In what situation does a dumper expect and want the dumpee to contact them again?

[Anonymous]

In what situation does a dumper expect and want the dumpee to contact them again but are too afraid to do it themselves? Like they want the dumpee to contact them again but are too afraid or unsure to do it themselves, how can you tell?

[popciclestar]

It really depends on the situation. If it was a hardcore breakup (ie: the dumpee was cheating, clingy etc) then do not contact the dumper. If it was an unsure breakup (ie: argument, misunderstanding, etc.) then wait about a week.

For the most part I agree with easyzombie but if the breakup was unsure let the dumper miss the relationship a bit. It's best not to seem too clingy or needy. Girls like to feel needed, but all the power goes to their head or they get bored. If you do talk to the dumper again it should be casual and mutual. Don't immediately pressure them into getting back together. Try to become friends again.

(All this dumper and dumpee stuff reminds me of John Green ^-^)

And I wish you the best of luck :)

[Asker]

Why John Green?

And what if it's been 3 months of no contact because she wanted to stay friends I didn’t and in that sense we just stopped talking to each other out of disagreement and misunderstanding because she was saying I was messing with her head?

[popciclestar]

Ok. So three months of no contact? She originally said she wanted to be friends, so that is a good sign. She hasn't completely shut you out. What I suggest you do, is to try and become her friend again. That was what she hoped for originally. If she still values your friendship things should be OK. It might be a little awkward in the beginning though. And one piece of advice is not to bring up old arguments or misunderstandings from the past unless she is still upset about them.

[popciclestar]

And John Green Wrote a book called an Abundance of Katherines in which he made a formula regarding dumpers and dumpees

[Asker]

Yeah 3 months..but if I want more than friendship? Is it really a good approach to approach with friendship?

I checked out that John Green formula it made some sense but not really that much? Found a grapher here for an example link

[CoutingStars]

I dumped someone I was in love with, but not because I wanted to... because he betrayed me and I could have never trusted him anymore. In this case I would think it is OK for the dumpee to contact (me) the dumper again. because the reason I dumped this person was definitely not that I wanted to break up. I felt I had no choice.

[Asker]

Makes sense, is there a reason for why you don't want to contact him yourself other than that he betrayed you? How do you expect him to reach out to you the best way possible? What would work best for you in that sense?

[CoutingStars]

since last week we are in the same class. we see each other every day. he blocked me on fb, although we have never been friends (weird!), he does not look or talk to me. I have no idea what to do. still like him a lot. but he hates me & ignores me now.. I don't know why... I'm very confused, put a question up about it myself some days ago .. ;)

[Asker]

You should talk to him, he is obviously hurt but if he betrayed you then he has to make some amends for it somehow first. But you could reach out still.

Where is your question?

[easyzombie]

You can't reall tell

Usually dumpers don't want the dumpee contacting them withhin first few weeks after the break up and later on they either don't mind or they want the dumpee to contact them because they start regretting the break up but are too afraid to admit it, and their pride is stopping them

The best thing to do is to never contact them, and never let them win and/or feel the satisfaction

[Asker]

That is a way to do it but what if you still miss them and love them, I mean if I can feel this way she must be feeling this was x10 more than me because sha was so much more into me then I was.

[Asker]

But still nothing is happening, no one is making a move..

[RedSmartie]

It is always the dumper's responsibility to contact the dumpee if they want to reconnect.

[brokenme23]

couldn't agree more!

[Asker]

But what if the dumper feels like the dumpee? And either expects or convinces themselves somehow that they are the victim of things that happened? What do you do about it then?

[RedSmartie]

The dumpee always has more of a claim to that than the dumper does. If both feel victimized then the dumper needs to put on their grown up undies and open up communication.

[Asker]

Even if the dumpee took the dumper for granted which then caused the break-up to happen?

[RedSmartie]

Yeah. Because the dumpee might not have realized that they were hurting the dumper but the dumper knows they hurt the dumpee.

[Asker]

Makes sense yeah, what do you think happens when the dumpee reaches out to the dumper except for the ego-boost? Is there a way to get passed the ego-boost for the dumper? If the dumpee wants to reach out?

[RedSmartie]

Not much would happen. If the dumper is still into them the dumper would attempt to keep contact, but there is no forgoing the ego boost. The dumper would probably be annoyed if they didn't still have feelings for the dumpee.

[oneconfusedwoman101]

A dumpee has already been made to feel worthless by being dumped so it's doubtful they will want to sink lower by contacting the person that dumped them to try and get back. That would just feed the dumpers ego.

[Anonymous]

I dumped my ex because of depression, I am ignoring him, but thinking of contacting him when I feel better...

[Asker]

Hmm Interesting, do you blame him for how you feeling right now in any way? What would you do if he contacted you now when you weren't ready for him, what would you say and how would you feel about it? :/

[Robotic]

Because of depression? what did you say to him? 'im too depressed to be in a relationship right now?'

[northstarangel]

I think it is always up to the dumper to initiate conversation again. The dumpee is probably just trying to move on with their life.