On this day, April 17th, last year, a buddy of mine decided to take his own life. It was the day after his 25th birthday.
I cried on that day. I cried at his funeral. I cried again today. I don't cry much. I don't show much emotional attachment to anyone-Especially a friend. But the ironic thing is, he wasn't much of a friend. I knew him. He knew me his whole life, and I did as well. I liked him. He never had any issues with me. And I chilled with him, and his story is pitiful. However, I had closer friends, and he was just a "side friend" on occasion, if you will. I normally don't feel sorry people who commit suicide, since it is their choice, but I did with him. In honor of his privacy, his name in this MyTake will be "Michael."
The Reason
With every single suicide, everyone wants to the reason why. Normally, I would say the reason is unknown-But I doubt that is the case with Michael. Me, his sister, and his parents pretty much knew why. Well, not even "pretty much"-We were certain of why. He was lonely. Very lonely. So lonely, possibly the loneliest guy I've ever met. He was close to his family, and sister, but that was about it. I'm pretty sure I was the only friend he had. He had never dated anyone-Or even as much as "smelled" a girl. He complained to me about it often. His own parents decided to get him into counseling. It was well known among us he was lonely. I have no doubt he wanted to wait until one final birthday before he took his one life.
In Elementary School-Kindergarten-6th Grade(1996-2003).
Michael was always the "nerdy guy with glasses." I know, this is cliche. This is a movie stereotype-But Michael was literally a real life movie stereotype. He was very smart, very nerdy, overly talkative, would ramble about science, but unfortunately, could never connect to anyone. I met him in my Kindergarten class. From then on out, I knew him in Elementary school. I remember being his only friend. There were many boys at the time who would bully him at recess. I helped fight against bullies too. However, in 5th grade, he suffered his first rejection from a girl. I remember telling him to wait until we got older, since girls would mature, and they would accept him more. In 6th grade, one of the girls called his house, and "asked him out"-Just to do it as a prank. He was sad, and felt embarrassed to even go to school(Funny enough, this girl ended up being raped when she was 21 years old-THANKS KARMA).
So, Elementary School was miserable. Ok, fine. No big deal.
Junior High School-7th, and 8th Grade(2003-2005).
I told Michael on our first day of Jr. High-Things are going to change. The good news was, that was true-Things changed, and were better. The bad news was-Not much changed. However, these 2 years were the the PEAK of Michael's life. The PEAK of his popularity. It was the most popular he had ever been in his life-And he still wasn't anywhere near popular. In 7th grade, we went to the dance with his other friend. He still didn't have a date, but we had fun getting rejected as a group by the girls. Ah, to be 13/14 again-Where people were cruel, yet, awesome at the same time. In 8th grade, we set Michael up with a "blind date" at the annual dance(It wasn't a real date) with a girl, but she was even more embarrassed. She acted disgusted by him. Michael told me the dance was miserable, and they barely even talked-Let alone touched each other.I guess it was a bad idea on me, and Michael's friend's part, but we tried to help.
So, Jr. High is over. Ok, fine-High School is a huge experimental time for most people. Let's go!
High School-9th-12th Grade(2005-2009).
Unfortunately, Michael's friend from Jr. High ended up moving away, so I was once again his only friend going into high school. He did meet a friend who was an even closer friend than me-And he was just as nerdy. They "clicked" right away in freshman year and were good friends. Unfortunately, his girl situation was probably even worse than it was before-And I didn't think it could get much worse. I finally got my first girlfriend in my senior year myself-But compared to Michael, I felt like a "lady's man." Freshman year was terrible for Michael, and it was very similar to his elementary experience. He faced bullying, especially on his MySpace account. This continued until about his junior year, where he moved on from those people. He was rejected by countless girls. What amazed me was, he was rejected by girls from several different cliques. Athletes, "Princesses", snobs, gothic, punk-rock, ghetto, and even girls who were nerdy social outcasts themselves rejected him. So we can't accuse Michael here of "going out of his league"-He apparently had no league, as sad as that is. The saddest part was in his senior year, he planned a prom proposal video he shared on his Myspace-Which was a turn-down. He didn't even have a friend to go to Prom with. I invited him to Prom with me, and my girlfriend, but he was too depressed to go. That was the first, and only time I heard him mention..........suicide.
We can all agree our K-12 years are the worst! But college is the "best 4 years of your life", am I right? Let's go to college!
Undergraduate College-3 years(2009-2012).
We went to the same college for his undergrad years. We both went to the University of Indiana. I majored in Engineering, while he was a Biochemistry Major. We lived on campus together. Amazingly enough, he belonged to a fraternity-But it was a frat full of nerds! Which was cool, because they were still fun to hang out with. However, he was so smart, he was able to major in Biochemistry. It took me 4 years to graduate, but he took Summer classes too-So it only took him 3 years.
So, what happened? The good news for him-He did have a solid base of friends in his nerdy frat house. The bad news was-Still no girls. Girls continued to ignore him-Even the Art majors. He would go to gatherings, events, and the clubs-But still no luck. This was when reality hit for me: Wow, girls really are cruel these days! We're adults, and Michael is facing the same treatment he faced his whole life in college.
Well Michael, college still has many immature, superficial girls. I'm sure grad school has fully mature adults, and better, more open minded people.
Graduate School-2 years(2012-2014).
I didn't go to grad school, but Michael did, so this is literally the only time in his life he did not go to school with me. I think grad school was the nail in his coffin(Pun intended). He moved to another college for grad school, and this may have been a terrible idea. As I said, I wasn't with him. Second of all, it didn't have a nerdy frat to join-So he didn't join one. Third of all, his classes were much more stressful. Fourth and lastly, he went to Boston College, which is one of the snobbiest colleges. He must have had a miserable time there. He called me several times, and messaged me on Facebook, and Twitter about how sad he was, and how he hated it there. He told me the women were even more cruel, and only cared about money, looks. I believe him. However, he was able to gut it out, graduate with Honors with a Master's Degree in Biochemistry.
The worst is over Michael. Now that you can start a career, and possibly become an expert in your field, things are looking good.
Earning the PhD-(2014 until his death).
Michael decided to go for his PhD in Biochemistry. However, he moved back home(to where I live) and enrolled in an online program. However, he wasn't able to find a job specifically in his field-So he was hired by the online school to teach an online class of a variety of science courses, which were related to his degree. So, what happened? Well he finished his first year, and enjoyed his job-But due to the isolation in his apartment, I think loneliness finally got the best of him. He realized his life would never change. He realized he would never have any other friend, or get married. So one day, his mom called, crying, and told me he shot himself. They found him in his apartment on April 17th, 2015.
Conclusion
I get so mad here on GAG. People like Michael aren't "entitled." He wasn't shy. He was confident. He wasn't "out of his league." He was a good guy. However, thanks to the many superficial selfish women out there, he took his life. So maybe if people were more open minded, people like Michael wouldn't kill themselves.
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