Real Love in Dating
Well, this particular chapter has got me thinking about quite a few things. I'll start at the beginning of the chapter. The book says:
"If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness
is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with
whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol,
drugs, violence, and the conditional approval of others. Anything
we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of Imitation
The article further discusses this idea of "imitation love" and the idea that we are attracted to those who reciprocate this love for us. Because people don't tend to go into relationships wanting unconditional love and happiness for our partner, we end up looking for people to make us feel temporarily happy (with imitation love). The qualities of people we tend to look for in partners are supposedly based off of imitation love, and since that love fades over time, this is the part of the relationship where the excitement has worn off. The articles further goes on to say that couples will try and milk more imitation love out of their partners to try and fill that now empty gap, but increasing demands will cause your partner to feel resentful.
"Relationships fail not because either partner did
anything wrong, but because both of them came to the
relationship without enough of the one thing—Real
Love—essential to individual happiness and healthy
relationships. They based their relationship on a
counterfeit currency—Imitation Love—that cannot buy
Now, here comes my ramblings, preceded by a quick summary about the last part of the chapter. The author basically says without real love in our lives, we're not able to truly love our partners and end up in a disastrous relationship. The book further suggests if we had sufficient Real Love in our lives, we could love everyone. EVERYONE.
Is this even possible? Are humans capable of having unconditional love for every other human in the world? Or are we too selfish to do so? Is it possible to love the selfish ones? The murderous ones? The psychotic ones? I couldn't tell you, but I will admit something. This idea of loving everyone unconditionally is intriguing. But here's another question. What does the author mean by unconditionally love? I do know the meaning of the word unconditionally, but who on earth could define LOVE? Then again, you can't say you would have the same kind of love for everyone, could you? This idea of giving everyone unconditional love, I don't know if it's possible, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Comments on anything mentioned in this article are welcome. I would like to know your opinions on this matter, or the chapter mentioned, or even about what love means to you. Feel free to say what your heart desires.