How casual are you women around your home?

Question

I recently started dating a woman who has 2 daughters. I have never been married and so have never lived around children since I lived in my parents home. Times were different then. MUCH different apparently.

I have spent quite a bit of time at my current interests home in recent weeks. She and I have been intimate at my home but never in her home. I have not stayed the night there yet more at my insistence than hers. I have stated that I didn't think it was a good standard to show her daughters (age 11 and 14) to have me sleeping over.

Three weeks ago I ended up spending the entire day and well into the evening on both Sat and Sunday but I did go home to sleep. This happened again last weekend as well. I enjoy their company and the girls and their mother are quickly winning my heart.

Here is my question about this casual nudity thing. This past weekend, several times over the two days the daughters were not very timid in their dress often walking around in underwear and a couple of times even worse. I happened to see the older girl heading to the shower Sunday evening totally naked. Her mother just shrugged it off as normal and I didn't freak out or anything though I did think it very strange as my childhood memories conflicted with this lax attitude. My sisters would have DIED rather than be seen even slightly exposed.

SO Ladies... and any of you fathers out there... how common is casual nudity in your households? It's not a subject you hear discussed... and it *IS* something I need to consider as I kind of think this might be becoming a serious relationship.

QueenKatie · Accepted Answer

I am not sure there is an 'objective' rule as to what is or isn't appropriate in a household. Certainly, in some households, things might be lax, where in others they are strict. Different families, different standards!

The key thing isn't whether modern standards are different, but how someone like you, brought up in a household where nudity was not de rigeur, copes with much looser standards. In other words, how you feel about the situation is important. Clearly, the nudity is making you feel deeply uncomfortable. You have an unquestionable right to react this way, just as you would have a right to be comfortable with the situation if you'd grown up in a different environment.

You need to voice this feeling to your new girlfriend, and explain to her that the lack of clothing makes you feel awkward and embarrassed. Say that you understand that they are used to being in an all-girl household where anything goes, but that you'd really deeply appreciate it if the girls would modify their behaviour out of respect to your feelings. If you're worried about embarrassing them or hurting their feelings, you can always do it in a light-hearted way, by presenting yourself as a bit of an 'old fogey' and asking them to play along to your 'old-fashioned' prejudices.

By the way, I think it's really sweet that you're being careful about the example you set around the girls. A new stepdad-type figure is a major new event in their lives, which is bound to be destabilizing in all sorts of ways. It's nice to see a guy being sensitive to that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I can see how the girls would have been brought up to be very casual about nudity in the own home (although I was the complete opposite at their age) if they've been brought up in an all-female household. But I do think it's inappropriate to continue to be so casual about nudity in front of you. They obviously see nothing wrong with it because they have been brought up to see nothing wrong with it. I stopped walking from my room to the shower naked when I was about 9 or 10, but I knew never to walk around naked when outsiders were at our house.

It just seems to me though, that your girlfriend just has a view of sexuality that's different to the view that most people have. But I agree with the others when they say you should bring this up with your girlfriend. Explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable.

And also, "If she's not willing to ask her daughters to modify their behavior on this highly touchy issue - I'd say it's a red flag that there will be future conflict when it comes to her children." -serm416 : I sort of agree with this too.

By the way, I'm impressed that you have chosen not to stay over so that you set a good example for her daughters.

lilnell · Accepted Answer

I would say it is not ok.  Let me play "devil's advocate" for a second.  For your own sake, and really for the girls too, this is totally inappropriate because it leaves the door open for potentially bad situations.  First of all, the mother should never allow this.  You and her are fairly new.  She really doesn't know you that well.  What if it was some other guy that was a real creep and she just didn't know it yet?  She is putting her daughters in a bad situation.  As for you...you don't really know them that well either.  Allowing this situation to happen also leaves the door open for possible false statements.  What if her daughters start resenting you or something and decide to fabricate some kind of a story...if you know what I mean.  I know this sounds really far fetched, but the reality is, anything is possible!  I think it is not a good situation for anyone here.  I think you should talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you are feeling.  If she cares about you and your feelings, she will respect you enough to put an end to it.

AlanHB · Accepted Answer

For some reason she hasn't equated nudity with any sexual connotations. This explains why she wouldn't have sex with you or let you sleep over but is fine with naked kids. She has obviously passed this on to the kids too.

Very strange chick you got there man. I think it's even weirder that the kids would warm to you so easily. I think attraction to this chick is making you not see the obvious, that there is something very wrong with this chick and her way of life.

I would personally run, fast.

InquisitiveMale · Accepted Answer

I live in a house full of females. Nudity is not casual for me unless the door is locked. Nudity for them in restricted only in the presence of the same sex. I never find them walking around nude but they don't hide such things from each other. My girlfriend is the only exception to this rule. I've seen her on multiple occasions run from the bathroom to our bedroom naked.

serm416 · Answer

I think you should ask for a little more respect when in the home. They may have grown up in a more relaxed atmosphere - nothing wrong with that really...but now that you are in the picture if you are going to stay - their behavior will need to be adjusted so it's not so inconsiderate. If you were to become the man of the house (hypothetical) then you'd need to set standards of behavior that either are or aren't allowed. Walking around semi-dressed in front of a virtual stranger is not appropriate behavior for a 11 or 14 year old.

If she's not willing to ask her daughters to modify their behavior on this highly touchy issue - I'd say it's a red flag that there will be future conflict when it comes to her children.

You are identifying a situation that makes you uncomfortable and asking that it be respected. Some people would think I should let them be...I also think when you invite another person into the home - a mature person would expect that some formally acceptable behaviors need to be modified. This is one of them. Hope that helps.

tina59727 · Answer

I really don't see when all the fuss is about..It is obvious that your girlfriends daughters have a positive body image of themselves,otherwise they wouldn't be so uninhibited and cover up around you'.If anything you should feel flattered that the girls feel comfortable nude or semi nude in your presence simply means you are becoming part of the family.

Personally I think that there is nothing at all wrong with family nudity,and can be a healthy activity .

I am willing to bet that when you aren't around your girlfriend also goes nude around the house as well. Perhaps the four of you should visit a family oriented nudist resort together family nudity can actual be a very healthy thing.In other words if you can't beat them,join them,

Cool-Relax · Answer

Her reaction to you seeing her daughter naked clearly shows her attitude on the matter--that's where they learned it. If the girls grew up seeing their mother doing that, they're not going to see anything wrong with it, they might even think everyone does it. If they want to walk around the house naked when it's just the three of them, fine, but I think it's really inappropriate for them to do that when other people are around.

xxangel1990xx · Answer

I wouldn't walk around the house naked because people walking past could see in. I sometimes go between the bathroom and my bedroom naked if I'm home alone or sometimes if my sister and mum is in. But when there are any males in the house there is no way I'd step outside my bedroom naked. I don't even spend much time in my bedroom naked because people would be able to see in and I'm not having my curtains closed all day lol.

Anonymous · Answer

The 14 year-old is exploring her budding sexuality with you. Kids over the age of 3 should not be naked around anyone who doesn't share their gene pool and gender. That means step-dads around girls too, should your relationship lead to that. Especially men around girls who are approaching puberty. Nip this in the bud and avert your eyes or leave the room.

Hippy · Answer

you are right ask her to tell the girls to cover up that there not little kids anymore but young ladies.

MercuryKitten · Answer

That's completely inappropriate. She has to realize her daughters are not little girls anymore.

jacquesvol · Answer

To my wife casual nudity is 100%natural. My mother wouldn't have done it. Different times.

oncpl · Answer

We were casual in this respect.

How casual are you women around your home?

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