were to be playing games with me, it wouldn't even cross my mind. If she's being hot and cold, I would eventually think she saw me as a friend and is having bad days. If I find myself giving her all the attention and I'm not receiving any, then she's just not interested. If we're dating and all of a sudden she disappears when things seem to be going well, she lost interest. If she comes back and does it a second time, then she just isn't ready for a relationship and has things going on, so I move on. If I notice she acts out a lot, then I'm the one that disappears because I have no time for that.

In other words, I'm too oblivious and see people in a better light to even think a woman is hard to get or is a playing me. I just naturally respond to these sort of things in a way where I either think she's clearly not into me or she's not right for me. I'm also not persistent when it comes to dating.

[justbanANNAz]

well fair enough, but this take is probably better suited to guys who are still somewhat persistent. =]

[Spirit_Is_Free]

Enjoyable take - What you say is so true - I have met the two types and at the beginning I give the benefit of the doubt and say type A is just a front, I will give her plenty of chances to show a different side of herself but if she keeps reverting back, I will lose interest - I have known a lot of type A girls even getting to know a few of them well and by showing a complete disinterest in their theatrics, they usually show a different side to me which I sometimes go to the bat for them with the line "Once you get to know them..." , some have let me down but others have increased my faith in human nature - Type B are usually very hard work but worth it when you break down the barriers as you say so worth the effort, no need to expand on your premise.
In conclusion my view on "Hard To Get" is what is the reason behind it, I generally see the good in people and believe the situation is redeemable but I am not perfect and get it wrong, sometimes people don't want to change.
I have noticed over the years I have moved away from typing or labelling people nowadays I approach people as a blank canvas and give out a vibe "Give me a reason to like or dislike you and we will go from there".

[CoolSky01]

They girls exist i know some of them, i knew a girl who was pretty easy to get along with and go on dates with but once she saw that guys find her attractive she began playing mind games and being a bitch about it while claiming that she's nice and all that, yeah that doesn't work with me i cut her out of my life until she apologized.

the second kind is easy to distinguish, how? she's usually from a good family, doesn't sleep around, she's not a bitch about being attractive she sounds like a normal girl even though everyone knows she can do better than being normal, and of course she doesn't really flirt with any guy who likes her and she doesn't sleep around at all.

Now one fact still exists, no matter what kind of girl she is , she will always seek attention its her purpose in life she wants your attention and she will use you to her advantage if given the chance, very few girls dont cause they dont know how to pull it off, the moment a girl realizes you are ready to do stuff for her you've lost.

[Punkin45]

This is GOLD. You are so right. I know I'm hard to get. Cuz Reasons. People have accused me of thinking I'm better than everyone else. I actually don't think I'm bettter. In a lot of ways I'm worse. I'm just... difficult. Unique. My mind and emotions work differently. I don't want something casual. I don't want to fool around with someone's time, energy or emotions. I want something real. So yes, I will be cautious. Yes, I will keep some distance until I'm reasonably confident you're sincere. Yes, I will question your motives.

The thing is, I'm questioning my motives even more closely. Trying to make sure I'm being real with you and with myself. I don't want to waste one minute of your time or my own.

Applause to the author.

[justbanANNAz]

this. this is me. ^^^^^^^^

applause to YOU. 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽

[sailorjupiter]

As a woman, I agree with this, I think I am hard to get girl.. it's not becoz we're heartless, but we need more prove/efforts from the guy to really make sure he's really into you, not playing games and ready to commit with us.

it's all bcoz we're independent and kinda a loner, we manage to do almost eveything by our own, being the eldest sister in the family, I'm also a "mum" for my family as my mother is passed away and my siblings are much younger than me (still in school). so I don't have much time to enjoy like any single lady out there and really focus in my career, also had a huge heartbroken in the past. therefore, I do really filtered or hard to be impressed by small inconstant flirts from guys, if you're serious with your intention, prove it. then, I'll be the most faithful, loyal and loving girl who dedicated all my life to you forever. ;)

[justbanANNAz]

well said love, and I'm sorry for your loss x

[Tromba]

"The mystery even the most talented, intelligent and suave of men could never completely solve."

You lost me there. It's not that people can't surprise me, that I can predict everything they are going to do, tell you Sherlock Holmes-like from a brief inspection all their tastes, foibles and deepest desires. It's that women surprise me no more often than men and they never surprise me for a reason that has to do with them being women, just people and usually it's because they have a very practiced front and I'm inclined to give the benefit of doubt.

Men who have trouble understanding women generally are aiming much too high, the cerebrum instead of the medulla. The important thing to always bear in mind is humans developed reason to be able to lie to each other and the most convincing way to do that is to lie to yourself and believe it.

[justbanANNAz]

that really wasn't the focus of my take at all lol... it was just an opening exaggeration.

[Iknownothing1]

Very great intake. And very very true too! Back when I was in school I used to be the first type, playing hard to get, but now I'm not that person at all, I'm too busy for guys, and I tend to have a lot of their attention, especially the hot, confident ones who is not afraid to say hi, and show their interest, and yes! I do find myself socially awkward, because the kind of guy who makes this step is the type of person who doesn't take no as an answer, and really knows how to flirt, which makes me more nervous!

