Why do guys overlook good girls?

OK I always hear nice guys complaining that girls don't like them but I don't even think they like nice girls. they always chase after girls that treat them like crap but completely ignoring girls that would actually be treating them right...so what do guys really want and what makes you overlook a girl? I'm tired of being overlooked do I have to become that hot snotty girl to get guys to notice me? they say they don't want that but it seems like mouth candy to me


Most Helpful Girl

  • it's allll a game.. life is a game ...

    You might be that girl that would treat them just like a god if you got with them and that is fine but first you have to reel them in and to do that you have to make them chase you.

    Don't be so nice at the beginning all the time... act tough but cute and flirty at the same time

    once you have them and they are interested be who you really are and if they like it they will stay around and if they don't then they will move on... not your loss because they obv weren't the right one for you


What Guys Said 43

  • Once guys get a little older...they learn to ALWAYS pay attention to the nice girls first.

    Have a little patience!

  • Reading this question makes me remember some girls, perfectly good and intelligent girls, nice to look at and makes me feel guilty for not even trying to get their attention.


    -My own mistake, thinking only mini skirt wearing girls wanted a boyfriend

    -Friendship zone

    -Girls often 'hiding' in the shadow of attention-drawing girls.

    - Girls usually only seen with other girls, talking about girly things and shutting up when I came closer.

    -Girls sending 'occupied' signals

    -Girls sending 'not interested in boys and sex' signals, which lead me to avoid speaking to them about dating

    • Being "not interested in boys" and "not interested in sex" are 2 VEERRYYYY different things.. haha

    • Indeed, but there is a BIG misunderstanding: boys are interested in sex, so getting the boys without the sex may prove difficult for the girl (or frustrating for the boy)

  • Interestingly, I can switch the word "male" with "female" in your question and ask it for girls.

    It is not just what guys do.

    Teenagers (boys AND girls) go after the "cool one", the "popular one", the "hot one", etc.

    When they grow up, they realize their mistakes, and start going after the "good one".

    Of course there are some exceptions, like you. (I guess that you go after the "good one", since you are complaning that others don't go after the "good ones".

  • You are wrong. There are guys out there, this one here, that like nice girls. I highly respect morals. Biggest thing is ..just have a life...if you do and you are at least someone okay at flirting..that should be all you need. Sure you may have to wait for some decent guy, but then again...its standard. Something just like your own personal standard. That's not a bad thing, but rather a good one because in the end you will thank the lord you kept strong in belief that he was out there..then give in for 2nd best (which 2/3 women do).

    Don't worry about guys...you are bound to meet someone eventually that paints your perfect guy picture...as long as you are putting yourself out there. Doing community work, clubs, extracuritculars hopefully. You don't have to go to bars to meet guys. Just do what you like...volunteer...the smart guys will know where to go to meet you (ei volunteering, big brother, etc)..

    We hate patience...but don't faultier.. have hope.

  • Guys want women that are nice outside the bedroom and naughty inside it, who are not slutty in their behaviour with friends and socially mature but seductive when alone one on one. Good girls never stop being good girls and that is like dating someone with no intimacy experience which sucks. Its being a bit of everything and not one thing or type that makes women interesting. Men want a challenge and that means you must defy them at times in a way that is common sense. If you are too good they asume you are needy and they don't like that.

  • What a real guy wants is confidence. A girl who can be both the saint and the devil. We want a girl who is not afraid to be comfortable with herself and around guys, a girl with a sense of humor and playful (not slutty) nature. Like a girl who will flirt and sometimes use it to be funny. Like we like a girls who will be real. We want the girl that flirts and makes you chase her and work for it. That's the girl we really want. However, we are very sex driven at times (most of the time lol), so that's why most go with the slutty girls, in order to get some. You see if the slut can hook us in now they have us for a few then get thrown away in a few days,... but if the real girl can hook us in then were definitely not leaving.

