How do I know if my boyfriend really thinks other girls are attractive or not?

[Anonymous]

So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now on and off... Mostly "on" lol.. I've always had a pet peeve for my boyfriends checking out other girls wether they are standing next to me or not (I guess what girl doesnt). We have been through a lot together, good and bad.. But i guess my wonder/problem is that he swears he doesn't check out other girls when i ask him if he does. I even say to him "com'on babe, your a guy. Every guy does." He replys by saying how of course he thought other people were attractive before he was with me but now that he has me he isn't worried about anything else. And he also says that not EVER guy is the same. Which i completely agree with, im sure there is a few guys in the world that actually dont check girls out wheb they have a girlfriend.. But i find it hard to believe i found that "2 in a million" ya know? So is it really possible that im just a really lucky girl that I found one of thoes 2 in a million? Sometimes i tell him id feel much better if hed just admit it to me that he does but he replys by saying that he's not going to lie and admit something thats not true and that im the only one for him and how perfect i am to him. I know this guy like I know the back of my hand and he's my everything and i know im his.. I actually almost want to believe him when he says that he doesn't look at other girls but then in the back of my mind i say "nah not possible he's a guy."... And regardless if he does or not... How can i let it not bother me so much? Like i mean it REALLY upsets me. And i know the most obv answer is i have something that the others dont have because he chose me, but yet is still bothers me. And like most women won't do I admit that I probably am a little overbearing about it sometimes but he usual keeps his cool and never gets frustrated with me about it.. he's really the best thing that ever happened to me and it just really shoves a knife through my heart to think he does this.

P. S. Thanks for reading this lengthy post!

[GirlsLie]

Lol, so you're forcing him into admitting something that upset you, just so it can upset you? I'm confused, I mean we obviously all know guys check out other girls and will but why do you need to fixate on it and why do you need him to admit it if it bothers you so much? Of course most girls don't want their boyfriend to look at any other girls and it makes me jealous also but there's a level of respect he needs to give, such as not doing it when you're around or making you feel bad and so far it seems like your boyfriend is doing that, he at least respects you and respects your feelings enough to not do it around you and to not admit to something that hurts your feelings which is a lot smarter than what most guys do lol He obviously cares about you and your feelings, so maybe you should trust him when he says he's lucky to have you.

When something upsets me I try to think of the worst that can happen, the worst possible outcome. If you trust him and know him and he seems to care about you, what's the big deal if he finds another woman attractive for 2 minutes once in awhile?

[MichelleJustAsking]

It's not that he doesn't find other people attractive; that is just a part of life you can't really control. What you find pretty or ugly, is just a natural part of our sense of sight.

However, he just isn't interested in the random attractive person because you are in his sights. When you are really interested in/love someone, you don't really pay attention to others even if they are attractive.

I know there are several guys who are pretty attractive, but I don't pay attention to them because I'm too busy paying all my attention to my husband. I'm just not interested in the others, because my husband is super hot and everything I want. If you are in love with Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate swirls, you aren't going to pay attention to the on with Peanut Butter swirls... even if you like Peanut Butter. You're going to focus on what you want/prefer.

[melandbel92]

I know this feeling 100% and I am going to take a wild guess and say you have been hurt before and/or have trust issues with people or men in general. But if it's been three years and you have NEVER seen him check another girl out then you most likely have one of those "2 in a million guys" and I have the other one lol. I thought all men did it to. But since my fiance and I have met he makes it clear I am the only girl in his eyesight. Even in public, Facebook, oron his phone. Now I'm not saying for sure with you but give it the benefit on the doubt unless you catch him looking. Don't stress too much over it unless you catch him it could damage your relationship and your self esteem.

[melandbel92]

I forgot to say. He probably does find others attractive but you the most. And he doesn't look at those other attractive girls. And honestly unless you want him to eventually do just that don't bug him if he hasn't given you a reason to. He may start to feel like you done trust him and some guys rebel when that happens and end upgiving you a reason to not trust him.

[ccp16]

I think you may need to except he will look. someone just posted a take or something here with an interesting video that explains it. It think so long as he not glaring and its just a 'oh look boobs' and then he moves on with his life and totally forgets it, then you need to chill out. maybe not all guys do this, but I would bet almost all do. It's not like I actively look at other women, but sometimes one just catches my eye and I may do a quick double take and then the whole thing is over and I don't even realize it is happening

[JohnScofield787]

then why do you not trust him? That is what this boils down to is simple trust - or lack of it.

[Asker]

Im not sure i follow what you mean, trust about him saying he doesn't? What do u mean exactly

[JohnScofield787]

I mean that you say he is all that and a bag of chips... but then you do not believe you when he says he is not checking out other girls. Why is that?

[Asker]

Oh ok I see what you mean now. Wel thats a good question for myself aswell.. Maybe because he has not told the truth about other things before but this is one thing in 3 years his answer never changed on..