[ManOnFire]

Women have larger egos than men, so women often want to appear to be something deeper, more complex, or harder to obtain than they really are, as if it would indicate any significant depth in character or personality exclusive to just them. Pretentiousness, at its best. So I'm not interested in females who like to play hard to get or think they ARE hard to get. Women like this depend on men's attention to feed their ego.

It's lack of maturity. Not anything as serious as they want us to think.

[justbanANNAz]

uh, well this is debatable but alright haha.

[ManOnFire]

@justbanANNAz The female ego isn't a talked-about subject, but it's very real, and SHOULD be talked about. Women's egos exist at a far greater level than men's. It's women who think they can change a man in a relationship. It's women who think they're more desirable. Men don't think they can get any woman they want. Men don't tune people out because they think their opinion is superior. And it is far more common for you to meet women who shamelessly think they're beautiful, sexy, or God's gift to men. While you have some men who do think this about themselves, they are a drastic minority in comparison to women with a goddess complex.

[Phoenix98]

Defiantly dealt with the second kind of gal before the real deal and she was hard to get but she was defiantly worth the effort and time I put into getting her, even if it was only for a while, though on top of everything else I look for not easy to find.

I've seen that first kind before to I don't like that kind at all, not worth my time at all but like you said sometimes it can be a bit hard at 'first' to tell the difference between them and that is where this nice little mytake comes in handy, nice tips and things for guys to look out for, good job.

[justbanANNAz]

:)

that's right, it can be very hard to decipher between them. well thank u, i hope it helps someone lol.

[Phoenix98]

:)

Indeed and if they're patient and vigilant and don't let negative past experiences dictate their future it will.

[GlibSluice]

It makes me sad to see how many guys advise not to bother with girls who actually ARE hard to get, and that they think it's a waste of time, or not a good thing to do.
It sucks because guys don't take the time to recognize what type of girl it is and/or pursue her. And if every guy does that, then who does she get? No one.
I think guys need to take into consideration when reading this post that it's not a active decision to become a girl who's genuinely 'hard to get'. Some girls just have that personality and can't help it. This is one big difference between girls who just play 'hard to get' because one that ARE, actually ARE.
So guys, please don't so easily dismiss this type of girl. It's not something she can just change one day to make it easier for guys. Assess the situation, give her a chance, wait, and hope.

[Blueeyes81]

The reason most men say move on is from dealing with one or the other or both types. I've had two of the genuine hard to get in life. The problem is the time invested but without a guarantee. It's a risk the man takes pursuing her. He may very well spend 6 months, a year or longer and end up were he started. The last lady I went on a date with we talked for a month before I asked her out. She said yes but wanted to get to know each other better first. 2 months latter we have our first date. We clicked and had an amazing date. So that's three months for one date. After another month of trying to work around her schedule I pulled the plug. She was amazing but four months of time invested for one date. How long until she's ready to be committed, another year, maybe longer, if we even get to that phase. My times valuable to me. At least with a normal to get woman if it doesn't work out you haven't wasted months or longer of your time. That is why most men say move on.

[QuestionMan]

The first time I met the second type of girl I automatically assumed she was the first type since she would always say "I'm busy". Turned out I was wrong and she really was busy. Spending time with her feels like a treat since she's an awesome person. Too bad she already has a boyfriend and is extremely busy with work and university.

[justbanANNAz]

yeah see? it happens a lot.
thank you for this input. i love it when men share their experiences because it proves I'm not talking bullshit.

[QuestionMan]

The first type is more common though so it makes it difficult to differentiate.

[justbanANNAz]

definitely. that's why u gotta use ur judgement.

[666threesixes666]

she's got a boyfriend, but isn't opposed to talking to more men... put her in the trash can bro

[justbanANNAz]

LOL please don't listen to him. it's okay for us to talk to other men while in a relationship. we have a little thing called loyalty going on. the good ones anyway.

[QuestionMan]

@666threesixes666 There's this thing called friendship. Perhaps you should Google it.

[666threesixes666]

@mytakeowner so how does it make you feel when your boy is talking to other girls, smiling, being his charming self, and ignoring you? @QuestionMan how does it make you feel when your girl is talking to other guys, and ignoring you?
"1. THE MIND GAME: Playing Hard To Get.
Some women enjoy playing a number of mind games to lure men in, wrap them around their pinky finger and keep them at their disposal whenever required."
too bad she can't be more than friends. <--- she let you get wrapped up, then drops mind games. you hurt for her, are at her disposal, and now you are her pawn not friend. you may choose to ignore reality, it's your problem, not mine. the other side of the blame the victim paradigm is the defend the abuser paradigm. she's cutting you down, telling you no chance, too busy for you, desires men who are not you, etc and now i have to google friend. with friends like that, who needs enemies? protip, don't be a dick to people sticking up for you. ;) trash can bro.