  • Not true at all. I would actually prefer the nice girls, but it would seem a lot of them are kinda quiet. And quiet girls are well... quiet. Most guys like girls you are fun and outgoing, and most of the bad girls are like that. Guys would actually prefer nicer girls because they would treat the guys better. Also they probably chase after bad girls because the bad girls would probably be without much commitment, casual. That's my guess. I think they are probably afraid of the nice girl being to clingy and too nice. Nice guys are the same way right? That's why girls date bad guys, they are funner. So I would say for the same exact reasons that girls date bad boys. I personally ain't a bad boy or guy who chases bad girls, but this is what I think.

  • Honestly I wish I could say why I do it, but I do let girls treat me like dirt.

    It's not that I have a thing for people who treat me badly, usually I think the person I'm with is nice. It just never works out, but I think that is more me than them. They smell loser and run like the wind. Nice girls don't want a loser any more than snotty girls do.

  • well I for one love nice girls, I'm with a good girl right now and I wouldn't choose any "hottie" over her. guys are just dumb sometimes, one will eventually notice you and he will be well worth the wait. I know that's a generic term but the reason most guys do it is because we tend to only notice the outward appearance too much

  • everyone has different desires and tastes. me as an example, I like nice girls with a hint of evil lol ^^. I look for intelligent, open-minded, funny, outgoing, adventorous, strong-willed girls which know what they want.

    the thing is, that sometimes the "nice" girls don't really know what they want, or aren't as experimental and open minded as some people would like.

    I don't overlook nice girls as all! it's just that sometimes those "nice" girls miss something, which I desire!...but that's a whole different story!

    another thing: I'm a "nice" guy. I have been told that I have all the traits that a woman could wish for -> intelligent, funny, good character, open minded, good education and job, adventorous, sensitive, good body, pretty eyes, charming, looks for the needs of the woman he loves before looking for his own, etc etc etc.

    even though I might be all that, I have troubles finding women...but you know what? it's ok! everyone eventually gets what they deserve and I know that I WILL find a woman which suits me...someday...maybe today...maybe tomorrow...maybe next week...I don't know, but I will!

    so yeah...I don't know if I made my point clear...hope I did though, else you can always write me!

  • It truly depends on the guy. Personally I always liked self confident, intelligent, and fun. Someone who knew who they were and knew what they were about was always more attractive to me than a "hottie". Eventually the looks and beauty pass and you have to talk to the person, and there had better be something there besides the looks.

    My criteria was always:

    1. Self Confident (could be measured in many ways)

    2. Intelligent (able to use 3 syllable words in a discussion)

    3. Kind/Compassionate

    "Hot" never entered the equation, it was nice if it was there, but it was never a requirement.

  • it all depends since men from a psychosocial ascpect are programmed to be physical creatures due to enviromental factors and influences. From a physioloical aspect just as well, we react to hormones, pheremones much more intrinsically and outwardly than do women. So that "hot" woman will spur a reaction in men but its less emotionally entangled and engrained than one from a nice girl whom we would have a better conversation, intimacy and chemistry with. For example, I'm a paradox to the typical "guy", women look at me and my physique and see a jock, having been ex-millitary I like to PT. But once conversation starts they'll quickly see I'm an educated, intellegent man. Therefore, inherently I look for women who can challange me mentally as well. If not the dynamics between both of us will be unilateral and that is just boring. So in retrospect be open and meet people once they see the whole picture of your personality the interaction dynamics will change. Men will have a one night stand with hot women but a real realtionn ship needs more facets and substance than vanity, allure and lust. As a BS in psych these analysis are very interesting since every mind is there own world but there are certain human tenacitties that drive us to similar goals. Understanding, emphathy, acceptance..etc

  • men and women are diff, we all kno that. men usually go for the looks and we don't necessarily go for the bad girls. in fact, I believe most guys want the good girls cus the bad ones can make us guys do things we would never do. its just that the ratio of hot good girls to hot bad girls isn't so good. sadly, for us men, looks is everything but once we get over the looks, we all eventually in the long run rely on how you really are inside; ur characteristics, etc. if I saw a good hot girl that I knew didn't play mind/dating games with guys, I'd be all over her like a white on rice.

