Why Do I Prefer It Online?

So, throughout my journey as a computer addict, taking advantage of what free internet I can get, passing up opportunities to spend time with friends so I can check out the latest chapter for a book I'm reading online, or reply to people I met on a random site, or just waste time in general. I have come across many questions, that have never really been answered very well.

Questions, consisting of, why do people spend so much time online, when there are so many better, more constructive things they can be doing?

There is no easy answer. So, I want to share why I spend so much time online, and for those who are able to tear themselves away from the screen to deal with their rela lives, to be able to see it from an addicts perspective. Why I'm addicted the the online world, and why I'm doing very little to change this.

Why Do I Prefer It Online?

To the regular joe who does spend their life like a normal person, outside with their friends, family. Their jobs, pets, partners.

To the regular person, who doesn't find the comfort in the online world like I and so many others do. The life of bad graphics, bad grammar, shitty people with crappy opinions that you can't help but argue even though you know it's no use. People like me, seem anti-social. We're introverts. We're unmotivated, dispassionate, have a total lack of caring for the outside world.

But, you know. It isn't true.

From the day I first discovered, without my parents knowledge, that my DS connected to the internet nine years ago, I think, I have been engrossed in a world with so much more freedom than my own. No, the net could never and can never beat the feeling of riding motorbikes, racing go-karts, getting a go at riding a horse, and showing off my extensive book knowledge about them, playing 'witches' with my friends, and 'soft teddies' with my other friends. At the age of nine, the online world didn't hold quite the appeal for me that it does now.

I don't have the opportunity to do any of these things now. Now it's all about the way society views you, the judgement from your parents, your scores in school, that horrid anxiety I have to face each and every day over just about everything. Seriously, I used to love school, and now that I have the threat of failing year eleven a second time looming over my head, even the thought of attending school has me sobbing, heaving, and having no idea how to stop my heart from beating so fast or stop hyperventilating for over an hour.

The internet, is my way of escaping all this.

On the net, nobody knows who I am. I'm not known as that weird chick from primary school who burst into tears over nothing every second day. I'm not known as the girl who kept stealing money off her stepmother, who does everything for her. I'm not the one who can't tell if somebody is being serious or sarcastic. I'm not the one who doesn't know who you are after meeting you for the fifth time. I'm not the one being talked over. I can't be talked over, just ignored.

And you know, I prefer being ignored on the net, because I can't see you turn your head, and pretend I'm not there. I can't see you roll your eyes at me for not being able to get the words out of my mouth. I can't see you tell me I'm too passive, after having all the aggression beat out of me at an early(ish) age. If you say something I don't agree with, I don't feel like I can't defend myself, or try to change your mind. Behind a screen, I can say what I think, I can voice my opinion and I can feel like I have an opinion worth sharing.

We all have an opinion worth sharing.

But sometimes, we don't feel like we're allowed to have one.

Now, I don't have social anxiety. I know that's a common misconception about people on the net. That they have social anxiety, and can't stand to be around other people. It's not true. For some, maybe. But I don't think it is for most. If that is the case though, that you or someone you know spends an awful lot of time on the web due to social anxiety, that's okay. That's their escape. It might not be an especially healthy escape, but if it helps them, and it isn't over board, then it should be fine.

So, that answers the why.

In summary, I spend so much time on the net, because I feel safer. I feel safer on the net, where I can't be judged, I can't be made fun of, I have an opinion and can share it, whether you read it or not. It's my escape. I can find all sorts of things to take my mind of whatever it is causing my anxiety to spike. And I can find others who are like me. Who understand me.

So, what do I get out of spending so much time on the web?

Well.

My skills for typing quickly has certainly gone up, I still can't type without looking at the key-board, but I'm getting there.

I'm a lot more open minded. Growing up in a closed off town where for me coming out as gay to my friends was met with disbelief, and 'that's really a thing? I thought gay meant happy and the other thing was just a joke.'

I have actually had quite a few eye openers, and I'm still getting them, about what the world is really like.

I have found the most horrific things online, but I have also found things that made me cry happy tears. I used to believe, thanks to the lack of diversity in my old town and only meeting one or two, that coloured people got offended by anything remotely touching on their having a colour skin different to mine.

I have since learned, that I was a pretty freaking racist kid, without even knowing it. I would laugh when my Dad made a joke about 'black folk' and gorillas. Don't ask me what the jokes were, I cringe at the fact they exist and even more at the fact that anyone finds them funny. They're disgusting.

I used to think that the whole world was like my town, that everyone would return my passing smiles, that getting a job would be as easy as asking my aunt for a job as a cleaner at the family business. That every Maccas had a playground and that everyone knew Maccas was slang for McDonalds.

I used to believe that the world was centered around Australia. That everyone knew just as much about my home country and more. But, you don't. And it was unfair of me to think you would and should, when I know next to nothing about any other country.