[Asker]

Plus i think its kinda known that all guys do thats why i dont believe him when he says he doesn't. but then again I feel like what if he really isn't..

[JohnScofield787]

With the greatest love in my life, I never once checked out another girl. I saw other girls that were pretty sure, but none held a candle. I was not interested. I only wanted her.

[Asker]

I see, thanks for the input!

[HiddenStranger]

I totally agree

[Cassie5tvxq]

Wow. I'm going through the same thing. Except that I don't suspect my guy of checking out other girls as much as you do. This used to bother me a lot in my past relationships. Have a talk with your boyfriend, and observe his actions like the way he looks and stuff, and then trust what your gut is telling you. You'd be able to really feel the sense of security a guy is giving you for sure, and you' wouldn't feel it of he wasn't showing you the security you need. Right now, I' have a hunch that my guy might be cheating on me, even though he says he isn't.

[irthonger]

Well if you are a true 10/10 i could believe it. I mean i wouldn't want to look at anyone else either. Otherwise i would agree with you he probably looks at other girls.

My wife and i joke around all the time checking out attractive people. I mean you have to acknowledge that there are attractive people out there and it is human nature to look.

I think you are worrying about it too much though. Lol. Just let it be. You are still young. The older you get the less you care about silly things like that. ^^

[Dancechick21]

I am a very jealous person and I hate it. I like to think that my boyfriend doesn't check out other girls but let's be real. It's normal to look at the opposite sex and think they're attractive, as long as you don't act on it while you're in a relationship. But I mean of he's gawking at some girl right next to you that's a different story. I mean I look at guys and think they're attractive but that's all. If he loves you and is faithful that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter? Looking is a natural human thing and males have a natural human desire for visually attractive images, while we have more mentally driven images to fill our fantasies. Just because you can see his fantasies doesn't make them more or less wrong than yours. Guys are different but they aren't bad for their natural animal programming. To try and shame him into lying about it is wrong and you are only setting him up to fail. How would you feel if he could enforce his insecurities on you and make you not have sexual fantasies or romantic fantasies. You wouldn't be able to watch chick flicks or read stuff like 50 shades. And if you did he would start an argument because what you were doing was wrong... It would suck ass, because having sexual fantasies and desires is a natural thing and can not be reprogrammed or stopped.

[Anonymous]

First off, you really need to learn about structuring your question using paragraphs. I gave up reading that because it is literally asking not to be read.

Anyways, from what it seems, you have asked him many many many times and that shows that you don't bring it up in passing and that it bugs you a lot. If I saw that something meant that much to you or if I was asked so many times, I might just start acting the way he is.

But honestly, I am 100% sure you are not the most attractive girl in the world. Doesn't the fact that he chose to be with you mean something? He chose to be with you rather than to pursue someone more attractive and maybe you should just be happy with that. You should be happy that he checked out another girl but still prefers you over that girl

[irthonger]

Structure doesn't make the content less interesting. I hate grammer douches like you. Go edit a paper or something.

[Opinion Owner]

I never said structure makes the content less interesting.

I said structure makes the content easier to read. You can have the most interesting content in the world but if no one is able to/willing to read it, whats the point?

And anyways, Id hardly count myself as a grammar douche LOL. I told her in two lines that it was hard to read and I went on with my advice. Its not as if I went on and on telling her how shitty her post is, which I didn't.

The thing is, there are people out there like you with lower standards for the things they write and say and what not and that is perfectly fine. I didn't and have never criticized that. I merely told her that it was hard to read and she should try and use paragraphs.

[Anonymous]

If he lies about it, he is probably doing it because he feels bad about it or because he feels he will hurt your feelings if he says he indeed does check them out.
So in that case, let him have his lie.

If he doesn't lie, if he really doesn't look at other girls. Then asking about it every time show you don't trust him. That hurts him. He might get hurt so much from it that he can't handle it any more.
So in that case, don't ask.

So in any case, STOP suggesting he is checking out other girls.
Yes, 99% of the men do it, 98% of the women check out guys.
But it is a personal thing. leave the issue alone!

[Anonymous]

Maybe he means it. Look it might be just automatic reaction to glance at someone who looks pretty. It doesn't mean anything - it's like seeing a hot celebrity suddenly and going she's nice.

But the person they want to be with, is their girlfriend. Their gf doing something or dressing hot is the hottest thing ever.

Could you help me out with a question pls? I have a female friend who is taken who seems to be doing things with me?
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1370383-is-this-flirty-female-friend-into-me-am-i-into-her-why-do-i

Would appreciate your advice!

[irthonger]

Real classy. Do you think people would actually click on this... lol. Dont try to advertise your thread on someone elses. Not cool.

[fwbplease]

Lets be real... He checks out other girls and he finds other girls attractive. If you don't think he does that is ignorant. You are not the only one in the world he finds attractive. With that said that doesn't mean he will cheat or leave you. If it bothers you then you have some serious insecurities that you need to work on before you drive him away.