  • I believe the main reason for this is because when a 'bad' girl puts them down, men seem to take this as a challenge, knowing that if they do build a relationship with them, they would build a bit of self-esteem.

    I've been a firm believer in the opposite however, when guys get a bit more mature, they do tend to realise what they're doing and how backward it is. It's interesting to note that I've been in the same shoes as you with girls. Good girls tend to overlook me and I'm beginning to think that they believe that I'd be too easy to get.

    As for what guys really want?, they want attention, so even when they reject you, they're walking away with something, while you're left with nothing (not to mention feeling a bit embarassed with the whole situation). It feels awful, but it happens to nice guys too :(.

  • I will overlook a good girl that's not above average looking or better.

  • Good girls are generally boring. Give me a sexy minx with a riding crop over a suzie homemaker any day.

  • A nice guy is like all guys.. The first thing we notice is looks...it's not really controllable, this is why we stare at really good-looking girls on campus and at parties. but what you want is a relationship and guys who genuinely do too would like a girl like you (or at least I would), but you're not the first one we notice (by that I mean nice girls not you specifically), but when they get to know you that's where the attraction is (I know this sounds cliche). Why you are having trouble I could really only see this, it's easy to flirt with a hot girl, they're a number (hold on, by that I mean the scale 1-10, guys do it, I'm sure girls do it) but girls like yourself we have a lot more to lose if we screw it up. So talk to them more than they talk to you (hard for girls to do I know, just joshing). If you don't have any luck it may be because your own standards are too high (but I can''t really judge that). P.s keep it up you will be incredibly desirable as you get older, and if they get to know you, should be now

    • It's easy to flirt with a hot girl, they're a number (hold on, by that I mean the scale 1-10, guys do it, I'm sure girls do it) but girls like yourself we have a lot more to lose if we screw it up.

      what do you mean by a lot more to lose with someone like that? would a guy try to keep their distance from a hot good girl just because after getting to know her more, they are too afraid of messing it up forever with them? so they decide to not even try?

  • Maybe you're too easy (NOT SEX but like you become interested in a guy with ease) and men want what they can't have that's how we measure worth (and vice versa.)

  • ah yes, the age old question. this one goes both ways of course since nice girls go for pricks as well. I honestly think it is as simple as this: we ultimately want someone nice for settling down when we are older, but for now it is much more exciting to be with someone a little crazy who we never know what to expect from. we pretend like we don't and when things go wrong and we break up someone we had fallen in love with we complain about it and say we want someone nice, but ultimately we usually want someone exciting and entertaining and this usually means going for someone less nice. nice is security and trust, but boring. bad girls and guys and not trustworthy but fun.

    this is how it goes I believe. some girls and guys have realized this dynamic and act jerkish to score more mates. the nice ones stick to their guns and generally end up with someone good in the long run, but struggle in youth. go for a nice guy just after he has had his heart crushed by a mean girl. he will be most open to a nice unexciting girl at that time because he will be sick of the crap you get from mean girls.

  • To like a girl there has to be some challenge, you do not need to be a snotty girl. To get noticed you just have to flirt and tease.

  • The same reason guys wonder why women like "jerks"...generalizations and misinformation.

  • It's just the society your living in. A few years back it was worse. Thug culture is being pushed because we are still fairly primitive and a lot of people think like that. It's getting better though look at the metro-sexual trend and the emo's and such people. They are hated because they defy the petty thug stereotype and dare to be them selves The girls that are disrespectful don't' get the time of day from me, I won't even do business with them as a business person because you can't trust people like that. Those girls (like their male counterparts) suck to no end I dispise them they are nothing but trouble. Every retired cop has more than a few gray hairs on her or his head put there by such stupid moronic people.

