Should it bother me that my boyfriend didn't invite me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I started out as friends and I use to hang out and party with him and all his friends and we all got along great. His friends never brought out their wives or girlfriends and would often complain about them. I use to always find it weird how all of them seemed to be with people they didn't like hanging out with. Well now two years later I feel like my boyfriend may feel the same way. We've been dating now for two years living together for over a year and when he goes out with the guys I don't normally go anymore. He says he needs "guy time" which I understand, but I guess its hard because I use to be included in this guy time and now I'm not.

The other night was our one night off together we are shift workers so often don't see a lot of each other and I was under the impression we had plans to do something together. He came home from work and said he was going to a friends place for drinks and a BBQ. He didn't invite me to come along so I asked if he cared if I came and he said it didn't matter to him. I later saw a text he had sent to a friend that was already at the BBQ asking "Is it girl friendly there? The girlfriend is bugging me to come" ... should I say something or be worried about that comment? Should I be bothered that when he hangs out with his friends now he doesn't really ever seem to want me to come out too? I feel pretty hurt by the text he sent and that he doesn't want me around when he's with his friends.

[Announcement]

Now you're feel like how the other girlfriends/wifes felt. You two have busy schedules and the spare time that your going to receive you want to spend it with your significant other. But it's difficult to do when either party is being selfish, I understand you two live together and you spend "24/7" together but, I'm assuming you two work have different schedules and different days off and coming home from work, being tired, irritated by a hectic day and just wanting to relax and not be bothered, how is that "spending time" together? You know you already feel bothered and excluded. You need to tell him what you think. When I would be hanging around with my ground of friends men/women and then men would start complaining about their gf/wife's I would tell them that it was disrespectful and consider the fact that they probably would like to be hanging around here having a good time also and if THEY would like it if their ladies would be complain about them and say mean inmate things about them. Nobody would like for their partner to say those kind of things! Suddenly They started bringing their SO's to the outings and spending time together as a couple with other couples and then the women parted ways while the men did their own thing. I'm all for spending alone time with my lady friends but, I'm not selfish when I have a partner and if I just want "me time" all the time I don't get into a relationship. So just let him know that it did bother you and you were hoping to spend time with him since it'd had been awhile since you two went out. And if he seems to be wanting to spend more time with other people then you, you need to examine the relationship and think if he is the correct person to be with.

[SuperCurious]

I don't think you should be worried too much, but he should include you more. Guys do that, it doesn't matter how much they love their girl they still want guy time and they talk a little trash when they are with then so they don't seem wipped or whatever, just sit down and talk to him. If you have a strong relationship and he really cares for you you should be able to tell him anything and discusss/fix the issue.

[joost1983]

I do understand why you feel this way, but you have to split this problem in 2 different things.

1) When you guys didn't had a relationship you were just part of the group and everybody could just tell anything and have some dirty talk or just talk about sex stuff etc.

Now you're in a relationship with him, you're his partner and he and his friends see you as his partner, so they won't talk and act that freely anymore, because they now it could come after them or your friend. Also ladies don't like it when their guy talks about sex in public, especially when they are also there.

2) If the other guys aren't bringen their girlfriends or wives, and you're the only one at a party. Your man feels that he can't act freely, he needs to watch and talk to you all the time, to see that you're enjoying yourself, because you don't have any other ladies to talk to. Now I know these are all your friends, but when the guys are together without wives, it's different. They want to talk about guy stuff..

So don't worry about it, just talk with your guy about this and let him be honest about it. I know this is hard for him to say, because he's going to say he doesn't want you to be at all parties, but be patience and try not to start a fight about it. It sounds stupid, but a guy also needs his time alone with the other guys..

[oh_henry_oh]

You need a different set of friends. These are not people who respect women.

I'm a guy -- when I've been around people like this, other guys that don't respect and enjoy the company of women, I'm polite -- but I don't hang out with such people afterward.