I've wasted my teenage years and I get a bit sad a depressed when I think about it. Am I even normal?

I'm turning 20 in 9 days. My teenage years are almost over. And I am really getting sad and depressed by that thought. That's because I've wasted my teenage years. Every teen goes to parties, goes to night clubs, gets drunk, gets their first kiss, gets to have sex for the first time. And my teen years are almost over and I've done nothing of those things. During my teen years I had no confidence at all. I was always getting bullied, never really felt like going anywhere, or doing anything people my age were doing. Boy how I regret that now. I feel so old now too. I'm almost 20. My life is basically over. It hasn't even started yet and it's already over. I fear my entire life is gonna be like this. Because I still don't have any confidence. And who on earth wants to date a 20 year old virgin who's never been drunk, and doesn't even know what the inside of a night club looks like?

I know, I can still do some of those things. But the thought of doing them now frightens me. I don't have any friends to go with, so that's not an option. And walking into a night club without friends immediately makes me seem like a loser.

Am I even a normal person? I feel like I'm getting so old. I don't hang out with people my age, maybe that's the reason. But oh how I regret not being a normal teen. But it's too late now. I couldn't get those things then, I won't get them now. It's too late.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel you man :s , I've felt similarly :( . But here's the thing: comparison will kill you. We get this idea drilled into us that there's a time table for life experiences and we need to 'keep up', with these expectations, with our generation. But everyone is different, if you're a 'late bloomer', that doesn't mean you're left behind, it means you're getting where you need to be your own way.

    My teen years mainly sucked too, I got bullied in school, had my confidence kind of shot as a result, and I still don't have many friends now. I get that it's hard :s
    I don't drink and decided ages ago that I never wanted to so I can't really empathize with wanting to get drunk, other than to say you don't have to! Just because it's expected, doesn't mean you have to. I've been to clubs 3 times in my life and disliked every single time :/
    Every 'kiss' I had in my teens (I think maybe 3 in total, not counting stage kisses for a school play :') ) was an experience I don't particularly want to remember. My first kiss that I enjoyed was at twenty with my boyfriend. Twenty was also the age I lost my virginity, also to my boyfriend; and I'm glad that was when it happened. It was right, I was with the right person, and we were both ready (he was a virgin too before, at 19, nearly 20).
    Intimate things like that are worth it for the intimacy, for how they feel. If you do them early just because you want to have had the experience, it won't be nearly as good and you may regret it. There's nothing wrong with waiting. Many more people do than you'd think from the media and from how people talk sometimes. And anyone who'd judge you for being a virgin isn't the right person for you.

    I do get that it's tough feeling like time has just disappeared behind you before you've done the stuff you imagined you would have by this age. But at 20, we're still young. Being a teenager sucks for plenty of people. In our early twenties there's still plenty of time for us to experience firsts and make mistakes and find what we want to do with our lives. Some people don't until much later in life and that's fine too.

    How you feel is valid, big birthdays like this are scary. But you're in no way weird for where you are in your life, there's nothing to be ashamed about, and the things you regret contribute to making you wiser and more ready to handle life in the future. Please don't feel alone <3 . You can still have such a great life <3

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of people feel the same about their twenties

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What Girls Said 8

  • It isn't over and life begins at 20. Use this recent insight to take action for change. Join a dating website and actually show up for dates. If you ha e anxiety get meds. Make your goal a date per week the. Work up to two.

    If you give up the. Your proficy will become true. Things like dates don't walk towards you buried away at home.

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  • Your life actually start now, people party when they go to college :p
    Just be more confident and you will be okay

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  • Who cares about being normal? Weird is good. 😊

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  • Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

    Lol deep breath. Calm down a little :)

    Look I'll put it this way: I was MISERABLE when I was 20. MISERABLE. So miserable that there are virtually no pictures I have at age 20.

    No friends. No life. Nothing.

    Heck even school which I normally was good at, was not working out for me at the time.

    And now I'm 23, I graduated school, I don't have many friends but I'm happier without them, and I feel content if not happy.

    Everything will be okay.

    Even now I freak out about my age but then I realize 23 is not that old! I have time. It's going to be okay.

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  • "Every teen goes to parties, goes to night clubs, gets drunk"
    I was never that teen and I am glad about it. I'd hate myself if I ever made the mistake of adjusting to that lifestytle

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  • Um news flash dude, you're still young! You're super young. You don't have to be like a stereotypical teenager-the way they show in the movies. A lot of teenagers don't do that stuff anyway. I never did. I didn't start partying or going out with guys until I was 23 years old, but I'm glad i waited because I felt emotionally mature-moreso than at 17. I'm glad I stayed as innocent until then. I didn't want to grow up too fast, and I didn't. Relationships are complicated. Being an adult is complicated. But what you need is some self confidence. You need to find something you're passionate about, or find a hobby or a sport, or a club that has people you can befriend. And trust me, I see 30 year olds acting like 20 year olds okay? I know what old is... I've worked in nursing homes, and you're not old! So chill, and just enjoy your life, stop worrying and analyzing.

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  • That thought goes through EVERY 20 year olds head. Trust me. You think back and say " why wasn't I more of a rebel? Why wasn't I riskier? Why didn't I go out more. Why didn't I get a relationship? More friends?

    Believe me that's every 20 year olds sad depressing thoughts BUT guess what? You are in your young adult phase now. This is the time make up for it and take risks. So that when you reach 30 you don't say "man why didn't I take advantage of my 20s?"

    Learn from your past experiences (or lack of) many 20 year olds take this time to do the things they didn't. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22, no big deal. And I have still never had a boyfriend! My friends have kids and family and I'm happy for them. The worst you can do is compare yourself to them. Just enjoy your life and do more things outside of your comfort zone. Its really never too late to start

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  • Lots of people had similar experiences as you. If you find your mind is continually dwelling on such doom and gloom, consider seeing someone about maybe having an anxiety disorder.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I'm almost turning 30, and I'm in exactly the same position that you are, having done none of those things which you commiserate not having done yourself. It may be too late for me, but it definitely isn't too late for you.

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  • At 20, life barely has even started yet. There is plenty of time. Don't let this depression overwhelm you, don't let it control you. Use it as a way to motivate you.
    Don't think "I've wasted many years", instead think "I might have used those years better, but I'm not gonna 'waste' even more years. Let life begin right now"
    Do something you've always wanted to do. Take up a sport which always has seemed fun to you, start lifting weights, start running around your local town, start eating healthy (try 5 pieces of fruit a day), try taking ice cold showers, try volunteering perhaps? Helping people is always nice.
    These things above lift your mood, they make you happier.

    Next year you're going to college right? So, try being friendly to everyone and you might make a very good friend :) college is different than highschool :) choose a course you like!

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  • Bro people go through rough times. What you are going through right now isn't a big deal be thankful you have plenty of time to fuck women, get drunk and do all of that stupid teenage shit.

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  • Night clubs aren't really that interesting. I didn't go to one until I was like 23, but unless one of your favorite dj's/musicians is playing, there's not really much point to it.

    Also if you' feel so lame about not having been drunk, go get some alcohol and drink :D Just have like one drink to start with since you'll have zero tolerance.

    I also agree about getting anxiety meds, and maybe go to therapy, if you have no confidence.

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  • A lot of the teens that do that stuff you regret not doing, continue doing them the rest of their lives. You're going to be 20, your life isn't almost over, it's just beginning. I'm 32, did some of the things you didn't after I was 20. I regret doing them. Now I have a decent paying job a roof over my head and am getting my life straight.

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