    That a girl not act that way is a must for me but It's also important to take care of your self . If your 30 lbs overweight that's not a plus. If your clothing is bland and boring and you don't express any fashion sense that's boring as well. Think about what you like, dressing is an art form. I'm always more attracted to women that look sharp and sexy than I am to some girl in jeans and a tee shirt with flat hair because she is boring to look at. Nothing says you can't look hot and NOT be some stupid ass. You can weir wet look leggings and PH8 etc and still be a decent person. Think how far ahead of the monic stupid thugs THAT will put you.

  • ill tell you the real reson why good girls lose. the good ones try hard to do good things, but they don't know that doing things won't make some one feel for another. what you want to do is create processes, by that I mean create feelings, processes of emotion, inside that person. to do things like that would take me way too much to explain, but I hope this part can help you.

    love, lust, intrigue, curiosity, etc, all these things are nothing but simple processes withing someones sub mind from experience and interpretation. to create these feelings you need to know how to capture and lead someone imagination with the most vivid pictures, sounds, sensations, and so on. you need to know how to talk, pause at the right places how to create image and motion and feelings.

  • because us guys wonder the same thing why you always go for the cocky, asshole, douchebags, but you girls get away with it more often since you get to do the choosing.

    • Yeah, we get to do the choosing. You're funny. And the thing about all girls going for the absolute idiot jerks just tops it off. Go become a comedian :P but seriously, I have only met about 3 (I'm being generous!) guys who aren't this way!! And even then, if (and only if because some of them were too old for me) I liked them, they already had a girlfriend or liked another (not-so-saintly) girl. It's hard to go for a guy that doesn't exist. :P

    • Yeah, you girls have more options

  • cos bad girls are so much fun

  • Many of the factors that apply in the "nice guy" debate are present here. Most guys aren't interested in the nice, quiet girl with no confidence or self esteem. Guys are interested in the fun, outgoing nice girl with confidence, and who is willing to make decisions for herself rather than relying on her boyfriend for everything.

    A lot of the quiet, reserved, shy girls are just not interesting to be around. They're likely to be very reserved. A lot of the time, their idea of "treating a man right" is allowing him to do whatever he wants. They always let him choose what to do, always go along with what he wants, and would never think of voicing their opinion on something, especially if his has already been voiced. Guys don't want a girl like that because all of those things can be done without her. Anything that actually IS done with her could just as easily be done by myself, with about the same entertainment factor. Have an opinion, know how to have fun, and don't be shy about saying it.

    Like the nice guys, the nice girls often use a guy as an emotional crutch and get much too clingy much too fast. Whether you're fun and exciting, nice or bitchy, guys do not like hearing "Do you love me?" thirty times a day. This isn't nice, but desperate, and nothing will make a guy run away faster than desperate.

    Guys like sex. Many of the shy girls are not at all willing to make sex exciting. A lot of times, they just let the guy do whatever he wants, never take charge, never act sexual (due primarily to the fact that they feel voicing an opinion about sex will make them whores/sluts/whatever). Sex like this is going to get routine and boring, and the guy is going to lose interest quickly.

    Good guys do like nice girls. Good guys like fun, exciting nice girls. Guys who aren't looking for anything but sex are going to go for the ones who put out first. Guys who are looking for a more long term relationship are going to go for the ones who are most enjoyable to be around.

  • The very thing you don't want to become is exactly what they want during dating. Guys like a fun girl that keeps the chase going on. Nothing better than a BAD GIRL, that is until it is time to get MARRIED.

  • i think its more the problem that nice girls want bad guys (even thought they say its not true), plus in my situation its because people think I am not that good looking, I mean yes I am 5 ft 8 220, but I work out everyday, I don't eat the greatest, but its not like I'm sitting on my butt all day eating mickey d's yet girls think I'm just a fat ass, same things for guys too.

