Miny's ramblings: Is it possible to love everyone? And what do we mean by love?

[mintytoadstool]

I've found a very interesting read on the Internet recently. It's a chapter from the book "Real Love in Dating: the truth about finding the perfect partner." The site has put up chapter 2 for everyone to read. If you're interested, you can find it here:

Real Love in Dating

Well, this particular chapter has got me thinking about quite a few things. I'll start at the beginning of the chapter. The book says:

"If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness
is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with
whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol,
drugs, violence, and the conditional approval of others. Anything
we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of Imitation
Love..."

The article further discusses this idea of "imitation love" and the idea that we are attracted to those who reciprocate this love for us. Because people don't tend to go into relationships wanting unconditional love and happiness for our partner, we end up looking for people to make us feel temporarily happy (with imitation love). The qualities of people we tend to look for in partners are supposedly based off of imitation love, and since that love fades over time, this is the part of the relationship where the excitement has worn off. The articles further goes on to say that couples will try and milk more imitation love out of their partners to try and fill that now empty gap, but increasing demands will cause your partner to feel resentful.

"Relationships fail not because either partner did
anything wrong, but because both of them came to the
relationship without enough of the one thing—Real
Love—essential to individual happiness and healthy
relationships. They based their relationship on a
counterfeit currency—Imitation Love—that cannot buy
happiness."

Now, here comes my ramblings, preceded by a quick summary about the last part of the chapter. The author basically says without real love in our lives, we're not able to truly love our partners and end up in a disastrous relationship. The book further suggests if we had sufficient Real Love in our lives, we could love everyone. EVERYONE.

Is this even possible? Are humans capable of having unconditional love for every other human in the world? Or are we too selfish to do so? Is it possible to love the selfish ones? The murderous ones? The psychotic ones? I couldn't tell you, but I will admit something. This idea of loving everyone unconditionally is intriguing. But here's another question. What does the author mean by unconditionally love? I do know the meaning of the word unconditionally, but who on earth could define LOVE? Then again, you can't say you would have the same kind of love for everyone, could you? This idea of giving everyone unconditional love, I don't know if it's possible, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Comments on anything mentioned in this article are welcome. I would like to know your opinions on this matter, or the chapter mentioned, or even about what love means to you. Feel free to say what your heart desires.

[lerato]

unconditional love: I think, it means that you jst lov irrespective of d other person's rxns, emotions or feelings..do not xpect anythin out of dem..jst love..it gives contentment drivin out d emptines nd all dose bad feelings..

I do it..though, my frnds get hurt wen som of dem jst leave..bt, I dnt mind..

It gives me immense peace nd contentment..when my love drives away d emptiness nd sadness frm their lives.. I feel as if God's made me his instrument 2 serve his purpose nd I feel truly blessed!

[Roycaryn]

Yes. There is a kind of love that is purely altruistic, that stems from the realization that everyone suffers some sort of misery or unhappiness at least some of the time and that we all want to be happy; without exception. It's the kind of love that stems from altruism rather than self interest.

[J-bird]

Sounds like a load of crap to me. If one does not have real love in life they search for it. Uhm. Yeah. The author must have spent years in a shaolin temple to figure that one out.

On the note of unconditional love, yes. It does exist. And it absolutely blows. When it happens, you lose all logic and sinply love the person for no reason at all. They can hurt you in every possible way and you would only seek more. Thin line between unconditional love and obsession.

[Blobb]

It's like that Ghandi vibe. I'd say it's possible, takes a lot of effort and dedication to get there though. It's not passionate love or sexual attraction love. In this case loving everyone is just having more like a brotherly/fatherly/sisterly/motherly love for everyone. And that is possible. You will have to start by ridding yourself of all jugementalism and that is incredibly difficult. It is probably worth it though, you'll probably be happy and shooting rainbows out of your ass before long.

[simpleguy19]

i try to summarize in this way:

1)true love is to have the feeling of love for everyone, however not expecting same kind of feeling from them for myself (love never claims but ever gives)

2)love has sense of responsibility, I mean to say that when it comes to how to love a rapist, terrorist or a murderer, you just love him and feel misery for him as he is doing sins and will have to pay for what he is doing. so, you do not hate him, yet he should be punished as he deserves it.

[windy-rose]

Explaining further: I say one/thing because I think its possible to love your work/music/etc. This deff. leaves a lot of room for the different type of relationships of a love (family, friends, s.o.'s, your cat, etc) without diminishing one over the other. That which we love, we want with us and often helps define us to varying degrees. So, its possible to love everyone. Not all as lovers. But to extent were as humans, we want our likenesses to see joy/successes/ positives.

[windy-rose]

I'll admit to speed reading it over, I think the language is a bit flowery, but I can agree with the general idea. I would say a lot of people out there look for relationships that just fill out something they feel is missing from their lives and start to expect more over time, thus a collapse.

I'd "define" love as the strong desire to adopt someone or thing into your own life as is. Whatever or whomever doesn't need to change, but change is accepted and grown with/around.

[thetundrawolf]

My childhood left me with the realization that love was foolish, and weak. The only way to stand was to became as mean, angry, and hateful as I could. I tried to fill the voice of love in my life, with sex, and drugs, and whatever else. Soon, after several near fatal drug overdoses, violence, I began to realize I was heading nowhere. God has shown me such love and mercy. I was given a painful realization that unless someone knows the love of God, it is hard for them to love on that level.

[jimi_s]

I think love is a desire to see and, to see to it (using your own resources), that the other person is doing well and happy. The number of people that you can love depends on how well you maintain your own well-being. Otherwise, your sense of self-preservation will get in a way. Loving the selfish one will most definitely drain your resources

[bonedust]

You don't need love to live. I grew up without a family and have never even hugged a women. It pisses me off when some doctor come out and writes a dumb book about something meaningless. Love is imaginary, there are only different degrees of favoritism.

[Whitneymariexo]

See I personally think it's possible. I think itd be more of like a friendship love not a romantic kind. Like a deep appreciation for every single human being and what they do. To not be so judging to not be so rude

[Damnangel]

I mean I love and accept all the people in my life, but I also don't want them to feel they can intentionally hurt me and still remain in my life. They would have to change or I would just have to love them from afar.

[Damnangel]

I want to know what is meant by unconditional love is it love to the point you let another person walk all over you or is there a healthy balance between loving both yourself and another and having respect for one another to not cross boundaries.

[Gregs]

Humans have the potential to love everyone/thing as their own child or to hate their own child like their worst enemy. The article, tho sounds like gibberish to me, but maybe it needs to be put in context of the whole book

[TreeMan]

I believe that true love is the want for the best (good things) for even those that you feel you should dispise.

When someone does something that is harmful it is a dreadful thing. THING being the key word. We should hate the action not the person.

We come into this world incapable of making good or bad decisions. Therefore the ability to do bad has to be a learned thing. We should not hate the person, but the action that they have learned.

Love is a free gift to be passed on. "GIVE IT AWAY"

[Catharina]

I don't really get it - what it Real Love then? And when will we receive that? When do we know that we feel Real Love for someone?

[MyNameIsJonas]

Reminds me of worship and tribute.

[Damnangel]

And I'm asking this as a very loving person.

[narutosasuke686]

I love this