Why you shouldn't bring exes up to your boyfriend/girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

So something that has been bugging me lately is how my boyfriend sometimes mentions his ex, I know he doesn't speak to her anymore, from the way he talks about her it seems as though he hates her and I know he's with me now but it still bothers me.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand sometimes we want to say stuff about our exes to our current boyfriend or girlfriend like if your ex did something to hurt you and you want to share that with your current partner, not because you still love that ex, but because you just wanted to open up and connect emotionally, I think that's fine. I also think it's fine to talk about it if your bf/gf actually asks a specific question about your ex.

Now what I don't think is such a good idea however, is bringing up stuff you did with your ex (especially anything romantic) whilst with your current partner. For example: I was at my boyfriends house this weekend and we were laying on his bed cuddling (I know this sounds dodgy but I promise it was just cuddling) when he said to me "No love bites mind, I got in trouble last time" Now I have never given him a love bite so asked if he was on about his ex and he said yes and told me how he'd got in trouble but not as much as she had.

I have heard in the past that some people bring up their ex to their bf/gf just to show that they are experienced in order to impress their boyfriend or girlfriend but honestly? I don't think this works.

When my boyfriend bought up about when he and his ex girlfriend had given eachother love bites it did not make me think "Wow! A girl was so into him she gave him a love bite once and he knew how to give one back that lasted longer? I should give him one" But rather, it made me picture him and her giving one another love bites which made me understandably uncomfortable and it made me think "Why is he bringing that up? Does he still like her? I don't want him to compare us so I'd better not give him any" It also made me a little mad at him for ruining the moment.

So to conclude: I don't think it is a good idea to mention anything romantic you did with an ex to your current partner as this may worry them that you still have feelings for that ex, possibly make them less trustworthy, give them jealousy issues and could potentially ruin what would have been an enjoyable moment.

Thank you for taking the time to read this as I know it was long but I just wanted to get this of my chest, I am sorry for any grammar mistakes (I'm not the best at grammar) and would be interested to know anyone elses take on this too

[lumos]

I totally agree. Why think about past sexual stuff when you can focus on the now and the future? Well ok, thinking about it is fine I guess (in moderation, I dunno) but actually talking about it or mentioning it is totally unnecessary, especially if it has nothing to do with anything. Personally I'd rather not know what reminds him of his ex (es) because that would just make me uncomfortable.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah besides it makes you feel like you're being compared to an ex and nobody wants that shit. It makes you feel like you have to live up to the ex and they might give you this vibe that you're not good enough as their ex and it's not the same. That's just a clear sign that the other person is not ready to be in a relationship.

[Roostah]

Women/me who bring up their exes in relationship with others basically showing to their significant other the psychological scars of that person are still there and they haven't gotten over them. i. e bringing up your baggage into the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Agreed, having been used as a rebound only for the girl to go back to the said ex she complained about, and she said some pretty nasty stuff about said ex, it is a shitty feeling. At the time I was naive and was actually more worried she'd find that I've never had a serious girlfriend or official girlfriend a deal breaker.

Looking back, that should have been the least of my worries, but I was naive at the time and didn't know what a rebound was. But now I know the signs a girl is on the rebound and when I spot them, I avoid like the plague. But bottom line is, when you're dating someone new or have dated for awhile, your focus should be them and not who you dated in the past otherwise you shouldn't be dating.

[QueenofSexyFoxes]

I get your point and I do agree with parts (the love bites for sure) but it actually helped my relationship for us to talk about our exes. I learned how he was in his past relationship and he learned about my ways.

I think it depends on the relationship :p

[pinkbubble]

Well i never did to my boyfriend , just said my ex is stupid twice or three times haha i also never said i did this or that wiith my ex since i haven't done anything not even kissing my current boyfriend is my first love and my first kiss ^^ . As for my boyfriend i asked him about his exes , there was nth serious , and he said im the longest relationship. I would have felt bad if he said what he did with them so i agree with u :)

[Bandit74]

I think its fine to talk about number of exes but specifics are bad. There's no need to go over nsmes, what they looked like or what you did with them. That's only going to create problems.

I don't know but I kinda feel like girls are more likely to bring up their exes, not nessesarily in a positive way tho.

[Azara]

I've only seen guys do it.

[Bandit74]

@Azara
Girls are more likely to casually mention it without thinking. I think guys might do it as an attempt to brag.

[singlebee]

Nice take! Really..! If a girl ever take about her ex to much or tells intimate details which I give no fuck about I would dump her...
She should tell about US or none. I mean one or two tone is OK but to much means she hasn't moved on and u wouldn't feel special or the one!
So I would dump her

[Mekkalyn]

I agree with you!
I'd hate it if my significant other talked about his ex.
Like, it's in the past, forget about it and focus on the present.
Tell me the important stuff, leave out the little things that you used to do to/with each other.

[Imbadatcoolnameslol]

Sometimes I worry about how much to say/ not say. All in all- if my boyfriend has a problem with it then he needs to come talk to me about it. But my exes are a part of who I am today. And it's not like I'm comparing dick sizes!!

[Anonymous]

i accidentally brought up my bf's ex because he got her pregnant years ago and got an abortion and i dunno it kinda stuck in my head and scared me so i brought it up to him like imagine she had the baby you would be the father right now and he got upset he's like u wanna see her? i was like no! he's like then why you bringing her up i hate her

so i never mention it again.

[Anonymous]

I've never done it but lots of my girlfriends have. Almost always to complain about how useless they were. I just nod and don't say anything.

[Poppykate]

I can only think of one sentence that would make a guy feel good. ' wow- you are soooo much bigger than my last boyfriend. I feel like you are trying to floss my teeth'.

[Opinion Owner]

@Poppykate

The thing that immediately came to my mind was what, in future, she would be saying about me.

[Anonymous]

I want to know if my guy has fucked 50 women and eaten ass before though... Anything else is irrelevant and I don't need to know unless it's important.

[PineappleBreath]

Yeah your right I'll just act like they all are still dating me