  • I'd say because there are more whores than there are nice girls :( Like a 7:1 ratio.. I don't chase after girls who'd treat me like crap tho, I always go for the nice girl. :D

  • darling its the human condition want what you can't have both sexes do it guy go for the girls that treat them like crap and the girls go for the jackass that will sleep with her friends or sister

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 19

  • Guys over look girls who are nice sometimes because they are either 1. immature or 2. the girl is soft-spoken and that doesn't grab a guy's attention

    You want to be someone confident so a guy can approach you or you can approach him in terms of dating. Plus being able to talk to each other and finding interests is important, regardless good or bad girl alike, communication is key if you're trying to secure a date.

    Guys don't think too differently from girls, it could be that they're busy and they don't notice you, they don't know you that well and they prefer dating within their circle of friends, they don't notice really shy and quiet girls and there are other reasons as well.

  • The key here is first impressions. If you're wearing a grandma sweater, pants, have your hair up and seem introverted, guys are going to overlook you. You don't have to be slutty though either, you just have to find a good balance. Guys want a girl they can take home to Mom, but behind closed doors is a freak. So a lot of times they see the girl with her boobs hanging out, flipping her hair and laughing obnoxiously loud and he's like BINGO there's a freak...but later realizes she has nothing really beyond the exterior. So help him out... if you know you're a good girl that he would want.. make yourself more noticeable.. show him some skin.. initiate a flirty conversation with him. Poor guys, they really are led around by their d***s! =P haha.

  • don't change just to make a guy like you!

    be the nice person you are, and the right guy will appreciate you for you

  • You don't need to worry about a guy noticing you. You should be the one noticing him. Every guy I've ever met says when it comes to meeting new people, girls have the better situation, because if a girl is outgoing, courageous, and confident in herself enough to talk to a total stranger guy, she obviously has the power to decide which guy she likes. Remember that relationships, especially new ones, are a leap of faith. You gotta take risks for someone else to trust you, and feel comfortable around you. I'm not saying point and demand the hottest guy in the room approach you, but don't be afraid to break the ice for no reason in the elevator. If a someone speaks to you, isn't it at least polite to respond? Shy girls and guys have to buck up that courage and be assured in that if chat goes sour, or the person just isn't your type, or you aren't theirs, drop it and move on. "hot snotty girls" and "good girls" who do get guys have one thing in common. They look like they don't need anyone but themselves to walk tall. Some hot girls end up treating guys like crap because they actually don't need anyone, and are not looking for a long term relationship. Hence petty drama, cheating, and general guy-abuse. Guys, and most girls, unless you're into the wounded type >_>, I like to think are the same in that respect. Shouldn't you have someone who is as awesome as yourself?

  • Guys like the challenge/chase.

  • Probably cause nice girls aren't as outgoing as others. And they might try to go with the pretier ones

  • Read, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. Guys like things that are not easy to come by, overly nice girls are doormats, you have to be sort of a bitch until they fall in love with you. Don't go out of your way to do stuff for guys, don't be the one texting/calling all the time, don't ask them for their number, don't be the one to always flirt with them, act like you have better sh*t to do than find a boyfriend, have a life, be interested in something besides guys, & don't worry about why guys like other girls & not you.

  • i don't think I'm a bad girl but all guys take interest in girls they think are way out of their league and its like I play the part and then just start the chase. some guys just love a girl that does things like that

  • Bad girls are sometimes aggressive, and I think this trait is what is attractive. It's different and it stands out but I do not think they have any advantage over you. You probably are much better off than they are in the Dude Dept. Just be more aggressive, and up front about who you are and what you are looking for. Don't look at the other girls, what they are doing. They don't matter, trust me.

  • mostly because of sex, but once they are over them they talk about them and then they say why are girls sluts and stuff. well hello you wanted sex and if she didn't then they would go find someone else, but for that sitiuation I'm thinking good girl, bad guy. so how about looking for the good guy, you know he's sweet and kind.

  • I'm a girl, so I can't really give an accurate answer... But if I had a d***, I would go after hot girls and not care about their personality. Although, that's probably just me.

