He treated me like crap. do you think that the new girl changed him?

My ex was manipulative and verbally abusive. He's now with someone else, and it seems like it's going great with her! One day while we were together, he just stopped loving me and started treating me like sh*t for no reason. He told me that he is emotionless and insensitive. He would call me names and date behind my back. All of a sudden he's in love and just the best guy ever? He tells me that his Girlfriend doesn't want him to talk to me but he does anyways because he cares about me. But all he does is throw his new relationship in my face. I thought that we would be able to work things out eventually, but he just used my companionship till he found someone else. I wonder if he really did change for her.

Updates:
hmm...interesting. well I can add that I'm stockbroker and he seemed to always compete with me on a professional level. but I got a job in a different city and I've started making friends with some genuinely nice, young men.
I'm really excited to get out there and date and use what I've learned to find what I really want. I have a chance to get some emotional as well as physical satisfaction. it's frustrating when he fails you in bed and in the relationship!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why don't you start dating nice, non-abusive guys and not give a sh*t what this dude is doing? Follow dude's lead and move on already. This is what guys mean when they say that nice guys finish last, because you would rather be depressed and fantasize about getting together with this fecal-conduit than to even attempt to date a normal nice guy -- just don't be one of those girls that falls for guys like this and then complain that there are no good men out there.

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    • "fecal-conduit" lol. I'm just not ready to date. I think I need some work. I would like to stop thinking about it though.

    • If you want to stop thinking about something that bothers you then do what us guys do ......drink

    • I know. fantasizing about that is really immature and unrealistic. he tried the "nice guy" persona in order to get me. when it wore off, I broke up with him. I suppose I fantasized about mister "nice guy" coming back.

What Guys Said 8

  • I don't think he has changed (or is capable of changing). His behavior shows deep insecurities and character disorder and that can not go away without psychological counselling. What you see now is a facade.

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  • My take is, currently he is in the "honeymoon" period where he put his best forward and act the best he can be. Just like with you, he was nice and loving in the beginning, right? Looking at your experience, sooner or later this guy will get tired of the act and show her his true self just like how he did to you in the end. So, take him as he is now, not the person that he was when the two of you just get started seeing each other because the person that you know now is the real one. After all, that's why people go on dates to find out the true personality of a potential mate, no? Pay him no mind and move on...

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    • Ur correct: there was a total personality change.

  • He sounds like an ass, and it takes time for this ass'ness to show up. Move on, you don't need a friend like that. Being his friend now might tempt you into being his girlfriend again later. RUN for your life. Thank your lucky stars that she took him off your hands. Find a guy who will treat you like you should be treated and don't give the ex another thought. Forget his name, he is a bad habit.

    Good Luck,

    James

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    • Gray hair? ok, mostly blonde.. lol.. but no problem.. thank you (I think). You sound like an intelligent woman, and I am guessing you knew he was not in your league when you posted your question. There is a GREAT guy out there looking for you. Good Luck.

    • I mean that totally as a compliment. and yes, he's outta my league. but additional incentive always helps. thank you!

  • He sounds like he is still the same to me.

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  • As a man, I can tell that though most women expect their man to change over time, the men who change with time are few and far between. Its just a case of changed perceptions towards you which could be based on your importance to him. Often there is a world of difference between how a person treats another person based on their "need." In some cases this difference is very vast. When you are wanted, you are treated like heaven, when not needed, you are treated like crap. I am not saying your ex is like that, he could be like that...

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    • Interesting perspective. we only want to eat when we're hungry, right! I guess some people approach love the same way.

    • Sick attitude but many have it...infortunately I have been involved with a few such girls...in fact I am with one such girl...not generalizing though men also have it...

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What Girls Said 14

  • You said "he tried the "nice guy" persona in order to get me. when it wore off, I broke up with him "

    Well he is being the "nice guy" with her now,thats how they reel you and in the first place.

    Some time in the future she is going to be in your shoes,no doubt about it-Guys like this don't change,trust me I was with one for two years.

    Ill tell you something else,when I got with this guy,he had just split with another girl,she saw me and she said to me in tears "hes treating you better in a week then he did me in our whole relationship".

    Lol,that didn't last.

    He also used to say he was emotionless and insensitive-they must of gone to the same school lol.

    You also say he's "the best guy ever" suddenly-hes already disrespecting her by talking to you when she isn't comfortable about it,so don't even take it there.

    They don't change,because guys like this have serious personal issues,they just go on to do the same thing to someone else,trust me on that,they play the wolf in sheeps clothing,and when she is relaxing in the r.ship he will most likely switch it up.

    My advice to you is to stop worrying about what he is or isn't doing and why,and focous instead on yourself and getting over being in a relationship like this-you should be thankful you are rid of him now rather then later,he will never be nything but bad news so walk away with your head held high and forget him-hes someone elses problem nw.

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    • Right, I think that a truly good man, or person in general, stays the same. they don't change into a monster when they get offended or when the relationship is no longer good. I've had mostly great relationships that were not hurtful in the end! "emotionless and insensitive" means that you have no feelings--just enough feeling to get what you want and stop when you want to leave. I suppse that I wanted to make sure that it wasn't my fault.

  • No hunnie, he is still the same asshole you fell in love with. He is just putting on a a show for her, you know pretending to be something he isn't to get her hook so he can start to treat her like sh*t just as he did with you. I know it hurts when someone you love treats you like crap and then goes onto someone else and treats them better but its all a front. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of this abusive douchebag.

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    • Yes. he's studying to be an attorney. he's super intelligent, and knows how to maniplulate and abuse mentally without me even knowing itaf first! he simply lacks emotional intelligence.

  • yes new girls can change guys... The guy I just broke up with used to treat his ex;s like sh*t and he would be very shady and he like to play around... as much as he will never admit it... all of his friends have told me the stories... and after he broke up with girls he would be like f*** them I don't need them and then he would move on... welll he's in love with me... I was the girl that made him change.. I broke up with him because I feel like he needs to work on somethings and I'm really not ready for a serious relationship right now... we were getting really serious... but after I broke up with him he told me I usually just forget about the girls and move on and he's like I can't do that with you.. I think about you all day long...and I want to be with you.. he told me last night that if I would let him he would be with me for the rest of our lives... so that goes to show that just one girl can change a guy... I'm really sorry it wasn't in your favor tho :(

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    • Hmmm...well you two broke up? lol. ok I was in a situation like this and the guy STILL calls me after 5 years. this current guy has told me that he needs to be friends with me, and a lot of the same things you have said.i see what you're saying though. I can see how this would be possible, if other factors had not been involved. I mean, ones that I did not write about in the post. to an extent you are correct, but I think that your philosophy is not applicable to this situation, but thank u:)

  • nah no way. he'll show his true self soon enough and do what he did to you to her. be glad you don't have to put up with him anymore and remember what he really is like, hell he might just be pretending to be a nice boyfriend to the new girl just to p*ss you off. if he did set out to do that he's getting there isn't he?

    beat him at his own game.

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    • LOL! ok. yep I see ur point.

  • nope, he's already lying to her about talking to you. he hasn't changed. and he probably won't until he gets hurt. give their relationship time and he'll be doing to her what he did to you.

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