I have been in a 9 year relationship with my boyfriend. We started dating in high school and I am 27 years old now.
We have talked about marriage and our future many times. My boyfriend assures me that he wants to marry me but that he needs to get his life together I. e. Finish grad school before getting married. I have tried to be patient, especially because I have my Masters already and I understand his motivation to succeed first hand.
But waiting is hard. I am starting to feel old and like I've spent most of my youth waiting for him already. I have also realized that I am dropping my dream wedding ideas as time goes by- I have sometimes thought of a quick Vegas wedding instead of the romantic ceremony I always dreamed of. I have also started to feel like I won't believe his proposal is sincere when it comes.
You see, I have talked to him about how I feel and he tells me he feels pressured and like I don't believe his love for me. I now feel like marriage is a touchy subject.
I have considered moving on many times, especially when people tell me I waited long enough and that he will not propose... but he is my best friend and I love him. In a way I also feel like I'd hate losing the time we invested in our relationship.
Does anyone have a word of advice?
Most Helpful Guy
My advice would be to not get married then.
If you love him and are happy with him, then it shouldn't matter if you are married. You said you even thought about a quick Vegas wedding which means you are okay in not indulging a complete bullshit princess fantasy.
I honestly don't get this logic. You feel old and that you've spent your youth waiting? Waiting for what? He's been in your life, loving you for TEN YEARS. You guys weren't separated by war or whatever. You've lived your life in essentially the exact same way you would have.
Well, I see that you have now mentioned that you don't live together. How about fighting that battle before worrying about marriage? Convince him to live together before worrying about even bigger commitments.
Also, arguing that you should stay with him because of all the previous time and effort you invested in the relationship is a sunk cost fallacy. You are being blinded by emotional attachment. Don't ever let something like that hold you back if you actually want to leave.
Then again, something such as lack of marriage ending a functional relationship is completely irrational.1
Most Helpful Girl
Look, you two wasted enough time waiting for 9 years, when you guys could have still gotten married. Its understandable that he wants to graduate first. But the problem is, how long will that take. You have the right to know the truth. If you can't wait that long, then move on. 9 years is a long time, but that is no excuse as to why you two didn't get married at least 5 years ago. I would have never waited that long. It just sounds like to me he's just waiting it out, and its an excuse to not get married. These days that's what I believe most men are doing now because they don't want to deal with the heartache of getting married then divorce. You need to speak to him about it or just end. Stop waiting for him if you want to get married. Just don't anymore. You waited far long then you should have, and your being stupid for doing it. He's not going anywhere with this. Everything that you telling us are signs that been saying: MOVE ON.1