She says I'm overbearing? What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Real simple question. My crush says I'm over bearing, what does that mean exactly?

I do text her first every day, but that's because she texts me FIRST everyday alot! In person though I don't really approach her, because I'm naturally shy

The only thing I can think of was last night she rejected me a second time, because she has a crush on someone else. Then later we texted and I told her I didn't feel like talking, she pestered me about why, I told her the honest truth that I have no idea why I'm remaining her friend, and why I can't get over her, why do I get false hope when I continue to speak to her

She suggested we could end the friendship, or cut off contact for a bit. I politely explained it's probably a bad idea, as we had a strong friendship as it is.

Plus I ended my friendship with another guy FOR HER because he was talking bad about her behind her back, so I defended her and that guy decided to lash back at me(over Facebook, not in person). I told her that truthfully I didn't care about losing that guy as a friend cause he was also weird and did what I described above

Maybe those 2 incidents above have nothing to do with me being considered over bearing, but those are the 2 most recent things that happened so..

Should I apologize or say something to her? She doesn't know, that I know, that she thinks I'm a bit over bearing. Any way I can quickly fix this image of me in her head?

[JohnScofield]

I read the above the comments below. A few thoughts:

1) take a break. You don't have to verbalize it, just do it. Lay off for a week or 10 days. Then when you make contact again and she asks where you have been, you can explain that you were busy and thinking through a few things... leave it at that.

2) I think from the comments below, you are going on and on about guys she likes. Cut it out. You may be right, she may get hurt, but she may have to learn that on her own. You said your peace, then be quiet about it. If you are right, you will eventually be the friend that is able to "be a friend" to her when things go south. If you wrong, then you should just enjoy her happiness. That is what being a friend is about. You are not going to talk her into wanting you. it does not work this way.

3) it may be true, she maybe using you as her "boy on a string." you will find that out on the other side of the break.

I wish you well!

[Skooma]

It is the classic come chase me game. Do you realize whenever you give her your full undying attention that she thinks you are overbearing and she rejects you, but the minute you reject her she starts pestering you? It's because you withdrew your attention for her. When you were pursuing her, she knew you would always be there and the challenge was gone. But when you pulled away, where was she? It may sound counterintuitive because you like her so much, but when you make her work at getting your attention...she reacts to it. So no, don't apologize for being overbearing, Did she apologize for the times she rejected you? Keep your attention and your feelings for her in check and see who she gravitates toward.

[theluvgame101]

Your'e making classic friend zone mistakes. Specifically being tooo available. Number one mistake. I just submitted an article about this. I think it will help.

link

[Asker]

Thank you, will def look into it. But check out my comment I said to Aercz, it's probably the most recent info I found out.

based on that info, should I go no contact, or apologize?

[theluvgame101]

No. There's nothing to apologize about. This kind of thinking is exactly why you were friend zoned. You're available and right now, you're pining. Not attractive.

You should be making yourself scarce, but you'd rather be in her world than not at all. You've been sabotaging your chances from the start. I suggest you retreat, yes, limit interactions until you figure out everything you're doing wrong. Again, do not apologize. You did the right thing.

[Asker]

You're totally right! I'll take this to a private message soon for further help!

Anyway you said make myself scarce... so really only talk back when starts a convo, but never initiate? or am I defining it wrong?

[theluvgame101]

I usually suggest cutting off communication cold turkey at least for a week or two. Some people consider it game playing, but there is a reason why they call it the love game!

Making yourself suddenly unavailable will do 3 things.

1. Make it known that you're no longer the love sick pansy that she's assumed you were.

2. Make your time valuable which instantly makes your presence valuable

3. And helps you wane off your unhealthy fixation on her.

Friend me for more details.

[Anonymous]

Run away. You've expressed your feelings, and she is wrapping you around her finger and manipulating you. It's all head games dude. Develop your confidence, and live your own life. If she likes you, then she'll chase after you once she sees you have your own sh*t to deal with. Just stop texting her, and cut off contact.

Also, LOL at "friend zone" mistakes. It's not your fault dude. It's hers. She is messing with your head. That is all that is happening here.

[Opinion Owner]

I'll put it this way: She is messing with your head by not flat out telling you she won't date you. Calling you overbearing shows her lack of understanding for the word, and her obvious disinterest in dating you. That could change if you legitimately forget about her and do your own thing, but if you do that, then you won't really care.

You are caught in the "Nice guy" trap. You can be chivalrous, kind, and sweet, but for the love of god man, stand up for yourself and be your own person.

[KingsOfleon88]

The only way I could see her as her thinking you're overbearing is if you're too much in her space, where you don't give her enough room to breathe..ie. letting her have her own time and yes, showing too much attention

[Racez]

I think it's best if you accept her wish about cut off contact a bit. That can cool things down at the moment, and it's not a bad idea. It's the best solution.

[Asker]

Well... my friend texted her and asked why she won't date me. This is her BEST friend too who she tells everything too. She said

"

overbearing as in clingy and always brought up the guy I like and kept trying to win me over.

and last week I think, he kept telling me the guy was going to hurt me etc etc

"

But those above points ARE true(except clingy?) -.- she really IS gonna get hurt. Anyway I'm assuming still limit contact? I hate how girls defend irrational behavior of their crush...

[leax90]

Tell me, You don't happen to be THAT guy Who I talked to for like 2 days !? The high school guy ? if not let me know I will show you his case... you will love it, same story.. same advices..

[anon1111]

She's not attracted to you, bro. And she never will be.

Forget this chick and find someone else because it's NEVER going to happen.

[Anonymous]

You are her doormat and ego booster for her. You are a sucker. Move on as this is not a real "friendship"