I feel too ugly to be loved, even just liked

[Anonymous]

I'm past high school age, but I still carry personal baggage from that time... namely, I wasn't popular, and actually some people mocked me constantly (I wouldn't say they bullied me though), they called me ugly and guys constantly rejected me, and no one ever asked me out. When I was a senior I met a college guy who became my boyfriend, but he was emotionally abusive and called me ugly many times.

After we broke up I met new people and some guys started showing interest, but it was always like not serious, or you could tell it was because someone else had turned them down. Nowadays I still get attention but it seems to me it's never serious, like no one actually really likes me for me. Some people call me pretty now, and if I go out some guys hit on me... but that's so superficial it could just be desperation.

I just don't think I'm the "beautiful girl next door" guys tend to like and idealize. I feel like the ugly, easy whore... I'm not easy, but I fear guys see me as "less pretty" and think I might be desperate and therefore easy... some guys actually believe ugly girls are easier.

So I feel too ugly to find someone, I mean there are so many beautiful girls, so many beautiful, intelligent awesome girls... that, whoin his right mind would pick me? :( I met a great guy recently, he's so smart and nice, even a little geeky which I love, and he's really nice to me, but there are so many prettier girls who he could get along with better... I don't know what I'm saying, I guess I feel I'm not worthy. Not for him, not for anyone.

By the way it's not that I have high standards... I tend to like guys who most people describe as average or even ugly (though I see them as attractive).

I guess my fate is to be loveless and become a spinster... but I crave affection, sexual intimacy, feeling beautiful and lovable... I know it's not for me, though. How can I get accustomed to the notion of being alone, single forever, and happy with that?

[XRabbitHeartX]

I know how you feel and I actually went into a depression solely just because I felt I was not worth any guy's time and that compared to other girls I have nothing. I got depressed over the same thing, I felt too ugly to deserve love or someone special. But then after a few psychologist visits I realized I have a choice. I can go through my life hating myself or I could go through life loving myself. If I pick the hate option I'll be sad, resentful & people will notice this. If I love myself though and accept how I look then I'd be more happier, radiant and even a bit more confident which could open up so many doors cause being happy gives off a positive vibe which attracts others. I mean, no one likes to hang out with someone who's sad or mopey all the time. You cannot change how you look. No amount of cosmetic surgery is going to alter your entire appearance. So it's better to just realize you can't change it so why even bother letting it get you down. After my personal decision to be happy with myself I ironically enough ended up meeting a guy who was head over heels in love for me and felt like people reacted more positively to my new attitude. Attitude is everything. Once you start seeing life as a bunch of choices you start to grasp that some things aren't worth the stress and negativity as nothing can be done about them.

You won't ever be able to be happy alone forever. Some people are asexual and may have no desire for it but you clearly do and if the desire is there it will remain there till you satisfy this life long desire. And it's a reasonable one too. We all need companionship. But you're not going to get there by hating yourself cause believe me, people can pick up miraculously if you're positive or negative and guys get scared off when they sense the girls is overly insecure and not confident in who she is and carries lots of baggage. By making a simple decision to love yourself and to start seeing life as a opportunity and a adventure you'll be surprised at the twists and turns it can bring (including love). Lastly remember "Change yourself. Without action you aren't going anywhere".

[Bvroon]

You know I can really relate to this scenario, as I too used to feel this way about myself, and occasionally I still do, however, what I was going to tell you is that the issue you have with not feeling attractive is really an issue within yourself that requires you to understand one, that you are unique and that you have something to offer others, and that while you might feel insecure about your physical appearance (as do I from time to time) it is the things you say and do that help people decide how they feel about you and if you think about it if you can illicit feelings in others (positive feelings) then you might find that they become increasingly more attracted to you. I guess what I'm trying to say is when I was really wrapped up in how I wasn't going to find anybody who would want me that this is actually something people can see in you and in all fairness it can make the most "beautiful" of people look less attractive, after all it sounds to me like you really want people to like you for you not just what you look like, so while it won't be easy you need to let people see who you are, and that you are a valuable, attractive, warm, caring and loving person. In all fairness I don't see how you couldn't be attracted to someone like that. So give yourself some credit, you have already shown that you are a woman of some depth or you wouldn't have written this posting, just let your beauty show. I hope this helps some and may your journey be a great one.

[Yellowsmurf]

Believe it or not, a few of us actually go for personality over looks. A great personality can make a girl that you're not attracted to to begin with look like the prettiest girl in the world. I can only speak for myself but when I fall for a girl she starts to look prettier and prettier to me every day, I learn to love even her imperfections and they become part of her charm.

Eventually, she's the prettiest girl in the world in my eyes and nothing can ever change that unless her personality turns ugly.

To be slightly more thorough in my answer, "I know it's not for me", you say. It probably is and will be, you're only as ugly as you allow yourself to be, if that makes sense.

As for your very last question, it's actually not that hard. Gather interest in yourself, be it by being great at hobbies, having interesting thoughts, creating art of any sort. It's a bit of a 2-edged blade though, because as soon as you learn to love yourself and not care about being alone anymore, people will find you much more intriguing and you'll end up not needing it.

[Anonymous]

First things first, you need to work on your self-confidence. You need to feel better about yourself. Feel confident and sexy, that is what will attract the right types of guys to you.

Work out. Working out releases endorphins. Endorphins make you feel good about yourself. Not to mention, exercising makes you look better.

Dress better. This doesn't mean skimpy, but well-dressed, well-groomed people are more attractive than those who aren't.

Find a hobby and/or spend more time out with family and friends. Have fun, laugh!

Love will find it's way to you. My confidence was once very low. I am following these steps and my confidence is constantly rising. Plus, I am getting more positive attention from women. You MUST learn to love yourself first. MUST!

[Phoenix52]

^^ Best answer.

[scorch]

No one is destined to be alone forever no one is that ugly. I have had a bald spot since middle. My looks ain't changed since I had the chicken pox in 5 th grade. I was called ugly fat A troll I had to date girls in different schools it was so bad. It will get better.

If you wanna message feel free to add me.

[greggeczi]

never feel like that. I was once in your position. Those who wait will reap the greatest rewards. Patientnece is a virtue. Believe me and trust me, you are probably a beautiful woman and a man is waiting for a woman like you.

[WoIIie]

Focus on your strengths instead of dwelling on what you're terrible at.

[Anonymous]

You f***ers give up to fast how are you gonna call your self ugly ... Lose some weight , plastic surgery for the face , if you don't like your face go change it if you don't like your body go excersise , if you want something go get it don't say I can't girls or I can't get guys to like me how bout you do something about it make a DIFFRENCE in your look you want something go get it period

[Anonymous]

im ugly as hell and I have no female friends or a girlfriend ever

[MichaelL]

If its that big a deal Stock up on Paper bags.