No matter if you’re 18 or 40, every time you begin dating someone, you are asked, “Do you think she’s ‘the one’?” At first, you may laugh it off and tell everyone to pump the brakes because you just started dating, but then, it does become something that crosses your mind… or does it? What happens when you imagine your girlfriend as your wife? What do you see?
If I don’t know from the start, does it mean she’s not “The One”?!
First off, you can blame Disney and every romantic movie ever made for this pressure of feeling that you have to know whether or not you will marry someone from the moment you say, “Hello”. Love at first sight, knowing instantly someone found “the one”, blah, blah, blah. Not every love story is as dramatic or romantic as Pretty Woman, The Notebook or whatever favorite movie your girlfriend watches (and quotes) over and over again. If people feel they knew right away when they met their future spouse, kudos to them! However, don’t feel that you need to break up with your girlfriend if you didn’t feel that way right from the get-go. Simply because you don’t know if you want to marry her by the time the waitress asks you if you want dessert or the check, it doesn’t mean you won’t fall madly in love with her and marry her someday.
One person, every day, for the rest of your life
How do I respond to people that ask me if I’m going to marry her?
Not only do men get asked if they will marry their girlfriends, but women get asked the same question about their boyfriends. For both genders, this question is extremely uncomfortable.If you know you’re going to marry her, then feel free to express that (make sure she’s on the same page first before you start tweeting it). If you aren’t quite sure, then politely respond, “I am extremely happy with my girlfriend and I’m looking forward to whatever the future holds for us”. If the word “future” makes you cringe or gives you hives, you can reply with “I am incredibly happy with my girlfriend and I’m enjoying the moment we’re in right now. What’s meant to be will be.“ If these responses still don’t sit well with you, then laugh it off and divert the conversation to something else.
How do I find out if she sees herself marrying me?
If things are going well, you don’t have to push anything; let the relationship take its course naturally. If she brings up the topic of marriage and it’s something you’re ready to discuss, then have that conversation. If you feel she’s “the one” and are curious to find out how she feels, know that you don’t have to ask her in a straightforward fashion (might scare her) to get a better idea of where she stands. When it’s relevant, make comments about the future and include her. For example, if she mentions that she can’t wait to have kids, playfully state that “our kids better have my looks and your brains…”. See how she responds to similar statements and then, you can take it from there.
Should I be worried if I don’t consider marriage with her?
You need to reevaluate your relationship if you don’t consider a future with your girlfriend after let’s say, a year. Love takes time as does getting to know someone. However, if after a year, you still have no desire to marry her, you should look within yourself for the reason. If you simply don’t see yourself marrying HER, then you need to do both of you a favor and break it off. There’s no point in continuing a relationship, investing time, emotion and money if it will never go anywhere; it’s not fair to either of you.
If after a year, you still don’t know if she’s the one, you need to figure out if it’s HER or YOU. Maybe you’re simply not ready for marriage yet with anyone. You may just be scared of forever… one person, every day, for the rest of your life (yikes! The fear is understandable). Make sure marriage is something you want. If you discover it’s not, then you need to express that to your girlfriend.
Make sure marriage is something you want.
If marriage is something you want with your girlfriend, but you aren’t ready just yet, make sure you communicate that to her. If she learns of your intentions as well as the reasons why you two aren’t getting married yet, she’ll understand why you two have to wait. If she doesn’t and continues to pressure you, that’s a whole other dragon to slay.
If you can imagine your girlfriend as your wife, whether it’s marrying her tomorrow or in a couple of years, you should be incredibly happy that you found the type of love people search for most of their lives. If you can’t imagine your girlfriend as your wife at this very moment, don’t panic just yet. If you don’t ever see your girlfriend as your wife, it’s wise to end it before you both get more deeply attached.
Go ahead, imagine your girlfriend right now… what do you see?