[sobg71124]

No. It's too good to be true, in my opinion. Over time and with age, guys become very clever/adept at looking/checking a girl out, without making it appear so. It is a real craft! What he is saying to you, is that you are it, he would never consider doing anything with anyone else, etc. But, no doubt, he looks! He wouldn't be a man if he did not.

[Asker]

Thats the part that bothers me why not just admit that when its already known

[posted]

On and off, so most likely not a good relationship to begin with...
Maybe one in 230 million guys doesn't look at girls anymore when he's got a girlfriend, you still find guys attractive dont you, they dont all look like your father when you're next to your boyfriend?

[Asker]

can't speak on a relationship and if its good or not if you dont know the circumstances of what happened... And no not really i dont.

[posted]

Kind of can, a relationship 'off and on' shows the two people can't deal with each others problems well enough, without breaking up over and over. Never known anyone in an 'off and on' that didn't end for good. Anyways he obviously finds other women attractive, lies aren't a good thing lol.

[Dandeus]

He checks out other girls. ALL guys, unless they're gay or asexual, check out women, even if it's just an automatic reaction for half a second. Women are no different with attractive men. Being committed to someone doesn't mean other people stop being physically attractive, it means you value your significant other enough to exercise self control and not act on the attraction. Any adult male who says otherwise is a liar.

[Dandeus]

You also need to stop asking about it. He's lying because he knows you're insecure and that telling the truth will be even worse. It's a classic woman's question where there is no correct answer that doesn't reinforce her insecurity.

Besides, isn't it preferable for you to be his first choice out of many desirable options rather than being his choice by default just because you're the only one that fits the bill?

[sammy_31]

Doesn't matter what guy you end up with he is going to find others attractive and even more attractive than you. Now, don't lose that trust in him that he still loves you now and don't start to get insecure. Be a strong woman who can trust your man, if he starts to lose interest and doesn't speak up it's his loss. You both need to talk about the trust issues you may have and insecurities.

[imjustadude]

Stop asking him. Yes, he looks at everything. Do you ever check out other guys or girls? My gf and me do it sometimes as a sport. It isn't like we want to sleep with them, but people watching is fun. Hard to ignore those 40 something women with bleached hair, botox, lip injections and fake boobs. lol.

[mukheef]

He does find other girls attractive.

HOWEVER!
That being said, he also finds you attractive.
Just because he found something else that's attractive, he's not going to dump you and go after her.

It's kind of like driving a porche, and seeing a ferari. Yeah sure it's nice, but you're also driving a porche. I'm not gonna throw my proche away for that ferari. Sorry for using you as objects... Nothing intended.

[Miss_mandyy]

Guys will think other girls are attractive. Girls will think other guys are attractive. that's just the way it is, but you have to trust him.

[Asker]

I guess the most bothersome part is if thats just the way it is why won't he admit to that. I can't stand when people lie lol

[Miss_mandyy]

Yeah. That's true. Does he actually lie about thinking they're attractive? Or does he just not say anything?

[Asker]

Well its more so like if i feel like he was looking at somebody he will ALWAYS say he wasn't. I haven't ever really caught him lying about the situation but thats might point what if he is ya kno?

[ribbitg2g]

I distinguish between checking other girls out/being interested in them and being attracted to them. I assume the same is true on your end? I avoid checking girls out when I have a girlfriend, but if you give me a picture and say "Is she hot?" I will often feel "Yep!". And that part's involuntary, so I don't think you should hold it against him.

I have a low sex drive in general though, so it may be partly that, I only occasionally check girls out even when I'm looking for a girlfriend. But when I have one my drive goes up, and actually my perception of her relative prettyness, so I guess that might be part of it.

[murphtheman]

I have a VERY high libido, I check out anything that might be suitable. I also dont let my date see me doing it. I'm perfectly happy with my gf but I have a natural urge to look. Be direct and tell him that if he is going to look that he should be more discreet and/or not do it when he is around you

[Kountry_King]

I like looking at asses I don't know why lol
But I won't stare it'll be for like four seconds but I'm single if I have a gf I'm not gonna eyeball another girl unless we have that relationship where we can do that. But women do it too we all look at what's attractive or what's perceived to be. If my girl isn't around I'll look at a female for a little while and keep it moving or I just don't even look depending on the day

[oldanddecrepid]

There is nothing wrong with looking at other women... as long as he never makes any advances towards them and you can trust him that way... then you don't have to worry!

I am sorry we are guys you can't yank our eyeballs out for looking... it does not bother me if my gf says another guy is good looking... sometimes I agree sometimes I don't!

[Kshppatel]

Girls don't understand lol sometimes my eyes just wander and girls just happen to be in our vision. What do you want me to do look at the ground the whole time? Lmao. Yeah our eyes wonder but it's not like he says "oh hot random girl I want you instead of my gf."