He's ready to have a baby, but not ready for marriage?

I have been asking my boyfriend for about the same time we have decided to try for a baby. but he can't seam to give me a decent answer if he answers me at all...he wants to have a baby but he's not ready for marriage? How does that even work?honestly if I was worried about the relationship not working and being stuck with that person for an unfavorable amount of time I would definitely start with marriage to prolong having a child that would bind us for life. wouldn't that make more sense? if we end up getting a divorce and no children were conceived we would only have to worry about the occasionally uncomfortable run ins while grocery shopping or wherever, but with a child that's numerous holidays and birthdays then being there for the life changing events like their own wedding and child birthing...and everything else in between..not all events can b split up or would really b necessary to... it just makes me feel horrible as if I'm not special enough for him to want to marry and then I'm quickly confused that I'm special enough to b the mother of his children?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a lot of men worry about the financial and practical commitments of marriage (both the actual wedding and support thereafter). Other men just really don't value marriage all that much. For these and other reasons a lot of men will try to bypass it altogether. Clearly it's important to you, though. Obviously you realize that having a baby with him will bind you together for life. If he's cagey about marriage I think it's fairly safe to say that he'll have little motivation to go through with it once you're in that position - and I fear that might also leave you without certain rights to child (or other) financial support in the event that the relationship didn't work out. Touch wood there'll be no problems, but you never know in life, and having a child is a huge commitment that requires you to consider such possibilities in the future. If I were you I'd put a halt on the baby making and tell your partner that it's important to you that he make a marriage commitment to you before you bring a little one in to the world.

    Good luck =)

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    • im in washington state,which favors mothers rights. also wa has a law that anything you have b4 marriage the spouse has no right to as well as anything gifted or inherited during marriage.ive wanted a baby,feels like forever.i can wait for his commitment ,not a decade, my sister is a newleywed w/her man of 10yrs&has 2 kids together.marriage is important to me,sometimes he gives me hope when we talk asks my ring size&verifies details/traditions.next chat he's scared,shuts down.i don't get it

What Guys Said 3

  • Carts and horses. Which one goes in front?

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  • In ancient times, man just wants to spread his genes however he despises commitments.

    These traits are passed down generations after generations, that's why your boyfriend wants to have babies however he doesn't want the idea of commitment forever.

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  • I think he is just trying to get some

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    • oh he gets some...like rabbits...even before the baby talk

What Girls Said 4

  • I would tread carefully here. I agree with you I would also want to be married before having kids. I know some people might think that's silly, but I have seen wayyyyy tooo many women have kids with guys and then the guys just up and leave and could care less about the child they helped create.

    I don't know how anyone could abandon their child. But it happens everyday. It's not fair to you to give up what you want for him. And you have to also protect yourself. Yes marriage is no guarantee, but at least if you are married for a few years you can test the waters so to speak.

    There really is no sure fire way to know whether he is truly committed to having and taking care of a family with you. Even if things don't work out between you two he should be damn sure he is going to be there for his children.

    The only thing I can say is stick with your gut feeling. If you don't feel comfortable having kids without marriage, then don't. Yes some will criticize you because they will argue that you are letting someone walk out of your life for something silly like marriage. But marriage is important to you. Don't let someone else's opinion of what you want make you give up something you want to have.

    I know a lot of people are not pro-marriage, but marriage is still important to some people. I think people should do what makes them happy. And if you are going to be unhappy being a mother and not a wife then I think you should make that clear to him.

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  • That's a dumb idea. If he has any doubts about the relationship at all, why does he want to add a baby to the equation?

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    • my idea is dumb? why is it logical for someone to commit in creating a life and bringing it into the world if your not willing to commit your life to its mother?..

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    • yeh...I thought you were trying to say that if he wants a baby I shouldn't be concerned about him not wanting a commitment...I thought I should ask and reiterate what I ment in a sentance...hope it didn't come off defensive..

    • No worries! I should've been more clear. Lol good luck with your situation though. :)

  • Maybe he doesn't believe in marriage at all. I don't. I never want to get married, but I do want children eventually. The reason is from how I was raised. I saw my mother in an unhappy marriage for 9 years; yet, she couldn't get a divorce because she couldn't afford to. She had to slowly save up money until she was able to do so.

    The way I see it is that marriage is just another obstacle to obstruct you from leaving someone. In my case, my father was an alcoholic who did not want to divorce my mother because he was very insecure. He paid no bills (even though he made $10,000 a year more than her), and didn't take care of us, but he used the marriage as "proof" that he was in our lives. I don't think that it should ever be that way.

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    • my parents were married12 agonizing years.they faught &did drugs.my dad would get drunk beat my mom & she would in turn beat me. they workedat the same company opposite shifts& I was always alone.mom eventually found the love of her life& has been married to him for 16yrs marriage wasn't for my parents together.to me marriage is a formity of family,ive always wanted a real family.dont let our parents mistakes stop you from experiencing 4yourself.u may surprise yourself&u'll hve a back up plan if not

  • Maybe he wants kids for the long hual but isn't sure about you

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    • ouch.thanks for your honesty.that is one prt I'm confused on tho, how is he sure about me being the mother of his children but not about being his wife?we can create life together but not share a life with each other?thats just as confusng as when he says"its just a piece of paper" well then sign frame it&hang it. if its so meaningless to him then what's the deal?guess I just hve this fantasy tht people who are against/unsure about marriage is because they haven't met the "one"&fears vanish once they hv

    • I know. But some guys are just like that. They want a family but they don't want a commitment. They want the freedom of being able to walk out anytime. It doesn't mean that he will or even feels toos way but it's a possibility you need to consider before starting a family

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