Why is my ex GF ignoring me so much?

[Anonymous]

My ex GF and I fell in love completely (or at least it felt that way) and became really close, wanting to be together all the time.

The problem was that she began to 'show' me to everyone she knew, starting with her family. I did not care much, but in the back of my mind I didn't know where it was going. It has taken me a month (of not talking) to work out what happened: basically she was proud of being with me and told her friends about me. I think one or two of these people were reformed psycho male types, who easily get jealous. So when I met them, you can imagine the hostility. I thought I was going to end up in hospital at one point, because of this one pumped up psycho on my case, basically standing wanting a fight. Luckily I stayed calm and didn't react.

We left the party, but my girl was like - 'that was great, come on, let's have fun!' I didn't want to go in the first place, btw, and she said she would only drop by, but ended up being there for hours (I met her there at the end). At the time, all I wanted to do was to go home to bed. She took it as 'if you leave me, it's over'. I said I didn't give a damn.

See where this is going? - she said (a week later we met once) 'you left me after I let you into my life and introduced you to everyone (she has kids, we got on well) and I said, 'you endangered my welfare so however much it hurts, I am angry about that'. I still feel this way and all she has to do is say 'sorry, I didn't realise that night would be like that'. But instead, she is avoiding me like the plague! I can't call her or reach out to her (it would be easy) because of self respect... but now I just feel terrible... I think what makes it worse is that these jealous outsiders managed to break the beautiful connection we had. (Maybe it wasn't that strong and was purely in my mind...)

[bunny_luv]

if going out isn't your thing or you weren't up to it on that fateful night than you have every right to object to that and perhaps she needs to reconsider that you have different interests than hers. it doesn't really sound like a big deal to me that you wouldn't want to hang out at this party she was into. and her getting upset at you like that and then making comments about you leaving her after she let you into her life is a rather questionable comment. I'd chill and give it some time... maybe it was little red flag for you to notice in terms of where the relationship was going. take care.

[Asker]

Thank you so much- You're right, it should not be a big deal- it really shouldn't, but we have not spoken for over a month! All I did was walk away and say 'talk to you tomorrow maybe, I need time alone', but I really don't know why she got so upset - at the time crying, screaming etc. Then she waited to see if I was still angry (if I'm really angry I just walk away until things calm down) that 'her people' whatever, didn't take a liking to me, and when she saw I was calm but would not say sorry, she verbally attacked me again. As I said above, we're very similar, but also because we're used to walking a line between different types of people growing up. Now she's avoiding her favourite gym (where we met) and all the people who like her there- it's kind of stupid and overreacting. My view is I'm not changing 1 single thing in my routine. Chill out- I think that is all I can do now. Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her how you felt. Explain your side of the story and explain how you wanted to leave the party, not her. Her giving you an ultimatum wasn't a good thing either. I think if you both just lay it all out on the table and talk through it, you might be able to save your relationship :)

[Asker]

Thanks! - helpful... yr right but I'd rather die than make contact... I tried to find out what happened online to keep sanity. (I did my best not to talk about it with anyone because I wanted to stop thinking about her all the time.) I typed in stuff she said - then, maybe a 100 links came up, all saying 'histrionic/narcissistic personality disorder' which is basically a narc - manipulative (She said she 'COULD be bitter', wtf!) So I started to think she relates to all people as objects, which made a lot made sense. I could see she is inexperienced in relationships compared to me, which was surprising at first, but she said several times she 'let her guard down' with me (I don't know if this meant she introduced me to hundreds of ppl, lol). So, if this was anyone else, I would say 'move on'. But, this is the most important thing- I don't think either of us will ever meet someone as similar as we were- like brother and sister almost, always talking... plus sex...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, i understand what you're feeling. I think you two definitely have an irreplaceable bond. This situation seems confusing because you don't want to make contact, but don't want to end it. I think the only question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you'll be able to handle more disagreements like this one, but ultimately do what you think is best for you- follow your gut! :)

[Asker]

Honestly, on phone- she spoke fast, I hardly said a word,... you can imagine all the stuff. Among the prize selections were 'you're not a man, I need a real man,'... 'how dare you suggest my family would associate with people like that?' (I saw it with my own eyes),. and 'my (male) cuz is an expert in body language and wants to know where you were before the party because you looked shifty/guilty' (I woke up NEXT to her, then went off for 8 hours, supposedly to cheat on her, before going to the party.) I said I was on edge about meeting so many strangers suddenly - I was polite... This is what makes me so pis*** about everything.
Saw each other, both acted like we didn't notice - when she saw I wasn't going to kiss her feet or even approach, she ran. You’re right- disagreements- yelling just isn't me. She said 'I don't need games.' It's over a month now - clearly not a game- my gut says 'totally ignore her, unless she says sorry,' but not holding breath...;-)

[Anonymous]

same thing happened to me, much worse that i cried nights and nights but at the end it taught me how cruel people can be
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[Opinion Owner]

it's better for you just let it go and not let the memories haunt you

[Asker]

There was always something in the back of my mind urging me to keep my eyes open - very lucky, otherwise I would have jumped off a bridge, no joke.

It's as bad as you make it I guess. It's not good, but she told me how she cried herself to sleep too - I said, 'why didn't you just call me?' No answer. The other thing was that she was very spur of the moment, (just I could not argue with her), so she kind of thought aloud the whole time and her thoughts are all over the place, lol. Invariably people like that are stupid and/or insecure. I'M probably stupid for not listening to my own advice - still love her... but there you go!