"We cannot, after all, judge a biography by its length, by the number of pages in it; we must judge by the richness of the contents... Sometimes the 'unfinisheds' are among the most beautiful symphonies."
What we forget, is everyone is constantly growing and dealing with "stuff." We have a bad habit as a whole, of thinking we can't move forward at all until something is completely "done." What is done? Are you supposed to somehow become again exactly what you were before? That's not going to happen.
People break, and in that breaking, they grow. Think about all growth: a seed must be destroyed from the inside out to grow, a star must be completely annihilated before it can become, the age-old caterpillar to butterfly story-- growth is destruction first. That's the ironic beauty if it. It doesn't have to be your undoing, it can be your evolution. Why is evolution not a desirable goal? There's incredible artistry in destruction.
We have an understandable, but incorrect belief that change is gentle. That we can keep the old, and the new, and that we don't have to grieve, to let go of things forever, that there is no pain but subtle and short, and if it hurts too much or too long, then something's wrong. And we usually take that final leap of deciding that the something wrong, is us.
We often get more stuck when we try to fight the process, and refuse to experience the true depth of loss and pain that accompanies growth.
I believe people are responsible for their growth, for not inflicting harm on others while they endure personal destruction and growth. Doing harm to others because of your own pain is never excusable, most simply because it amplifies it. Then it echoes through everyone around you. No one has an obligation to take your trials away, or make them any easier on you. Just the same, it matters to be able to be vulnerable enough to let people walk with you.
Our journey with all it's particular trials and difficulties and mountains to climb does not make you any less worthy of love, companionship, friendship, and enjoyment of life and all it's craziness.
Accepting your difficulties as your own to live out can be so hard because we all want to be heard, to have someone understand how unfair it all feels, to have some understanding of how hard we are trying. It's okay to want connection, especially through struggle. It is also a responsibility to respect and honor those who choose to walk beside us.
If we were to be less worthy of love, not deserving of companionship during struggle and growth, then we'd all have to stay isolated. Everyone is undergoing growth, some in greater degrees at any moment, but all will go through major struggle at some point.
It is the accepting of it, the moving forward into whatever is next, the learning the grace to experience the destruction as powerful, and painful, and positive, that matters most. No one else can give you that acceptance, but no one need be alone in finding it for themselves.
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