  • im the inbetween type

    i don't treat people like dirt, I usually tease/pick on people.. & I'm fiesty in a friendly way more times.

    & I hate doing that whole.. chase me to keep me ;) thing... seems kinda stupid & like

    too much work... as far as I'm concerned once we're checkin... you've kinda got me? how far can I get really? LOL :S

    & I have the "cute" image which I think I work well... & I don't have a bad girl image... because I'm from a ghetto area, I'm only bad girl when I'm angry lool

    what the people below are saying doesn't sound like my area definition of bad girl, just sounds like a flirt, a tease, or a d***head chick lol

    but even if I flirt and try to tease (I end up LOL'in, I can't carry it off)... everything ends up on a PLAYFUL vibe, more to the cute side? LOL

  • no, you don't have to be that "Fantasy bitchy Girl" that every guy wants to cater to.. if you just be you then the right guy that's acually ment for you will come around.. if you really want to become part of that chase that every girl wants to be apart of then that's up to you, but in the end you won't really know whose your real friends and who isnt.. if you change who you are you have to be willing to take the chances.. you seem like a nice person and it would suck to let some jerk that's looking for that high quality girl to treat him terrible and in the end wish he would have been with you.. be yourself.. and just make yourself a fun person to be around.. because that's what they want, they want someone who they can have fun around but not someone whose always gonna treat them like crap..because eventually, that's gonna get old to them. and when I say "have fun around" I don't mean have sex and all that stuff I mean just go out and be like a really good best friend.. and don't show that you have any feelings for him cause at the end of the day, He's gonna want to talk to you.

  • Lol. It probably is mouth candy for some of them. I think the nice ones do it because they like the challenge of chasing after a girl who is really difficult. That doesn't mean you should change your personality and become a mean, ...but you could try playing hard to get a little; see what happens. There's a skill tio it though. Watch and see how those girls do it. They play hard to get without really being hard to get.

    They present themselves a ssomething to be attained.

  • I know what you mean, I'm a nice girl who often gets overlooked/taken granted. My last boyfriend dumped me for a bitch when I treated him right.

    I think we might be overlooked because we don't put ourselves out there as much, and I definitely believe we're taken for granted because we tend to be doormats, not that it justifies other people treating us that way.

    Regardless, I don't think you should become a snotty girl just to be noticed. That will attract the wrong type of guy. One of the curses of being a good girl is that you often have to wait for love, but I think it will be worth it, because even though you'll have to weed out the douchebags like every other girl (such as in my situation), you won't have to deal with as many. There are good guys out there who appreciate and want good girls, you just have to be patient, and seek them out just like they're seeking out you.

    • Looking for love is only going to end in heartbreak, people who "seek out" for girls/guys are desperate. Get a life, there's more than just having a gf/bf.

    • I know there is more to life than that. What I meant was that when you ARE looking for a relationship, you have to seek out the good guys sometimes, because they're not always just going to find you. And "looking for love" doesn't always end in heartbreak for everyone. Wanting to find a good companion in life is normal.

      No need to insult me.

  • nice guys like nice girls...relationships can last forever

    cruel guys like cruel girls...relationships last a small time

  • because good girls aren't hot.

    • They don't seem hot, they even avoid it.

    • Unfortunately that is just the way it is.

  • Guys don't overlook good girls.

    Guys don't want bad girls. Bad girls have a stigma of cheating, being slutty and being drama.

    Which is a paradox, considering that girls always want a bad boy. Anyway, that's another issue altogether..

    Don't become the snotty girl. You can still be the hot girl.

    I'm sure that a nice guy will come along and like you in all your niceness. Just give it time. You shouldn't ever have to change who you are to be with someone. You'd be lying to yourself and presenting a false representation of who you are in a relationship. And you don't want to have to pretend to be someone you're not. Eventually, the facade will wash away and then you'll be back where you started. Alone.