Does anyone else find marriage pointless?

I don't see why you need a ring and a piece of paper to commit to someone. I don't see the difference between a couple who have been together 12 years and a MARRIED couple who have been together 12 years. Just the couple who's not married don't need to deal with legal shit if they break up.
I feel a lot of people don't even necessarily want a marriage but they want a wedding. They want the dress and they want the flowers and they want the pretty ring.
But that's just my personal opinion. If you want to get married, thats cool.

Updates:
Well is marriage completely out of the question for me? No. I'd get married. I'm just saying I don't see it as a MUST and I don't see how marriage is going to make us more committed than we already are

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think many people just see it as the next step & apart from that it's just a nice tradition so if you love & trust that person and know you wanna spend your life with them why not take that final step and be husband and wife on paper?
    Personally, it's not a must for me but it would be very nice to get married given I find the right person for that someday.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not unless you absolutely WANT to have children of your own and establish a family of your own, but of course like everything it comes with inheritant and unavoidable risks. If you marry, then the possibility of being divorce or even widowed automatically exists no matter how big or small of a chance it will happen or that you think or feel will happen.

    I can ask the same question that is more deeper and existential in nature. Why even procreate and have children and bring more life when all life comes with the possibility of suffering, pain, illnesses, hardships, frustrations, disappointments, with all the odds stacked against somneone from the very beginning before someone is even brought into existence? And worse of all ALL life and births will eventually end and come with an inevitable death!

    And it is inevitable regardless of what we do or don't do? Why wasn't all the problems completely fixed or corrected somehow before someone was brought into existence or at least more than half of it solved before someone was brought into existence?

    And how exactly is it fair and not selfish to make the choice to bring someone into existence here, when they had never asked, wanted, desired, demanded, wanted to come here in the first place? And also because they never authorized anyone to bring them here in the first place? Well we know that they can't since they had not exist yet. But what exactly is it that makes this a justified and non-selfish decision? Because sometimes people may becomes very disappointed with this reality and world and possibly had gotten fucked over the very moment they were brought into this reality and is subjected to all the ills and harms that will come to them over the course of their lifetime and they absolutely can't avoid it or change it in any form or way somehow.

    The only answer I can really think of in the logical sense is people only do what they do only because they "want" to do it or "desire" to do it, and because they "Could" do it. Whether for marriage, sex, family, procreating and having children and pretty much anything else. it's all about desires and the fact that it is "possible" that they Can do whatever they want to and choose to do.

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    • Thanks for MHO!

      My answer is a very deep one, but many people wouldn't want to think or never had thought of it that way, they just want to follow the general population to "fit in", or because they got tired of the "pressures" from their family, friends, co-workers and give in and sometimes they just marry hastily. More often thatn not then it would become disastrous and even more so if they try to "fit in" again and have kids and then realize the marriage didn't work out for whatever reason and split and then their kids get fucked over by their decision to split, when they really shouldn't have done what they did and got together to marry all just to "fit in" or because of those "pressures" in the first place. I think those "pressures" are really discrimination or forms of discrimination or harassment.

What Girls Said 21

  • So, I think you are seriously underestimating the importance of RITUAL in our lives, in general.

    Think about “initiation” ceremonies into secret societies (such as military societies, fraternities, etc.)
    And cultural rites of passage, and pledges of allegiance, and national anthems, and all those formal shows of patriotism.
    And… wedding ceremonies, and renewals of vows, and so on.

    Think about the kind of bond that’s created by these things.
    When rituals are performed regularly, people will literally go to the ends of the earth for others to whom they’re bonded through these kinds of ceremonies.

    Marriage is one of these rituals -- and, believe me, no one stands up there and says "I do" with the intent of forsaking their partner down the line.
    It's a fucking beautiful thing. There's NOTHING like looking into yr beloved's eyes and declaring yr commitment, in front of the world. It's wonderful, and it's sexy, and it's fucking amazing in every way.

    The problem is that most people don't KEEP performing the ritual, REGULARLY, in any way.
    They have one ceremony, and expect it to last the rest of their lives.

    Fuck that.

    The wedding vows should be like a pledge of allegiance. They should be something you both say to each other, in stolen moments, and in the heat of passion, and in the agony of tragedy.

    When it's the middle of a slow night, and you grab each other's hands for an impromptu dance in the hallway or in a parking lot... "I do."

    When you're fucking hard and fast and about to cum inside her... "I do."

    When you've lost a friend or a parent, and she's there to comfort you, and you can cry on her shoulder and it's ok... "I do."