[justbanANNAz]

@666threesixes666 ... u do realise you're agreeing with us right?

[Bandit74]

I think its rare to meet a girl who is 100% consistent on either end of the spectrum. Its rare to meet a girl who is easy to get for every guy she sleeps with but its also rare to meet a girl who is always hard to get for every guy she sleeps with. Its impossible to meet a girl who is easy for every guy she meets, even prostitutes have some criteria. So, A girl might be easy for get for one guy, hard to get for the next guy, and then impossible to get for another. Maybe guy 1 gets sex on the first date, guy 2 has to date her for a month, and then guy 3 gets a firm permanent rejection.

[justbanANNAz]

i agree, but I've never really mentioned that a woman is like that 100% of the time. it's more of an overarching type of person.
and of course, we aren't going to deal with all guys the same way, but generally, we are going to remain true to who we are, or who we want u to think we are.

[sp33d]

"She’s not easily jealous, but just the right amount." What does this mean? :D

At any rate, I agree with the idea in a nutshell. The manipulators are easy to weed out. Her "powers" only work against someone who can't think for himself. Sadly, there are too many guys like that, then again, it's all fair game. Overall, such women won't win anything, save for some handfulls of money, but that's all they care about, no big loss.

The actual difference becomes apparent when she demonstrates her simplicity and boasts a certain a naive that REALLY sticks out like a sore thumb. The last time I met someone like that, I already felt like I wanted to die on the second night out - she's 30 and yet acts like a child and worse, thinks like one.

[sp33d]

certain naive**

[justbanANNAz]

in my opinion, it's having enough jealousy for me to know they still give a shit about me, but not so much so that they don't want me speaking to anybody else.

that's exactly right, which is why I've mentioned that winning a girl who IS hard to get is arguably, only for the intelligent man, or the man who transforms his thinking to be in tune with these kinds of women.

LOL yeah they're something else.

[sawno]

This sounds quite a lot like the girl ill probably do well with.
I am terrible at playing games, but instead i am a genuine guy who can show her he truly cares and will be sweet for her. If a girl is hard to get because she picks her partners carefully and possible had a bad experiance filled past she'd fit me as i am the type of guy she may be looking for as i take relationships seriously and don't act untill i am certain myself.

[justbanANNAz]

i think it's great that ur terrible at playing games, because u don't need them. keep looking mate! =]

[Alex88F]

i personally dont know what kind of girl my current crush is.

we "broke up" a couple of months ago and i texted her to which
she replied she was happy i got in touch again (& i didn't deleted her number and so on)

BUT after i asked to hang out with my friends she just blew it
and first she said it was my fault then she said she forgot...

i guess i'll give her another chance, try to understand if she's hard
to get for real or just a player and then MOVE THE FUCK ON.
i really dont have times for mind games...

[Alex88F]

*my fault IE i didn't call her :/ now, thats an excuse ain't it?

[justbanANNAz]

im not sure why she's saying it's your fault, but i think yeah she needs another chance. see what's going on. if she's willing to make time for u or not.
i can't see mind games happening in this situation. i believe that if she was happy to get ur text after some time, she's not that shallow. a girl playing games wouldn't care much.

[Alex88F]

we were supposed to go out with friends of mine and she was down with it, but i didn't call her to confirm that and then A) she said that was the reason she didn't come B) she changed saying she forgot... boh! ill give her a little bit more trust

i'll try again this weekend, then we will see...

[Bluemax]

It has been my observation that usually when a guy thinks a girl is hard to get, it's wishful thinking on the part of the guy. It's usually the case that she just isn't interested in the guy.

[fondue]

Hmm. I just wanted to say I'm the first one because everyone keeps saying they're the second type and I want to be Speshial™.
That being said nice take. 👍
It's pretty much true. And to all the guys, raging, 'girl says she's too busy? She's just playing games, I don't want that kind of girl' - good, because she doesn't need a guy like that boggin her down. Psh. 👌

[justbanANNAz]

i was gonna write somewhere that a lot of women are self proclaimed as 'hard to get' so u never know who to believe, but i decided it's not my place, as I've claimed myself one, and people can just take from that what they will. i don't need to convince anyone really.

i appreciate it. LOL yes, preach it sister.

[tyber1]

Playing hard to get doesn't attract guys despite being unpleasant. It'd be more accurate to say that the girl attracts guys and then is unpleasant. Anyways, girls who play games aren't worth even acknowledging. I can respect a girl who is reserved, not one that is manipulative.

[THEALIster]

I agree, but I don't think you got the point of tyre sexing gurl is not playing a game, that's just how she is...

[THEALIster]

Not that she's impossible to get she's just not easy

[justbanANNAz]

that's what i was getting at.
well you know what u want and that's great.

[tyber1]

@THEALIster I understand that, see where I said that I respect reserved women

[Shorty1991]

Loved this post. I can also relate to it since I'm one of those girls. I guess the guys that have taken interest in me haven't been smart enough to figure this out yet.
Often they think I'm playing hard to get, playing mind games or just ignorant. I'm really fussy when it comes to guys. Lol.