There is a lot that I learned from the web that I would never have learned in school. There is a lot that I wish I'd never stumbled across, and a lot more that I wish I could find again.

I'm going to wrap this up before it goes for too long.

So, why do I prefer it online?

Simply put.

Because online.

I can be me.

And with the help of the web.

I am finding me.


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What Guys Said 5

  • Great Take. Possibly the best I've read. :)

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  • This is great! I'm jealous.

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  • I just spend a lot of time here on the computer to forget how lonely I am. I don't want to leave, because if I do I'll be forced to remember I am alone.

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  • From your description of when changes in your attitude about school and how well you did there happened, it seems that you had gotten deep into the internet before the grades went down. And it is likely that the time you spent on the internet is what caused your grades to go down. Then you said that you used the internet to escape the problems that you had with school, which were probably caused by your use of the internet in the first place. Kind of like a drug addict that started by using for pleasure, fell behind in other things, then got heavier into drugs to escape real like. It was the drugs that caused the problems that the person then felt the need to escape from by going deeper into drugs.

    I am saying that you express that the internet is an escape from your problems, when the internet actually began your problems. (Can't say the internet caused your problems, because it was your use of the internet, not the internet itself.)

    I am not being critical of you. I recognize that my use of the internet has caused me to neglect things too long at times. It is easy to fall into the "trap" of the internet.

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    • You do make a good point. I personally don't think it was the fact that I spend and spent time online that caused my falling grades. I have a lot going on in my life that has been going on for over two years now, which I'm pretty sure is most of what impacted pretty heavily on my dedication to schooling. I've never had good study habits to start with and I moved schools two years ago. Different schools, different teaching techniques, different expectations.

      But my continued and heavier use of the internet as an escape is just causing more problems, yes. But, it's the most accessible escape I have at the moment. And anxiety, for me at least, is a horrible experience. I am almost past the point of caring what I do to rid myself of the anxiety.
      So yeah, I am causing more problems for myself, and creating more anxiety through trying to appease it, but I haven't found another way to do so.

      Thankyou for reading and commenting.

    • Read your own response to me, especially about your causing more problems for yourself and almost being to the point of not caring. Yes, you are addicted and may get worse problems from it. You should consider finding a way to pull back and use it recreationally rather than as and escape.

      Ank it was a good Take. I always enjoy reading what you post. :-)

  • well the internet has certainly been a great learning tool for me. So much of what i know is thanks to the internet, so its hard not to be somewhat addicted to it. It's also very useful for business and making money... especially with the advent of social media. Eventually though, I'd like to experience the world first hand, versus taking what I see at the internet at face value... which is why my dream atm is to travel the world like one of my role models, Jim Rogers, did over a decade ago. Anywho, nice take

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What Girls Said 5

  • Amazing take and agree 100%

    I would love to get out of my house and see the world. Sadly atm that's not in the cards because lack of money. Need to get my life more together to do what I dream about doing. So the internet for me is a window to knowledge and seeing the places I wish I could see. ATM I'm using Khan Academy to help me learn more about things I need to know for the career I'm going for. Plus an online game is how I met this guy I've been with for 3yrs. Yes I know most people will say a bunch of stuff about that. Which I wrote all about it in a MyTake. Still the internet does give people with more freedom when your chained down due to lack of money or transportation.

    In away the internet is like the knowledge of the world and everything in it. Is all at the tip of your fingers.

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  • I loved this! I agree with you that the internet opens your eyes to the world and allows you to learn about others. This is our chance to be more connected with other countries! You get to be yourself online and develop friendships that aren't tainted with the past.

    I have anxiety, I would say is social (I usually have attacks around people) but I'm very confident, I do like being around people (not for too long) and I seem to get along with everyone. I'm far from shy and quiet.
    I don't know why I use the internet so much but I assume it's because there's just so much to see. I regularly find new things that grab my interest or shocks me. It's like a virtual treasure chest! I wish it didn't get such a bad rep. I've learnt lots of things on the internet, I'm quite skilled at using computers and I can type fast without looking at the keyboard; something that may be at my advantage in a job. It regularly inspires me to write or draw.
    I do try my best to do things away from the computer and I do have good days. In the Winter, I'm terrible because there's not much I can do! But in the Summer, I try to go out more, enjoy the sun, sunbathe, go cycling/jogging etc. I occasionally go out clubbing. I want to fill my days with memorable moments whilst I'm young.

    I don't blame you for why you use the internet so much and you're not alone.

    by the way, McDonalds is called Maccy D's where I'm from. My dad sometimes says "donalds" :)

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  • Great take Bailey! I love your takes! :)

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  • I did not read this Mytake.

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    • Then you had no need to comment.

    • Show All
    • And now I understand why you're anonymous.

      It's my right to not be called a dwag. Whatever that means. And to be respected. Commenting just to tell me you don't care what it is you're commenting on, is disrespectful.

      And you had no reason to yell at me.

    • Sorry I'm just bored now :'(

  • Nice take :)

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