    When you look at that ring on yr finger, you should be *overwhelmed*. With everything that it stands for.
    Commitment.
    Love.
    Lust.
    Passion.
    Struggle.
    Sacrifice.
    Growth.
    Ecstasy.
    Purpose.
    Structure.
    Support.
    Challenge.
    Partnership.
    Strength.
    Vulnerability.
    Understanding.
    Building a whole life together.

    That ring on yr hand stands for ALL of those things, loud and clear.

    And, you should tell each other "I do" again every day.
    Even when times are hard -- ESPECIALLY when times are hard -- you should "marry" each other all over again... and suddenly the hard times won't be AS hard.
    They'll still be hard, but, "I do" will help you through the worst.

    The ritual should NEVER end. And if it doesn't... then, neither will yr marriage.

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    • But why wouldn't people betray each other? Like with the societies example. If another society offered stuff in exchange for info on my society... as long as it was legit I'd totally sell everyone out. I don't see why I shouldn't. In my mind rituals are nice but the world is run by money and profit. So the people in my society don't genuinely care about me, they just want to make sure I don't ruin their image. Just curious to see what you'll reply.

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    • You don't think it's an interesting idea at least? I mean with those societies being so common, there has to be a way to get out right? Or get more benefits than the others do.

    • @SovereignessofVamps Sure it's an interesting idea -- it's interesting enough that it's the basis for pretty much the entire genre of gangster/noir films and novels -- but, there's only so far we can go with generalizations here.

  • Yeah I can see your point. Being on GaG has made me realise that marriage isn't possibly what I want. I'd like to be engaged but not married. If my future husband wanted to get married.. Eh sure. I'm just indifferent to it. If I can spend the rest of my life with him by my side and not need a paper and ring to confirm that then I'm going to maintain being that way.

    Some guys prefer not to get married because they don't want their ex-wives to take everything they have and leave them with nothing. Makes sense too. I don't blame them. Although, I'm not a person that would leave a man with nothing like that (if that was ever the case)

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  • It entirely depends on the individual. You don't need your parents to be married to feel loved or secure as a child. My parents have been together for over thirty years, unmarried, so to me it isn't important, especially considering 80% of my peers parent's were divorced. Divorced parents were incredibly common when I was growing up, how did marriage make them more committed? It didn't, they just bought into the idea, bought the ring, booked the church and did what good citizens are expected to do.

    Job
    Girlfriend
    Wife
    House
    Baby
    Work until you die...

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  • i agree with you. But at the same time i like getting married. it is just how i was taught by my parents and i personally feel comfortable with getting married.

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  • I'm the same way. Marriage has never appealed to me. I guess it's because it seems really materialistic. You can make a commitment without a $7,000 ring or a $40,000 wedding. I'd rather go on a nice vacation with my SO and do it up. That's just my opinion though.

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  • I think marriage is good for some people. because it's important to them, it has a meaning.
    But I also think it's not necessary to have a ring on your finger and a piece of paper that says that you are married to someone.
    Plus, there are lots of people who are married and they are unhappy. And they don't want or they can't get divorced. It's sad.

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  • It has some legal benefits for couples, like hospital visitation rights and sharing. And it also makes things easier for couples with children, like inheritance rights and tax breaks.

    But I agree that it doesn't make the relationship stronger or better somehow. It is pointless, not to mention expensive, for a childless couple that is happy together.

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  • Marriage = Waste of time & money

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  • It depends on the people involved - for some people it is truly pointless.

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  • I do. I don't think you need to marry someone in order to show that you love him/her. Then again, that's just me.

    Also, many people aren't mindful of the changes in emotions/feelings that could arise down the road. Many people lose the "spark" in the relationship and then they are stuck in a boring and miserable marriage. Let's not mention the legal preparations for dividends and assets during a divorce.

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  • I completely agree.

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  • It's more about the legal rights than anything else. Power of attorney, visitation rights, that kind of thing.

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  • Yes because you don't need to marry someone to prove you love them deeply.

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  • ikr? Fuck marriage.

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  • I see it as taking the next step in a relationship, sort of leveling up. Also, I want our whole family to have the same last name. That's my reasoning. However, I do understand why some people may see it as pointless.

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  • Yeah I agree with you

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  • No.
    Point blank

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  • Yeah i see your point. And i kinda agree, i don't necessarily want to get married, or see the need.

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  • I don't see the point either.

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  • I agree with you. Im Asian but im okay with just the live in setting without marriage. Cause i feel that eventually we will separate and i dont want to deal with a lot of paperworks and all.

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  • No, I want to get married someday.

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What Guys Said 22

  • Marriage is the next step in a relationship which changes the dynamic significantly no matter how long you have lived together. Or so this is what married people have told me, and I am inclined to believe them. Here is a greater question: if marriage is no different, then why are so many men afraid to pursue it? I for one hate being in transition and would consider living together too insecure. I need the security and finality of marriage to be at peace.

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  • Personally, I felt different after getting married but that was because of the religious aspect of marriage. I totally get that that isn't a factor for many couples.

    The other reason is the legal rights you get, like seeing your spouse in the hospital and getting to make decisions about their treatment.

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  • Nope if it weren't for marriage I wouldn't really date to begin with it's one of only 3 reasons why I bother in the first place. And if a women isn't interested in marriage or kids, then I have no reason to be with her. And I don't find it pointless at all.

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  • I find it pointless too. You can have the same relationship, but without the contract, a contract that if things go wrong, can kill you.

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  • Marriage is not pointless for a number of reasons but you may discount those reasons. First if you are going to have children they will feel better having been born to a married couple. Now I'm not talking about when they're 18 am talking about when it two years old and they have a true mommy and daddy that are legally together. A child's self-esteem is based on the number of issues that as we get older we might think pointless nevertheless the child feels them. The other reason is if the couple does break up who protects the mother. She is raise the children or is raising the children and is counting on the husband's financial support in order to maintain a lifestyle of the family. A divorce or whatever you would call it does not protect the mother or vice a versa if the father is the main caregiver

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  • Nah man.. Don't be that weird single guy in the office at age 40. I'd like to settle down eventually

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    • The point I was trying to make is you can settle down without marriage. All my siblings have been dating their highschool sweethearts for over 10 years. They have children, they have houses, they have jobs. That's pretty settled down to me. And guess what? None of them are married

    • The only reason people are agreeing with you is because the majority of people on this site are fcking losers and don't have the option to ever get married. Nothing is wrong with settling down and starting a family the traditional way.

    • Lol asker your siblings are dumb tbh. They'd save money in the long run by marrying their SOs and in some states they are practically married after 7 years. So even if they do split they each get 50%. At that point you might as well get married.

  • In order to see a point to marriage, you have to be devoutly religious and assume that marriage means you are validating your union in front of God.

    I am not religious so to me it's just additional paperwork.

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  • 25.media.tumblr.com/...m81k017nEG1rw47tho1_400.gif
    From what you've said, it seems as though you don't fully understand the concept of marriage and what is stands for. There are many purposes for marriage. It's not simply a ring and a piece of paper. Besides, diamond rings have only been a thing since the 1930's.

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  • As proof of love marriage may be pointless but there may be legal considerations, depending on where you live, when things go wrong. Some men dont have lots of rights to their own children in some juristictions after a break up. There are financal considerations as well.

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  • well it saves you lot´s of money (taxes) if you are married xD at least in my country. so it makes sense from that standpoint.

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  • have you asked your partners feelings on this? they may not see it the same way as you do.
    to some people getting married is more than some "legal crap" that you like to refer to.
    to some people its you cease to be two single people and become one whole one, and your family and friends are there to witness the the union of souls. its not the wedding itself thats for the guests. the marriage itself can be done in vegas if ya want and tell people that you eloped. so no big wedding to pay for

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  • Why do we right down that we bought a piece of land or a piece of car , the paper work must be done lol

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  • Exactly, it made sense in the past because of how things were back then. But honestly, it's not really needed in the 21 century.

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  • I think Marriage is the only thing that distinguishes human n animals but for hook up n break up culture, its pointless. You destroy the meaning n significance of marriage by involving in breakups/ hookups

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    • The only thing... seriously, you shit on the floor do you? Walk around naked? Rape women for the sake of procreation? I don't think so... I fucking hope not anyway...

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    • @TakeMaker oh someone is offended, I think.

    • No I'm not offended, there's plenty that separates me from animals.

  • I agree. It's not necessary in my opinion.

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  • Yeah it's bullshit it's as if you need that to prove you really dig that chick man what the hell

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  • I find it pretty pointless...

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  • yer i do :D

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  • but these papers saves a lot of women rights
    at least the father can't escape

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  • I was thinking the same thing. it's a tradition goes back 10k years into the past.

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  • For the tax breaks.

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  • Many girls want a wedding, luckily not all; because marriage is pointless and a complete waste of money. The only reason for that a few years back was for tax purposes; now the government has changed that so a legally binding contract is all that is needed. Which is why a few weeks ago a priest decided to offer free wedding ceremonies one Saturday, because the numbers are dwindling because people see the churches are scams and leeches off our taxpayers money

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